He felt within himself a glimmer of recognition. It was as though he had finally found the part of himself that he hadn’t known he was missing.
His whole being was swept up in desire. Her lips were stirring him into even greater frenzy. He reached up, his hand touching her cheek.
Chapter 17
Susannah opened her eyes; her heart was rattling about in her chest. She felt panic-stricken. He was smiling at her, reaching up to push a strand of her hair behind her ear. His fingertip gently brushed against the skin of her cheek.
What surprised her was her body’s reaction to his touch. She felt warm all over, tingly. Certainly, this wasn’t natural, whatever was going on.
This must be some kind of sin.
She stood up, nearly knocking the chair over.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, then ran from the kitchen. She went into her room, tiptoeing to her bed. She lay down, staring up at the ceiling. The sound of her pulse raced in her ears.
What just happened? Did I want this to happen?
She didn’t know what she would do if she lost this job. She couldn’t return home. Not now that she had come to love being in London. She didn’t want to get a new job. She had met other house maids and had heard the horror stories that they had—
She remained awake. When the sky outside of her window began to turn gray, she got up and went to the kitchen. There was no sign of her late-night meeting with the Earl. He had tidied before he’d gone up to his own room.
Mrs. Larson came in and shooed her out. “You don’t need to be in here while I’m getting breakfast on.”
“Sorry,” Susannah mumbled as she left.
She spent the rest of the day avoiding him, although it was very difficult. She and Lucy were in his bedchamber when he entered.
“Oh, sorry,” he said, his gaze immediately gravitating toward Susannah.
“We can leave, My Lord,” Lucy said. Lord Malmore’s eyes met Susannah’s. She looked down. In her hands, she was holding his balled-up top sheet. She stared at it her face bright crimson.
“No,” Lord Malmore said. “I can come back later.” The door closed after him.
Those lips.
She found herself touching her own with her fingertips, remembering how her own had burned at his touch.
Susannah moved quickly so that Lucy didn’t see how red in the face she’d become. She kept her face angled downward as she placed the sheets in the basket.
“Are you all right?” Lucy asked.
“I’m fine.” Susannah didn’t look up. She kept moving.
“You’re very red.”
“Just feeling a bit warm.”
“Do you need to go and lie down?”
“No,” Susannah insisted.
Lucy returned to the task and, thankfully, didn’t say any more. They finished the bedchamber and headed downstairs to drop off the sheets to Simone. Then, they went out to the woodpile in back. They stocked the basket. Lucy talked, as she always did.
“He promised that he’d stop in to see how my week was going,” she was saying. She was talking about the young man she’d danced with at the ball. “I hope he comes when I have a moment to straighten my hair.”
“Ummhmm,” Susannah replied, moving as quickly as she could.
“Do you think it would be forward of me to ask him to go for a stroll in the park this weekend?” Lucy asked her.
“Not really,” Susannah was trying to seem as though things were normal. “Would you?”
“No, I daresay I would not.”
Lucy was silent. When Susannah looked at her, she was studying her closely. Susannah swallowed nervously.
“What’s wrong with you?” Lucy asked. “You seem—”
Susannah waited for her to finish. When she didn’t, she looked back at the basket, now full. She picked it up.
“I haven’t been sleeping well,” she admitted. “All of the lies…they’re wearing me a bit thin. But there’s nothing to be done. Not if I don’t want to go back.”
When she looked at Lucy, her friend was looking at her in concern.
“I’m so sorry,” Lucy said, placing her hand on Susannah’s arm. “I’ve been going on all about silly things when you’re really upset. We’ll think of something. There has to be some way.” She was frowning thoughtfully.
“There’s nothing to be done,” Susannah said. “I just…I have to keep moving forward.”
They both walked back inside, baskets full of wood for the fireplaces. As they walked, they ran into Lord Malmore again. They both curtsied to him. Susannah found that she could not meet his gaze. She kept her eyes firmly on his feet. He walked away.
“Why is he not in his lab today?” Lucy whispered in annoyance.
“I don’t know,” Susannah mumbled, her mind instantly going to the feel of his hand, cupping her cheek. She both desired it and dreaded it.
* * *
Adam spent all of that morning trying to speak to Susannah. Every time that he ran into her, she was with Lucy. She wouldn’t even look him in the eye. He stopped in the foyer, not surprised to find Gerard’s calling card in the dish.
“I was going to bring that to you, My Lord,” Mr. Howard said. “But you did not eat breakfast.”
“Ah. Yes. I suppose I should eat. Perhaps have Mrs. Larson send some toast and tea up,” he said. He decided to wait. Susannah would be alone in the library later. He would try then.
He went up to the dining room where he sat, waiting for his food to be sent up. He flipped Gerard’s calling card over finding the note he’d scrawled there.
