by Sarah Monzon
Her finger traced the ampersand pin cradled in her hand. The same one her brothers had given her to support her decision to go into ministry even though she was a girl. What would they say if she quit? They’d each hit their own walls in their lives. Michael had struggled to find his place in the world after his purpose had been ripped away from him in a freak accident. And Adam had let guilt turn him aside from what he was made to do. They’d get it, right? Thinking she’d heard God’s voice calling her only to now find out she must have been dreaming.
What about Seth?
She placed the pin on the desk and pushed out of the chair, flopping onto her bed while pulling her pillow to her chest and circling her body around it.
It scared her, how much she liked him. She’d had minor crushes on boys before, but nothing that felt like this. Like she was made of metal and his heart was a magnet, always pulling her closer to him. If they were ever to really and truly collide, she half feared and half hoped no one and no thing would ever be able to separate them. The force would be too strong.
But so far, she’d kept a safe distance. Close enough to feel the tug but still far enough to resist. What would it be like to let go, though? To take one step closer, give up restraint, and be swept toward him in a current. But magnets didn’t stop attracting once a single piece of metal clung to them. Their power continued to pull until it became buried.
But just like metal, she couldn’t turn herself off from his constant draw either. Whenever she was with him, her body engaged before her mind consented. The reaction was scary, but also exciting and thrilling. Like climbing into a roller coaster for the first time. She knew there’d be loops and drops. Her heart would pound, and her stomach would flip. But the ride would be wild and fun, and when it was over, she’d want to get back on and do it all again. That was how it felt to be with Seth. Whenever they were apart, she counted down the time until they could be together again. Her reaction to him was instant and untamed.
But there was more to consider than her feelings alone. She needed to think about Seth. His reputation. It meant a lot to him for people to know that he was a Christian now and that he’d changed. He wanted to live his life as a witness, and no one would believe his conversion sincere if things like him scoring with virgins kept getting printed and shared online.
And Kayla. The more Amber thought about it, the more she was convinced that Kayla had had something to do with the paparazzo being at the park in the first place. Even if she hadn’t, there were still unresolved issues between Seth and his sister. Things the two needed to work out. Together. Alone. Without her in the middle.
So maybe…
She swallowed hard.
Maybe she needed to move aside. Take that one step back that would remove her from his magnetic radius. The publicity would die down and focus on why Seth was really in Germany. And the reason had nothing to do with her and everything to do with his incredibly big heart and a few dozen kids who needed him.
If she were out of the equation, he could spend his time repairing his relationship with his sister instead of calling in requests and setting up the most amazing days of her life.
They’d only been on one date anyway. No big deal, right?
She whimpered and pulled herself into an even tighter ball. If that was the case, then why did it feel like she was about to cut off her own hand?
Stop being over dramatic.
Another person couldn’t become a part of her so quickly. The fusion of bonds took time to solidify, not mere weeks. This thing they had was attraction, plain and simple. In time, they’d both come to see that calling an audible “now” before things progressed any farther was the right thing to do. She could focus on knocking on heaven’s door to get an answer about the direction of her life, and he could get back to the two most important things in his: family and football—er, soccer.
She went into the bathroom and mopped up her face with a tissue, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, skin a mottled mess. She’d never understood when her friends had cried over boys in high school. Only solidified her no-dating policy and made herself study harder. But here she was, twenty-one and heart-sore for a man after a single date. Even so, she’d treasure the memory. It had been one of the best days of her life.
She sniffed and stared into her own eyes. Tried to infuse herself with the strength to do what must be done.
For Seth.
She firmed her jaw, picked up her cell, and stalked out of her room toward the center. Hopefully he’d still be there and she could say the things she needed to say before she lost her resolve.
The field was vacant, however, and it was only then that she noticed the first stars of twilight starting to shine on the horizon, the dome above her receding into darker shades of night by the moment.
Her stomach sank. Had the day really passed without her? Not only had she managed to stain Seth’s reputation but she’d shirked her responsibilities with the kids. She was never remiss in her duties. Ever. Trent especially liked to tease her—that she’d been born with the soul of a middle-aged drill sergeant.
Yet another thing she’d need to apologize for.
She rounded the corner of the building only to pull up to a stop at the sight of Ben rotating a key in the lock.
The corners of his eyes softened when he turned and spotted her. “Amber. Good to see you.”
Guilt punched in additional words. Ones that went something like even though the day is over and you’ve been MIA for most of it when you were supposed to be with the kids on the pitch per your contract.
“I am so sorry.” Heat pricked the back of her eyes with keen disappointment in herself. “I got some unexpected news, and then I sort of lost track of time. It won’t happen again. I promise.”
“Hey. Do not beat yourself up. We are only concerned for you.”
“Oh.” She stared down at her shoes. “You’ve seen the headline then?”
“Yes. But do not think too much on this thing. People know that paper is trash. No one who knows you will believe such words.”
“Thank you.”
