by Kacey Shea
She pushes her plate to the side and clasps her hands on her lap. “Leighton. It’s time we discussed your future.” Here we go. The lecture I’ve been expecting and avoiding. “I hope you enjoyed your little adventure, because it’s time you get your life back on track.”
The old me would sit back and smile through her words. Accept my fate, the path of least resistance. But I’m done with that. Straightening my spine, I meet her gaze across the table. Emotion wells in my chest, but I focus on communicating how I feel. “You know I loved every second. That playing in the band made me feel more alive than any other performance.”
“That’s lovely.” She smiles politely. “But you need to resume your practice schedule. Julliard is only one month away.”
I laugh, more from my mother’s total denial of reality, and shake my head. “Only, I’m not going. I delayed my admission. Remember?”
She waves a hand, dismissing my decision and my feelings. “Don’t be ridiculous. Your father called the dean. It wasn’t easy, but our hefty donation did the trick.”
I stare, long and hard because I need her to understand she can’t do this anymore. “I’m not going.”
Her face reddens and her brow creases with lines of displeasure. Her voice is sharp and stern. “Leighton Wellington, you will not throw your life away.”
“My life. Mine. You forget I’m an adult and not your pet. I did everything you asked for eighteen years. I won’t throw away any more.”
“So, what? You’re going to join a band? Live on the streets in LA? I will not support this vagabond lifestyle. You won’t see a penny from your father or me.”
“I don’t expect you to support me financially. I don’t need your money.” My voice is hard, but it’s sadness that fills my soul. “But you know what would’ve been nice? To know your love extends further than your checkbook and social connections.”
“That checkbook afforded you everything.”
“Not everything.” I smile sadly. “Maybe one day you’ll see that before it’s too late.” Pushing my chair back, I rise from my seat, knowing what I have to do next. What I should have done two weeks ago. I walk around the table and give her a hug. Her body stills with the contact. Hell, I’ve likely stunned her, but she doesn’t push me away. “Bye, Mom.”
I’m halfway to the door when she raises her voice. “You’re just going to leave.”
I turn back and nod. “I am.”
“You walk out that door and you are no longer my son. Do you understand that?” The lines she works so hard to hide are prevalent with her scowl. There’s no use in arguing. She doesn’t understand. She won’t even listen.
Though my heart longs for a relationship we’ve never shared, I will be fine without her. The hurt I feel for my mom is minuscule compared to how my heart breaks for Opal.
I go to my room, and taking only a duffle bag of clothes, head for the door. This time I don’t bother with an Uber; I’m on a budget after all, and the walk to the bus stop does me good. Pulling my cell from my back pocket, I do what I’ve been aching to do for weeks.
My finger hovers over her name. I doubt she’ll answer, or talk to me, but I won’t allow that fear to keep me from trying. After one ring it goes straight to voicemail.
“Opal, it’s me. I’m sorry for how things ended. I miss you. I’ve never stopped missing you. I know an apology doesn’t change what I did. But I’d like to talk, if you’ll give me the chance. I did a lot of wrong things. But loving you wasn’t one of them. I should have been honest with you from the start. I also should’ve called sooner, but I was in a bad place. I’m changing that now. I’m going to make you proud. And when you’re ready, even if it’s years from now, call me back. I hope you’re okay. I think of you every day. Thousands of moments. I love you. Bye.”
104
Opal
Two months later
Leaning back onto the bench, I flip through my notebook. Words of love. Loss. Heartbreak. They sit on the lined paper, mocking. Taunting. I haven’t been able to write a thing since he left. The hurt isn’t fresh anymore, it’s morphed to a numbness that clouds everything I do in shades of melancholy. Even my smiles don’t come naturally. I have to force my lips to feign joy I don’t feel.
He ruined everything.
Lexi comes out of the bedroom dressed for the day and her lips painted red. The guys left to play a morning show hours ago. She pours a cup of coffee, but the aroma I once craved now sends my stomach rolling. Again, another thing he ruined.