Please call upon me at your earliest convenience.
He set it aside on the table. It would do Gerard some good to wait. Adam planned to make up with his friend; after all, they had been close since childhood. But he wanted to make a point. Gerard’s actions toward Miss Fenton were unjust. He decided to give him another day or two at least.
For today, Adam was going to focus on Susannah. He wanted to clear things up between them. She had just run out of the room. Since everyone else in the household had been sleeping, he couldn’t follow her. Not without waking everyone else up.
His mind was on that kiss. It had been everything that he had hoped it would be. Instead of satiating him, it only made him want more from her. And then, she’d fled, as though she feared him. He wanted to speak with Susannah to find out why. He planned on making her explain, and then whatever ailed her, he would quell it. And then, he’d kiss her again.
Mr. Howard brought the toast and tea, setting it out on the table. He then stood aside, waiting to attend Adam should he need anything.
“How is the household today, Mr. Howard?” He grabbed a slice of toast from the rack and spread it with butter.
“Everything’s running like clockwork, My Lord.”
“Good to hear,” Adam mused.
“You have nothing to worry about, My Lord.”
“It’s good to know that I can always count on you, Mr. Howard,” Adam said.
“That’s kind of you to say, My Lord.”
Adam considered what Mr. Howard would think were he to know that Adam had kissed one of the house maids.
Nothing would happen. Things like this happen all of the time and no one says a thing.
It made him feel uneasy. Was he taking advantage of the situation?
No—of course not. I genuinely care about her, and I believe she feels the same way.
He was resolved to find out. He drank his tea, though his hand shook a little. He attempted to read the paper but he was so distraught that he could barely focus.
* * *
Susannah and Lucy parted ways once the fireplaces were cleaned and stocked with fresh wood. She carried her dusting rag and a feather duster.
Her stomach flipped nervously as she turned the doorknob. She peered inside, finding the room empty. She breathed a sigh of relief.
She began her task, dusting lightly over the clock on the mantle. The room was rather spare,
although it was filled with well-made, sturdy furniture. She moved around, her mind on that kiss.
What was she to do? Everything between them had changed in that moment. They had gone from companionable to…something more. She had enjoyed the kiss…it was nothing like what she had ever imagined. It had felt so good that it felt wrong. Her father had always preached against sin. Lucy had been telling her the price of having a gentleman look her way.
The door opened and Susannah froze in dismay as the Earl entered. He closed the door after him turning the key in the lock.
“Relax, Susannah,” he said. “I just want to talk to you. I’ve been trying all day.”
She began to head for the door, but he blocked her way. Her heart was pounding in her chest.
“Susannah,” he said, his tone gentle. She raised her eyes to meet his. She wanted nothing more than for him to press his lips to hers again. She recalled the pleasure that she had felt. She felt her cheeks redden.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
She swallowed nervously. When she spoke, everything came pouring out. “It feels scandalous, My Lord,” she admitted.
“What does?”
“To live under the same roof with the man—gentleman—who causes me to feel such strong emotions. I feel like it’s scandalous to even feel the way that I do. It can’t be right. I’m just a vicar’s daughter from a small village. And you, you’re an Earl. You’re a man of power and I can never be your wife, so it is utterly hopeless for me to dream of it or even have an ounce of hope.”
“Susannah,” he said, his voice husky with emotion.
“No,” she murmured. “It’s not proper and I have to think of my reputation and my livelihood. If I lost this job, I would have nothing and no one. I am entirely alone in the world.” Her voice broke as her tears began to fall. She looked him in the eyes. He looked devastated. He ran his fingers through his hair.
“There has to be—”
“There’s nothing we can do,” she told him. “That’s just how the world works.”
* * *
Adam’s heart nearly broke as he listened to her. He wondered what he could possibly say to make her hurt go away. He wanted her and he would do whatever it took to have her.
He took her hand in his. “Susannah,” he said. “I will bury my feelings for you, and I won’t come near you ever again unless you ask me to. I have no intention of taking advantage of you.
“I will promise you this—you will always have a place here. As long as you want it. I can’t imagine you alone in the world. I won’t have it.”
She nodded, tears still falling. She pulled her hand out of his and wiped at her tears. He pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her.
“I’m so sorry,” he said. She was not like the ladies that he knew. Susannah was special.
He knew that she was just a maid and he was an Earl but deep down, he knew that he no longer wanted to comply with the desires of others. He swore to himself that he was going to find a way for them to be together. He just didn’t know how. She looked away.
“I’ll let you return to your work,” he said.
“Thank you,” she replied.
Adam reached out to take her hand again, but she moved away from him. He couldn’t just leave things.
“If you want me, then I promise you, I will fight to be with you. It’s up to you, though.”