He scanned the parking lot. “You are looking for Seth, yes?”
She nodded.
“He has already gone home. Come. I will give you a ride.”
She followed him to the van and climbed into the passenger seat.
“Seth Marshall is a good man.” Ben gave her a pointed look as he started the ignition. “He bought this van and donated it to the center when he found we had need. He has given much of his money to help others. That is what they should be printing.” He mumbled something under his breath.
“What was that?” she asked.
“I say, if he would let us.” He put on his blinker light and turned. “Even today I say to him to let our PR department respond. To tell the world who he really is.” A soft chuckle lightened his words. “Such a thing would not be bad for the center either, no?” He glanced briefly at Amber and winked. “But he is stubborn. Says he does not want to…how do you say, take to his advantage the children’s pain. To use them to make himself look better.”
“Take advantage of. Exploit.” Amber smiled weakly. “I can see his point.”
“I as well. But I cannot help but wonder, if more people heard personal stories, would it change the way they see these people, remove their fears? I would tell them myself, but who wants to listen to an executive in a stuffy suit? Nein. A good-looking football star would be a much better mouthpiece. Do you not think so?”
Heat climbed its way into her cheeks, and she silently cursed her fair skin for exposing her feelings so accurately.
Ben laughed. “No need to agree. It is written on your face.” He put the van in park and turned to study her. “Whatever you say…be gentle. I think, even though he has been with women before, when it comes to how he feels about you, he is in as much new area as you are.”
She didn’t know how to respond, so she quietly thanked him for the rid
e and let herself out of the van. She stood on the sidewalk and stared up at the quaint townhouse in front of her. Historical charm with stucco and half-timbering of the façade. Traditional. No fuss. Not at all what she pictured a multi-millionaire would choose to live in, but the more she stared at the house, the more she could picture Seth picking this home. It was the exact thing she would have chosen for herself as well.
But thoughts like those were not helpful, so she pushed them from her mind while she raised her fist to knock on the front door.
She didn’t even have time to take in a calming breath before the door was ripped open and Seth stood there in a wash of backlight. His body seemed to sag, like each tense muscle gave way to relief at the mere sight of her. And then he stepped forward and crushed her to him.
“Ah, luv, it’s good to see you.”
Her heart tripped over itself. She tried to right it, but it kept tumbling over and over. He doesn’t mean love. But that organ responsible for oxygenating her blood refused to listen to reason. Instead it pumped harder, causing her to go lightheaded.
She took in a deep breath. Bad idea. All her senses overloaded. If the systems of her body had alarms, they’d all be sounding at def-con decibels.
He smelled so good. Like spice and citrus and…home. How could a person smell like home? Like belonging?
“I was worried about you.” His words breathed warm over her hair, causing a shiver to race down her spine. She’d heard it said that Southerners have a soothing drawl like warm honey on toast. Those people had never had a British man speak over them. Seth’s rich tone was like a caress on her skin, making her muscles quiver and her bones turn to jelly.
Her limbs had a mind of their own, which was partly good, because her mind seemed to have stopped working, but partly bad, because her hands, the ones locked between their pressed bodies, slid down his abs, across his waist, and locked behind his back.
She closed her eyes, her cheek on his chest.
She never wanted to move from that spot.
But time didn’t stand still. The hands of a clock moved on, and so should she.
With every ounce of her self-control, she pushed away from him. An inch separated them, but it wasn’t enough. If she didn’t put more space between them, she’d be sucked right back to him. She moved to take a step back, but he reached out and stilled her with a palm to her cheek. Raising her face to his, he peered into her eyes. Everything she felt was reflected in his gaze. Longing. Yearning. Thirst. Hunger. As if nothing in the world mattered so much to him as the person standing in front of him.
Her.
But then he blinked and all that was replaced with a look that squeezed her torso. Understanding. Compassion. Patience. Determination.
He blinked again and his face went blank. Neither closed nor open. Her middle unfurled, and she understood he’d wiped away all expression for her benefit. He would make this as easy for her as he could.
Her throat closed as he moved aside and ushered her into his home. A wooden cuckoo clock mounted on the wall chimed. A small bird on a perch emerged behind closed doors of the cottage, chirping out the time. Seven o’clock. The oak-leaf pendulum continued to tick-tock, and the pinecone weights lowered with a shake of the chains they were attached to.
Seth noticed her study and commented, “I got that last time I was at the Black Forest. A group of staff and kids are heading up there for a hike next week. You should go.”
He was trying to be normal, to have a regular conversation. The effort was sweet. It was also not working. The knot in her stomach refused to unravel. Maybe if she just said what she’d come to say, she’d finally be able to take a deep breath.
“Seth…”
His lips pressed together. “Yeah. I know.”
Don’t cry. It wouldn’t be fair to him. She closed her eyes for a long second, trying to get control over her emotions. When she opened her eyes, her vision swam. “I am so sorry.” Her voice choked.
