by Kacey Shea
“She said you might have a concussion.”
I shake my head. “Just precaution. They want me for observation. I’ll be fine.” They also want to make sure there’s no internal bleeding, but I don’t tell him that. The worry etched in his brow is hard enough to witness. The desire to put his fears to rest is almost overwhelming.
Austin grabs a chair and slides it nearer to my bed to sit close. His thumb caresses the skin at my wrist as he holds my hand. “You scared me tonight, baby.” He kisses the back of my hand and lays his head gently against my body. His eyes hold a vulnerability and fear that slice to my core. I’ve been holding it together, but having Austin next to me makes it feel real again.
I almost died.
I was scared, too. Not only for myself, but for everyone in that room. Mostly of losing this love we just found. I clear my throat and with my free hand I brush the hair back from his face. “I know. But everything’s fine now.”
“I need to tell you something.” He lifts his chin and levels me with a stare so serious and so concerned I can only nod.
“Okay,” I whisper.
He bites his lip and exhales a rush of breath as he drops his gaze back to where our hands clasp together. “You might not like me much after I do.”
This is it. Apprehension and anxiety rush through my body, but there’s a steady reassurance in my mind that doesn’t believe Austin capable of what Glen inferred. We all have secrets. We all have stories. I need to hear his.
“Whatever it is, I’m not going anywhere.” I cup his cheek and lift his gaze back to mine. I blink once and roll my eyes, forcing a smile. “Literally. I can’t get up right now.”
He chuckles and shakes his head, but sobers as his lips part. “Do you remember Brianna?”
My brain stutters at the name, but then memories hit like a train and I’m assaulted by the little girl’s face. “Your mom’s boyfriend had a daughter? You had to watch her sometimes.”
He nods and his body tenses. “I did. A lot, actually. But when I left home, it wasn’t on good terms. I had to leave, you know? They were like a cancer. Toxic, and I had to get out of there for my own sanity. I didn’t look back.”
I wait. His silence fills the space between us, stretching to an uncomfortable length. Still, I don’t interrupt.
“I lost touch, and the band was doing big things.” He releases my hand to wipe at his face and I realize he’s crying. “Brianna ran away when she was fifteen. I don’t know where, but I think to LA. I thought . . . I thought I could make things right . . . I abandoned her when she needed me the most. I was selfish, and she had no one.”
“Austin.” I hold back my own tears as I brush his from his cheeks.
His gaze holds so much anger. Fear. Agony. It’s a side of him I’ve never witnessed. “It’s been over two years now. I can’t find her, Jay. I don’t know if she’s even alive.” He sucks in a sharp breath as if it physically pains him. “I hired a private investigator. He’s been looking for her for a year.”
Everything clicks into place. Glen wasn’t lying. He was misinformed. The photos, they aren’t for Austin’s pleasure, they’re so he can find Bri. “It’s okay,” I say aloud, because I think both he and I need the reassurance.
“No one knows.” He slams his eyes shut. “If it got out? The pictures he sends me . . . It would be really bad.” I understand what he’s not saying, and yet it doesn’t make my heart ache any less. His back trembles and he buries his head into my side as he cries.
I stroke his shoulders and hold him the best I can. “It’s okay,” I murmur over and over again. It’s not, though. This is tearing him up inside. I can’t imagine for how long.
After a few minutes, Austin lifts his head and his bloodshot gaze meets mine. “They’re all on the street, Jay. Homeless. Drug addicts. Working and selling their bodies. There’re so many, Jayla. There are so many lost girls.”
I nod and hold his hands in mine. My heart hurts for this man, and for all these teenagers nameless and forgotten, lost and broken. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I’m sorry I didn’t trust that you’d understand.” He drops his head, shaking it back and forth. “I was scared you wouldn’t want me if you found out . . . and I was wrong to keep this from you.” He lifts his gaze. “I promise I’ll never do that again.”
