His lips quirked up on the side, and he stepped around until they stood face-to-face. Christ, she was so beautiful it hurt, the sight of her making his chest tight. Or maybe that was the thought of leaving her behind. Again.
CB wiggled in his arms, trying to get to Kenna, and she obliged, grabbing the squirming dog out of his hands.
“Someone’s excited to see me,” she said, burying her face in the dog’s fur.
“I’m tryin’ not to let it bruise my ego that you came to my farewell party but haven’t said a single word to me all night up until now. And the dog got a better greeting than I did. It’s because you’re intimidated by my devastating good looks, isn’t it?”
“Bruised ego, my ass,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. “A Mack truck couldn’t bruise that thing, so I’m pretty sure it ain’t gonna happen ’cause of little old me.”
That was where she was wrong. His ego—and every other part of him—had taken a battering that night at her place, not to mention every day since. Each time she didn’t take his calls. Each time she avoided him in town. Each time she didn’t text back.
But he must’ve been a glutton for punishment, because he was about to welcome that beating all over again. He wasn’t going to live the rest of his life wondering what might’ve happened if he’d tried.
“You don’t give yourself credit for much, do you? You affect me a whole lot more than you believe.”
She frowned, her brows drawn in, as if the thought hadn’t ever occurred to her. Had he really done such a horrible job at telling her how amazing she was? That she was everything he could possibly want in a friend, and more than he’d ever dreamed of in a partner?
And how hopelessly desperate he was for her to be his.
He plucked CB from her and set the dog on the ground, clutching her leash before grabbing Kenna’s hand. He led them to a secluded corner, out of earshot of the few stragglers left, knowing she wouldn’t want an audience.
“I realize this isn’t the ideal place to do this, but I have a few things I need to say.”
“Can it wait? I have to—”
“Kenna.” He squeezed her hand, infusing every ounce of urgency he felt into the touch. “No, it can’t. I’ve waited too long already.”
She stared at him for a charged moment before finally nodding.
“It just occurred to me that I’ve done a shit job at telling you how amazin’ you are.”
“Hud—”
“You’re beautiful and smart and committed and so fucking strong. You’re the most loyal person I’ve ever met. I love you like crazy for everything you are, but for everything you’re not, too. You’re not perfect. You’re headstrong and stubborn and competitive as hell.”
“You’re a fine one to talk.”
His lips quirked up on the side, encouraged that she hadn’t told him to shut up and stormed off in the middle of his declaration. “And you don’t put up with my shit. You give as good as you get, and I love how much you challenge me. I never could’ve hoped to find a better match even in all my trips around the world, because you’re here. You’re my perfect match, Kenna.”
She hadn’t moved—had barely even breathed as far as he could tell—but she was listening because her eyes shone in the dim light of the room.
He released her hand to cup her face, forcing himself not to lean down and kiss her one last time. Praying he’d get a million more chances after tonight. “This doesn’t have to be it for us. Be with me, Kenna. Please.”
She stared up at him, her eyes darting back and forth between his. He could practically see the wheels turning in her mind—trying to figure out a way to make it work between them?—and her hesitation lifted his hopes like a hot air balloon. Made them soar in anticipation of her saying yes.
“I know it was you, you old witch!” someone yelled from across the room. “You left that dead squirrel under my bed. I found you creepin’ around my place the night before it happened.”
“Oh, please, you can’t find anything in the dark. Believe me, I know. We were married for forty years!”
Kenna cringed, darting her eyes toward the commotion across the room. Edna and Earl stood toe-to-toe, the remaining partygoers staring on with wide eyes.
“Dammit,” she hissed. “Edna’s gonna get herself arrested. Again.” She turned back to him, her eyes sad and confused and unsure as she darted her gaze down to CB and back to him. “I’m sorry, but I have to defuse that before someone calls the sheriff.”
He’d just thought how much she was needed in Havenbrook and how fantastic she was at acting mayor. He couldn’t very well stand in her way now, despite wanting nothing more than to grip her by the shoulders and demand she answer him.
