The music started playing again and Bethany gave me a hug and said that when she came back she would tell me of her childhood. I actually looked forward to it and she gave me another hug. When she walked out Vincent walked in. I was worried what was going to happen but he sat down on the stool and smiled, “Thank you Jennifer – I have not seen Bethany have that glow on her face for so long. You deserve something nice.” For some reason I again found myself happy that he had thanked me. Maybe if I complied, I mean…played along with whatever game they were playing, I would avoid something awful happening. I would have liked to talk with him but he immediately left.
I sat there for a while… staring at the walls…the boredom was almost worse than the beatings I had received. I wondered if Vincent would bring me a treat – and a part of me was anxious for Bethany to return. We had talked for hours – and I had even shared more information with her than I had ever shared with my mother…and even more than I had shared with Matt or Nicole about my childhood. It was strange, it was as if when she had talked with me I was the sole focal point of her world and I could get all the attention I appreciated.
I did not really notice the pain in my arm this time – I did notice my muscles aching from lack of use, or maybe malnutrition – yet I supposed I had only been confined a few days. I decided I would try to rest so I picked up one of the new bottles Vincent had brought in. However, when I opened it the smell was different, I tasted the liquid and it appeared to be wine. I thought to myself, “This should get me to sleep” and I started drinking the contents. It was strange, I had prided myself for years avoiding drugs of any sort but here I was with alcohol in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I laid back on the bed and laughed at what appeared to be happening. I even started play acting different roles I had seen when people were smoking and drinking. After a short while of amusing myself I tilted up the bottle and emptied it. Within a few moments I was out cold.
The next thing I knew was being woken up by Vincent. He shook me and my heart jumped. He yelled, “Are you crazy?” I had no idea what was going on, and then I felt his hand slap my face hard enough that I could see flickers of light before my eyes. “You see that cigarette on the floor? It burnt itself out when you dropped it while sleeping! You are lucky you are in this room rather than in a bed – you could burn yourself and everyone else up with such carelessness!” I tearfully replied, “I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful.” Yet even with my apology he started gathering up the cigarettes. After he was finished he sighed, “You cannot have any more until you show me you can be trusted.” I pleaded with him, “Please, I promise to be better!” He then threw the cartons down and said, “Sorry Jennifer. I know that must have hurt but I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” Even though my face was still in pain, and some of the wounds on my lips had been re-opened, I found myself thanking him and appreciating his mercy.
He sat down and motioned me to do the same. I did and he asked if that had been the first time I had passed out drinking. I said it was. He said that I had been out for a very long time. He went over to the door and brought over a sack that I had not even noticed he had. He then took out a sandwich and an ice cream bar. He said Bethany would be in soon but he wanted to talk to me before she arrived.
Vincent asked, “That girl you murdered, does she give you nightmares?” I shook my head and said I had not had any yet. He then said, “You know, I had not really planned on either of you killing the other – you totally surprised me! My plan was to have you both down here, you know, so you two could keep each other company. Too bad you crushed her throat before I could step in.” I was confused, I tried to remember the fight but it seemed like it happened weeks, months in the past. I tried to remember…did he try to stop us? Had I gone beyond what he wanted? Had I killed that young woman needlessly? He sighed, and then said, “I understand you though, maybe more than that ex-husband of yours.” I wondered what he meant by that but I did not want to anger him when he was being so nice. Just then the door opened and Bethany came back in with her equipment. Vincent asked if it were safe to leave us alone and I said it was. Bethany then told him it might be a while this time and he left.
I greeted her and she hugged me. I stuck out my arm and she looked, and shook her head. She motioned me to lie down and she looked at my inner thighs. She said that maybe she should let my arms rest and asked if I was okay with her placing the needle in a vein in my leg. She said it might hurt but I took a deep breath and said I trusted her. She took my leg, caressing it and even commenting on how nice my legs looked. She wrapped the cord so tight that it felt more painful than the needles had been in the arm. Then I felt my leg pierced and the pain almost caused me to black out! I screamed and started crying. She then wiped my tears and apologized – she even started to cry. I grabbed her hand and tried to focus my thoughts away from the pain. In a moment the pain seemed to become manageable and when Bethany asked if I was okay I truthfully said I was.
As the blood was draining Bethany asked if I wanted to hear of her childhood. I laughed a little and reached up to her cheeks and feel the warmth of her face. She kissed my hand and then held it tight as she began to relate her life to me. Yes it was hurting, but I tried to spread out the pain by pressing my feet together and trying to forget the needle.
For the next several minutes Bethany treated me warmly and repeated much of what I had said, it appeared that she remembered every little detail, and relating how her childhood was remarkably similar. Then she asked me to tell her more about my father, the loneliness of my childhood and even instances where I had shared of being bullied by children as I was growing up. She seemed to connect with more intensity than anyone I had ever talked to! In fact, as we talked the pain seemed to subside to the point I did not even feel it. I mentioned to Bethany that I was starting to feel kind of light-headed which startled her and she quickly took the needle out. She seemed embarrassed as she laughed and apologized for maybe taking more blood than she should have. She urged me to drink some of the wine. Our conversation seemed to go on for hours as she then related her childhood of an abusive mother, uninvolved father and more memories of being picked on in school and never really fitting in.
