by Tijan
condone it. In fact, he approved. Then my eyes widened, and I asked, hushed, “Did you tell them to do it?”
“Shay.”
I saw that he had. Something fell away inside of me. Maybe it was truth, maybe it was loyalty, maybe it was idealism? “I thought you had changed from today. I was wrong. I was stupidly wrong.”
“What’s the problem? It’s not like you don’t know we do this sometimes.”
“You could’ve wiped his memory. You could’ve broken his legs. You could’ve—you didn’t have to kill him.”
“I didn’t kill him.”
“You had them kill him. His blood is on you, too.” I gestured to the house, to our siblings, and then back to Kellan, to his hands. “I can’t believe…after tonight…”
Suddenly, my anger raised a notch. My stomach churned on itself, and I lifted surprised eyes to my brother. My hands lifted upward, and I saw my skin trembling. Something was growing inside of me, and it was angry. It was angry with Kellan. I felt the same hatred from before—what he had initially warned me. Whatever was inside of me hated Kellan in that moment.
“You need to go.” Kellan jerked forward a step.
“No!” I stopped him. “Don’t come close. I might—” I was scared of what I could do in that moment.
“Shay, you need to calm down.” His tone was quiet, soothing.
“Why?” The word wrung out of me. Why did he care? Why now?
“Because you’re going to hurt someone if you don’t. The ground is shaking.” He was completely still, frozen in front of me.
My eyes snapped open—I hadn’t realized I’d closed them—and I felt it rumble beneath us. I could do that; I could make the ground move. No, it was whatever was inside of me. That was making everything storm around us. The elements answered to it.
“What am I?” I choked out.
Kellan looked at me with grave eyes. He knew I’d just used my second question.
The question hung in the air between us. I wanted answers, and I could see Kellan didn’t want to give them. Then his eyes snapped past my shoulder, and he murmured, “They’re coming. They can’t know.”
As soon as he stopped, the door opened behind me, and Gus asked, “Are you guys coming in or not?”
“Why?” I turned around. “You think we’re going to sit down for a game of checkers?” I tried to hold back the bitter sarcasm, but I couldn’t.
Her eyes widened in surprise.
Vespar stepped around her, his shoulders tense. “What’s your problem? You were high and mighty before. What brought you down?”
The question felt like a challenge. He was still angry with me, but I didn’t care. There was blood on their hands, and I could smell it. The stench churned my stomach. It sickened me. And I said as much, “You disgust me.”
The air swelled around us in tension.
Vespar’s eyes sparked in eagerness. A malicious smile flashed for a second. “I disgust you? What did I do this time? Let’s remember that I’m not the one giving out our secret to the world.”
Gus touched his hand, but he flicked her away.
Something started to stir inside of me. Maybe it was revulsion or just plain anger, but Kellan moved ahead of me before it started boiling. He murmured, “Let’s go to bed for the rest of the night. We can calm down and talk tomorrow.”
“You’re going to let her talk to me like that?”
Kellan bristled. “Shay can say whatever she likes.”
“Right.”
“As do you.” Kellan moved another step forward. He was almost directly in front of Vespar now, staring at him steadfastly.
Vespar narrowed his eyes. The anger shimmered just underneath the surface, ready to burst out, but it never did. He fought a battle inside of him and jerked around with his hands clenched in fists. “Come on, Gus.”
A sly smile flickered over Gus’ face, but her eyes caught mine. Her face went blank immediately, and then Vespar jerked her behind him. As he dragged her into the house, her eyes held mine. Something akin to fear and amazement flared briefly. Then the door slammed shut behind her, and it was only Kellan and me outside. We heard doors slam shut, and then there was silence. It echoed around us. Eerily.
Kellan sighed. “Why did you have to bait him?”
“Same reason I’m not happy with you. You let them kill someone.”
His eyes found mine, searching. “Are you kidding me? I know you might feel like you’re holy now because you found out that you’re not a demon, but you’ve known your whole life how we operate. This isn’t the first time they’ve killed. And Leah’s stepfather needed to be ridded from this world. Trust me. She wasn’t the only girl he’s hurt.”
Shivers went down my back. “What are you talking about?”
“He raped three of her friends. They all wanted me to do something about him. He’d hurt more. He’d hurt you, if he could.” Then he added, softer, “Besides, Vespar needed to hurt somebody.”
“He wanted to hurt me.”
“I wouldn’t allow that.”
My eyes clung to his. “Why not?”
His eyes closed, and I felt a wall slam between us. As he turned away, I already knew he’d retreated from me. “We should go to bed. I am a little tired.”
We had another day of school before the weekend. Sometimes I wondered why we attended school, but Kellan always said a part of us were human. We should live as much as we could as humans do. And he was right, though we had demon blood in us didn’t mean… Who was I kidding?
I remembered the painter’s words. “They’re demons. You’re not.”