She looked at him, her eyes wide. “What?”
“I know you can feel it,” he said. “I know that you feel drawn to me as I am drawn to you. If you want it—if you want me, then I will—”
“What about everyone else? Those are people with power, My Lord.”
He brought her hand to his lips, kissing it. He kept his eyes on hers.
“I have power, too. The only person who matters to me is you. I’m not asking for an answer now, but you must know how I feel. I will do whatever is in your best interest.”
He let go of her hand even though it was unbearable to do so. He bowed to her as though she were a proper lady and not his house maid. She looked terrified. He turned and left, striding out of the room.
As he walked down the hallway, he exhaled. He had left it all in her hands. She had all of the power—if she said no, then he would have to keep himself away from her.
Chapter 18
It was getting late. Susannah was in bed attempting to read one of her penny books. Her eyes were on the pages, but her mind was spinning. What Lord Malmore had said—had promised her. The way that he had kissed her hand. Her skin still burned where his lips had touched.
She had a thousand different thoughts and feelings. Ultimately, she was devastated. She wanted him, yet she feared what would happen should she accept his advances. That kiss—Oh, God—that kiss. She closed her eyes, touching her temple with her hand.
“Why are you so quiet?” Lucy asked, interrupting her thoughts.
Opening her eyes, Susannah looked up, attempting to smile. “I’m reading.” Her friend was standing by the end of Susannah’s bed.
“You’ve been quiet all day.” Lucy’s arms were crossed, and a concerned frown furrowed her brow. She was wearing a housecoat, her long golden hair loose over her shoulders. “We always have our nightly talk. When we talk throughout the day, while we’re working, I notice when you go silent. Something’s clearly wrong. You’re upset, I can tell. What is it? What’s happened?”
Susannah set her book down, though she kept her gaze on her hands. Her heart was racing nervously. Lucy was her best and dearest friend. Surely, she could trust Lucy with her deepest secret. Perhaps, she would have some advice. She was, after all, better acquainted with the ways of the world than Susannah herself was.
Lucy sat down on her bed, taking her hand. “You can tell me,” she said softly. “I’m your friend. You’re like family to me. You can tell me anything. If I can, I’ll help you.”
Susannah kept her gaze on their clasped hands as she spoke the words aloud for the first time.
“I—I think I’ve fallen in love with Lord Malmore.” Her voice sounded tiny in the room. She kept her eyes down, on their clasped hands. Lucy’s hand had gone slack in hers.
Lucy gasped, then sat in stunned silence for a moment. Susannah froze, a sudden sinking feeling seeping through her. When Susannah dared to raise her eyes, she saw that Lucy’s mouth hung open. Her eyes were wide, her brow furrowed.
“He’s—he’s so kind to me,” Susannah explained, willing herself to continue. Inside, she was horrified by Lucy’s prolonged silence. She suddenly had no idea of what to expect. “He’s said that he’ll be honorable to me. That he’ll have me, if I want.” She cleared her throat. “He’s also said that if I want him to, he’ll leave me alone, entirely.”
She swallowed the hard lump that had settled in her throat. Lucy’s silence stretched on. “Lucy, I don’t know how to handle my emotions. I know that I cannot be with him. He’s an Earl and I’m just a maid.” She sighed. “But I cannot stop thinking of him. We spend so much time together, in the lab while I’m working, and…” she trailed off, shrugging. She didn’t know what else to say. Lucy sighed heavily, and Susannah glanced up at her.
“I was afraid of this,” Lucy said, speaking at long last. “I suspected that something was going on between the two of you. This is all my fault for having you come to work here.” She sighed heavily. “I should have helped you find work with an elderly lady. A widow who lives alone. Then, there would have been no risk for you. It was my mistake—I didn’t think he was handsome. I should have expected that you might find him attractive.”
“No. How could you have known?” Susannah asked. It was the truth. She herself had purposefully kept this truth from Lucy. On some level, she had known that Lucy would be upset and worried.
“What do you plan to do?” Lucy was studying her closely. Susannah shrugged. She could think of nothing. She couldn’t leave—not ever. But staying meant that she had to make a choice. If she chose to be with him, then s
he would certainly lose out. If she told him to leave her alone, she couldn’t bear the thought of coexisting with him in the same house, watching him as he moved on without her. She couldn’t bear seeing him with another woman—especially if she was a proper lady.
“I’m not sure yet,” she murmured.
Lucy nodded, but she was silent. She bit her lip. “Perhaps, you and I can both find employment elsewhere. With an elderly lady, like I said. No more gentlemen employers for either of us.” She made a chopping motion with her hand, as if severing some sort of a tie.
Lured Into Sin By The Wicked Earl (Steamy Historical Regency Romance) Page 14