I relax my shoulders into the hospital bed and release a sigh. This feels like a turning point in our relationship. I’d like to believe it would’ve happened naturally, but there’s something about being held at gunpoint that makes a person reevaluate their priorities. I love Austin. I want to be with him, and I’m no longer holding anything back. “I have a secret of my own.”
His eyes widen, just the slightest. “Oh?”
“WMI asked me to stop making videos with you.” The truth rolls out of my mouth easily. Maybe it’s the pain meds, or the belief Austin and I will make it through whatever life throws us, but I’m no longer hesitant to tell him everything.
“When?”
“A few weeks ago. In Chicago.” My eyelids feel heavy again, and sleep threatens to pull me under, but I fight through. “I didn’t want to start problems for you and the band, and we were in a good place. Besides, I knew if I told you, you’d post another video anyway.”
He chuckles and offers me a slight smile. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“It was selfish of me.” I snuggle back into my pillow and let my head roll to the side.
Austin rubs his finger against my wrist again, and it’s the most soothing touch.
“I didn’t want to leave the tour. Not when we’d just discovered something good. I didn’t want it to end.”
“It’s okay. I’m not angry with you.”
“But it wasn’t right. I’m not someone’s pawn.” I yawn and my eyes water. Why am I so sleepy? Apparently, almost getting killed is hard work. “I manipulated you. Distracted you so you’d stop asking to make videos.”
Austin grins. “In your defense, I enjoyed every second.”
“Austin.” I draw out his name, but smile. When I’m healed and out of this hospital I look forward to ‘distracting’ him again.
“I’m not mad. I forgive you.” He kisses the back of my hand. “That was a shitty thing of WMI to ask of you.” His lips press together, his smile gone. “I fucking hate our label. I curse the day Off Track Records got bought out.”
“You curse the day?” I can’t help it, I laugh.
“Hey!” Austin feigns offense. “Don’t poke fun. The injured patient card only works so far.”
“I guess you’ll be getting a new head of security again.” My eyelid flutter shut.
“Yeah,” Austin says. “But that’s okay with me.”
My eyes fly open and hurt seeps through my tone. “Why’s that?”
“Because . . .” His lips lift with his smile. “I’d much rather have you as my girlfriend.”
I roll my eyes, and even though I do like the sound of being his, I am not about to give up my career simply because we’re dating. “I’m so much more than some rock star’s girlfriend.”
“You’re right. You’re everything.” He stands and leans over me, pressing his forehead against mine a long moment before kissing my lips.
“I don’t know how this is going to work,” I admit honestly, but my brain is too tired to process the logistics of our relationship.
“Sleep.” He kisses my lips again, and then settles back into the chair. “We’ll figure it out tomorrow.”
“You don’t have to stay,” I say through another yawn.
He stretches out his long legs and settles back as if the chair’s as comfortable as one of the bus’s leather recliners. We both know it’s not. “Sleep, please. You need to rest,” he says. “I’m not going anywhere.”
The promise in his words is all I need.
The next morning Austin never leaves my side. Besides a few phone calls and texts, his attention is compl
etely focused on my needs. We navigate my pain meds, more tests, so many different doctors, and the next steps to my care plan.
Terrence hangs in the hallway just outside my door, and I’m not sure whether that’s more for my sake or Austin’s. Either way, it’s comforting.
The only time I leave the room is for tests, all precautionary, and I pass with flying colors. There’s no internal bleeding, and I don’t have a concussion. The only permanent damage from Coy’s attack is the massive scar I’m sure to have once my wound heals. Though, the doctor who stitched me up insists it’ll be minimal. A physical therapist comes by and I work with her on basic maneuvers like sitting up, getting to the bathroom, and hoisting myself in and out of the wheelchair they insist I use for another twenty-four hours.
It’s late in the afternoon when I’m moved to a different area of the hospital. It’s a private room, much nicer than my apartment. “Why does it feel like this room is reserved for celebrity patients?” I say once the transport nurse leaves.