Kellan started to go inside, but when he saw that I didn’t follow, he turned back. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m not one of you.” I whispered those words and stared at him. A part of me wanted him to refute those words. I wanted him to say that I was. We both knew he couldn’t. “I’m not a demon, so does that mean I don’t have demon blood in me? Who am I, Kellan? You told me that you’d answer my questions. That’s my second one.”
Exhaustion appeared on his face as he stepped close and took my hand. He whispered back, tenderly “I will answer you, but not now.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but he shook his head.
“I never agreed on a time restriction. I will answer that question, but not yet. And you are one of us. You’re family.” His hands squeezed mine once before letting go. “Come on. You can sleep with me tonight.”
Something calmed inside of me. The human world didn’t approve of something like this, but something more primal existed in us. I still felt it, even if I wasn’t a demon. Being close to another, to one whom you trusted, calmed us. I remembered Kellan’s other words. “You can’t hide from what’s demanding to come out. The more you’re with me, the angrier it will get.”
He spoke now, as if reading my mind, “You quieted it. It’s sleeping, or you’ve turned it off.”
What is inside of me? My eyes clasped together tightly as I thought that. I put a hand over my stomach, as if calming the storm inside.
“Shay,” Kellan spoke, now in front of the house.
I hadn’t noticed that he’d gone ahead of me. “What?”
He gestured inside. “Come on. I want to sleep.”
My head bent forward, and I followed, feeling meek for some reason, as I followed Kellan up the three flights of stairs to his bedroom. He kept the loft on the top floor. The rest of us had the three bedrooms on the second floor. As I climbed up the stairs to his room, my eyes caught sight of his king-sized bed. Images of girls writhing around in desire flashed in my mind. I barely held back my revulsion.
Kellan laughed softly from his bathroom. “I can feel your thoughts again. I’ve never brought a girl here, Shay. This is a sacred place.”
Later, as we had both gotten dressed and ready for bed, Kellan lay beside me. I felt his heat curled against my side. Something felt right, but something didn’t at the same time. He said softly in the dark, “You don’t have to
be scared of what’s coming in the future. You’re my family.”
The way he said ‘my family’ sparked something powerful in me. It was as if he laid claim to me or would die protecting me. I wasn’t sure what he meant, but I wasn’t brave enough to ask. A part of me was scared of his answer to that question, so I remained silent with my hands curled in the blanket.
“Sleep,” he murmured next.
I closed my eyes, and a contentedness filled my limbs. I felt sleep invade my body, and when I woke, I felt refreshed, as if I’d slept for an entire week. I glanced at the clock. It had only been four hours. I looked the other way and saw that Kellan was gone. His space was empty, and his shower was running.
It was an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach as I tiptoed out of his room and down to mine. It was like I was hiding a secret, but when I was about to enter my room, Gus spoke from the hallway, “You don’t have to feel ashamed.”
I glanced back and saw she was in Vespar’s doorway. “What do you mean?”
“You slept in Kellan’s bed last night. It’s not the same for us as it is with humans. It’s not about sex, but comfort.” She straightened to her fullest height. Then she tossed her blonde tendrils over her shoulder. “Vespar is my brother more than Kellan is. More my sibling than you are. You’re feeling human emotions right now, but why you stayed with him last night wasn’t human.”
I swallowed painfully and tried to understand what she meant.
She sighed. “We’re like animals, Shay. It’s natural to sleep beside each other.”
As she said that, I knew she meant it. However, there was something else in her. Anger. Resentment. Jealousy. Before I could start to try to figure out which, she smiled tiredly and waved over her shoulder. “See you at school, Shay. I’m sure all eyes are going to be on us now.”
I’d called out another Braden in a class. She was right. They were all right. It wasn’t done, but I hadn’t understood why I had done it. I’d felt a sense of urgency at speaking the truth at that moment. Now, I knew that I’d wanted to break free from the Braden name. There were rules that went with being in our family, but I wasn’t totally one of them. I was different. Somehow. I felt that a part of me wanted to act on it, as if setting it in motion that I really wasn’t one of them. Then I remembered what else Kellan had said the night before. “You’re my family.”
I might not share the same blood, the same demon blood, but he was right. I was still family to them… Wasn’t I?
“Look at you. He’s got his claws in you tight, doesn’t he?” Vespar drawled, leaning against his doorframe. He smirked. “You don’t even know what kind of spell he’s working, do you?”
“That’s enough.” Kellan appeared from the stairway, dressed in jeans and a simple white T-shirt.
The corner of Vespar’s mouth curled upward in an ugly smile. His eyes flashed an emotion I didn’t want to name before he turned and shut the door behind him. If he might’ve slammed it, it wouldn’t have shocked me, but when it closed quietly, softly, a shiver passed through me.
“He’s trying to get in your head. Don’t let him,” Kellan murmured, now beside me. His voice was soft as he watched me, studying me.
I straightened in my doorway and moved back a step. “Why would he want to get in my head?”
