by Rachel Hanna
“One day, I want to get married here too,” Brett said softly. Her heart squeezed so tight, she felt she might be having a heart attack.
“Oh yeah?” she managed to breathe out. “I didn’t know guys thought about stuff like that.”
Brett chuckled under his breath. “Most guys probably don’t.”
“What about cowboys?” she asked, bumping her shoulder into his.
“Cowboys probably don’t either.”
“You’re a different kind of cowboy. They broke the mold with you, Brett Larson.”
“Maybe so. And that’s probably a good thing.”
“I doubt it. You don’t seem to have any faults.”
He looked at her and shot her a dimpled smile. “Not true.”
“Okay. Tell me some of your terrible faults.”
“Well, I sometimes forget to put the toilet seat down.”
She put her hand over her mouth in mock shock. “Oh, how terrible for a man who lives alone to not put the toilet seat down!”
“Very funny. You’re pretty perfect yourself there, Miss Paige.”
“Not even close. I’m stubborn and moody and short.”
“No, you’re a fighter, you don’t take any crap from people and you’re adorably petite.”
Her mouth dropped open when he said it. Then he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Brett cleared his throat.
“So, I brought you here to ask you what you think about building a small chapel right over there…” he said, obviously changing the subject since his voice went three levels higher in volume.
“For the wedding venue rental stuff? Yeah, that would be really cool…” Really cool? Dear God, she sounded like a stupid teenager right now.
“I don’t want to put it too close. This creek floods a couple of times a year at least. It’d have to go over there in the flat space,” he said, pointing off in the distance. But she wasn’t looking where he was pointing. Nope, she was looking at the thin line of stubble already forming across his jawline. And she wanted to run her tongue across it.
What in the world was wrong with her?
“I can do most of the work myself, I think,” he continued. “I still need to show you the barn. I think it’d be a great place for receptions and maybe even corporate events.”
“There are lots of opportunities here, for sure.” Now she was just using filler words because all she could think about was his warm body sitting against hers and the feel of his hand in hers a few minutes ago.
Guilt settled into her stomach like an old enemy, bringing with it queasiness. Daniel was gone, but every time she felt like her life could start moving again, like falling in love was at least a possibility, the guilt took her by the throat and shoved her against the wall.
“Want to go see the barn now?” Brett asked.
She swallowed hard. “No. Actually, I think I’d like to go check on Elda and maybe take a nap myself. I’m a little tired.”
He studied her carefully and then nodded, but she could tell he wasn’t buying her story of being tired. Women in their twenties rarely took afternoon naps, and she definitely didn’t.
“Sure, okay,” he said. “Not a problem.” He climbed off the rock and reached up to help her. Paige shook her head.
“I’ve got it,” she said, forcing a smile. Only she didn’t have it, especially not with brand new, unfamiliar boots on. Instead, she toppled off the rock and narrowly missed slamming her head into the ground. Brett caught her in mid-air but lost his footing on the wet embankment which sent them both into the water with Paige flat on her back.
“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” he said softly.
Time stood still, like in a movie. She couldn’t hear anything but the soft sound of the babbling brook and the two of them breathing. His face was inches from hers, and his eyes were caring. His lips were… available.
Without thinking, she reached up and pulled his face to hers, his warm lips pressing against her own, as anxious and willing as hers were. His tongue slipped between her lips and found hers.
He slid his hands under her head, cradling it in front of him and holding her in place. The water was cool, but not freezing, and she could’ve stayed there all day in his arms. Against his chest. Attached to his lips.
There was a strong need to keep kissing him, to feel the presence of a man who wanted her. To feel passion again. To feel desired. To feel like a woman.
And then the guilt crawled up from her gut and wrenched its evil claws around her brain and snapped her out of the romantic moment.
No, the guilt said, you’re never meant to be happy again. You don’t deserve it. Daniel was your one true love, and you’re cheating on him right now.
She pulled away and bolted upright, almost head butting Brett in the process.
“Are you okay?” he asked, touching her on the shoulder.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I just got caught up in the moment…” She stood to her feet and climbed back onto dry ground before she collapsed onto the grass in a heap with her head resting on her knees.
Brett sat down beside her. “You don’t have to feel guilty, Paige. It’s okay to have feelings again.”
How did he know what she was thinking? Maybe he was a psychic cowboy. But for some reason, she matched his kindness with anger.
“How do you know anything about what I feel, Brett? Have you ever even been in love? Have you ever lost the love of your life?”
He sighed. “You’re right. I have no idea what either of those things feel like, Paige. But I know that if Daniel was in love with you, he’d want you to be happy.”
She stood and started pacing back and forth. “Oh, and I suppose you think that means I should be with you?”
“I didn’t say that…”
“We just met! And you’re my boss!”
Brett stood and stopped her from pacing. “Paige, calm down. It was just a kiss. We were in the moment. No big deal. Okay?”
