by Frost Kay
This Matt had broken her heart.
“Hazel, you need to eat something.”
She gazed dispassionately at the little square window high above to her left, a small shaft of light pouring through. Dust motes danced in the light in a jolly way she wished she could capture. All she felt these days was fatigue, pain, and rage that she kept banked. Matt began to speak, and she tuned him out, imagining a dull buzzing instead of his soft, hypnotic voice.
The sun seemed to taunt her from the window. What she wouldn’t give to go outside and feel the cool breeze on her face. She grunted. What a joke. She was kidding herself. The breeze was never cold. It was always hot and dry, but it was a lovely daydream anyway.
She sighed and played with the loose edge of the gauze that hung from her wrist. The cuffs had disappeared the day she tried to escape.
The day you almost killed yourself.
Hazel shut that train of thought down and ignored the shame that threatened to drown her. If she didn’t eat soon, she would die. The thought didn’t frighten her as much as it should have. What really bothered her was that she never had a moment alone. She had a jailor watching her every moment of each day. Nights were the worst. She’d barely gotten a wink of sleep. It was bad enough having someone watch her at night, but add the pitch black darkness to the mix and it was utterly terrifying.
“Baby, you can’t go on like this.”
She jerked and glared at his hand that had brushed her forearm. His chair groaned as he sat back, and she met his gaze for the first time in two days. She couldn’t help the flinch. His slitted pupils made her skin crawl. It was disorienting. He still looked like Matt, except for the eyes — her gaze dropped to his mouth — and the fangs he’d been hiding.
It felt like someone stabbed her every time she looked at him. It was too much. She’d mourned him, cried herself to sleep too many nights to count, tears staining her pillow. Seeing his face worn by a monster was cruelty at its best. Her Matt wouldn’t have hurt her like this. Her Matt would’ve come back for her. This wasn’t her Matt.
“Baby…” he began.
She sliced a hand through the air. “Don’t call me that. I’m not your baby. I’m not your anything.”
His reptilian eyes narrowed, and Hazel shuddered.
“Do not make me force that soup down your throat again. It wasn’t fun the first time.”
His demanding tone was like sandstone against her skin. An ember of anger flared in her gut at the memory of Doc and Matt force-feeding her. It was a messy, tiring affair that she didn’t want to repeat, but she would if they ganged up on her again. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Try me,” he growled.
The stubborn expression on his face was too much; she had to glance away. It was easy to pretend she didn’t care about him when she wasn’t looking at his stupid face, but the black hollows beneath his eyes tugged at her heart. She didn’t want to care about this Matt; she wanted to hate him, but it seemed impossible. The best she could come up with was feigning apathy.
“Do what you want with me,” she said, licking her cracked lips. “I don’t care. Nothing matters.” Or at least that was the lie she was telling herself.
“My Hazel would’ve never said something like that. She wouldn’t let herself waste away to nothing for no reason. The girl I knew didn’t want to die. She loved to laugh, snuck peapods from the farm when no one was looking, and hoarded dried flowers like they were going out of style. That girl was full of life.” He waved a hand at her. “She wasn’t this poor reflection.”
All those things were true, but they felt completely foreign now. When Aaron had pushed her from the Jeep, he’d destroyed part of her. Hazel tipped her head back to stare at the ceiling, mourning the girl she used to be. “Part of that girl died when my Matt did,” she whispered. It was partly the truth. She’d lost some of her naivety when he’d died, but she’d truly lost part of herself when she’d left Harbor.
“I came back for you.”
She twisted around to stare at him. “Don’t you dare lie to me. If you had come back for me, I wouldn’t be here.”
He gave her a pleading look. “There is so much you don’t know that I need to explain to you, if only you’d listen to what’s happened since I’ve last saw you.”
Hazel shook her head. “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. Please be quiet, so I can go to sleep.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the pillow, ignoring the heavy statement.