“To stop us from getting close.” Kellan tilted his head to the side. His eyes seemed to be piercing through me. “If the two of us formed as close a bond as those two, can you imagine how powerful we’d be?”
My head jerked back. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about war, between you and me and them.”
“Why would you say something like that?” My voice was husky.
“Because that’s what he’s thinking. He knows we’re close, but not as much as those two. He’s fearful of what might happen if we do become that close. It’s what he would do. That’s what he’s thinking in his head.”
Kellan smiled sadly and straightened away from me. He held on to the doorframe above my head and tapped it absentmindedly with his finger. “That’s how Vespar thinks, Shay. That’s not what I intend. It’s not what you intend, but it’s what he’s filling her head with. He thinks there might be a time when the lines are drawn, and he’s scared what side I might choose.”
“So, he already knows I’ll be on the opposite side?” Why didn’t this surprise me?
“No.” Kellan touched my shoulder lightly. “He’s scared of you, but he’s more scared of me. He’s afraid I’ll go against him…and if you take my side, we’re unstoppable. The only saving grace he has is that he hasn’t gone against me, and you haven’t come into your powers yet.”
The whole idea of siblings against siblings didn’t sit right with me. I curled a hand over my stomach, as if warding it off, but it didn’t matter. My stomach still rolled over on itself, sick once again.
“I can drive you to school…” Kellan murmured.
“No,” I barked out, hoarse. “I’ll drive myself.”
“Okay.” He didn’t ask why, but I felt like I’d hurt him somehow. As he turned and went downstairs, I watched him go. His shoulders were strong, tense. His waist was trim. Gus was right. We didn’t have to work for our bodies, but I felt that if Kellan had been fully human, he’d still have the same body. Then, with my hand still curled around my waist, I turned into my own room. After dressing in a light fabric black sweater that hung down to my knees and black tights that stopped just above my calves, I darted downstairs and to my car. I wasn’t hungry. I was never hungry, so it didn’t matter if I ate or not. My body didn’t need a lot of food. It didn’t need caffeine either, but I still enjoyed the taste of coffee and lattes in the morning. Once I stopped to get one, I was ready for the day. And as soon as I got to school, I felt it in the air.
Something had changed. Something was different with our school. When I went inside, everyone parted for me as they always did, but there was a different feel surrounding everyone.
“It’s because of Matt,” Gus answered my question when I got to my locker. I looked up, my bag halfway in, and she shrugged. “He was the reigning human here. You changed him—you and Kellan—now everyone feels it. They don’t know what they’re feeling, but they are. You see his little football buddies?” She nodded in their direction.
I turned to look. There they were—four of his best friends who always surrounded him, doing whatever Matt told them to do. Today, they stood apart from him. They talked to each other, laughed with each other, as Matt stood just to the side with a confused look on his face.
Gus grinned. “He doesn’t even know what happened.”
Vespar strolled toward us in that moment, and I turned with my back to my locker. My eyes caught his, and a challenge hung from him. My throat was tight, but Gus laughed as he passed by. “He thinks you did this on purpose, like you want to shove it down his throat what you can do. Not me. I think you did what you always do. You got angry and did something on accident, then Kellan stepped in and fixed it. Am I right?”
Was she ever?
“I think it’s funny,” Gus went on to say, still leaning against my neighbor’s locker. Her bare shoulder touched the metal, but she didn’t seem to mind. She wore a halter-top and tight blue jeans. “They’re all clueless to what’s happened. Their esteemed leader can’t be their leader anymore. Now, we get to watch them squirm and figure out who’s the next leader. Mark my words. Two guys will throw down by the end of the day. It’s just like Kellan and Vespar. One day, they’re going to throw down. Vespar would love to now, but he knows Kellan can kick his ass.”
My eyes went to hers. That meant that… Kellan’s words suddenly haunted me. Did he know? How long had he known?
Gus smiled brightly. “No worries, sister. I’ll always love you.” Then she sauntered away, flirting over her shoulder with a few guys who watched her go, her hips swaying back and forth.
I turned to close my locker, but something tingled in the back of my neck. I turned and saw
Kellan watching us from a distance. Leah stood beside him with some of her friends behind her. They all watched him as he watched me, studying me. His eyes were guarded, but I tried to send a small smile to him. It was like I wanted to reassure him about something, but I didn’t know what. It failed miserably. Kellan’s eyes narrowed when he saw this attempt, and his jaw tightened.
Leah and her friends skirted away, nervous. They all had confused looks on their faces.
Gus was right. So much happened that humans didn’t know about. Their bodies sensed it, but their minds weren’t in tune with their bodies. It was like they were the dumb animals, and we were the predators. We knew what was going on, they didn’t.
I sighed with my textbook against my chest and headed to class.
The next few days were tense. Vespar and Gus stuck to themselves. Kellan stayed away from me and even the house. He didn’t sleep there for the next week. I didn’t ask why or where he went, but I didn’t think anyone else did either. It seemed that everyone was at an impasse, and no one wanted to spark something that could change everything.