Love, yes. That’s how I feel. But does she feel the same?
“There we are,” he said as she stepped back into his arms. “A smile at last.”
She tilted her head to the side, studying him. She seemed as though she wanted to ask him something.
“You have no idea what I would give to know what you are thinking,” he told her, hoping that she would tell him.
She shook her head. “I cannot say,” she told him, smiling mysteriously. Her eyes were sad again.
“Very well, I shan’t press.” He continued to waltz though there was no music in his mind. He just held her close and looked into her eyes. He hoped that she felt the same way that he did, because he was falling ever more in love with her every moment.
* * *
Of course, Susannah couldn’t tell him the real reason that she was sad. She couldn’t tell him that it was because she’d been lying to him about her parents’ deaths. The guilt felt as though it were eating her alive.
Meanwhile, he had been so open and honest with her. He had bought her a book that she had wanted, and now, he was dancing with her. He twirled her around again, then held her close to him. She saw the way that he looked at her, the way that he held her—as if she were something precious.
His hand at her waist held her firmly. Its gentle weight—where no other man’s touch had ever been—caused a funny feeling in the bottom of her tummy. It wasn’t a bad feeling, rather it was pleasurable.
As he stood behind her, his breath warmed her skin, yet gave her chills. When he wove his fingers in with hers, their clasped hands resting on her shoulder, she just about melted into his touch.
It can never be. A maid does not marry an Earl. It never happens. Only in fairy tales.
It caused an ache, in her chest, as though her heart had been ripped out. Only one thing could result from their stolen hours. Susannah’s own ruin.
Susannah swallowed the very painful lump in her throat. She pulled away, out of his arms, even though it pained her. She curtsied to him, her eyes on the floor in between their feet.
“Thank you for cheering me up, My Lord,” she said. “I am in your debt.” When she raised her eyes, he was studying her closely, a half-smile on his lips.
“No, Susannah,” he murmured softly. “I am in yours.”
She turned away from him, and then got back to work. He remained where he had been for a long moment before he went to his work table. She listened as he began to work on the device.
She finished cleaning the lab in record time. When she was done, she stood for a moment, watching him as he worked. Susannah wished that she had been born a lady. Then, and only then, could she love him. She would have to content herself to love him from afar.
“I’m finished, My Lord,” she said.
He turned around, the hint of a smile on his lips. “Very good, Susannah. Thank you.”
“Good night, My Lord.”
He inclined his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She nodded, then left. As she walked down the darkened hallway, she felt as though she were tearing herself away from him.
It can never be. Stop wishing that things were different.
She was going to have to start thinking and acting like the house maid that she was. Or else Lucy’s admonitions were going to come true. She had left her family behind, and there was no going back.
When Susannah finally entered their room, Lucy was still awake, the candle still burning brightly on the nightstand which sat in between their two beds.
“How was cleaning the lab?” she asked. She was in bed, beneath the covers, reading a scandal sheet. She didn’t look up.
“Fine,” Susannah said. “Now that I’m cleaning it every night, it’s a manageable undertaking.” It was—she had worked through the layers of dust, dirt, and unidentifiable spills that had been allowed to build up. Now, all she had to do was to clean whatever had piled up during the day. It was unimaginably easier.
“I imagine it’s nice that his lordship leaves you alone, too,” Lucy murmured.
“He stays, to make sure I don’t make any mistakes,” Susannah said, as she splashed water onto her face from the basin. When she looked up, she could see Lucy’s face in the mirror. She was frowning at Susannah. She turned toward Lucy.
“What?” she asked, her heart racing.
Have I said something wrong?
“You’re alone with him, night after night,” Lucy pointed out. “You aren’t worried that he isn’t going to try something?”
“What makes you so sure that he is?” Her heart was racing. How did Lucy know? After all, she couldn’t tell Lucy about the dancing. Or the discussions that they had. Or the book he had given her. Lucy would put those things together all in the wrong way.
Lucy looked Susannah in the eye. “I know other maids, who work here in the city. I know several who have lost their jobs, because they caught their employer’s eye. I can tell you exactly what will happen.” She sniffed, setting her magazine aside. “He makes a move, and you will have no choice but to respond. If you deny him, he will fire you. If you accept, then you lose your reputation. Perhaps, you will get with child. When Lord Malmore finds out, you will be fired. You will be out on the street, alone, with an illegitimate child. You won’t be able to go back home. So, you end up in a brothel.”
The weight of what she could reasonably expect from Lord Malmore hit Susannah like a ton of bricks. She nodded, slowly. Whatever was happening, she needed to step back. Although, at that point, things had already happened. Feelings were already developed.
“Lords don’t marry the likes of us,” Lucy stated. “The best thing to do is to keep a polite distance.”