Matt heaved a sigh. “You’re obviously not ready to hear what I have to say, but when you are, I’ll still be here. You can’t drive me away. It won’t happen.”
He pushed from his chair, and she forced herself to hold still and keep her eyes closed as he pulled the blanket up to her chin. His gaze on her was like a physical thing.
“I won’t let you die,” he murmured. “I won’t let that happen, and neither will Doc or Noah.”
Noah. A shiver worked down her spine at the name. He was the worst of the Tainted. A true monster. “I’m not stupid.”
“What was that?”
Hazel’s eyes popped open and she stared at Matt, hiding her fear, forcing scorn into her voice. “I’m worth too much to let die. I’ll fetch a much higher price at auction if I’m healthy.”
He sucked in a breath, his face blanketed in shock. “We’re not going to sell you.”
She laughed and rolled over onto her side, giving him her back. Pain radiated from her ribs, but the pain was easier to ignore than the emotional torture she experienced when looking at her former friend. “Go away.”
“If it’s not me, it’ll be someone else. Doc’s busy helping other people, so you know who that leaves.”
“I’m not afraid.” Not very much.
“I can smell it all over you.”
A lump formed in her throat, preventing her from asking the question. Could he literally smell the fear on her? “Leave me alone.”
A frustrated growl rumbled behind her, followed by slow, booted footsteps. The door squeaked as Matt pulled it open on rusty hinges. “Despite what you believe, I’m not the monster you think I am.”
“Lies,” she whispered.
Her shoulders hunched up as a loud curse exploded out of him.
“Always so stubborn.”
He slammed the door, and the sound reverberated through her. Tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes. No matter how much he protested it, Matt was a monster. He shouldn’t have been able to hear her, and yet he could.
But even knowing that, she wanted to call out, to beg him not to leave her alone in this desolate, empty place. “I miss you,” she whispered to the empty room.
How much more torture could she take before she broke?
Awareness slowly filtered in, and colors danced behind her lids. Her eyes shifted as each pain and ache made itself known. Hazel yanked and snuggled in the blanket, clinging onto sleep for a few moments more.
A painful gasp exploded from her as she bolted upright, her pulse thundering in her ears. Hazel jerked her blond hair from her face, not taking her gaze from the monster perched next to her bed. Well, perched wasn’t exactly the right word. He lounged in the simple wooden chair like he was holding court in his kingdom.
She attempted to hide her unease and fear by adjusting the blanket wrapped around her. Her motions stilled as his wings twitched. She gazed at them in horrified fascination. Other than his wings, he didn’t move or make a sound. It didn’t even look like he was breathing.
Disturbed, she shifted on the bed and scooted a little farther away from him. His dark gaze tracked her movements, but she didn’t care. She needed more space between them. Not that it would do any good. He moved like a predator, silently, swiftly.
The silence continued for many minutes until Hazel couldn’t take the staring game anymore. His dark eyes seemed to pierce her stole and see right through her.
“What do you want?” she growled, wrapping her fear and anger around her like a c
loak.
He cocked his head and kept quiet. It was eerie how he did that. Inhuman. She rubbed the goosebumps on her arms. He wasn’t human. Why would she expect him to act in a human way? Every time he visited, it unraveled her, and she hated it. Doc she could handle and Matt she could ignore, but the winged monster … Noah – not that she’d ever use his name, he didn’t deserve a name, not when he was so dangerous and scary – his scales and wings were hard to ignore.
She almost jumped out of her skin when he broke the silence. “I’m wondering when you’ll be done with your tantrum,” he said, his voice low like two rocks rubbed together.
“A tantrum? You haven’t seen me throw a tantrum.”
“From where I’m sitting, you’ve been throwing a tantrum since you got here. You’ve treated your friend like rubbish. You’ve been disrespectful to Doc and spat in the face of our hospitality. You’re acting like a spoiled brat.”
Hazel glared at him, her eyes narrowing. How dare he!
