by Rachel Hanna
“I couldn’t stay there, Daniel. Everywhere I looked, I saw the Richmond name.”
“And that’s so bad?”
“When it’s connected with your mother and sister, yes.”
He licked his lips and then bit the bottom one. “But you didn’t want to remember me? Because I am a Richmond, Paige. And you will be too… hopefully one day soon.”
The thought of becoming a Richmond made her feel queasy. And then she realized there was a question she had to ask - didn’t want to ask.
“Daniel, did you cut ties with your mother and sister after you found out?” She stared into his eyes, waiting for an answer.
He swallowed hard and stepped back a bit more. He rubbed the back of his head, a move she had seen many times when he didn’t want to have a confrontation with her about something, even as simple as where they would eat dinner. She could tell that the answer wasn’t going to be a good one.
“They’re my only family, Paige.”
Knife.To.The.Heart.
“How could you?” she breathed out, only half able to form a coherent sentence.
“Paige…”
There was nothing he could ever say that would make it okay. She leaned against the front door. Tears streamed down her face while rage bubbled under the surface.
“There were so many times, sitting in that uncomfortable chair in the hospital waiting room, that I begged your mother for mercy. Begged Hamp to help me. Begged Tori, even. I tried everything I could, fell to pieces right there so many times. I was willing to do whatever it took to get to you, Daniel, because I was going to be your wife and I needed to be strong for you.”
He walked forward and reached out in an attempt to put his hands on his upper arms, but she waved him off. “And I’m so grateful to you. I can’t imagine what you went through. But now I’m here, and I want to be strong for you for the rest of our lives. I love you, baby.”
Her eyes welled again and she shook her head. “No, Daniel. You had a choice. Maybe not a few months ago, but recently. You chose your mom and sister, which means I can’t be your family.” She opened the front door and stood there, stoically, not looking at him. In a rush, the scene with Brett and Amira in that very same living room played in her head. He had stood up for her, took care of her, gone to bat for her. Daniel had never done that. The reality of the fact that Daniel would’ve never cut ties with his mother for her set in, and it was a hard pill to swallow.
“Paige, come on, please. You know my family is complicated. We have businesses together. My Dad is gone and I’m the man of the…”
“She told me you were dead, Daniel. She put me through unimaginable hell, and yet you can forgive her. Let her stay in your life?”
“She got me through rehab. She was there for me when I had no one else. I can’t just kick her out of my life now. She’s my mother, for goodness sakes.”
“Let me ask you a question,” she said, staring up at him. “If I said I’d be with you but only if you moved here to January Cove, what would you say?”
He swallowed and looked away. “Paige, be reasonable.” And there it was - she had never been worth it to him. She was a convenience, a way to irritate his family, a way to feel like he was a good person.
“Daniel, please go. And have a good life. I truly mean that. But I won’t be in it. Because this time, I choose me.”
He walked past her and through the front door, but then turned swiftly and pulled her into his arms, planting a passionate kiss on her lips before she pushed his shoulders away.
“Stop!” she whispered loudly, trying not to catch the attention of her neighbors who were outside watering their lawn.
“I was hoping to change your mind.” She stared straight ahead. “I can see that isn’t going to happen.”
“No. It’s not.” Her arms were crossed now as she watched him move down the walkway toward his rental car.
“You know, I was the innocent party in all this. I had the accident. I went through grueling rehab. I was lied to. And now I don’t have you. Some redneck cowboy has you and what do I get?”
“Your mother,” she said flatly before closing the door and closing that chapter of her life.
Brett sat in his car two blocks over and squeezed the steering wheel tightly.
“Ten…Nine…Eight…Seven…” he counted, a method his father had once taught him for getting through angry moments without punching someone and getting arrested. Only there didn’t seem to enough numbers to get him through this moment.
He wasn’t a stalker, but he couldn’t keep himself from parking out of sight and watching as Daniel arrived at Paige’s house. He was there for over an hour, every minute ticking by like it was going through quicksand.
Brett imagined a passionate reunion with plenty of kissing and touching and…
He couldn’t go there. His brain might actually explode.
He’d done the gallant thing and told her to choose with her heart and that he’d be okay. The only problem was that he didn’t feel that way. He knew he wouldn’t be okay with it.
And just when he’d convinced himself to drive away, go back to Elda’s house at least, Daniel had appeared in the doorway with Paige.
And then they had kissed. The moment he saw their lips pressed together, he tore off down the road, his only aim to get away from that vision.
Now, a few miles down the road, he was struggling not to rip his steering wheel off and toss it into the ocean.
Damn it, why did he fall for her?
Just as he was getting ready to drive off again - this time to Clover Lake - he saw Sandi walking by. She was holding a coffee and checking texts on her phone.
“Hey!” she said as she passed his open window. There was nowhere to hide.
“Hey.”
“I was just heading back to Paige’s house. She said Daniel left. Mind giving me a lift?”
Brett shook his head. “Can’t. Listen, tell Paige I wish her well, okay?”
“What?” Sandi looked completely confused.