Lexi settles in the seat across and glances at my notebook and pen. “Writing?” The hope in her voice is clear.
“Trying to.” I sigh and slam the book shut. “Not having much luck.”
“You’ll get there.”
My cell vibrates on top of the table. I glance at the caller ID even though I already know who it is.
“Him again?” We don’t say his name around here. It’s an unspoken rule everyone abides by for my sanity.
I nod and send the call to voicemail. A message I’ll only delete.
“Do you ever listen to them?”
“No. I don’t think I can handle hearing his voice.” It’s bad enough I hear it in my head, my mind conjuring dreams of us together again.
“I get it. I do.” My sister worries her lip as she meets my stare. “But don’t you think it’s time?”
“Time for what? Moving on?” My face crumples under the heaviness of the situation. Tears spring into my eyes but I blink them back. “Because I’m trying, Lexi. I’m really freaking trying.”
She reaches for my hand and squeezes. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just, I miss your smile.”
I open my mouth to argue but she’s right. I don’t have the same zest for life. Leighton took more than my innocence. He took my joy. And he left me to clean up the pieces of my broken heart.
“Come on, get dressed.” She pushes from her chair. “We’re getting out of here.”
“Don’t the guys get back soon?”
She shrugs and goes to the sink to wash out her mug. “Yeah, and they can find their own lunch. You and I are overdue for a girl’s day.”
I nod, because I love this about my sister. Her no-nonsense, take charge attitude leaves no room for argument. The beginning of a smile, a genuine one I don’t force, turns up the corners of my lips. “I’d like that.”
The hurt doesn’t go away, I don’t think it ever will, but overindulging on pizza and taking a walk along the boardwalk reminds me that I’ve been missing out. I haven’t been living lately. Not to the fullest.
Lexi and I talk about our pasts. We tell stories from our childhoods, funny moments and sad ones too, and for the first time in weeks I find myself laughing. I don’t want to move on from what I shared with Leighton, but I have to. There’s a life I’ve been given, and I won’t waste it. Not anymore.
After a few hours, we decide to head back. On our way I notice the convenience store we passed earlier. I nod at the sign. “Hey, do you mind if we stop in here?”
“Sure.” She tilts her head in question.
“I’ve been craving gummy worms.” I shrug. “Since we’re already indulging, I figure why not.”
“Yes!” My sister slings her arm around my shoulder. “Now you’re getting the hang of this.”
We walk inside and within minutes she’s recognized. A few people interrupt, shocked and overwhelmed they’ve encountered Lexi Marx in the wild. Soon we’re swarmed by a small crowd of fans who want her to sign their shirts, paper receipts, and more. She’s patient and takes time to talk with each person, but it’s apparent there’s no way we’re shopping.
“You get the gummy worms. Reese’s for me?” she says as she scrawls her name onto someone’s phone case.
I nod and slink from the crowd unrecognized. I may be Lexi’s long lost sister, but these people only want to gush over the star whose latest single broke records. Fine by me. I wasn’t built for the spotlight like my sister.
I get everythi
ng I need, a few additional items, too, and pay the cashier before rescuing Lexi. “Sorry, everyone. We’re on a tight schedule today. Thank you for supporting Lexi, but we have to go.” I grab her arm and we exit the store without any issues.
“Look at you, a seasoned pro.” My sister bumps my shoulder as we dive inside the Uber I had the foresight to request.
“Yeah, well, when you live with a bunch of rock stars, you pick up a few things.” I shrug and roll my eyes as I hand over her candy.
“I see why Trent never wants to lose you as his assistant.” She grins and rips open the wrapper.
“Lexi.” I reach out and touch her arm. Emotion surges in my throat, but I swallow it down because I don’t want to cry anymore. She’s shown me what I’ve been missing out on. “Thank you for today.”
“Anytime. We should do this more often.”