“Quite right,” Susannah said, turning away from her friend. As she dressed for bed, her mind raced. She felt guilty, here was another lie, added to her conscience. It was like stones, piling on top of her, pressing her down with their weight.
She wondered how she would ever be able to unburden herself. She climbed into bed, curling up on her side, facing the wall.
“Good night, Susannah,” Lucy said, blowing out the candle.
“Night, Lucy.”
Susannah listened to the sound of Lucy’s breathing as it slowed into sleep. Meanwhile, she remained awake. She imagined telling everyone the truth. She saw Lucy descending into anger. Lord Malmore, looking betrayed. And her father, swooping in to drag her back to Lidcote. A single tear slipped from her eye and fell down her cheek.
There’s nothing that I can do. I just have to keep moving forward. Cautiously, though.
Susannah had reached too high; there was a very long way to fall. She had everything to lose.
Chapter 13
Adam’s valet, Mr. Fort, had just left the room when there was a brisk knock. Adam knew, immediately, that it was Mr. Howard. There was only one person in the household who knocked like that.
“Come in,” he called as he looked out the window. Outside, a light snow was beginning to fall. It brought with it, a sense of peace. Here he was, warm inside, with no plans of going out.
“My Lord,” Mr. Howard said. On the tray that he held, there was a letter, the direction in his father’s familiar hand. “This has just arrived by courier.”
“I’ve been waiting for this,” Adam murmured, accepting it. He broke the seal with a deeply seated feeling of dread.
Mr. Howard bowed to him and then left, shutting the door softly after him. Adam unfolded the thick paper, then sat down on his bed. The sheets still rumpled from his sleep.
Dear Adam,
Your mother and I are deeply concerned. While we understand that your inventions are very important to you and your business interests, you must find a wife, and soon. You are five-and-twenty. As the heir to Wiltshire, and our only living son, you need to marry. It is your duty to both Wiltshire and Malmore that you produce a legitimate heir. It is past time that you are wed. Surely you can find time to attend some of the society affairs?
Your mo
ther and I are considering coming to London just after Christmas time. We have missed several seasons, and it is past time that we were due for an appearance.
He set the letter down, not finishing it. He knew what it meant, though his father didn’t state it clearly. His parents meant to force him to find a bride, forthwith. Suddenly, he was tasked with finding a way to avoid the machinations of his own parents.
He wondered if he had Gerard to thank for this. There had been something that his friend had seen, something that he had communicated to Lord and Lady Wiltshire. There were few things that made them leave the countryside.
Their concern for their remaining son and his eccentricities was one of them. He had, thus far, kept their concerns at rest, with his proposal to Lady Cecily. Now that that was over, they were on high alert.
He placed the letter into his pocket. He was going to have to visit his friend. There were answers which only Gerard could give. Adam wondered if Gerard would be able to convince them not to come. It was a long shot, but he stood up. He decided to pay his friend a visit.
* * *
The servants’ dining room was plainly decorated. The walls were whitewashed, and the floor was plain blonde wood. The table was simple, covered in a white cotton cloth, with wooden chairs pulled up beside it. On the wall, there was a simple cross-stitch pattern of blue flowers. There was one window which looked out on the side alley of the house.
All of the servants were seated around the table eating their breakfast. Susannah stared down at her porridge. She was tired after spending most of the night awake, staring at the wall beside her bed.
“Mrs. Braithwaite,” Lucy said. Susannah glanced over at her friend. Lucy was glowing with excitement. It was the day of the assembly ball—Lucy had awoken in a blissfully happy mood. Even Susannah’s quiet gloom hadn’t brought her down even the slightest bit.
“Yes, Lucy?” Mrs. Braithwaite peered at her over her spectacles, which perched on her nose.
“Will it be all right if we finish our work early today?”
“What for?”
“The assembly ball is this evening,” she explained.
“We’re all going,” William piped up. The footman was looking at Lucy in an apprising manner.
“You may go when your tasks are completed,” Mrs. Braithwaite said, sternly, but kindly, “not a moment sooner.”
Lucy sighed, but nodded. “Yes, Madam. Mrs. Braithwaite?”
“Yes?”
“Will Susannah have to clean His Lordship’s laboratory this evening?” she asked, even though Susannah had begged her not to. She had been hoping that Lord Malmore wouldn’t be able to spare her.
“I will speak to His Lordship,” Mrs. Braithwaite said. “I will let you know what he says, Susannah.”
Susannah nodded. She wasn’t as excited as Lucy was about the ball. She had never been to one, but after dancing with Lord Malmore in his lab the night before, she somehow knew that it wouldn’t be as interesting.