“Because it is,” Austin replies. He chuckles and glances down at his cell.
“Austin.” I draw out his name, not sure whether I should thank him or reprimand him for this extravagance. I don’t need a private recovery ward. I certainly can’t afford it, but I don’t have to question who’s footing the bill.
“Don’t.” He points a finger and levels his stare. “I need you to get better. Let me do this.” His lips lift with the hint of a grin. “I mean, if you’re worried about it being fair, we can call it even. I do owe you a solid.” He shrugs. “Some might even say I saved your life yesterday.”
“Oh, no. Don’t even.” I shake my head and fight back the urge to laugh, mostly because my side hurts like hell when I do. “I’m not cashing in my favor. Not when I’m the one who got shot!”
“I thought you said it was just a graze,” he says with a stupid grin and I can’t help but smile back.
There’s a buzz from his cell and Austin glances down, checking his phone for about the hundredth time this hour. “I have to leave soon.”
I nod, knowing what he means. He has the concert, but he’s also leaving New York. There’s still another three weeks left on the tour. He taps his fingers nervously at his side.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” He pockets his phone. “Sorry. I would stay if I could, but apparently that’d be a breach of my contract.”
“I don’t need a babysitter. I’m fine.” I already miss him and he hasn’t even left. I’m not familiar with the emotion. These next few weeks will be hard.
“I know you are. You’re the strongest woman I know.” He brushes his thumb over my cheek and along my jaw. “But that doesn’t mean I want to leave you.” He closes the space between our mouths and captures my lips for a kiss. It starts chaste with the gentle press of his lips to mine, but quickly turns to more. He parts his lips, I brush my tongue along his, and our mouths fuse in a sensual dance that spreads desire in every fiber of my being. Longing. Promises. Love. Fear. Trust. I pour everything into this kiss that feels like both the start of a new chapter and a good-bye I don’t want to give.
Austin pulls back, steadying his breath with his forehead pressed to mine. “This tour is going to be torture.”
“One month. We can do one month.” I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince, him or me. “Then we’ll be back in LA.”
His grin turns positively wicked. “Get ready because I’m already planning all the sex we’re gonna have.”
Sex. That’s a loaded topic. One we haven’t properly addressed. I drop my gaze and fiddle with the edge of my blanket. “Austin, I-I’m not sure . . .”
“What’s wrong?” He drops to the edge of the bed and stills my hand in his. His eyes are wide and worried as they find mine. “Shit. I screwed up already, didn’t I?”
“No, it’s just . . .” I shake my head and will myself to push out the words. I’ve been to enough therapy to understand how important this conversation is. “You know I have triggers, and I have to be in control.” I exhale the fear that I won’t be enough for this man and lift my gaze to find his. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be normal. I don’t want you to expect something I can’t give.”
“Jayla, I only want what makes you happy.” His lips pull up with a smirk. “And normal is totally overrated.”
“But sex is important to any relationship.” With Austin I’ve been able to explore my boundaries without judgment, but we haven’t had much time. He might get tired of dealing with my triggers. My limits. He might want more.
“I’m going to admit something, but you have to promise not to hold it over me.” He grins, taking my hands in his. “You are so damn sexy. I loved it when you cuffed me. I want you to hold me down. I like when you lead. I think about it pretty much twenty-four-seven. Hell, I’m confident you could get me off without ever touching my dick.”
“I’m being serious.”
“So am I.” He squeezes my hands. “I promise to respect whatever boundaries you need to feel safe. Whatever gets you off, I’m willing to try.”
My body sings with his words. They chase away the doubt and insecurity. They also flame my attraction, and if I weren’t in this hospital bed, I would jump his bones.
Austin’s gaze heats as if he’s reading my mind. His voice drops, low and rumbling in a way that goes straight to my core. “I only have one request.”
“What’s that?”
“Can we get a new pair of handcuffs?” His brow lifts and his lips pull into a grimace. “Because the ones we used touched Coy, and call me superstitious, but they’re tainted now.”
