But thankfully, nothing like that happened.
The flight was long – longer than I’d ever been on a plane before. As we sped towards takeoff, I gripped both armrests of my seat with white-knuckled hands. I’d flown a few times before, and I’d never liked it, it had always terrified me.
But seven hours later, I touched down at Heathrow miraculously unscathed. From the airport, I caught a train to Oxford and spent an hour and a half gazing out at the beautiful English countryside. It looks like Vermont, I thought as the train whizzed by small town after small town. Imagine going halfway around the world and finding a place that looks just like where you’ve come from.
I was going to be sharing a flat with two other students from abroad, but neither of them had arrived by the time I picked up the keys and carried my bags up five flights of rickety, narrow steps. I claimed the biggest room, the one with a double bed, and decided to lie down.
When I woke up, it was after dark. I was starving, and the pantry was completely empty. I had another twenty-five messages from Steven – this time, I texted back and said that I was fine, but that I didn’t have great cell reception – and then looked up a few nearby pubs. There was one only a few minutes from the flat, so I took a shower and changed into fresh jeans and a black shirt.
The pub was crowded, full of college kids by the time I got there. I loved the mix of accents – something about British accents always sounded so educated to me – and I could barely order a beer and a burger for myself without blushing at the cute bartender. I half expected some of the kids in there to start talking to me, but no one did.
Happy, Steven, I thought as I looked around, chewing thoughtfully on a French fry. Everyone’s ignoring me – you must’ve sent some kind of memo to the students of Oxford before I even got here.
“Elizabeth?”
My jaw dropped and a half-chewed fry fell from my mouth into my lap. My cheeks flushed hot red as I spun around on the bar stool and saw David, standing there with a shocked look on his face.
“David?” God, what a stupid thing to say! Of course, it’s David. Real smart, Elizabeth.
David smiled weakly. He looked older – there was a line of dark stubble on his pale face, but he was still dressed in black with long dark hair flopping in his eyes.
“Yeah,” David said. “I thought that was you.” He shook his head and stepped closer. Both of the stools next to me were taken, so he stood next to my knees, staring into my eyes.
“I thought I was going to have a heart attack when I heard you say my name,” I said softly, pushing my plate to the side. My appetite had completely vanished – now my stomach was a twisting, churning mess of anxiety.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m studying at Oxford for the semester. I got a scholarship, and I really wanted to go abroad…so here I am, I guess,” I said, feeling lame. “You?”
David ran a hand through his dark hair and sighed. It was strange – he couldn’t take his eyes off me, but there was something strange, almost hesitant about him.
“I graduated high school early and moved to London, went to King’s College and now I’m here.”
“Are you…?”
“Research. I’m in astrophysics.”
I nodded. “That’s cool,” I said slowly. Somehow, being with David again was making me feel as awkward as I’d been as a teenager. “So, I mean, how are you?”
David shrugged. “I’m okay,” he said. “I haven’t gone back to the States since I left. I don’t really know that I will. I like it here.” He snickered. “Everyone’s so cynical, I feel right at home.”
The person next to me left and David perched on the stool, hooking his long legs around it and leaning over the bar, as sensual as a cat.
“You want a beer?” I pointed to my empty glass.
David nodded. He flagged down the bartender and ordered for both of us, paying before I could even pull my wallet out of my jeans.
We drank in mostly silence. I couldn’t get over seeing him, in person, after so long. He was different – less sullen – but his spirit was so familiar that it almost hurt. I felt like there was nothing I could say –every word, every phrase sounded so lame in my head that I barely opened my mouth. David didn’t try to talk much, either. By the time my second glass was empty, I was starting to feel tipsy and uncomfortable.
David got to his feet and stretched. “It was good to see you,” he said. “Maybe we’ll bump into each other sometime. I come here a lot.”
Without thinking about what I was doing, I scribbled my number on a napkin. “Here,” I said. “Call me sometime, I don’t know anyone here.”
David gave me an amused smile. “You’ll make friends, Elizabeth – you’ll be in a program with tons of other people just like you. I mean, not just like you,” he added quickly. “But you know, in the same situation.”
I nodded. “I know,” I said. “But it might be nice to see an old friend sometime.”
“Is that what we are?”
I shrugged and tried to smile. “I guess,” I said. “I mean, I think so.”
David nodded. “Yeah, okay,” he said. He slipped the napkin into his pocket and my heart sank – I was sure that he was just being polite. He leaned into give me a one-armed hug, then nodded his head and left the pub.
After David had gone, I felt stupid sitting there by myself. This was a dumb idea, anyway, I thought as I paid for my burger and slid off the stool. I was stupid to think I could just go out and make friends by sitting alone.
When I got back to my flat, the other two girls were unpacking in their room. One of them was on the phone – she had someone on speaker – and she was shouting in French. I rolled my eyes. Yeah, I thought as I slipped into my room and shut the door. Definitely going to make friends with people in the same situation as me.
I pulled out my laptop and got ready to write an email to my mom. Not that there was much to say, but I honestly couldn’t deal with the prospect of calling Steven. Still, I knew I should check my messages. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I turned it on and waited for the inevitable notifications to fill my screen like angry darts.
