by CJ Adler
I'm going to take that as a yes. He was definitely worried about me.
“Jay, you're hurting me,” I reply softly, growing uncomfortable.
My voice seems to break the spell he's under as he comes out of it, releasing me and stepping back. “I need you to be here, safe, with me,” Jay whispers, taking an entirely different tone, his anger having diminished alarmingly quicker than expected at the realization that he was hurting me. “I worry if you're not here,” he says, motioning to the scars on my arms.
A ghost of a smile lights up my face at his concern . “I'm fine,” I reassure him.
“Then why can't you tell me who you were with?” He presses , not letting it go.
“I went to see Mason,” I reply truthfully, point blank, unable to lie to him, nor do I want to.
He falls dead silent at my words. It might've been a mistake to tell him. He narrows his blue eyes at me as a scowl forms on his face. I can see in his eyes the control he's trying to keep, except, he fails and ends up smashing his fist against the wall, cursing beneath his breath.
I roll my eyes. Typical of him.
“Jay—” I start, hoping to apologize for earlier.
He says nothing more and leaves the house, slamming the door shut after him, forgetting that it's house that he's dramatically exiting.
Chapter 24
A Walk on the Wild Side
Find Jay: that's the only thing on my mind right now.
Funny enough, I don't have to search high and low and to the very ends of the earth to find him. Of course, he'd resort back to his comfort zone, back to his cliff. There is nowhere else for him to go.
Eventually, I reach Neptune via taxi, only to find him sitting on the cliff's edge. The dark waters crash beneath him as the starlight casts his shadow into
viewing.
He must hear the leaves being crunched beneath my steps because he starts talking. “Why did you follow me?” he asks quietly.
I don't answer and sit down beside him instead.
“My foster father used to bring me here whenever I had questions.” Jay opens up, lost to his thoughts. “He'd make me sit out here for hours with him. He'd make me voice my anger towards my biological parents over the cliff, my words echoing for miles out, but only for me to hear. I used to think he was crazy, but afterward I felt less angry at the world.”
I stay silent, no longer fearing the height of the cliff seeing as I had jumped from it and lived to tell the tale.
“But then one day he gave me up. I was taken back to the orphanage. I hated every second of it. All I wanted was a family. Eventually, I gave up on that vision. Life had screwed me over one too many times to allow me to trust the world again,” he tells me, emotionless. “I was never given a solid reason; one day my foster dad was there and the next...well, he wasn't gone, but I was.”
“Jay…” I drawl slowly, his story breaking my heart.
“I admit, I have a short temper, but it's because I'm pessimistic. I only see the bad in everyone before even looking for any good,” he says, keeping his eyes straight ahead of him, focusing his attention on the black horizon. “But you…you're the complete opposite. I envy that in you,” he confesses.
I can't help but feel dead inside with the way he's going. He's acting as if life is empty, bleak and meaningless.
“I've always been told to figure out where my anger comes from in order to resolve it—little do they know that I've already figured it out.” He curls his hands into fists. “First, my real family gives up on me, and then my foster family gives up on me. I'm used to people giving up on me. I must be really messed up for two families to give me up.”
I shake my head. “That's not true, Jay.”
“Then you come along, Aqueela,” he continues, clearly not wanting my sympathy, “and you push me beyond my own limits. You don't quit on me. No one's ever done that for me before.”
I smile up at him, appreciating his honesty.
“In the beginning, you kind of snuck up on me, being your ever so annoying, persistent self, but the point is, you stayed. You stayed with me even when I did everything in my power to push you away. You're relentless in your crusades, you know that?” he asks, chuckling humorlessly to himself.
“Jay, your parents, both lots of them, are bound to have regrets. I'd hate to miss out on you. People as good as you only come around once in a lifetime,” I reply softly, glancing down at the waves below us, the evening wind picking up a notch.