A laugh bursts through my lips, and I grip my side because . . . ouch!
“I’m sorry,” he grimaces.
“Stop making me laugh.”
“Can’t help it. It’s kinda my thing.”
We stare at each other, grins painted on our lips like two lovesick fools. We look ridiculous, but I can’t seem to care.
A knock sounds at the door and Austin’s grin widens. I tilt my head in question, but it only causes him to laugh and I know whatever happens next is all his doing.
He turns to open the door, but it swings open before he reaches it.
Mama. Emotion catches in my throat as I take in the sight of my mother. I didn’t call her yet, because I didn’t want to worry her or my brother. I knew she’d be torn up about being so far. But this man, my man, went and took care of everything. I wonder if there’s a day he’ll ever stop surprising me with his kindness.
“Mrs. Miller, it’s great to see you again.” Austin holds out his hand.
But mama isn’t having that. “Please, it’s Mama Lou.” She opens her arms wide and wraps them around him in a tight hug. “Thank you for making arrangements so I could be with my baby.”
“It was my pleasure.”
Mama pats his shoulder and moves around to come to my bed. “Jayla, he’s sweet.”
I glance over her shoulder and meet his smile. “He’s all right.”
She shakes her head and pulls back my covers. “I want to squeeze you, but I don’t want to hurt you worse. Where is it?”
I lift my shirt so she can see.
She sucks in a sharp breath. “I can’t believe you got shot.” Her lower lip trembles and she leans down, cradling me to her side with a hug. “My baby.”
It’s so good to have my mama here. I didn’t realize how much so. Her embrace brings forth a surge of emotion and I cling to her so I won’t cry. I can’t believe Austin did this. He’s amazing, and if my mama weren’t here I’d tell him.
Mama releases me from her hug and eyes me up and down. Her lips pinch and her hands go to her hips. “Now, will you please finally put this security career to rest and find yourself a nice man?”
Oh, God. Here it comes. I glance to Austin, a deer in the headlights, save me please look in my eyes, but he’s already got a foot out the door. I glare.
He just laughs and waves his hand. “Ladies, I’ve got
to go.” He gives me a wink. “I’ll call you. Later, baby.”
I open my mouth to reply, but he’s gone.
“Baby?” Mama hums and her eyes light with interest. “I like the sound of that.”
Here comes the inquisition. I scowl at the door and swear I hear his laughter from down the hall. I can’t believe he just did that. And yet, I can. I’d be mad, except I’m also incredibly touched that he flew my mama in to be with me.
144
Austin
The next three weeks of the tour are brutal. I hate being away from Jayla while she recovers, and no amount of video calls or texting appeases my desire to be by her side. She’s back in LA living at home again, and her girlfriends text daily with updates. Between her family and her friends, she’s well cared for in my absence, but still it sucks being so far from the one I love.
Love.
It’s the only thought on my mind these last weeks. Funny how a dude like me could go from rock’s most eligible bachelor to happily off the market in the span of one tour. The guys were right. I fell hard and fast. Jayla’s it for me. I know it in my heart of hearts, and while we haven’t had the time or space to figure out how our relationship will work, I am absolutely certain we will overcome whatever challenges life throws at us. Hell, she took a bullet for me and my friends. Commitment doesn’t get much bigger than that.
I still can’t believe Coy blindsided us all. The kicker being the cash I paid him in hopes of getting him out of Jess’s life for good, is the same money he used to fund the attack on us in New York. He was behind the incident in Salt Lake too. Apparently, he bribed some woman to purchase and deliver the explosives with an IOU. Funds he didn’t have until I settled the lawsuit. That’s why there wasn’t another attack until New York. That’s also why the investigators couldn’t find a paper trail. They used burner phones and no wire transfers were made around the time of the incident. But all of it’s over now. Coy won’t be out of jail anytime soon, if ever. I’m okay with that.