by Kacey Shea
“I want to ask you again what you’re thinking, but I don’t want to break this magic spell.” His lips quirk with a grin, but his eyes are sincere.
I like that about Sean. He understands when I can’t deal with the heavy and gives me an out. “It is almost midnight. This bed might turn into a pumpkin; you never know what could happen.”
“Exactly. But I’m more worried you’ll disappear.” He winks before capturing my lips in a soft kiss. “Don’t leave. Not tonight.”
“Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?” I attempt to express my fear when it comes to him.
“Never. There’s nothing you could do to make me leave. You’d have to push me out.”
But he doesn’t know everything. “Sean . . .”
“What? You have to admit my bed is comfy as fuck.” He reaches for a pillow and helps stuff it under our heads.
“Meh. I’ve had better.” Teasing is fun. It’s easy. Why does he make it so easy?
“Bullshit.” He accompanies the swear word with a smirk and rolls me onto my back, pinning me with his weight. “Maybe it’ll feel better with my face between your legs.”
I laugh out loud but the sound is stolen as his mouth drifts between my breasts. “Sean.” Just like that he steals my resolve. Lust surges full force as my hands find their way onto the bed and grip the sheets so I won’t touch his hair. Not sure if I’d push him away or pull him closer, I hold tight to the bedding as his lips move leisurely down my belly until his hands are spreading me wide for his hungry mouth. He’s in no rush, but this time he stokes an already burning flame. It doesn’t take long before I’m flying and then crashing and soaring all over again.
Pulling out of his arms is almost useless, but despite his comfort I really shouldn’t stay. I’m scared of lots of things, but in this moment I’m most afraid that if I don’t make myself leave, I’ll never want to leave his arms. “I should go. My things are in there.”
“No.” He shakes his head and his jaw is tight. “You said you’d stay with me tonight.”
“Won’t that only cause more problems for you? I don’t want to mess up your life.” I sit up but meet his gaze with a hard one of my own. He’s been perfect, but this can’t last. I’ll be better to rip the Band-Aid off now, no matter how painful.
“You haven’t and you couldn’t.” His answer’s firm, and he pops off the bed to walk over to the dresser. “Now, what do you need? A toothbrush? My bathroom is fully stocked; use whatever you need. And here.” He riffles through a drawer and produces a pair of joggers that are probably three sizes too big, along with a band T-shirt. “This will work.”
I can’t argue with him, and mostly it’s because I don’t want to. I want to stay with Sean, even if it’s only tonight. I take the offered clothes. “Thank you.” I walk to the bathroom to change, but before I close the door I find him staring.
“You don’t have to see him, ever again. I’ll protect you.” His gaze holds determination, and I believe he means what he says.
But I can’t let him. Even now in the safety of his room I know this is only temporary. He can’t lock me away from my past forever. Coy’s the freaking drummer for his band. This could never work, but I don’t tell him that. The truth hangs heavy between us, yet I know he’s only trying to make me feel better. Give me some hope because that’s the kind of man he is. “Thank you again. For letting me sleep here.”
“Jess?” He stops me from closing the door.
I lift my chin and meet his gaze. Or at least I try to. It’s difficult to hold his stare when his eyes search beyond my front. There’s a landmine of insecurities I’d rather not divulge, and they’re just waiting to bubble to the surface.
“I don’t want you to regret this. Us.” His eyes widen with what I guess is a mixture of optimism and pain, and I force myself not to look away.
“I won’t.” I rest my head against the door jamb and lay out an honest answer. “I could never.”
His lips pull with a smile that slowly fills his face.
I push the door closed until it softly clicks. Relief floods my gut the minute I’m tucked inside and away from his perceptive gaze. Sean holds me with such regard, such faith and promise, and it’s an expectation I’ll fall short on. I don’t want to contemplate what will happen tomorrow. Where I’ll go, or how I’ll make it on my own. I’ve done things in the past to get by as a means of survival, but that fight in me isn’t the same. That, and I’m no longer a young, naïve girl. I won’t sell myself for another day on this Earth. This time I’d rather disappear.
