Kathryn broke the silence. “Well, now that we’re done threatening to kill Billie’s Mate, who wants to cook the pheasant? Richard?”
“My pleasure.” He kissed her softly and retreated to the kitchen, still lost in painful memories. I thought he was relieved to be away from me.
Billie stood, swayed in dizziness, and took my hand. “How about a little alone time while Richard cooks?”
Standing, she led me to my bedroom. With the door shut, she sat me down on the bed and took me in her arms. The dam crumbled, and I broke into sobs.
I’m a monster.
No. You’re no monster.
When I killed those boys. When I harnessed that power. It felt fantastic. I enjoyed it. After the power was gone I realized what I did. Only after.
It’s okay. You were protecting yourself and your Mate.
Richard was right. It’s in me. If I got lost in the power, I could enslave you and not care.
Shhh. Baby. That won’t happen. We’ll figure it out. I always thought if you found out what I was you would be afraid of me. You weren’t afraid.
I could never be afraid of you.
And I’m not afraid of you. We’re in this together. Mates.
Lying back on the bed, she held me until my sobbing subsided. As I calmed, I sensed the difference in her fears. She wasn’t afraid of me. She was afraid for me. She was listening to the conversation in the other room, and it didn’t help.
They’re discussing me, aren’t they?
Yes. They’re concerned.
What are they saying?
You don’t want to hear the details. Understand they are responsible for the lives of everyone in the Pack. I’m responsible for them too, so they’re not sparing me. They know I can hear them. They have to consider every possibility, but they know I could never harm you. If the shit hit the fan, they wouldn’t even tell me. But Jason won’t break his word. He won’t kill you unless you threaten the Pack. I believe in you. You are too good-hearted to ever be like other Mages.
I wanted to believe her, but I kept thinking about the dead teenage boys, their bodies littering the ground in front of me. Billie held me closer.
Chapter 12
Richard and Kathryn stayed through dinner but left soon after. By the time he left, Richard no longer looked at me as if I’d killed his Mate, but it wasn’t the same as before. My very existence haunted him, and he worried about the safety of his Pack with me around. He wouldn’t look at me, and he barely acknowledged my presence.
Jason’s concerns were less overt but no less present. He left soon after Richard and Kathryn, leaving Billie in my care. Or me in Billie’s care. Probably both. He was honestly happy that Billie had found a mate, despite his displeasure at my Mage status. He did, however, love referencing his sense of smell frequently.
A Wolf came to fix the door, smiling and nodding his greeting. A taciturn man, he asked a few questions but mostly focused on the job. He wasn’t afraid, so I assumed he didn’t know about me yet. Checking out every door and window, he announced his intention to purchase supplies and return to finish the job.
Before he left, Amy arrived. Physically, she was no head turner. Plain, dirty blond hair, and dressed very casually. She radiated the same vitality that all the other Wolves did, and I realized I’d always know Wolf from Human now. “Hi, I’m Amy.”
“I’m Sadie.” I smiled.
“Looks like it smarts.” She gently pressed around my eye and cheek. I flinched involuntarily but let her prod my face, arms, chest and legs.
“Yeah it does.”
“If anything was broken, it would hurt a lot worse. How do you feel?” I blinked, not knowing how to answer that question. She smiled invitingly. “Any dizziness? Nausea? Headaches?”
“Headache. The nausea and dizziness went away.”
She nodded. “Did you black out at all when you were being hit or after?”
“I started to. Everything sort of faded to grey, but I didn’t black out.”
She nodded and continued her questions. Once satisfied, she sat on the couch beside me. “The headaches, nausea, and everything else could be a concussion or it could be an emotional response. Probably a combination of both. You were hit hard enough for a concussion, but you’re not showing any major warning signs. Going to an ER probably isn’t necessary but it wouldn’t be a bad idea – they can scan your head. But it could lead to questions none of us want asked.”
“I don’t want to add to the problems.”