I stare out the window. The blur of the city passes by, the way life’s been passing me by. “I’m scared. You know? I made a mistake sleeping with him. Giving him everything. And I want to be happy again, but I don’t know how.”
“You’ll get there,” she says. “You’re stronger than you think.”
The car pulls to a stop at the light, and I watch the pedestrians pass. There’s a man, tall and lengthy, who stands out in the crowd and for a second I think it’s Leighton. It’s not. It never is, and I hate how I’m always looking for him.
“I wish I were brave,” I whisper. “Like you.”
“Bravery doesn’t always appear loud. Sometimes it’s a whisper of courage in the midst of a storm.”
I blow out a deep exhale. “You think?”
“I know. Just like I know you’re going to get through this.” She straightens and turns to find my gaze. “Besides, I have your back, Opal. I won’t let you fall.”
105
Leighton
They say the truth will set you free.
They lied.
My life, my perfect fucking life, crashed and burned the day the “truth” came out. Didn’t matter most of it was utter bullshit, because one thing was certain. I betrayed the people who mattered most. I lost everything I ever wanted. I lost more than I even knew possible. I destroyed the trust of the only woman I’ve ever loved. Who loved me in return. And this loneliness? This aching pain? I deserve every second of it. After all, it’s all my doing.
I can’t make it right. Hell, the only way to do that requires a fucking time machine. But I’ve spent the last two months working to set the record straight, because when I decide to take control of my life, I do the right thing. Nothing’s going to redeem my wrongdoings, or bring Opal back, but knowing I’m living my life in a way that would make her proud does help me sleep at night.
The first thing I did after walking out of my parents’ home for the second time this year was find a room to rent. It’s nothing special. I share an apartment with three Hollywood hopefuls. Other guys trying to make it as actors, models, and musicians in the City of Angels, just like everyone else.
After that I found myself a job. Yep, the great Leighton James Wellington waits tables six days a week to earn a living. I couldn’t live off money from the band forever. And maybe I should be embarrassed, but those checks are one of the things I’m most proud of since claiming my independence.
Some days are worse, like today when I know Three Ugly Guys is playing just two hours south in San Diego. I want to go see them. I miss everyone. The crew, the guys, and most of all, Opal. But I won’t follow her around like some stalker. It’s bad enough I’ve memorized their tour schedule and call to leave her voicemails every day. When she’s ready to see me, if that ever happens, then I’ll go.
My cell rings and when I read the caller ID, I almost fall over. My mother. We haven’t spoken for two months, and it’s simple curiosity that prompts me to pick up. “I thought I was dead to you.”
“The guest list. The one from your party. I have it if you want.” She’s direct and to the point, but it takes a second for my brain to process.
“What do you want in exchange?” There’s a catch. There’s always one when it comes to her.
“Nothing. You wanted the guest list, and I have it.”
“Okay.” I give her my email address, the free one I set up when I began applying for jobs. “Thank you.”
“There. You can’t say I never cared.” She’s harsh. Abrupt.
I glance at the time and then cradle my cell between my shoulder and ear to tie my shoes. My shift starts in twenty and it’s a ten-minute walk to the restaurant. “I have to go.”
I wait for her to say good-bye or complain about my shortcomings, but when there’s no reply I pull my cell back to see she already ended the call. I shake my head, not sure whether I should be thankful or pissed, but when I scroll through the guest list and stop upon a familiar name, I settle on thankful. Hot fucking damn. No wonder my uncle was scared.
I call in to work, and manage to get one of my co-workers to cover my shift, then race to catch a bus to the train station. It’s the fastest way I can manage to get to San Diego without blowing the bank. Fingers crossed I can scalp a ticket and work my way backstage. Maybe it’s crazy to try, but I have to warn the guys. They may not believe me, but it’s a chance I’m willing to take. They treated me like family, and I can’t not say anything. Not with the consequences this could have.