When she left I felt strange – not just physically, but mentally. I felt like this woman cared, not in the strict sense of a friend, and certainly not romantically, but like a mother. I feel safe with her and felt she actually loved me…I knew it sounded insane but I looked forward to her visits. In fact, I wanted her back as soon as possible. And even more insane I stopped thinking about how strange her apparent fetish was with blood.
Speaking of blood, while I lit a cigarette I noticed that the tips of my fingers seemed to be really cold and a strange blue color. I also noticed that my heart was racing, almost as fast as when I was on a run. I also felt a bit sick to my stomach and stood up to get to the toilet just in case I might throw up. My vision blurred as I stood and I almost fainted. I instead had to crawl on my hands and knees to the toilet – and while I did not throw up, I did pass out for a while. Once I did wake up I made my way back to my bed and just lay there staring at the wall and unable to focus at all. Again, I passed out.
When I awoke I tried to eat some of the food that had been left. I also drank up the remainder of the wine. I craved more and hoped Vincent would come back soon. I really looked forward to seeing him again as well as Bethany.
The boredom was still intense. However, I was getting used to the deprivations. My mind was blurry and no matter what I did I felt weak. I noticed that I was losing my muscle definition and I could feel my ribs starting to poke out. I was well past the discomforts in my breasts as the stress of my environment had long since ended any lactation, but it seemed my system was not returning to normal which was fine considering the situation.
For who knows how long the routine continued, day in and day out – I lost track of time. Vincent said very little to me when he came in but Bethany and I shared a great deal. The rest of the time
was agonizing boredom. I found it increasingly difficult to remember even the simplest details about my family – in fact, I could not recall the name of Nicole’s youngest daughter until I struggled to remember! My previous life seemed to be fading away from me and, what was really strange was it felt less and less like I cared.
I continued losing weight, not surprisingly perhaps with the limited food allotments, having my blood drained, and the cigarettes. Just to pass the time and survive the boredom I noticed that I was smoking so much that I often lit a new cigarette with the old one before it burned out. My voice even seemed to be raspy, like one would expect from an old lady. The alcohol and cigarettes were my only recreation though – perhaps without them I would have gone mad.
Then one day Vincent came in and asked if I might like to have some time outdoors. I could not believe it! I greeted the news like a child waking up to learning her parents had bought her a pony. He said I had earned the privilege and I thanked him – and at that point, when he smiled at me, I believed he actually loved me, just like Bethany.
Chapter 6
Bethany came in looking quite cheerful shortly after Vincent had told me I could go out. She asked if I was excited – if she only knew how much! The odd thing was that when she took my hand and started leading me out of the room I felt not only physically weak, but nervous about going out. She reassured me and led me out and slowly up the stairs. As I emerged from the underground, so to speak, I could feel the warmth of the air in the house. I stumbled a bit when I reached the top of the stairs and Bethany caught me. She took my hand as we approached the door…the door to the outside!
The light was almost blinding. I had no idea how long it had been since I had seen the sun but the calendar on the wall was on July! Had I been in that room for over a month? It was hard to process time and I felt even more detached from my old life. At that moment I felt as if I was reborn: no longer Melanie Lindberg rather Jennifer.
As I took that first step out the door I felt the intense heat, and the sun felt like fire on my skin. Bethany led me down the steps and then apologized when I greeted my first step onto the ground with an “ouch!” She commented, “We will have to buy you some new clothes. That shirt is barely recognisable as clothing anymore. We will go shopping, I promise. Besides, I burnt all the clothes you arrived with. Now let’s get you some fresh air!”
While each step was pure agony on my bare feet I greeted the opportunity to be out. When I looked down I could see blood stains on my toes but the cuts were a small price to pay for this taste of the outdoors. When we returned to the house Vincent said he had a surprise for me when I would go back into “my room.” And then he said, “If you promise not to run away you can lay in the grass for a while.” I smiled, “I promise. You have no reason to worry.” The strange thing was that he really did not have to worry, and I sat down with Bethany in the sun.
Bethany did not say a word for a while but then she asked, “Would you like it if Vincent built a swing for you?” I said I would like that. She then said, “We are in an ideal location since nobody ever comes up the road. And it is so beautiful in the winter – a bit lonely but now that you are back with us we can do all kinds of fun things together. In December we will go up in the mountains and get a Christmas tree and make our own decorations. We are going to have such a wonderful life again!” At that moment I accepted this was going to be a permanent arrangement. I honestly felt no emotional anchor to my previous life anymore. My past seemed totally foreign to me. In my mind, at that moment, I had no other family but Bethany and Vincent.