Pulling on clothes that smell of Sean helps warm my body and keep my worries at bay. I won’t think about tomorrow until the dawn comes. I ready myself for sleep and crack open the door. Sean’s on the bed, his body a work of art, his skin inked with tattoos.
“Hey.” He glances up, his gaze falling to my outfit, and smiles. “This is my new favorite look of yours.”
“Dressed like a child?” I glance down at his shirt, which hits my knees, and the pants I had to roll several times to stay at my waist.
“No. Dressed in my clothes.” His eyes heat with desire like we didn’t just spend all night acting on those urges. He gives his head a little shake as if he were thinking the same and pats the space next to him. “Come on. Let’s have a sleepover.” His enthusiasm brings a giggle to my lips.
I have some big decisions to make. Life changing ones. But for now, I’ll stay in this fairy tale. He makes it too inviting. I run the rest of the way and jump onto the mattress. The impact jostles his body and I grin with satisfaction. “Are we going to stay awake talking until it’s morning?”
“God, I hope so.” He wraps his arms around my waist and tugs me to him so our noses touch.
“You’re crazy,” I whisper, but the smile on my lips stretches wide before turning to a yawn. I roll onto my back so I don’t yawn all over his face.
“Yeah. I am.” He settles back onto the bed and drops his cheek to the pillow to meet my gaze. “Tired?”
“A little, yeah.” I yawn again. It’s to the point I couldn’t stop if I wanted. The day’s been long, but this night has been enchanted. As much as I don’t want it to end, I can barely keep my eyelids open.
“Then sleep.” Sean turns on his side and tucks the pillow under his head. He slides a hand over my belly to my opposite hip. His thumb caresses the skin there and he nestles his face into the crook of my neck. “I’ve got you, Jess.”
If only that were really true. That’s the last thought I have before my lids become too heavy and I give over to their pull, sleep claiming what little is left of this very long day.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
The door rattles with the slam of a fist and fear claws at my chest.
Sean’s fingers tighten around my waist beneath the blanket.
“She in there? She fucking in there?” Coy. “I will kill you. I will fucking kill you.”
Shit. Shit. Shit. Sometimes fear is paralyzing, but in this instance it douses my body with adrenaline. Quiet as I can, I attempt to slip from the bed.
Only Sean won’t let me. He pushes up onto one elbow and presses a finger to his lips. Stay quiet. Yeah, no kidding! Does it stop Coy from assaulting Sean’s door? Not in the slightest.
“I have to go,” I whisper, and try again to pull out from his embrace.
He shakes his head, a deep scowl etching lines into his forehead. “Don’t. You stay here. I’ll handle him.”
“No.” The thought catapults more anxiety into my limbs and this time it’s me holding Sean from making another move. “I don’t want him to hurt you.”
“Like he hurt you?” His gaze narrows and drops to the bruises on my skin. He shakes his head, letting loose a ragged breath, and I can’t bring myself to hold his stare. His whispered commands only bring on more shame. “Go to the bathroom. Lock the door. I’ve got this.”
“This is all my fault.” I squeeze my eyes shut as if somehow that will help block out Coy’s angry shouts or rev
erse time so I wouldn’t be here in Sean’s bed. If I could take it back . . . no. I wouldn’t take back our night together. But this—Coy here and angry—is all on me. What did I expect? That I could go from the drummer to the bass player without any confrontation or retribution? As if Coy would let me? I was a fool to forget Coy’s vengeance, even for a night.
“No. It’s not. We were both consenting participants. Now, go.” Sean points to the bathroom door.
“I’m sorry.” I’m not even sure what I’m apologizing for, but the words leave my mouth regardless. Sliding from the warmth of Sean’s blankets, I pad quietly into the bathroom and lock the door. Pressing my ear against the wooden panel, I hold my breath and strain my ears to make out what’s going on.
Coy continues to bang and cuss at the door.
“Fucking hell. I’m coming.” Sean’s weary shout stops Coy’s racket.