I step off the train and arrive at the stadium an hour before the show begins. I pick up a ticket for more than I make in a week, but it’s worth it, because once inside I recognize Dave, one of the tour assistants working the merch table.
“Dave!” I call out and when he catches my gaze he smiles with recognition. I don’t know what the band’s said to the staff in regard to my sudden departure, but I take it as a good sign he doesn’t immediately throw me out.
“Hey, Leighton. How you doing, man?”
“I’m actually hoping you can get me some face time with the band. There’s something I really need to tell them.”
He presses his lips together and looks around. “I don’t know, man. I don’t need any trouble. Besides, this is gonna get crazy in here soon.”
“Can you get me through security? I just need a few minutes. I swear I won’t mention your name.”
He gives me a once over. “You aren’t going to try something stupid? I heard what you did.”
I clench my jaw and push the rush of anger aside. It’s not his fault for taking it at face value. If roles were reversed, I’d probably do the same. “I didn’t sell any band info. I was set up. That’s why I need to talk to them. I don’t want any more shit to happen. They’re good guys.”
“Fine.” He nods his head toward a door. “Meet you over there in five. I’ll do my best to get you back.”
“Thank you, Dave.”
“Don’t mention it. I mean it. I’m not looking to get caught up in a mess.”
I step over to the door and wait as patiently as I can. My fingers tap against the fabric of my pants and my pulse races with a mixture of nerves and apprehension. This is only half the battle. If I get backstage, I still have to get the guys to listen without kicking me out.
And there’s the possibility I’ll see Opal. God, I don’t know what I’d do. Beg. Kiss her. Explain everything. I don’t even know whether she’s in the building, but the thought she might be skyrockets my nerves.
“Alright, come on,” Dave says and I follow close behind as he weaves me through the corridors. We come upon several security guards, but when they see Dave they nod, and don’t even ask who the hell I am. Not very secure, if you ask me, but it works to my favor.
Dave stops short, and blows out a long breath before meeting my gaze. “Third door on the left. That’s the green room. They’ll be out as soon as the stage is ready. Opening act went on thirty minutes ago, so your guess is as good as mine.”
“Thank you,” I say, the words inadequate for what he’s done.
“Leave me out of it. And good luck. I’m pretty sure they fucking ha
te you.” He laughs lightly, but his eyes crinkle with worry.
I swallow and nod, understanding the sentiment.
Dave walks away, and his steps fade with a soft echo against the concrete walls.
I slink back into an alcove and consider my choices. If I go inside, it might be my best shot, but there’s a chance my uncle’s there and then all of this would be for naught. So I wait. Quite impatiently. My muscles constrict with each passing minute, so much I might make myself sick, but I refuse to leave my spot.
Finally, Jimmy comes around the opposite corner. He knocks on the door, and props it open with his foot. “You guys ready to rock?” From this distance I can’t make out their replies, but moments later Bedo emerges, Austin at his side. Then Sean. Jimmy drops the door to catch up to the others, but it doesn’t close all the way. Trent struts out, Lexi tucked into his side, and my heart catches in my chest. I stare at the door as it closes. Waiting. Half expecting to see her face, but it never shows. No Opal. Disappointment floods my veins, but I shake my head, because she isn’t the purpose of my visit.
Liar.
Fine. Of course this is about her. Everything I do is.
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself, and force my legs to move. As inconspicuously as I can I catch up and follow behind, waiting for my opportunity.
Bedo and Austin disappear around a corner. This is it.
“Trent! Wait up!” I call out and close the distance between us.
He turns and recognition morphs his smile to a scowl.
“Trent, I have to tell you something.”
He glances over his shoulder at Sean. Thankfully, Bedo and Austin don’t double back or reappear.
“What are you doing here, Leighton?” Lexi says, disappointment thick in her tone. “She doesn’t want to see you.”
“I know.” I meet her gaze a moment before looking up at Trent. “I’m not here for her. I need to tell you something. It’s important.”