“I’m acting like a spoiled brat? Excuse me for not thanking you for my incarceration.”
He snorted. “If I trusted you enough not to terrorize everyone around you and cause destruction, I’d let you out of this place.”
It was her turn to snort. “Lies.”
“If you thought about anything but your own worries, you’d see that you’ve been given food, a bed, shelter, clothing, and a healer for your injuries.” His wings shifted behind his back as if agitated. “A doctor, I might add, that has many more patients and concerns than just you. Not to mention how abominably you’ve treated Matt, a man who’s your friend,” he said, scorn in every word.
Hazel bristled, some of her fear evaporating at his attack. “Please forgive me for not thanking my jailors for their hospitality,” she hissed. “And Matt is not my friend.” Those words weren’t exactly true, but she wouldn’t take them back, even though her stomach dropped when the monster’s face darkened and he seemed to swell in his seat.
“Despite what Matt says about you, I don’t believe him. You are still as prejudiced and monstrous as I thought in the beginning.”
“Says the man who chained the girl up and threatened her with rape.” The words seemed to burn her mouth as she spat them at him. How dare he pretend to be the righteous one in the situation!
He pressed his lips together, and she could’ve sworn a look of shame crossed his face, but it was gone as quickly as it came, replaced by his rock impression.
“I would’ve never done that.”
“In my experience, talk is cheap, and men go to great lengths to get what they want.” She swallowed against the shame of what Aaron and the pig man had done.
He studied her, his dark eyes giving nothing away. “That’s not far from the truth.” He sighed and then ran a hand through his hair, releasing her from his magnetic gaze and staring at the far wall absently. “Doc tells me that it would be good for you to get out into the light.”
Hazel squashed the little kernel of hope that unfurled in her chest and shoved it down ruthlessly. This was probably another ploy. Was it a bribe? What did they want from her? She immediately averted her attention to the far wall when she noticed the monster was observing her. Hopefully, she had hidden how much she longed to be outside.
“You’re not strong enough yet to leave. If you get yourself healthy, we can talk about taking you outside for a walk.”
A walk. Like she was a dog. An animal they could do what they wanted with. Something to be leashed. Disgust rolled through her. Lost to her thoughts, she jumped when he stood abruptly from his chair, his form blotting out the lantern light with his huge wings.
He didn’t step any closer, but it still felt like he was too close. He was enormous and intimidating. The lantern light caught on the onyx scales that ran up his arms and across his cheekbones. So alien, so foreign, and yet … there was a bitty part of her that found him appealing, interesting even. The beauty of his leathery wings and scales seemed unfair. A creature of darkness didn’t deserve beauty. It deserved to look like a gargoyle.
Hazel brushed aside her errant thoughts and pretended they didn’t exist.
His lip curled in loathing. “I personally don’t care if you live or die. If you die, it’s one less mouth I have to feed. One less person I have to care for. One less person I have to keep safe against all the things in this world that are trying to kill us. The decision is up to you. I won’t force you to eat like Doc and Matt will. Live or die, it’s your choice. Just stop playing with the emotions of my people.”
Her eyes snagged on the small but sharp blade he produced from one of his pockets. He placed it on the end of the bed.
“This is yours. Do with it what you will.”
Hazel glared at him accusingly. “Is this a joke?” she asked flatly. Why in the world would he give her a blade? Surely, he didn’t think her stupid enough to take it.
A shrug. “Doc mentioned you don’t like being vulnerable.”
What sort of game was he playing? “So, you’re handing me a weapon? Your enemy?”
“You’ve made the decision to be my enemy.”
She didn’t reach for it. She wanted to. Boy, how she wanted to. But she didn’t want to be made a fool when he snatched it back. Another thought entered her mind. “Do you want me to kill myself?”
He stilled. “I want you to make a decision.”
And with that, the monster left her room.