She nodded solemnly. “I appreciate that. I won’t tell you what to do. I’ll tell you what I can and let you decide. I think you’ve got a concussion and you’ll be just fine. My nose and ears tell me more than a Human’s, but without X-ray vision, there’s the possibility I’m wrong. If it’s worse than I think it is, the ER is the place to be. If it were any other situation, I’d recommend going to the ER just to be sure. At the ER, they will know you were beat up and they’ll call the police. The police will ask questions that you can’t answer truthfully without exposing us. They can tell how old a bruise is just by looking at it. If they know where you live, they could easily connect you with the deaths. They’d probably think you are a victim that doesn’t want to come forward.”
She paused and let me catch up. “If you decide to go to the ER, I can help you with your story. If you don’t go to the ER, I’ll come back and check on you regularly but someone should stay with you for a day or two. I doubt you’ll have to twist Billie’s arm.” She smiled warmly at her friend.
“I don’t feel that bad, and I don’t want to talk to the police again. I’ll stay here.”
“I thought you’d say that. I’ll check on you often. Call me if the dizziness or nausea comes back, if the headaches get worse, or if you don’t feel right for any reason.” She turned to Billie. “If she shows any cognitive problems, her heart rate changes, or if her scent gets acrid call me.”
“You’re the best.” Billie smiled at the woman.
“Better believe it!” Amy switched out of medic mode. “I’ve been itching to meet you, Sadie. I’ve been super busy and haven’t seen much of Billie lately, but everyone’s been talking about you.”
“How long have you known Billie?” Amy made me think of an overgrown teenager with her enthusiasm. A teenager from the 1930’s.
“Ever since she came to the Pack. Seven years, I think. She was such a feisty thing. I didn’t know whether to adopt her or shove her into a wall.”
Billie replied with mock sternness. “You did shove me into a wall once.”
“Well, yes. But only because you were being a bitch and weren’t paying attention. First and last time I got the upper hand.” She grinned. Amy explained to me. “I’m pretty mellow for a Wolf. Low in the Pack hierarchy but it works for me. That’s why I became a medic. I can patch people up instead of joining in the sparring and fighting. Billie, on the other hand, is as dominant as they get. Beta at five years old.” She sounded very proud of her friend.
“There’s so much about Billie that I don’t know yet.” I mused. “Beta means you’re second in command, right? How long have you been a Wolf?”
“Seven years, going on eight. I was Turned in Ohio and moved here almost immediately. Yes, Beta means I’m second to the Alpha.”
“Your scar.”
“Yes.” Anger welled up in her, so she explained. “I love being a Wolf, but I wasn’t given the choice.”
Amy’s voice turned cold. “Most of us chose this, and we had a Pack to guide us. I fell in love with a Wolf and chose to become one. That bastard didn’t give her a choice and he just abandoned her without telling her what she was turning in to. Fortunately, Kathryn was in the area and heard what happened. She found Billie and brought her home to us. Speaking of which, did Jason bring the new guy home?”
“Yes. He’s staying with John tonight. You can go see him if you want.”
“I will.” Amy brightened.
“I keep wondering how many people I know are
Wolves. Am I going to go into work and realize one of my crew is one?”
Billie bit her lower lip and gave me an apologetic grin. “Not exactly. He’s married to a Wolf.”
“Some Mage I am.” I grumbled. Amy threw me a sharp glance, alarmed. I sighed at her. “I don’t think I can explain it all again tonight. Another day?”
“You’re a Mage?” Her voice quaked a bit and then she collected herself. “If Jason and Billie are okay with having a Mage around, who am I to argue?” Something occurred to her. “Why don’t you feel like a Mage? I’ve met several, and they stand out. I never would have guessed.”
“That seems to be the question of the day.” I shrugged. “I don’t know. You guys know more about Mages than I do.”
“Weird.” She jumped to her feet and bent to give me a hug. “Well. Welcome to the Pack. We should go for a beer sometime.” She patted Billie on the face adoringly. “I like her. Don’t keep her all to yourself.”
“I won’t. See you soon.” Amy grabbed her satchel and disappeared out the door with a wave.
I sighed and leaned against Billie. “We’re alone. Finally.”
“Finally.” She agreed, stroking my waist.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying each other’s presence. “Let’s go shopping for perfume.” I blurted.