“I'm far from good, Aqueela. Like I said, you choose to only see the good in people. I don't know whether that makes you naive or if it gives you an edge,” he retorts, stubborn as always.
I'm about to cave and make the first apology, but he beats me to it. “I'm sorry for tonight. I never meant to upset you.”
I nod, a wide grin slowly forming on my face. “I know.”
I never meant anything I said to him either.
“When you went to Mason, I saw it as you finally giving up on me and that thought was terrifying. You annoy me almost every second of the day, but you can't just leave me now. You've grown on me,” he confidently admits, turning to face me.
“I will never give up on you, Jay.” I make an oath to him, giving him my word. “On my part, I was just jealous of your relationship with FeeBee.”
Jay glances over at me with amusement lingering on his expression.
I explain myself before he can say anything, “If you want to be with FeeBee, then you should be with FeeBee. If—”
“Aqueela,” he interjects in protest.
I cut him off, still rambling, “If you feel that FeeBee's the one for you, then you have my blessing. If you—”
“Aqueela,” he tries again.
I shush him, needing him to listen. “If you're in love with FeeBee, then—”
“But, Aqueela—”
“…be with FeeBee. If you want to marry her, then marry her. If you want to have—”
“Aqueela, she's—”
“…babies with her then you should have babies with her and if you—”
“Aqueela, she's not into me! She's also bi!” Jay finally explodes, exasperated.
“Besides,” he continues, “I'd never want to do any of those things with her even if she were into me.”
“She's what now?” I ask, shocked.
A laugh resonates from his chest. “She bats for the other team. She swings that way. She prefers sisters to misters. She prefers—”
“Okay, okay, okay!” I huff. “I get it.” I sigh before running a free hand through my hair. “I'm such an idiot.”
He merely grins, finding the entire misunderstanding hilarious. He throws an arm around my shoulders playfully. “I wouldn't say you're an idiot,” he teases. “Very stupid, but not an idiot.”
“What?” I ask when seeing his face. “What is it?”
He shakes his head, laughing a little. “The irony of it all,” he elaborates, “You were afraid she had a crush on me. Well, turns out, she has a bit of a crush on you.”
My eyes widen at his words as the puzzle pieces come together.
He chuckles at seeing my expression, seemingly in a better mood already. “Now, now, Aqueela, close your mouth.” He reaches over and does just that. “Even my only female friend thinks you're hot.”
I frown at him, not seeing the humor in it. “You're not funny,” I tell him bluntly. “Sure I am.” He elbows me, mocking me.
I roll my eyes at him. “Just tell me how you know FeeBee.”
“She was in the orphanage with me before I broke out. I saw her as my only lifeline back then. I haven't seen her since so I was just trying to catch up. That's all,” he replies, answering me.
“I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions,” I mutter, feeling embarrassed about the situation. “On the upside to everything, I'm here to listen to you shout across the horizon.” I nudge him encouragingly. I want him to know that I'm here listening, just as his foster father was, the difference being that I don't
plan on leaving.
He declines, “I'm okay but thanks for the tempting offer.”
“Jaaaay,” I chime with a hum. “You know you wanna.”
Jay raises both eyebrows, questioning my motives. “I'd ask if you're serious, but I already know that you are. I knew I'd come to regret telling you anything about me at all,” he jokes.
I somewhat take offense to that. I've worked very hard in forcing him to tell me anything about himself! I frown at him before turning my entire body away from him, offended.
“Aww, come on.” He nudges me, in turn. “You're not seriously mad at me right now, are you?”
I don't answer, slightly annoyed.
He senses this and next thing I know, he's grumbling on about 'the things he does for me' before he's shouting, his voice echoing around for all to hear, “I hate you world! I also hate when Aqueela is mad at me! That's even worse! And I'm not gonna stop shouting until she stops being mad and—”
Unable to stop myself, I end up giggling at his silly side. It's nice to see this side to him every once in a while.