“I saw her kiss Daniel. She chose him, and I can’t stick around here waiting for my wedding invitation. Have a safe trip back to New York.”
With that, he drove off toward Clover Lake vowing never to fall in love again.
Chapter 14
Paige sat on the sofa of her small house and stared at the TV, which was turned off. She just needed something to stare at. Somewhere to turn her attention.
Finally, after what seemed like years, Sandi came through the front door. She looked worried.
“What happened? You’re back with Daniel?” she asked, almost in more of a accusing tone. “Are you crazy? Brett is amazing. He’s the one for you. I mean, Paige, listen…”
“Whoa whoa whoa!” Paige said, putting her hand up. “Take a breath. What’re you talking about?”
“I ran into Brett down by the water. He saw you kiss Daniel.”
“Oh no. I didn’t kiss Daniel. I told him off and he grabbed me and kissed me.”
“Well, Brett took off. He seemed very upset and told me to wish you well in your life back in New York.”
“I’m not going back to New York.” Paige frantically looked around for her purse and car keys. “I have to go.”
“Paige, you can’t drive! The doctor said for twenty-four hours…”
“Then you’re driving me, but I’m not losing Brett. Let’s go.”
As they drove up to Clover Lake, the sun was starting to set with streaks of orange and pink in the sky.
“This place is amazing,” Sandi said as she pulled down the dirt driveway. They made it halfway down the road before Paige saw his truck on the side of the road.
“Wait! Stop right here. Just stay in the car, okay?”
Sandi nodded, looking a little bit scared. She turned off Paige’s car as Paige jumped out and ran into a thicket of woods.
She could hear the sound of the waterfall off in the distance, so she just ran toward it hoping to find Brett there. Her m
ind raced with worry, wondering if he was the type to do anything stupid when he was upset, but she brushed the thought away.
And then she saw him, standing on “their” rock, tossing rocks into the shallow water beneath. He looked sad and a bit lost.
She walked a little closer and stood there. “You know, it’s not nice to watch people. It’s a little stalker-ish.”
He turned and almost smiled, but then the look faded.
“Why are you here, Paige?”
“You said I could come here anytime.”
“You know what I mean.”
She took a few steps toward him and stood just under the rock. He sat down, legs dangling over the edge of it toward her.
“This is my home, Brett. This place. You. January Cove. The whole mishmash.”
His face registered some relief, but confusion lingered in his expression. “But I saw you kiss…”
“No. You saw him kiss me. Without warning or invitation. Out of desperation once I told him that it wasn’t going to happen with us.”
“You did?”
“Yes, I did,” she said softly as she slid her hands across his thighs and stood between his strong legs.
“But I don’t understand? You’ve certainly got a longer history with him, and he can offer you so much more than I can. You deserve the best, Paige. Even if that isn’t me.”
She reached up and touched his stubbly cheek. “He can’t offer me lush green grass and waterfalls. He can’t offer me a musty old bookstore. He can’t offer me rides on horseback between a real cowboy’s legs. He can’t offer me night-time picnics with shooting star shows. And he sure as heck can’t offer me homemade apple fritters and then countertop fun with the chef.”
Brett jumped off the rock and pulled her into a tight hug. “My God, I prayed you would come back, Paige. I wanted to fight for you, but I wanted you to be happy more than that. Just know that if any other dead boyfriends reappear from your past, I’m going to punch them.”
She laughed. “Agreed.”
“I don’t believe I heard your answer at the restaurant. Will you please be my girlfriend?”
She smiled. “I would be honored to be your girlfriend, Brett Larson.”
He looked down at her face and put his hands on both of her cheeks. “I love you, Paige.”
“I love you too,” she said.
And from the woods, they could hear Sandi giggling and saying “woo-hoo” under her breath.
This life was perfect.
Chapter 1
She stood in the viewing room of the funeral home and greeted people for what seemed like days, but it was only a few hours. As the well-wishers passed by her, they hugged her and said things like, “Your mother was a good woman” or “Gone too soon”.
In reality, she didn’t hear much of it. They all sounded like the school teacher in the old Charlie Brown cartoons, a distant mumbling sound talking through a tin can.
Just get through this, she thought to herself.
Much of her last few years had been about just getting through things. She got through college. She got through her recently ended marriage. She got through her dull days at the job she hated. And now she had gotten through watching her mother suffer from breast cancer for the last two years.
Was this what life was like? A series of obstacles that one had to “get through”? And for what? What was the payoff? A nice long nap underground and entry into the pearly gates?
She wanted to go to heaven just like everyone else, but she wanted a grand adventure on Earth first. And this wasn’t it.
Laura knew people meant well. No one knows what to say when a loved one dies. But right now all she wanted was to be at home, in her pajamas, sitting in front of the TV eating a pint of rocky road. And she wanted to wallow in her grief until her tear ducts ran dry. Mostly, she wanted to be left alone.
“Your mother was an amazing woman.” The random woman hugged her as she moved through the never-ending line of mourners.