With a resigned sigh, Hudson nodded and dropped his arms to his sides, stepping back as Kenna strode toward the commotion. Hoping like hell she wasn’t striding right out of his life.
HUDSON SAT at his momma’s kitchen table, swirling the lowball of whiskey in front of him. Lilah had brought a bottle over—to numb the pain, if he knew his sister at all—and he sure as hell wasn’t going to say no.
By the time Lilah and his mom had managed to drag him home an hour ago, Kenna had still been elbow-deep in the situation she was attempting to defuse between Edna and Earl. Hudson’d hoped she’d call him when she was done so they could finish their discussion, but so far, his phone had stayed silent.
Lilah and Caleb had escaped to the living room—they’d been doing a lot of escaping these past few days now that Hudson was actually around to notice. And he was pretty sure he was going to have to have the you better not break my baby sister’s heart or I’ll break your face talk with his partner.
“You wanna tell me what’s on your mind?” Momma asked, taking the seat next to his and pouring herself two fingers of whiskey.
He’d only seen her drink hard liquor a handful of times in his life, but he supposed she needed numbing most of all. Couldn’t be easy sending your only son to war when your husband died at its hands.
As for what was on his mind… Where should he start? It was a fucking maze up there, his thoughts and worries all jumbled up with what he needed to do. Which, naturally, conflicted with what he wanted to do.
He sipped his whiskey before placing his glass back on the table and lifting his gaze to meet hers. “What would Dad have wanted for me?”
She smiled, a soft, contented grin that spoke of lost love but not of mourning. Sometime in the nearly twenty years since his dad had passed away, her expressions had turned from pure sadness to something softer. Something fonder. An undercurrent of melancholy, sure, but nothing like it used to be.
“He’d have wanted you to be happy. And he’d be real proud of you, sweetheart.”
He nodded, tipping his glass toward him as he stared down into the amber liquid. He’d had no doubt his dad would’ve wanted him to be happy. And that he’d be proud of him doing what he was doing. Hell, that was the whole reason Hudson was doing it in the first place. Sure, he’d felt a calling for adventure when he’d been young and had enlisted because of it, but the truth was, he could’ve fulfilled that hunger any number of ways. He’d chosen to follow in his dad’s footsteps specifically and join the army because he’d thought that was the best way to honor him.
“Well, now that we got that generic question out of the way,” she said with a wry lilt to her voice, “why don’t you tell me what this is really about?”
He breathed out a laugh and slid his eyes to hers. If there was one thing Marianne Miller was good at that didn’t involve pastry, it was reading her children and sussing out what was really bothering them. She’d been doing it as long as he could remember, and apparently her children’s ages were no factor in her ability to do so.
“Lately, I’ve been…” He scrubbed a hand down his face and over his coarse beard. For the first time in ten years, he resented the fact that he’d have to shave it off tomorrow. He’d been resenting a hell of a lot recently, and he didn’t want that. Di
dn’t want that emotion to sully a career he’d loved with his whole heart. “I’ve been wonderin’ if maybe my place isn’t in the army.”
“What would make you think that?”
“I don’t know, Momma. And I feel selfish for even considering leavin’. It’s always been my plan to retire from there, you know that.”
“I do.” She nodded, her focus trained intently on him.
His place was in the army, and he had an unspoken promise to fulfill to his father. To finish the career he’d never gotten a chance to.
Didn’t he?
Fuck, it was going to be hard to verbalize something he’d only ever known in his heart. But he had to try. If he had any hope of working through the clusterfuck of his mind, he had to try.
“What you don’t know is that I was doin’ it because Dad never got the chance to.”
Her breath hitched, but that was the only outward sign she gave that his words affected her. She had the best poker face he’d ever seen—something she’d no doubt perfected thanks to his and Kenna’s shenanigans during their teenage years—and it was nothing but a mask of serenity right now.