Bethany interrupted my thoughts, “You should not spend too much time in the sun yet. You burn quickly here in the desert and it has been a while since you have been outside. If you are good we will be out here again really soon.” Then she asked if I was feeling up to one of our long talks and I smiled and looked at my arm with its multiple puncture wounds, and suggested a spot by pointing to an area without any marks. She then said she might have a surprise for me soon and asked Vincent to take me back to the room.
It was odd that when Vincent opened the door I became aware of the smell of my room. It was a combination of cigarette smoke and my not having had a shower for what apparently was over a month, maybe closer to two, who knows? I had been totally used to it although now that I had spent time outdoors I was aware how unpleasant it was. I apologized to Vincent for the smell and he shrugged his shoulders and said, “Remember that if you are good you will soon have it much more comfortable.” With that he reached into his pocket and gave me a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste. I was very pleased and I thanked him. He then pulled out a bottle of water from his bag and suggested I brush my teeth before Bethany came down. What he said next took me totally by surprise. He said, “It’s a pity you had not been able to come out a few weeks ago – we could all have celebrated July 4th together!” I looked at him and asked, “How long have I been in here?” He laughed, “July is over in a couple of days.” Apparently I had been confined for over two months!
When Vincent left I went over to the toilet and started brushing my teeth – for the first time since I had arrived. It hurt as I moved the brush in my mouth. When I first rinsed I noticed how much blood was in the water. I repeated the motion and afterwards my mouth felt fresh, but my gums were throbbing in pain.
Bethany came in, “I have such a wonderful surprise for you.” She had me sit down before gently taking my arm in her hands. She began to hum as she pierced the skin and began the process. She asked, “Did you like it outside Jennifer? You know soon we can fix you…you know there are a few things we can work on. Then, we can talk about your new room.” I asked her what she meant. It was odd that while I was waiting for an answer I became mesmerized watching my blood drip into the flask. And I remember so vividly how I was enjoying the whole process! In a sweet voice Bethany said, “Vincent and I have started preparing a room in the house for you. I look forward to when we can all enjoy sitting around the fire or watching TV again.”
As she began to remove the needle I gently grabbed her hand and asked, “It’s over already?” I was enjoying the sensation but she replied, “Yes Jennifer. I think I left it in too long as it is.” She pulled the needle out and I sat up but I suddenly became dizzy and almost fainted. Bethany felt my forehead, “See? I told you. I was so excited I took a little too much, especially after stressing your body in the heat and sunlight.” She smiled and took my hand, “I think you are ready for the initiation!” I asked what that was and she said that I would find out soon. She said she would talk with Vincent and later she would discuss everything with me. Then she asked to look at my feet. When I lifted my leg I became aware of how much I had changed since my arrival. My legs were punctured with needle marks and I certainly had less muscle definition. I was not anorexic or anything but it appeared that my legs were flabby and weak looking. Bethany looked at my feet, took out some tweezers and started removing splinters I had obtained from the walk. She laughed, “You need to strengthen your feet. Vincent has some fantastic hikes planned but he doesn’t intend on you wearing any shoes for a long time, if ever. He said he wants you toughened up!” I replied, “What about in the winter?” She shrugged her shoulders, “He says people are just animals and they survive quite well without shoes. I don’t know though. Maybe he is worried you will take off but you wouldn’t do that, would you?” I smiled and replied, “No!”
As Bethany got up to leave she said, “I trust you. By this winter I will try to convince him to get you some shoes, okay?” Just then Vincent came in and Bethany left. He turned to make sure she was gone and then asked, “Are you curious about what Bethany is planning?” I said I was and in a re-assuring voice he said, “Don’t be too worried. You will undergo a slight transformation and then you will be ready for the next step.” He started to go out the door, but then turned around and asked, “Have you wondered what this room is for?” I just looked at him and nodded. He explained, “You know, one of these days societ
y is going to finally collapse – it’s not a question of ‘if’ as much as ‘when.’ I built this house to survive whatever happens. What’s in that room there? Three years supply of food for two people – I guess two years for three. The pigs are good for food and getting rid of things – the little Asian girl you killed for instance…do you realize the pigs devoured her body in less than ten minutes? There was absolutely nothing left! They are such a great tool to get rid of garbage. Would you have liked to watch them that night?” I nodded my head and he grinned.
“You know, Jennifer, maybe you and I are not so different. Maybe I could use someone on one of my hunting trips. You will have to show me you are up to it though – that you can be strong enough.” I wondered what he meant but he left. I laid back, lit a cigarette and contemplated his words. What would this initiation involve…and where had my life taken me? I was no longer the person who had arrived here almost a full season ago; I was…I did not really know anymore. I just sat back, inhaled the cigarette so deeply the tip glowed and wondered what my life would be like from then on.
Deliverance from Evil Page 7