I hope he knows what he’s doing, because something tells me Sean underestimates Coy. And if something happens to Sean . . . If Coy hurts him because of me? I don’t think I can live with that on my conscience. This isn’t his battle to fight. It’s mine.
59
Sean
“What the fuck do you want?” I crack open my bedroom door enough to meet Coy’s angry snarl.
“Where is she? She’s here.” He has the audacity to storm into my room and start throwing pillows and sheets off of the bed. He turns toward the closet but I block his path. “Where is she? You fucked my girlfriend, you piece of shit!” He shakes his fist in my face, but I don’t flinch.
“I didn’t fuck her,” I grate through my teeth. Last night with Jess wasn’t fucking; it was worship. We weren’t having sex; we were making love. Every touch on her skin was another way of proving to her how beautiful she is. I don’t clarify that to Coy.
“Fucking liar!” he seethes, and his hands go straight to my throat.
“Get. Out.” The words spit from my mouth as I struggle to break free from his hold. He’s strong, I’ll give him that, but I’m in damn good shape. I get in one good knee to his balls, but that only earns me an elbow to the kidney. We scrap around, finally banging into the wall so hard that the portrait I bought from the fundraiser slips off its hook and tumbles from the bed to the floor.
“You’re gonna pay, dipshit. Where is she?” Coy puffs through labored breath, and the stench of alcohol and stale cigs hits my face. He’s still sloshed, and I can only hope to work that to my advantage.
“She’s not here, dumbass.” I shove him and he trips over a pillow and falls flat on his ass.
“I’m going to . . .” He lunges off the floor but I skirt him before he catches my legs.
“What? Whatcha gonna do?” I egg him on, fully pissed that he not only interrupted my sleep but my snuggle time with Jess. He has no right to burst into my room like this, or even come after her after what he did. “You’re gonna what? Beat me the way you do her?”
“Fuck you!” He slams forward with more speed than I anticipate and knocks me to the floor.
“What the hell! Sean! Coy! Knock it off!” Trent rushes into the room but he can’t get between us. We roll around, sneak in cheap shots, and grapple for the upper hand.
“Dude! Stop already!”
“I’m not gonna let the fucker go. Not till he tells me where Jess is.” Coy’s breath stinks like ass and only boils my blood further.
“Go. To. Hell,” I spit out between several hits.
“That’s enough!” Jess’s shout freezes Coy for a moment. Even with the curtains drawn and lights off there’s enough light from the hallway to illuminate her profile.
As soon as he catches sight of her in my bathroom doorway—her hair a mess and wearing my clothes—he turns on me with a surge of vengeance. “You fucker!” His right hook connects with my face. “You said you didn’t fuck her!” An elbow to my gut knocks the air right from me. “You’re going to pay!”
“Enough! Stop!” Austin and Trent catch his arms and heave him off of me. They force him closer to the door, but I’m not sure if the space is meant to protect me or him.
With my ego wounded, I wipe blood from my face with the back of my hand, stand, and squint through a quickly swelling eye.
Trent doesn’t let up on Coy even though he’s stopped fighting against him. “Let’s all just calm down here. I’m sure this is just a misunderstanding.”
Coy lifts his chin at me. “Yeah, Sean, give me a reason I shouldn’t kill you right now. Why the fuck is my girl wearing your clothes? Why’s she in your room?”
I grate my jaw back and forth, meeting everyone’s stares.
Jess let’s her hair fall forward and it hides the evidence of Coy’s wrath. As if she doesn’t want the guys to see. She gives a little shake to her head, but I can’t let this go.
I can’t let him off for what he’s done.
“Oh, you want to play show and tell? She might be in my clothes, but you wanna explain her face? The bruises she’s wearing this morning?”
Coy lunges, but thankfully, Austin and Trent have a good hold.
Austin rolls his eyes. “Not helping, Sean.”
“Oh, what? That’s not helpful? Exposing him for the woman abuser he is?” The words fire from my mouth but still I don’t feel any source of relief.
“You have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.” Coy growls as if that will intimidate me enough to shut up.
“I think I do.” I take a step forward.