The lack of judgment shown there allowed him to continue. “I feel like it’d be disrespectful of me to throw away what Dad could never have just because I’ve tired of it.”
“Hudson…” She hooked her fingers over his hand which still gripped his glass, squeezing them tight until he met her eyes. “You don’t have a disrespectful bone in your body. I made sure of that.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Her lips quirked up at the side. “Your dad would be proud of you, no matter what. I think you could’ve grown up to do nothing but play video games and eat potato chips in our basement, and he still would’ve puffed out his chest and talked about you any chance he got.”
It’d been a long time since Hudson had cried over missing his dad—years, actually—but listening to his momma’s words, he couldn’t deny the familiar tightness in his throat and the stinging at the backs of his eyes.
“He’s been gone a long time now, but there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him. He loved the army with his whole heart. Loved his career something fierce. The only thing he loved more than either of them was us.” She lifted her hand to cup his cheek and patted it lightly. “He’d be honored that you wanted to pay tribute to him this way, but I’m gonna tell you what I think he probably would’ve said himself if he were still here to do so.”
Hudson leaned forward, actually holding his breath as he waited for whatever wisdom his mom was about to bestow on him. Something to hopefully get him unstuck from this island of uncertainty he’d stranded himself on.
“Don’t be a dumbass.”
He barked out a surprised laugh, and then tossed his head back and laughed without restraint. It was times like these that made him wish desperately that he’d known his dad as an adult instead of just as a kid who saw him as his hero and not the flawed human he actually was.
“That’s…well, that’s…”
“The truth,” she said. “He was very wise.”
“What’re y’all laughin’ about in here?” Lilah asked, strolling into the kitchen as if nothing was amiss. Someone should probably tell her that her shirt buttons were done up askew and that Caleb’s shirt was on inside out.
Hudson narrowed his eyes. Yep, he was definitely going to be having that chat with his friend.
“We were just talkin’ about your daddy, actually, and how he’d tell Hudson not to be a dumbass.”
“Smart man,” Caleb said, taking the seat next to Lilah and across from Hudson.
Hudson simply held his friend’s gaze and then very pointedly glanced to Lilah’s shirt while lifting an eyebrow. Hudson could be an intimidating guy, and though Caleb was tall, he was taller and had about twenty pounds on him. Caleb coughed into his fist, but he didn’t back down. Didn’t shy away from Hudson’s questioning stare. He met it head on. Hudson admired the hell out of that.
Now he just had to figure out how to approach his own issues the same way.
The last place Mac wanted to be right now was The Sweet Spot, but her sisters hadn’t given her much choice. Hudson wasn’t the only one leaving today—Nat had a plane to catch, too. And since the four of them hadn’t been able to spend much time together since she’d gotten home, they were taking advantage of a post-school drop-off breakfast date.
Nat felt okay leaving town since Daddy had been released from the hospital and was on the mend with strict orders from Dr. Harris to lie low, start a modest exercise program, and cut out unhealthy eating and stresses. All of which he absolutely hated.
He also hated the fact that the doctor suggested he take at least six weeks off. But Momma wasn’t even satisfied with that number and was pushing for more. A lot more. Like…retirement-more. Nothing like near-death to scare one into action—or inaction, as the case may be.
Mac didn’t know what that meant for Havenbrook or her place as acting mayor, but she’d fill in for as long as they needed her to. And they did. It was something she kept repeating to herself, shoving down her negative self-talk. Trying not to let herself dwell on her deepest insecurities.
“You’re mopey as all get-out today,” Rory said, practically shoving her through the door. “I know Hud’s leavin’, but surely y’all’ve already planned the next time you’ll see each other.”
No, they hadn’t. They hadn’t so much as spoken since last night before she’d been pulled away. Which meant she’d never gotten a chance to talk to him about his proposal. Which was probably a good thing, because she still didn’t know what she’d say.