No big deal? Had she mis-read him? Maybe to him she was an easy mark, a possible one-night stand. That thought made her angry and sad and disappointed at the same time. Now she really did need a nap because it was the only way to escape from feeling everything.
“Take me back to the house. Please.”
“Paige…”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I don’t.” She stared at him - actually, she glared at him - and he obliged.
Not another word was spoken during the drive or when she jumped out of the truck, wet and mentally drained - and ran into the house.
There was a lot Brett would never understand about women. Their moods. Their secrets. Their needs.
Actually, there was a lot he’d never understand about Paige Emerson.
Maybe she was right. They barely knew each other, and he was her boss. Had he taken advantage of her at the creek? After all, she had kissed him first, a fact that shocked and aroused him at the same time.
When she’d reached up and pulled his lips to hers, he had never been more thankful for anything in his life. And kissing her had been like going to heaven. He’d never kissed a woman like her before. There was so much raw emotion, so much need behind her kiss. Like she’d been walking through a desert for days without water, and he was a big juicy glass of it.
But what did he know about her loss? He couldn’t feel what she felt. He couldn’t understand what it meant to love someone enough to agree to marry them and then have them die so suddenly. He’d been in love before, at least thought it was love at the time. Still, he’d never really thought he was looking at the woman he’d still be loving when he was an old man.
Until today.
No. Stop thinking that way. It was just a kiss, you said so yourself. Just a kiss. Nothing more. No big deal.
Only, that was a lie. Now he was having a hard time picturing himself ever kissing another woman like that again.
He ran the brush across Noelle and kissed her on the cheek. “Maybe you’r
e the only girl for me,” he said with a sad chuckle.
“You’re going to have a heck of a time finding a wedding dress to fit her.”
Brett turned to see Paige standing there, her eyes red and puffy from obvious crying. He wanted to reach out and pull her into a hug, but recent history told him not to make that move.
“Hey,” he said, simply. That had to be safe.
“Hey. Listen, I wanted to come say that I’m so sorry for how I acted earlier. I’m just dealing with a lot of stuff…”
“I won’t say I understand the stuff you’re dealing with. But I understand your reaction. No need to apologize.”
“No, I do need to apologize.” She leaned against the door to the stall and ran her hand across Noelle. “I started it, and then I basically blamed you.”
“Well… Yeah, I can’t argue with that.” Paige laughed which allowed Brett to relax a little. “I like you, Paige. A lot.”
She sucked in a deep breath. “Jeez, you’re one honest cowboy.”
“Guilty as charged,” he said as he set the brush on a table and leaned against the wall of the stable.
“This feels too fast, Brett.”
Brett closed the distance between them. “Do you like me, Paige?”
“Of course. We said we were friends…”
“You know what I’m asking.”
She swallowed and held his gaze. “I’m having some feelings, yes. But I’m not sure I can act on those feelings… again.”
“Look,” he said softly. “I’m just as blown away by this as you are. I’ve never felt this way, and certainly not about a woman who tazed me the moment we met.”
Paige giggled. “How many times do I have to apologize?”
He took a chance and reached out to hold both of her hands. To his surprise, she let him.
“I’m not asking for forever, Paige. I don’t even know what I want. I just know that I like being with you more than anyone else, and when I’m not around you I feel a void. So maybe we can just take things slow? Maybe go on a date or two?”
She looked down at her feet and bit her lips together. Finally, she looked up. “I can’t promise anything, but I’d like to spend more time hanging out with you.”
He sighed in relief and smiled. “That sounds perfect.”
Brett and Paige made a pact to keep their possible budding romance private, especially when it came to Elda. They didn’t want to get her hopes up or make things uncomfortable when they were all together.
“Pass the potatoes, please,” Elda said as they sat at dinner that night. Paige had to admit that having a big home cooked meal at Clover Lake was like being home again, only she’d never really had a home. It certainly had no resemblance to her life in a penthouse apartment; those were two very different situations.
But she found herself smiling more and enjoying the peace of being away from it all. She’d miss Clover Lake when they went back to January Cove tomorrow, but she loved it there too.
“Here you go, Miss Elda,” she said as she scooped potatoes onto Elda’s plate. Brett smiled at her across the table, and butterflies attacked her stomach.
Part of the guilt she felt wasn’t because of Daniel really. It was because of what she was feeling. She’d loved Daniel more than she thought was possible after coming from a life of no one really loving her. His love was a miracle to her, something she’d never seen coming or even expected. It was like being given a piece of bread after not eating for a month.
But what Brett was making her feel was different. Maybe better. And that alone was guilt-inducing. Just the way Brett was - opening doors, catching her when she fell, making her laugh - made her heart skip a beat.
Her feelings were making her feel guilty, as if caring for Brett made her love of Daniel something that wasn’t real. And questioning her love of Daniel was something she wasn’t ready to do and probably never would be.
“I saw where you got married today, Miss Elda. It’s a beautiful spot.”
Elda looked up and smiled. “A lot of love in that place. A lot of love.” Paige tried not to look at Brett, but she couldn’t help it.