“What? Perfume?” I’d caught Billie unaware, which was a little satisfying since nothing caught her off guard.
“Yes. Perfume. What’s the most obnoxious perfume you could handle me wearing?” She looked at me as if I was crazy. “Just for when Jason visits.” I assured her. “I’ll take a shower as soon as he leaves.”
She laughed. “You’re going to deliberately annoy an Alpha Wolf?”
“Well, yes.” I said. “He’s having way too much fun with the smelling thing. It’s creepy. I promise to annoy him politely.”
“It’s your funeral.” She joked before realizing how not funny her statement was.
“It’s not about being rude or pissing him off. I just want to poke him in the ribs a bit since he’s been doing that to me for hours.”
She shook her head. “Keep it friendly?”
“Promise.”
“Patchouli. He can’t stand the stuff, and I don’t mind it even when it’s a bit strong.”
“I’ll get some.” I nodded, satisfied, at the thought. Looking around my home, I groaned at the mess. “Why did I agree to do the cleanup?”
“I think ‘agree’ is a strong word. ‘Dumped on’ would be more accurate. I’ll give you a hand.”
“I got it. Jason told you to rest, and I agree. Your wound is barely knitted together.” I kissed her on the nose. “You can do your part by not bleeding.”
“Speaking of blood.” I followed her gaze. “What are we going to do about your couch?” My comfortable but worn couch was covered in blood and milk. Billie looked like she’d been caught doing something naughty. “I’ll buy you a new one.”
“You aren’t seriously feeling guilty about ruining my couch are you? You were stabbed in the shoulder while rescuing me. We can call it even and cover it with a blanket for now.”
“You’re right. I’m just tired of throwing away perfectly good stuff because of blood.”
Grabbing the blanket from my temporary bed on the floor, I motioned her to the side and threw it over the couch. “Problem solved, for now anyway.” She sat heavily on the transformed couch and my own exhaustion hit when I saw hers. “The cleaning can wait.” I sat beside her and curled up on her lap. “I haven’t had you to myself since this all started. Cuddling in my bedroom with your Pack in smelling and hearing range doesn’t count.”
“I’m used to it, so it doesn’t bother me anymore. At first I found it disturbing too. Especially smelling the guys every time a pretty woman walked by.”
“Eww.” I crinkled my nose. “No guy talk. Please. I’ve had about as much testosterone as I can handle.”
“You could call in sick all week and stay here with me. I think we could both use a little time off.”
“I like that idea. I should let my bruises heal before I go to work anyway. Richard won’t mind?”
She laughed. “At work Richard is my boss, but I’m Beta. This one is my decision.”
“You have a weird life.”
“Oh really?” She grabbed my ass and planted a kiss on my neck. “It felt perfectly normal until recently.” I tensed a little, and of course she noticed. “Sadie, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Me too.” With all of the pain and hurt and fear that had been thrown at me, I needed her touch. I needed softness and love. She felt the same.
I leaned up and kissed her softly, and she placed her good arm around my back to hold me. No longer masking her strength, she held my weight easily. Quit worrying about my shoulder and just kiss me.
I did. With her holding me, my hands were free. Running my hands inside her wrap, I could reach her breasts. She kissed my throat, my ears, and my neck, lingering then moving delicately. She stretched her healing arm out and rested her hand casually on my hip. Her mouth moved to my earlobe as she whispered affectionately in my mind.
After a time, we just held each other, her chin resting on my head. Her wrap had slipped, and I noticed the line that remained of the bite I’d given her. “Why hasn’t that bite healed?”
“Because you made it.” The satisfaction in her voice lifted my spirits.
“It obviously means something about us. Feel like explaining?”
I didn’t have to see her smile to know it was there. “When a Wolf finds her Mate, her body chemistry changes. My body responds to you in a way it doesn’t respond to anyone else. You bit me just right and my mind, body, and soul was ready to accept you as my Mate. Instead of healing like I normally would, my body enhanced it. Embraced it. For Wolves, it’s a way of knowing without a doubt that the person you’re with is your Mate.”