To my surprise, my phone started buzzing right away with a British number.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Elizabeth, it’s David. Where are you staying?”
My heart skipped a beat as I gave him the address.
“Want me to come over? I just got a bottle of this great wine, you’ll really like it.”
“Yeah,” I said softly. “That would be great.”
Ten minutes later, I met David at the door. Holding my hand up to my mouth, I gestured for him to be quiet. David nodded and followed me inside, slinking down the dark hallway like a cat. When his arm brushed against mine, the hair on the back of my neck stood up.
My flatmates were still hiding in their own rooms, doors shut, lights out. I knew that I should be tired – aside from my nap, I’d been awake for almost thirty-six hours.
But seeing David again was making me feel anxious and jittery, like I’d just drank three cups of espresso.
“Nice,” David said quietly, running his hand along the inside of the door frame.
I forced a laugh. “Yeah,” I said. “I was kinda worried – I didn’t see many pictures of this place before I got here.”
David sat down on the edge of my bed and produced a bottle of wine from his backpack. He raised an eyebrow at me as he propped the bottle between his thighs and unscrewed the cork.
“I’ll go get glasses,” I said nervously. To be honest, I was glad for a distraction. I thought David would follow me from my bedroom to the kitchen, but when I got back, he was lying down and staring at the ceiling.
David smirked when he saw me. “Elizabeth, relax.”
“Sorry,” I said, stepping forward and sitting down gingerly at the edge of the bed. The mattress was an old one – it was hard not to sink back towards David, and after a few seconds, I moved to the desk.
&n
bsp; David poured two glasses to the brim, then carefully handed it over.
“I didn’t sleep for a week when I first got here,” David said, running a hand through his black hair.
“Jet lag?”
David shook his head. “Not exactly. More like…amazement. I couldn’t believe that I was really here, that I’d gotten out of the States for good.”
I nodded. “It feels surreal,” I said. “I’m here, and I don’t feel any different. But everything’s different now.”
David nodded. He reached forward and we clinked glasses.
“You were right,” I said. “This is good.”
David nodded. “Not exactly known for their wine, I know, but there’s a little vineyard around here. I’m friends with some of the people who work there.”
I licked my lips nervously and took another long sip. The wine was fruity and almost smoky. It wasn’t round, like a California wine, but it seemed to be imbued somehow with the melancholy of England.
“It’s different,” David added. “But it’s grown on me.”
For a moment, we sat in silence. The question was tearing me apart inside, but I couldn’t even think of how to ask.
Finally, I knew that I had to get it out and over with.
“Do you ever think about Monica?”
David cocked his head to the side and gave me an odd look. “Yes. All the time.”
“I miss her,” I said. I shivered and set my glass down, wrapping my arms around my body. “No one ever talks about her anymore.”
David shrugged. “It hasn’t been that long,” he said.
“It feels like a lifetime.”
“Maybe to you,” David said. He drained half his glass at once. “But as soon as I left Vermont…I don’t know,” he added, shaking his head. “Something changed.”
I frowned. “How? What do you mean?”
“Hard to explain,” David said dryly. “I miss her. But there’s something inside of me, almost like a tangible object…and it’s not time for me to move on yet.”
Desperate for something to do with my hands, I grabbed my glass and took a long swallow. The wine burned my throat on the way down but I kept drinking, suddenly hungry for that hot, bleary sensation that told me I was well on my way to getting drunk.
“Things never went back to normal,” I said softly. “After she died, I mean.”
David raised an eyebrow. “So you believe it, then? You think she died?”
“It feels crazy to say that I feel like she’s still alive,” I said. “I don’t know, David. I miss her. But I had to get on with my life.”
“I wish I felt the same way,” David said. He peered at me intently. “Seeing you, though…”
“What?” I flushed.
“Eh, nothing.”
“Oh, god, don’t do that,” I said, shaking my head and draining my glass. “Tell me.”
David smiled – a faint curl of his lips. Someone who hadn’t met him before wouldn’t have even seen it but somehow, I knew. Somehow over the years, I’d learned to read him.
“Seeing you almost makes me feel like pushing past it,” David said. He sat up and refilled his glass. When I handed mine over, he did the same thing for me without being asked. We clinked and drank in silence.
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” David said. “It’s crazy. I hadn’t thought about you in years…and here you are.”
Something warm and fluttery inside of my chest twisted at the sound of his words, at the sound of his voice when he said ‘you.’
“Here I am,” I said quietly. Suddenly, the idea was almost comical to me. I’d flown halfway around the world to escape one man in my life. I giggled, flushing hotly when David gave me a skeptical look.
“I somehow should’ve guessed you have a low tolerance,” David said dryly. “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”
“No, it’s not that,” I said. I licked my lips. “I’m glad you called, David.”
Just then, a new thought – a darker thought – sprang into my mind. She can’t be dead, I realized as I stared down into my glass of crimson wine. She’s still alive – somewhere – because otherwise, her spells would have faded. David said he feels like he can’t move on. I glanced down at my phone, willing the screen to be empty. My heart sank when I saw the fifteen notifications from Steven D’Amico.