He stops and flashes me a carefree smile. “Better?” he asks and I nod. He urges me on in a sing-song voice. “C'mon, Aqueela. Shout! You know you wanna join.”
I push him away, shedding a smile at his playful banter.
He grins, impressed with himself and his efforts. “There's the smile.”
No longer holding back, I join, the two of us shouting nonsense together. We listen to our voices bounce across the water, echoing for miles out. It's almost exhilarating as jumping off a cliff—I'd know.
I feel alive when I'm not around my stepmother. Just the thought of her is enough to disrupt our little moment. “I hate the way she treats me!” I end up shouting on impulse, things taking a more serious turn. I feel myself fall apart a little at the sentence.
It's when Jay remains silent that I realize what I've just revealed to him. “It's okay, Aqueela,” he says before I can defuse the issue. “I know.” He gazes at me. “I've known for a while now.”
“How?” I ask, stunned.
“That first day when you bumped into me in the ice cream store, your sleeve brushed up. When I looked down to see if my jacket was ruined, my eye caught the scars on your arm. I left it because I didn't know you at the time. But then the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I needed to help you, especially 'cause I've been where you are. I followed you home that day with the intent to help, but stopped when I heard crashing and banging from inside. Your 'mother' walked out with a cigarette in her mouth a few minutes later. I put two and two together. The next day I was supposed to meet with you for my jacket, but I couldn't bring myself to confront you about it. I backed down instead. I didn't want to make things harder for you by getting involved.”
“Why didn't you say something?” I ask, hesitant.
“Because you'd get angry. And you're going to be even angrier by the time
I finish this story.”
***
“I can't believe you'd go behind my back and do this, Jay!” I shout, furious, the previous night between us long forgotten. He says nothing and merely stares at me with those captivating blue eyes of his. “You're not going to even try defend your actions or say that you're sorry?!”
Jay watches my reactions closely, unflinchingly. He boldly takes a step toward me. “I haven't said 'sorry' because I'm not sorry. I don't regret my actions,” he replies effortlessly, almost too easily. It only makes me more infuriated.
“This is exactly why I never told anyone! To prevent this! They're going to arrest her, Jay!” I snap, trying to get it through to him.
“I hope they do,” he says calmly as if not concerned about it in the least.
I pace up and down his house, stressed out of my mind. “This was never supposed to happen,” I mumble to myself, ignoring his stares of concern. I've been trying to prevent this situation from erupting but Jay just had to stir the fire. Tears flood my eyes as I run a shaky hand through my loose curls. “This was never the plan.”
Jay places both of his hands on each side of my face, forcing me to look up at him. “Aqueela,” he whispers, looking me straight in the eye, “she's hurting you. I want—” he corrects himself, “—no, I need that to stop. I'm not the bad guy here.”
I swallow, unable to see it from his perspective. A single, traitorous tear escapes my eye before running down my cheek. “But did you ever stop to think how this affects me? Where am I suppose to go? What am I suppose to do? Who's going to pay for my education? Why did you have to do this to me, Jay?” I ask, closing my eyes as more tears escape.
“Because, Aqueela, I'm not just going to sit back and watch you get hurt anymore. I won't be that person,” he says gently before pulling me into his arms and providing me with a comfort that I refuse to accept from him.
“When?” I breathe, opening my eyes and pulling away.
“The night you went out with Dylan. I wasn't there spying on you with the others because I was busy laying down a court case against your mother for child abuse,” he replies. “And because I don't spy on people. It's creepy,” he jokes in a futile attempt to lift my spirits.
“How could you do this?” I ask, still unable to fathom it all. “Because, Aqueela…”
I push him away and stumble out of his arms when he fails to finish his sentence. I won't give the court an account of the last couple years. I refuse to testify against the only one who has kept me alive for all this time.
“Aqueela, you will testify,” he says sternly as if reading my mind. “There's no getting out of it. I've already spoken to your uncle and grandparents about it, over the phone.”