“Stop. Stop it!” Jess’s shout pulls my stare back to her. Her gaze bounces between Coy and me. “Stop talking about me like I’m not here.”
“Did you fuck him, Jess?”
Her eyes find mine, and for that I feel like I’ve won.
“If I find out you fucked him, I will kill him!” Coy roars.
“Let’s not go overboard here. No one is killing anybody.” The warning leaves Trent’s lips and Coy breaks free, hurtling toward me.
“Oh, fuck,” Austin groans.
Coy barrels right in my face, but I stand my ground. He thinks I’ll run? Not with Jess here. He can beat me to a pulp because I’m not backing down. His fist clenches the fabric of my shirt and his other cocks back for what’s sure to be the most painful hit of my life. He wants to hurt me, and I’m okay with that as long he doesn’t touch her.
I glance at Jess and dread fills my gut. Her eyes don’t hold the light they did last night and as she drops her gaze to his, a dreadful anticipation fills my gut before she even speaks a word.
“No, Coy. I didn’t. Sean let me stay here last night. Because you hurt me.” Her gaze stays with his and she steps forward until her hands cover his fist. As soon as she does he drops his hold on me.
“Jess, I’m so sorry, baby.” He reaches for her and I expect her to shrink back. I expect her to push him away, or step out of reach. But she doesn’t do any of that. Confusion and hurt burst in my chest as she allows him to pull her into his arms. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry,” he chants over and over.
“I know,” she whispers. “I know, Coy.”
“Sean.” Trent places his hand on my shoulder and drags my gaze from the couple. I can’t believe what I’m witnessing. I can’t believe she’d forgive him. Not after last night. Not after all we’ve shared.
I can’t even breathe.
My heart literally breaks.
My vision clouds from beneath my tears and I have to turn away. “Get out.” The command doesn’t even sound like my own voice. “Get the fuck out of my room.”
“Sean?” Jess’s voice begs that I turn around but I can’t bear to look at her.
“Just go.” I stomp over to the photograph that fell and pick it up only to find the canvas sliced down the middle. Fucking Coy. He ruins everything. I don’t try to fix or hide it, just hang it back on the wall.
“Sorry about the misunderstanding. And your picture.” But Coy doesn’t sound the least apologetic. He got everything he wanted. He has Jess. And that hurts more than any punch to the face or ruin
ed photograph. She deserves him too, if she’s so willing to go back into the arms of a monster. I wait for the shuffle of their footsteps to leave the room before I turn around.
Trent’s there, his gaze somber. “Sean?” He lifts his chin and gives a nod.
I glance down at my arms to see they’re streaked with blood. Probably all mine. I touch my lip with my tongue and taste the metallic, salty tang before wiping it with the back of my hand.
“I told you not to get in the middle of it . . . that it wouldn’t be good.” Trent runs his hands through his hair and pushes it back behind his ears. He wanted to avoid this. I understand the concern, but the apprehension in his eyes only makes this worse. I went head to head with Coy for Jess, and it didn’t change a damn thing. It’s worse, actually, now that I’ve experienced just how good we are together, and that still wasn’t enough for her to choose me over him.
“Are you okay?” Is he referring to physical pain or that of my heart? Doesn’t matter. The answer’s the same.
“No, I’m not.” My gaze goes to the open door. I still can’t believe she walked out with him. How she could do that, after everything he’s done to her? “Can you just leave me alone?”
Trent nods and his lips form a straight line. “If you need anything, come find me. When everyone’s calmed down, we need to sit down and have a band meeting. We’ll work this out.” He turns and his shoulders slump with an exhale. Defeat? Disappointment? I should ask. I should care. But all that runs through my head is the look on Jess’s face as she met my stare and told Coy last night meant nothing. It’s great that Trent thinks we can move past this, because honestly, I don’t see how in the fuck that’s gonna happen.
How does one survive living one door down from the woman he loves after she chooses someone else? I don’t fucking know, and I’m sure as hell not doing it right. This hurts like fucking hell and I can’t find it in me to care about anything right now—her; the band; even myself. Everything is not all right, and I don’t know how to make it better.