“Thank you,” Laura said for the hundredth time in the last two hours. Her voice was starting to get hoarse.
The good part was that her mother had been well-loved, and rightly so. She had raised Laura alone for most of her life after Laura’s father had died in the line of duty as a police officer. She had never remarried, but desperately wanted more kids so she took in foster kids for many years. One right after the other, a constant rotation of faces and stories and kids in need of love.
Laura had admired her mother for that, but her own childhood had often taken a backseat because of the needs of the kids. She wanted to say she understood and it was okay and be the bigger person, but a part of her resented it when she was younger. She’d wanted her mother all to herself, but maybe these kids needed her more.
“Your mother took me in when I was about eight years old. I think you were about six. Do you remember me?” the man asked. Laura nodded her head and plastered on a smile, but she had no idea who he was. Thankfully, he just hugged her and kept moving.
Was it possible to fall asleep standing up? She felt like it was. Her body was exhausted from the months of driving her mother back and forth to chemo, then weeks of standing beside her bed in hospice and this viewing was the last straw before her feet were finally going to give out.
There were times when she’d considered taking care of her dying mother a blessing. She was happy to be there because she adored her mother, but it didn’t mean it hadn’t been hard and tiring on her physically and mentally.
With no siblings to help out, the sole responsibility had fallen on Laura’s shoulders. Her aunt Dahlia had been the only source of respite for her during the last few months. Dahlia had temporarily moved from her home in Oklahoma to the small suburb outside of Baltimore where her Laura’s mother lived.
“How much longer is this?” her aunt whispered to her. She loved that about Dahlia - her ability to just cut right through the crap and say what she herself was thinking.
“Three years?” Laura whispered back, a fake smile still plastered on her face as people continued to pass.
The ironic thing was that her mother would have hated this whole idea of a viewing. She would’ve much preferred to be quietly sent off into heaven, her ashes scattered to the winds in her own front yard. She was just that way. A homebody. Not a person who enjoyed drama or fanfare.
But they hadn’t discussed funeral plans. Ever. Her mother hadn’t brought it up, and Laura wasn’t willing to have that conversation. It was just too painful.
So Dahlia and Laura had settled on a viewing where they would receive friends and family, and then a small service with just the two of them scattering her ashes into the Atlantic Ocean.
“How are you two holding up?” Carrie asked. Laura had been best friends with Carrie for almost as long as she could remember. They’d met in fourth grade during a particularly challenging game of dodge ball at Sandy Ridge Elementary School. Laura, a petite and shy young girl back in those days, had been grateful for her then taller new friend’s protection during the game.
Carrie had been raised with three brothers - Jake, Craig and Ryder. They were all so different from each other, but Laura had always been impressed with the love they had for each other. It was something Laura had missed out on, that love between siblings, but her relationship with Carrie had all but filled that void in many ways.
“I’m exhausted.” It was all that Laura had to say before Carrie sprang into action.
“We want to thank everyone for coming tonight,” she said to the small crowd gathered in the room. They were just standing around chatting now, no one else in line, sort of like people hogging a table at a restaurant while others are waiting to sit down. “The family would like to have some private time with Sarah now. I’m sure you all understand.” She put on a sad smile and nodded her head as if trying to subliminally make them all agree with her. The thing was, it seemed to be working.
Within minutes, the room was cleared and Carrie was standing post a
t the door with her butt pressed against it to ward off any stragglers coming back in.
“Done,” she said, clapping her hands together.
Dahlia laughed. “You’re a hoot!”
Laura smiled at her friend and then gave her a grateful hug. It wasn’t the first time her friend had saved her, and it probably wouldn’t be the last.
Carrie was definitely the most outspoken of the two. In reality, it was amazing that they were even friends at all given Laura’s shy personality. But something about their friendship just worked, and for that Laura was thankful.
“I hope they didn’t think I was being rude…” Laura started.
“Oh, stop it. You have every right to need some down time, honey. People understand. And if they don’t, well, screw ‘em,” Carrie said as she hugged her friend tightly. “Your mother wouldn’t want you to get sick over this, and you know it.”
Laura pulled back and wiped a stray tear from her eye. “I miss her already.”
Dahlia crossed the room and hugged her niece. “I do too. I think we always will. She really did leave us way too soon.”
Something about hearing her aunt say those words made them more real. Sarah had only been fifty-eight years old, yet cancer had swooped in and taken her down so quickly. Laura had never felt more helpless in her life than during her mother’s treatments.
She’d had a partner in life with her mother. They were two peas in a pod; both shy and quiet with tough outer shells. Sarah had rarely dated, at least not around Laura when she was younger. Laura was much the same, having had only one real relationship in the last few years and that was with her now ex-husband. The one who didn’t even bother to show up at the viewing. The one who promised they would stay friends no matter what and then ran off with a twenty-two year old flight attendant he’d met on one of his many business trips.
“I just want to go home, slide into a hot bath and listen to my classical playlist,” Laura said, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.
“Come on. I’ll drive you home,” Carrie said, sliding her arm around her friend and pulling her close.