“Hey, don’t say that.” He stepped toward her, and this time gently cradled her in his arms. He made soft, comforting noises at the back of his throat. The same ones he’d used with Sonia. “None of this is your fault. And I know you’re trying to say it’s the end, but luv, I don’t give up that easily.”
Amber pulled away, but Seth wouldn’t let her go far. With a thumb under her eye, he collected her tears. Drew her back to himself. “I respect you. And your decisions. But I’m also not going anywhere. I’m a patient man. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “You’re worth waiting for, Amber Carrington.” He paused a moment and seemed to be wrestling with himself. His lashes brushed hers as he closed his eyes and whispered, “And I’m in love with you.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
A strangled sound clanged like a cymbal in a quiet auditorium, reverberating and echoing all around him. Seth raised his head, his gaze still glued to Amber, though he knew he’d have to rip his attention away from her in a second to deal with the tension building behind him like a gathering thunderstorm.
Amber’s eyes widened, and he wanted to simultaneously pause time and make it fast-forward all at once. Did she feel even an ounce of the all-consuming emotions he did? Confessing the depth of his heart to her so early and after such a rocky blow had been risky. But she needed to know he wasn’t playing around. In fact, he’d never been this serious in his entire life. She was the one for him, and he was willing to wait for however long it took for her to come to the same realization.
“Her?” Kayla’s accusation hit him like a dagger in the back. “You’re choosing her over me?”
Seth closed his eyes with a groan as the window of opportunity slammed shut in Hs face. Shattering glass wouldn’t have broken the mood between him and Amber as effectively as Kayla’s accusation had.
Was he choosing Amber? That would be a definite yes! But he wasn’t choosing her over his sister. She was off her trolley if she thought it had to be one or the other.
He heard more than saw Kayla turn and stalk out of the room. A second later a door slammed.
Amber’s eyes remained locked with his, but then she blinked, distancing herself without taking a step. Her gaze roved over his face as if trying to catalog and memorize his every feature. His breath hitched, and he wanted to reach out and stop her before she retreated further. Hold her in place until she recognized they belonged together.
Why did Kayla have to choose that moment to have an outburst? Would Amber have responded differently if the spell of the moment between them hadn’t been broken?
Her tongue darted across her lips, and he steeled himself for what she would say next.
“I think she’s the one who tipped off the paparazzo.” Amber voiced the allegation softly, but that didn’t cushion the blow. He’d been headbutted in the solar plexus a time or two when fighting for possession of the ball, and that hadn’t hurt nearly as much.
“Kayla?” They had their problems, sure, but she wouldn’t do something like that to him.
This time Amber did take a visible step back. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and glanced down at the floor before meeting his eyes. “I think…” She swallowed. “I think you should focus on your sister right now. I’ll see you at the center, but…maybe that’s the only place we should see each other.” She blinked. Swayed back and then forward.
Before he knew it, her hands were on his shoulders and she’d pushed up and placed a feather-light kiss on his cheek.
“Goodbye, Seth.”
The finality of her tone ripped out his heart, and he watched her walk away with a hollowness in his chest.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Time. He’d promised her that. As much as she needed. And he’d stand by his word.
Now he just needed to figure out how to function when the organ that sustained his life was being carried around by a little sassy Southern sweetheart.
Until then, there was another troublemaker with whom he needed to hav
e words. He stalked toward the back of the house and yanked open the door. Nineteen wasn’t too old to take over the knee, was it? A temper tantrum like Kayla had thrown deserved no less.
Slow to anger. The unbidden reminder caused him to stumble, his feet shuffling to right himself. Muscles along his shoulders had corded into hard knots, and he stretched his neck to release some of the tension.
Storming onto the scene, guns blazing, would have his sister reaching for her own weapon—heaven knew she had plenty in her arsenal—and leave them both with more wounds than they’d started with.
He glanced up into the night sky, the lights from the city overpowering the natural ones that dotted the vaulted ceiling of space above him. But just because he couldn’t see the stars, didn’t mean they weren’t there. Like Someone else.
Give me discernment, Father God, because you know I’m liable to make a royal mess of this whole thing.
Not eloquent, but God could fill in the blanks.
Pebbles crunched under his feet as he followed the path in the garden. Soft light from streetlamps cast a faint yellow glow, shadows from bushes and plants making shaded patterns. In the center, sitting on a cement garden bench and staring at a blossom in her lap, was his sister.
He stopped and studied her. If she was aware that he had invaded her solitude, she didn’t show it. Her shoulders drooped, every hard angle that he’d become accustomed to in the last few years rounded in on itself. The aggressive, aloof rebel had taken off her mask, leaving behind the sister he’d so desperately missed.
She reached to the side and plucked another bloom from a bush, the shadows shifting across her face with her movement. She looked young. Vulnerable. And so utterly and completely alone.
“Go away.” Her tone dripped with disdain.
So she did know he’d been standing there. “I can’t do that.” He finished walking the path and sat down beside her.