Last night, she’d had to practically drag Edna out by the hair with Gran assisting. And after she’d gotten Gran to promise to keep tabs on Edna and not let her out of her sight, Mac had had to go back in and smooth things over with Earl as well as Henry, the manager at the VFW where they’d had the party. Luckily, the place had been mostly empty when the yelling match had started. Although, to be fair, even if it hadn’t, it wouldn’t have scared away the patrons. If anything, word of the fight had brought them in.
By the time she’d gotten it all settled, Hudson had been gone. And he hadn’t reached out since.
She loved him with a ferocity she barely knew what to do with, but she didn’t know how to make it work. She didn’t know how to be in love with someone, how to give them all of herself, while still giving more than she had to the town and her family. Trying to prove herself once and for all.
Mac turned around and glared at her bossy, overbearing older sister. “Quit pushin’ me around like I’m one of your minions.”
Rory just rolled her eyes and swept a flyaway strand of hair back from her face. “Not sure how else to get you movin’. You’re draggin’ your feet more than Ella did this mornin’ before school.”
“Speakin’ of Ella,” Will cut in. “Has she had any more trouble with that boy she punched?”
Nat hooted and clapped her hands together, as if this were the first time she’d heard the story and it hadn’t been recounted a dozen times since she’d been home. “God bless that girl.”
Rory heaved a sigh. “Not as far as I know. That girl’s lips are sealed tighter than a tick on a dog’s ear. I have to resort to gettin’ most of my info from her best friend’s momma.”
Since the remodel, The Sweet Spot had been hopping, especially with the addition of the tables they’d put in to encourage customers to sit and stay awhile. With the line to order nearly at the door, the four of them grabbed a table and decided to wait until it died down a bit.
Mac sat and went through the motions, pretending to listen to her sisters chatter on, while in actuality she couldn’t concentrate on anything but Hudson. On him leaving. On him asking her to leave with him.
On him telling her she wasn’t needed in Havenbrook.
Those words had cut deep. Sliced her heart right in two. It was one thing to have your insecurities staring you in the face, whispering i
n your ear every chance they got. But it was something else entirely to have the person you loved more than anything confirm them aloud.
She knew he hadn’t done it maliciously. He probably had no idea that what he said had hurt her as badly as it had. Hudson didn’t do cruelty, and certainly not to her. Hell, for years, he’d been attempting to atone for a stupid accident when they were just kids. The night she’d told him it was over, she’d found yet another marble on her kitchen counter after he’d left. No note. No fanfare. Just him, thinking about her. Loving her.
“Okay, seriously,” Nat said, poking her in the side. “What the hell is wrong with you? We’ve been talkin’ about my alien abduction for five minutes, and you haven’t so much as blinked.”
Mac looked up, finding all three of her sisters staring at her. Concern blanketed Will’s face—which meant Avery hadn’t spilled to her best friend, thank God—Rory was irritated, and Nat just looked amused. As much as Mac would love her sisters’ perspectives, she still wasn’t so sure she could give voice to her deepest insecurity. Not when each of them had an active role in its inception in one way or another.
“Mac?” Will asked, placing a hand over hers and squeezing. “Is it about Hud? Are y’all okay? I noticed y’all didn’t talk much last night.”
“Yeah, what the hell was that about?” Nat sat forward, resting her folded arms on the round table. “I figured y’all would’ve been fucking like crazy since it was his last night. Or was it some role-play thing? Y’all pretend to be strangers and then fuck like crazy?”
“Natalie,” Rory hissed, shooting surreptitious glances over her shoulder to make sure no one overheard. From the looks their table was getting, everyone in the shop definitely had.
Nat just rolled her eyes and waved a hand. “We’re all adults here, Rory. I thought Nash extricated that stick from your ass? I’m gonna have to tell him his technique needs a little work if you’re still this uptight.”
“You’ll do nothing of the sort! He…techniques me just fine.”
Captain Heartbreaker (Havenbrook Book 4) Page 24