“You mate for life?”
“Essentially. A long absence can open us up for new relationships and a new Mate. Not many people choose that, though. Mating doesn’t have to be for life, but it usually is.
“I can’t imagine living my life without you. I wonder if Mages have anything like the bite.”
“I don’t know. We really don’t know much about them.”
“Maybe we’re polygamists.” I teased.
“I’m not worried. You may never wear my bite the way I wear yours, but I can feel what you feel for me. Our bond is more mental than the bond between two Wolves, and that gives me an advantage. We know how much we love each other.”
Chapter 13
The next afternoon, Billie and I headed up Highway 21, driving with the windows down and the wind in our faces. Billie’s hair blew wild around her face and shoulders, and she looked more beautiful than ever. I understood her vitality now. She was more alive than anyone else I’d ever known, and it made sense.
She allowed her wolf side to come more to the surface after I discovered what she was. I could sense her animal nature strongly, and it amazed me. She perceived the world on more levels than a human, her senses more acute and her awareness more profound.
I closed my eyes and watched the world from her viewpoint. The wind carried scents of plants and animals on it, and she could identify each smell even over the caustic stench of the pavement. Sight and sound were sharper, but her sense of smell impressed me the most.
How do you block out the smell of the pavement? I asked.
How do you sense one mind in a crowded bar? She replied, her eyes twinkling.
“I just do.” I grinned, understanding her comparison. I’m glad you’re letting me in more now.
So am I. We don’t have to hide from each other anymore. I wanted to tell you.
“I know. You keep your promises. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.”
Pain poured out of her eyes and emotions. “I understand why you didn’t. I really do. It hurts that you didn’t trust me, though. Not that yo
u didn’t tell me, but that you didn’t trust me.”
“I know.” I replied softly, knowing she’d hear me. “I wanted to. Every person who has figured out what I can do has fled in terror. I didn’t want to lose you. I feel like such a freak most of the time. Sometimes I scare myself.”
“You are different. It makes you special.” I snorted, but she continued. “Back in Ohio, I was working late, and one of the guys in the office left at the same time as me. It wasn’t quite dark, and the parking lot was deserted. He gave me the strangest look: hunger, reluctance, and desire. Then he grabbed me by the hair and bit me. He didn’t do anything else. He just bit me, wiped his mouth on his sleeve, and walked away. Blood was running down my back. I called 911, and the police tried to find him, but he disappeared.” I listened intently as she told me her story.
“I had no idea what the bite meant. I just thought he’d gone off the deep end. The change didn’t happen overnight like in the movies. Over the next few months I gradually got stronger and could hear and smell things I never knew existed. I talked to a couple of friends about it. At first they didn’t believe me. They thought I was exaggerating. Then they started to notice it, and I could smell fear on them. I could smell their fear of me. After a while, they quit calling me back.”
I nodded. “You’ve been there.”
“More than my body changed. I became more protective of people, and more aggressive. I was having such a hard time containing it that I wouldn’t go home to see my family. They could tell something was wrong, and they begged me to visit, but I was too scared of what I’d become. One night I decided to let some of it out. I went to the scummiest bar in town and waited for someone to piss me off. A guy grabbed me and I hit him over and over until his heart rate slowed. It felt so good. I went into work the next day, feeling better and thinking I could control it. I was wrong. When I walked in the door, the office manager was yelling at one of the temps. So I shoved him against a wall, cracking two ribs without even trying.
“Our new client, a proper middle-aged lady, grabbed my wrist before I hit him. She spun me around and ordered me to stop. Instinctively, I obeyed her. She was stronger than I was, and I could tell we were the same. I said, ‘What’s happening to me?’ I begged her for answers, somehow knowing she could give them. Her eyes went from tough to gentle in a second. ‘Oh sweetie. You don’t know?’ It was Kathryn. She took me with her. I never went back to my job, and I didn’t even say goodbye to anyone. I didn’t have any friends left by then. She explained what we are, and my Pack taught me what it is to be Wolf. They taught me to balance my human and wolf natures.”
Psyche Moon Page 17