My mouth falls agape in shock. “How did you even know they existed, let alone know how to contact them?”
He shrugs. “I know a lot more about you than you think.”
“Clearly,” I mutter, irate at this point.
“Your grandparents are willing to take you in,” he informs me as if in full control of the situation.
I protest, “They live an hour away, Jay. I'll have to change schools and I'll never see you or anyone—”
“They've agreed to let me pick you up for school. Your Gramps will drop you off at home again. Nothing else in your life has to change. I also suggest that you issue a restraining order against your mother. If you don't, your uncle will on your behalf. She won't be allowed near you anymore. I'm doing all of this for you. Trust me,” he pleads, sounding a little desperate now.
Did he seriously expect me to be okay with all of this?
“You don't know what you're talking about!” I snap, agitated.
“Yes, I do!” he shouts back bitterly, surprising me. “You think I haven't
faced the same situation before?! I wanted Greg dead when he did this to me, but looking back, I'm eternally grateful that he got me out. It's time I pay you the same favor. So if you're asking me to back off, it's a hard pass from me.”
“Greg?” I raise an eyebrow, wondering who this Greg character is.
“Boss Man.” He sighs, clarifying it for me. “As much as I hate to admit it, he saved my life and I'm just doing the same for you. You won't see it now, but you will when I get you out.”
“I don't want out, Jay,” I tell him, tired of arguing with him. “She's still my mother.”
Jay shakes his head, fully disagreeing. “She has you so wrapped around her
finger. She's blinded you to the truth. She's not your mother, Aqueela. She's nothing to you. You don't owe her anything. You told me yourself that your mother, your real mother, died in a car accident when you were four.”
“You remember that?” I ask, surprised.
“Of course I do, Aqueela,” he says, lightly tracing his thumb along the scars on my wrist. I pull away from him and head for the front door. “Aqueela, where are you going?” he calls after me.
“Home,” I mumble, hoping he won't follow.
“I'm coming with you,” he replies in determina
tion, handing me empty boxes. “I'll do the heavy loading,” he offers, ready to help me move out.
I stomp my foot and turn around, shaking my head at him before taking the empty boxes out of his hands. “No. No, you're not. I have to face her alone before the cops get there.”
“Aqueela, you can't stop—”
“I'm not trying to stop this. I just want to get all my stuff and say goodbye without you being there,” I reply quietly, needing space.
He nods, understanding. “Fine. Call me if you need me.”
***
To say it's been a crappy day would be an understatement, mostly because I've spent it with Troy, of all people. The moron came to apologize to me out of pity—Bell told him everything. Then the idiot insisted that he go with me to Yolanda. After much debate, I agreed. We decided to take the Gallardo. When Jay spotted Troy in the driver's seat, he went ballistic. Fortunately, we left before he could stop us.
As expected, Yolanda took her anger out on me when finding out about everything, making me realize that Jay's been right all along. Fortunately, Troy was there, so she kept her temper under wraps, but not before her telling me that I'm a ' waste'.
I brushed her words off and took all my stuff before heading over to my grandparent's house. Uncle Jeffrey was there too. I was met with 'why didn't you say anything' and 'I'm sorry' by all of them. Unfortunately for Troy, he was met with harassment by my Grams. She wouldn't take her hands off of him.
Uncle Jeffrey promised me that I'd done the right thing before encouraging me not to live with my grandparents, for the sake of my own sanity. That's when I decided on the inevitable...
“Thanks, Troy.” I grin, taking in everything he's done for me. He's actually been useful – he's been packing all my things neatly into one of the guestrooms out of guilt. As for me, I've been adding a feminine touch to Jay's house just to annoy him when he decides to come home from wherever the hell he is—probably the police station. He must have called Grey or someone for a lift seeing as I stole his car.
Pink and frilly isn't my style nor my scene, but I decided to go with it because I know Jay will flip out. He's going to get a huge surprise when he gets home.