“It was the start of a fairytale romance,” Paige said, referring to Elda’s marriage.
“And more to come,” she replied before taking another bite of her food.
“Enjoying your food?” Brett asked. He’d grilled steaks for them and made mashed potatoes. Elda had made a pound cake that they’d be enjoying after dinner, if she could stay awake.
“It’s wonderful.”
“Probably not as good as those fancy New York City restaurants you’ve been to,” Brett said with a smile.
“Better.”
Chapter 9
“So? How’s the trip going?” Sandi asked from the other end of the line.
“It’s not really considered a trip when you’re less than forty-five minutes from home,” Paige said with a laugh. “And it’s going good. Really good.”
“Oooohhh… That sounds promising. What does ‘really good’ mean? Like naked cowboy good?”
“You have a one track mind!”
“Yeah, but it’s a pretty interesting track, right?”
Paige sighed and fell back onto her bed. “I kissed him.”
“What? Oh my God! Seriously? What did he do? Did you like it? Are you guys dating?”
“Calm down, Sandi! Jeez. You need to stop drinking so much coffee!”
“This is so exciting! When can I meet him?”
“First of all, it was an accident.”
“An accident? As in your lips got lost or went crazy and attached themselves to his?”
“Sort of. I don’t know. We were laying in the water at the creek and…”
“That sounds hot…”
“Shut up. We fell off an embankment and into the creek. I was on the bottom and for reasons I still can’t explain or comprehend, I reached up and kissed him.”
“Wow. That’s not like you at all, Paige.”
“I know!”
“Maybe you just need some, you know, male attention…”
“No, it’s more than that. And that’s what’s scaring me.”
Paige walked downstairs on her last morning at Clover Lake and sighed as she stared out the floor to ceiling windows that had been added to the back of the house. They definitely weren’t original to the place, but they offered a spectacular view of the pastures and the amazing orange-tinted sunrise.
“Good morning,” she heard Elda say from a chair by the fireplace.
“Oh, Miss Elda, you scared me,” Paige said with her hand to her chest. The old woman was so small and frail that she didn’t see her sitting there.
“Sorry, dear,” she said with a sweet smile. “I just love to watch the sunrise here.”
Paige sat down on the sofa and looked out the window, taking in the serenity of the morning. “I do too. The sunrises here are different than in the city. No distractions from the beauty, I guess.”
“Oh, country sunrises are the best. Have you enjoyed your time at Clover Lake, my dear?”
Paige smiled. “Yes. I’ve never felt so immediately at home anywhere in my life.”
“Maybe God had you travel to a lot of places so that, in this moment, you’d appreciate what home feels like.”
Paige took her words in for a moment. “Maybe so.”
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my years on this Earth, it’s that nothing that happens to us is accidental.”
“You don’t think so?”
“I know it, deep in my soul. Each situation that we find ourselves in is a lesson and a blessing, whether we see it at the time or not.”
“It’s hard to believe that when I’ve had so much loss in my life, I suppose.” Paige wished she could share in Elda’s certainties about life. Maybe when she was in her 90s, she would.
“Loss is inevitable, sweetie. It’s gonna happen whether we like it or not. But it’s what we do after a loss that makes us either a victor or a victim. I
see you as a victor, Paige.” She reached over and took Paige’s hand.
“You do? I sure don’t feel like one some days.”
“A woman never feels like she’s strong enough for all that life throws at her, but we are. We’re stronger than we will ever know, Paige. You’ve risen above a life full of struggle, a life that many people would’ve given up on. And here you are, with me, watching the beauty of a sunrise. You’ve made it through.”
Paige felt her eyes welling with tears, so she sat back and faced the sunrise again, still holding Elda’s hand.
“Thank you, Elda.”
Paige stood in her bedroom and looked around. She was going to miss Clover Lake, but she was pretty sure she’d be back soon. Brett had run into town to gas up his truck while she packed her things.
She heard a knock at the door and swung it open, assuming it was Brett telling her he was ready to go. Instead, she was shocked to find Amira standing there in all her supermodel glory.
She was wearing a very low-cut red top with tight jeans and cowboy boots. Paige suddenly felt short, stumpy and in need of a paper bag to put over her head.
“Good morning, Paige. That is your name, right?” she said, a hint of an accent making her even more perfect.
“Yes. How can I help you?”
“May I come in?”
Paige nodded and stepped back. She stood next to the bed, not sitting down because she didn’t want to invite Amira to stay long. But Amira sat down on the chair in front of the vanity anyway. She looked at herself in the mirror for a moment before turning back to Paige.
“Listen, Paige,” she said, holding her name out in some kind of insulting way, “I know that you have some feelings for Brett.”
“Excuse me?”
“I saw you at the creek the other day.”
“Were you following us? Brett said you didn’t live here.”
“I own part of this property, Paige. I can go where I like.”
“You need to leave,” Paige said, walking to the door and opening it. When Amira didn’t budge, she closed the door and crossed her arms.