Lord Malmore wouldn’t show up at an assembly ball—he could never.
“I met a young man at the last one,” Lucy told Susannah in a low voice. “I hope he’s there tonight.”
Susannah smiled at Lucy. She glanced over at William, who was now looking glumly down at his porridge.
“Perhaps, you’ll meet someone.” Lucy nudged her arm with her elbow.
“Perhaps,” Susannah agreed. Although she knew it was utterly impossible. She had strong feelings for a gentleman whom she could never hope to have.
Her situation made her sad, but she decided not to let it ruin her first ball. She was there in London to have a life. She was going to embrace it with open arms.
She had a simple muslin dress, which had originally been bought for church gatherings. She was going to look like a simple country girl.
“Come on, Susannah,” Lucy said. Susannah looked up from her bowl. “We’ve got to get moving. Lots to do today!”
Susannah merely nodded, then started eating quickly. Lucy wouldn’t go without her. She’d keep prodding her onward. She wished that she could be as excited as Lucy.
* * *
Adam had left his room immediately and ordered his carriage. The ride there was not long before he found himself standing in front of his friend’s house.
Wrentbour House was a massive brick structure—four floors, with dark shutters, and a navy-blue door. He walked up the front steps. The door opened, and Gerard’s butler peered out at him. He was a nervous-looking fellow, with pale hair and eyes.
“Lord Malmore,” he said. “It’s wonderful to see you, My Lord.”
“You as well, Mr. Sands. Is Lord Wrentbour in?”
“Unfortunately, he is not. You just missed him by a few moments. Would you care to leave a calling card?” the butler suggested.
Adam reached into his pocket, pulling out a calling card. He scribbled a brief note on the back.
Drinks, later? I’ve received a concerning letter from my father.
That should pique Gerard’s interest. He handed it to the butler, who bowed low. “I will see that he gets it, My Lord.”
“Thank you, Mr. Sands.” Adam turned back, then climbed back into his carriage. He sat back as the coachman got the horses moving again.
He knew that once his parents arrived, all of his activities would be curtailed. He needed, now more than ever, for them to leave him alone.
He was still not very far with his invention. He had been distracted of late—by Susannah. He didn’t blame her for it. No, that was all on him. He could, just as easily, have spent the past few nights focusing. Instead, he had watched her work.
She fascinated him. He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms, as he had last night. She had fit there, perfectly. He had never felt like he’d been missing anything until she had appeared in his life. Now, he saw that he had been waiting for her. Now that she was there, he knew that he needed her. He could never be whole without her.
Adam was glad to be alone in the carriage. He let his mind drift, thinking about what he would do when he finally had Susannah. He thought of undressing her slowly. He had only seen her in his dreams, yet he knew that she would look just so. He imagined trailing kisses along her collarbone, then—
The carriage came to a stop, and he opened his eyes, finding that he was home. He took a deep breath of cold air as he climbed out of the carriage and walked up the front steps.
Mrs. Braithwaite was waiting just inside the front door. Her hands were folded in front of her.
“I was to ask, My Lord—” she began.
“Yes?” he asked, wondering what could be the matter. The housekeeper so rarely troubled him for a thing.
“Would you be able to spare Susannah tonight?”
“What for?” he asked.
Has she said something? Was I too forward last night?
“She and some of the other servants are going to the assembly ball,” she said.
He smiled, thinking of how Susannah had never gotten to go to one. He didn’t want to be the one to stop her despite the fact that he was disappointed that he wouldn’t have her company that evening.
“Of course, I can spare her,” he said. “Tell them all that I hope they have a good time.”
“That’s very kind of you, My Lord,” she said, curtsying to him.
Adam walked into the drawing room, which overlooked the back of the house, where there was a bit of a garden. Almost as if he had conjured her himself, Susannah was standing there with her back to the house. She was dressed in a cloak, her arms folded. He wondered what she was doing there.
The snowflakes were falling all around her. She looked like an angel, with all of the gathering white in the garden. From where he watched her, he could see that her shoulders shook a little.
He decided to go and find out what she was doing out there. He wanted nothing more than to help her. And, he hoped, find out whether she felt for him what he felt for her.
* * *
Sus
annah’s guilt haunted her. She had finished her work for the morning. Instead of going to the servants’ dining room for luncheon, she went out into the back garden to have a moment to herself. It was one of the places that was off-limits to the servants, although the Earl rarely used it himself. She had figured that no one would bother her there.
Her breath caused clouds to form in front of her face. She shivered in her coat, which was not suited for this cold weather. Snow had fallen earlier, and it had settled onto the ground in a light layer.
Lured Into Sin By The Wicked Earl (Steamy Historical Regency Romance) Page 10