Sixteen
Noah
He inhaled deeply and forced his feet away from her door, all the while listening to what went on in the room. He turned the corner and came face-to-face with both Doc and Matt. Each man lounged against a hallway wall, their gazes focused on him.
They stayed silent as they all listened to what the girl did.
The sheets rustled, and Noah held his breath. Doc had railed against this plan. He didn’t want Hazel to have access to anything she could hurt herself with. But Matt believed she wouldn’t hurt herself, and Noah believed the same. Not for the same reasons as the other man, but he kept his own reasons to himself.
He did release a soft breath as he heard her put the blade underneath her pillow. He knew she wouldn’t hurt herself. She had too much fight, too much of a will to live. No matter what she said, she still cared for Matt, but hurt was riding her too hard right now. Plus, starvation had a way of messing with your mind.
His jaw clenched at the weight she’d lost. She couldn’t hold out much longer. Despite what he told her, he’d be force-feeding her along with Doc and Matt if she didn’t start eating. He’d only said the things he’d said to get her to react. There was something about him that riled her. And he hated it.
He could see the loathing and hatred every time he entered her room. But it was the fear that he hated the most. He’d done that, but with good reason. She was the enemy, despite what the others said. Her people had been killing his for centuries, and he wouldn’t risk his family and friends for a blond girl, no matter how appealing she was.
Seventeen
Hazel
She hardly noticed Noah’s departure or the door locking behind him as she stared at the blade. She scanned the room, searching for any hidden enemies, then reached out and snatched the knife from her bed. Cradling it in her palm, she squinted at it. Why give this to her? It didn’t make any sense. Unless … he didn’t believe she could harm him with it. A smug smile lifted the corner of her lips as she tucked her prize underneath her pillow. That was his first mistake, underestimating her.
Hazel stared at the ceiling as the light faded to nothing, mulling over the monster’s abrupt and somewhat disturbing visit. She hated to admit it, but the monster did make a good point. What would death accomplish? Nothing. The answer disturbed her. They hadn’t physically hurt her yet. Doc didn’t seem like a bad person, and Matt … well, Matt was … still Matt.
The darkness pressed against her as the sun fled across the sky, her little window darkening. Her eyes adjusted to the light slowly, and sh
e stared at the one star she could see. What she wouldn’t give to be outside. She missed the sun on her skin, the wind on her face as she sat on the high wall surrounding Harbor, the stars sparkling above as her brothers bickered. A lump formed in her throat. She missed home.
Hazel hadn’t allowed herself to think much about home, fearing it would break her if she did. What if she never made it home? If she’d been standing, the thought would’ve brought her to her knees. How could she live in a world without her brothers? Without her papa? Tears flowed down her cheeks, as silent as the nighttime around her. She missed them so much it hurt.
But there wasn’t just pain; there was a world of happiness. The way Brent always made room for her on the couch. How Joseph had made a game out of scaring her but always left little treasures in her room as an apology when she wouldn’t speak to him afterwards. How her papa had taught her how to braid her hair even though his fingers were as clumsy as hers.
In those memories, she found strength. Her family wasn’t her weakness. They were her biggest strength. They would help her survive whatever the future held, and they would be what she fought for. She would get back to them.
Wiping her cheeks, she smiled and began plotting. Her jailers planned to let her outside. The outdoors meant freedom, escape.
Escape.
The word sounded too big. Dangerous. A dream.
There were so many obstacles in her way. Even if she could get out of her cell, she had to get away from her captors, and once she got away from her captors, how did she find supplies? And once she found supplies, how would she get past both fences? And if she managed that, how would she know how to get home? Or survive the scary creatures and the other Tainted out there?
Hazel pulled in a deep breath to calm her racing heart and laced her fingers across her stomach. Inch by inch. She’d take it one day at a time. She couldn’t race into this plan. If she did, it would be over as soon as it started. Doc, Matt, and the monster weren’t stupid. They’d see right through her. If she wanted to get out of this place, she’d have to play her part perfectly.