“You got serious all of a sudden,” David said. He frowned. “What’s wrong? I was kidding,” he added. “I’m glad I called, too.”
My heart was thudding in my chest as I stood up and walked over to the bed. When I sat next to David, the mattress shifted and rolled and suddenly I was pressed up against him.
“Elizabeth?” David looked at me for a second. I shivered – the look in his dark eyes made me feel exposed.
“I think this happened for a reason,” I said softly. “I…I can’t believe we would’ve found each other like this if something wasn’t supposed to happen.”
David didn’t reply, but he put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to his lean body. When I felt his fingers skimming along the back of my neck, I closed my eyes and sighed softly.
“What do you think,” I asked softly. “I…I can’t read your mind, David.”
David set his wine glass down and shifted on the bed, facing me. The mattress lurched again and I fell against his chest, bracing my hands on his body. We stared at each other, not speaking. Then David reached up and stroked my cheek, cupping my chin.
“I’ve thought about you for a long time,” I said quietly. My cheeks flamed and I desperately wanted to look away but I couldn’t tear my eyes free from David’s gaze.
“Elizabeth…”
I leaned in and closed my eyes, putting my mouth close to David’s. I could smell him – the dark, musky scent of his body and whatever cologne he wore, and the smoky blend of wine.
“I have to break up with Steven.”
David’s hands on my shoulders were firm, but gentle as he pushed me away.
“I can’t do this, Elizabeth,” David said, climbing off the bed and getting to his feet.
My heart sank as I watched him sling his pack over his shoulder.
“No, please, don’t go,” I said quickly.
David shook his head. “If you’re still with that guy, I’m not staying,” he said. “I’m not going to sneak around like this, Elizabeth.” He gave me a long, hard look. “I really like you, but I’m not gonna sit around and wait for you to make up your mind about me.”
I closed my eyes and sighed as David left, closing the door quietly behind him. Part of me wanted to run after him, but I knew he was right. Before, back when we were kids, things had been different.
So why did I still want him so much?
I barely slept that night. I kept dreaming of men – David, Steven, some horrible combination of the two of them. When I woke up, Steven’s angry face was clinging to my mind as fiercely as if the image had been burnt to my brain.
I knew I should be nervous. But in that moment, reaching for my phone and settling back against the pillows, I felt nothing but cool, collected serenity washing over me.
Steven answered on the first ring.
“Elizabeth, what the hell is going on,” Steven demanded loudly. Wincing, I pulled the phone away from my face as his voice grew louder and louder. “I was so fucking worried about you! Do you know it’s been almost twenty-four hours since I heard from you? I was about to call the goddamned police,” he snapped. “Why would you do that to me?”
I sighed. “Steven, this isn’t working.”
“No shit,” Steven said angrily. “This nothing like what we agreed on, Elizabeth! How the fuck am I supposed to support my girlfriend if she won’t even talk to me?”
A twinge of anxiety sparked in my chest and I took a deep breath. “No, not this trip,” I said slowly. “Us. We’re not working, Steven. I can’t do this – I can’t be here and give you what you want.”
“I knew this would happen,” Steven growled
. “I knew you just wanted an excuse to be away from me.”
I bit my lip.
“Elizabeth, tell me,” Steven demanded loudly. “Be honest.”
“You know what?” I said, not even thinking of the words as they tumbled from my mouth. “I did come here to get away from you. I’ve been trying to get away from you for years,” I added, shaking my head.
“Elizabeth, I—“
“Don’t,” I said. “We need to take a break, Steven. I need to be here on my own and figure some things out.”
“That’s bullshit,” Steven snapped. “You just want to have it both ways!”
“No,” I said. “I don’t. I want to break up, Steven.”
“You’re being crazy,” Steven said. The derisive edge in his voice made me roll my eyes. “You’re throwing away a really good relationship just because you’re selfish!”
“Me, selfish?” I said incredulously, shaking my head. “That’s the farthest thing from the truth! All I want to do is maintain my own life, Steven. And you’re not happy with that – you won’t be happy unless we’re completely merged!”
“Because that’s how relationships are supposed to be,” Steven growled angrily. “We’re supposed to want each other all the time, Elizabeth. And that’s how I feel about you – that’s how much I want you!”
“Steven, I can’t do this,” I said. “I need some time.”
“Do I need to fly over there and bring you home? Christ, Elizabeth! I don’t know what’s going on but you’re completely losing your mind.”
Tears of anger and defiance pricked my eyes and I blinked them back. “No, Steven,” I said coldly. “You can do whatever you want, but I’m not coming home until the end of the semester.”
“Elizabeth, I love you. Come on, please don’t do this. I can’t live without you, I feel like I’m losing my mind!”
For a moment, I felt guilt burning me. But then I took a deep breath and shook my head.
“We’re breaking up until I get back from England,” I said. “And then we can decide what we want to do, but you’re not going to bully me into staying with you.”
The Uprising (Moonlight Wolves Book 3) Page 54