Pause

by CJ Adler

  “What?!” he barks out before pulling at his hair in frustration. “Someone please tell me if she's got a Jay baby growing inside of her or not.” He lets out a frustrated sigh of his own.

  I've told him about a billion times now that the answer is not!

  “I just want to be an uncle,” he complains, his gaze on me. “I just want to be an uncle. I don't think it's asking for a lot. Is that so much to ask for, Aqueela? Make me a damn uncle! That. Is. All. I. Ask.”

  “She's only eighteen, Max. My goodness! Slow down.” Bells hits Max upside the head in a loving manner, a small smile gracing her lips as she looks up at him with admiration in her eyes.

  “Fine,” Max agrees, letting it go.

  “Thanks,” Bell replies, approving of his compliant side.

  “By the way, babe, you look ravishing,” he compliments his girlfriend, loud enough for me to hear.

  “Right back at you.” Bell smiles up at him flirtatiously. She tugs on his tie, bringing him down to meet her lips.

  “Oh, gross! Gah! Can you two not?!” I complain. “Jay!” I go back to banging on his door—this time, with desperation. “You open this door and let me in right this instant!” It comes out as more of a plea than a command. “Please, Jay!” I beg, leaning all my weight on his door.

  He opens the door and I end up stumbling straight into him as a result. He's quick to steady me, his hands landing on my hips. “Thank you.” I breathe, relief flowing through me like a river running wild.

  “Would you all shut up?” he raises his tone, releasing me. “I can't concentrate. I have to focus,” he mutters, glaring at us.

  Bell and Max immediately break apart upon hearing his bitter tone, Max's face indicating his surprise.

  “Can you just leave me alone and let me clear my head for five minutes?” he asks, directing the last part at me, his blue eyes ablaze in a fury that I've never seen in him before.

  “Jay–”

  He pushes past me, uncaring.

  I find my words dying at the back of my throat as I watch him walk away from me.

  ***

  The car ride is dead silent. I can't tell if Jay's still seething in rage or if he's calmed down. He's not making it easy for me. I know for a fact that his nerves are running high right now, but there's something else. I almost laugh at the irony. Is there not always something else when it comes to Jay Taylor?

  I don't even know if he still wants me supporting him. He didn't even bother to tell me that he was leaving. I had to follow him out the house and get in the car to prevent him from leaving me behind. He can be infuriated all he wants, it's not going to stop me from being here for him. He means too much to me for me to fuss over a fight. However, I still have the right to be angry with him.

  Out of nowhere, Jay places his hand on my knee. Confused, I glance his way to see that his eyes are still trained on the road ahead of us. I'm tempted to slap his hand away but, for the life of me, I don't, I can't. I let out a reluctant sigh before placing my hand atop his, covering his hand with my own to let him know that I'm still here.

  I let out an anxious breath, my emotions getting the best of me. I turn my head and face the window, staring out at the cars in an effort to distract me.

  Eventually, we reach the tracks where the championships are being held in secret. I leap for the door handle, ready to get out of this suffocating car, but I'm pulled back by my wrist. I turn back to look at Jay to see what the heck his problem is now, but, before I can say anything, his lips touch mine.

  All the anger that I had conjured up for him immediately dissipates under his touch.

  Surprised, I almost push him back but stop when I feel the intensity behind his kiss. He's trying to relay a message. He doesn't have to say anything for me to understand that he's truly sorry.

  He angles his head, kissing me slowly. His hand moves up to the side of my face, keeping me in place against him. I move my lips against his softly, matching his gentleness. He's treating me like porcelain. I've got a million questions running through my mind as his comforting warmth engulfs me. I'm at a loss for an explanation as to what's going on with me.

  Jay, sensing my hesitation, pulls back first with an odd look to his eyes as he takes in my expression, almost as if trying to work out a puzzle. He knows something is up with me.

  I suck in a deep breath of oxygen as I try to escape his firm gaze, averting my eyes from his. However, my eyes betray me as my gaze flits back up to him.

  His eyes, resembling bottomless pools of blue, are on me. He opens his mouth as if contemplating on saying something. My gaze is fleeting. I shy away from him, suddenly feeling flustered by his presence and the overwhelming emotions rushing through me. He closes his mouth again as if backing out on asking me why I suddenly seem so doubtful of myself...and him.

  Instead, he shifts closer.

  Feeling his stare on me, I force myself to meet his guilt-ridden gaze. “I'm sorry.” He breathes out quietly, raw sincerity in his voice. “What I said earlier was uncalled for. Not even that, just plain out of line.”

  I nod, refusing to make this easy for him.

  “I didn't mean to snap. I know I hurt you, but just know that I never intended to hurt you. The last person I ever want to hurt is you, but my past got the best of me…” he falters in his words as if stumbling over what it is he has to say, “again.”

  Seeing his hesitation, I take the weight for him. “You don't owe me an explanation, Jay.” Sometimes you take the fall for someone else to show that you care.

  He shakes his head. “With the way I treated you, I do,” he disagrees before releasing an anxious breath, backing away from me to talk. “It's not just the race that's bugging me,” he confesses, choosing to open up.

  “I know,” I reveal truthfully. I've learned to read him. He wouldn't have reacted the way he did if it were just about the racing.

  “Of course, you do,” he whispers, clearing his throat. “I saw Mason's father yesterday.”

  Everything immediately makes sense. He had a close bond with his foster dad once upon a time.

  “He walked straight past me, didn't even see me,” he elaborates further. “It's stupid to be angry, he didn't even see me, I know, but I still am. He went about his day after that, back to his real family, as if nothing unusual happened, but I didn't. I went back home feeling ripped apart inside.”

  I can relate to how he's feeling.

  “It's not stupid, Jay,” I assure him. “It's not stupid at all. How you feel is how you feel. He abandoned you, Jay. You're allowed to be angry, you're allowed to feel angry.” I pause. “You're worth so much more than what they saw in you and you deserve so much better.”

  He falls quiet, saying nothing.

  “Get back up on your feet, you've got a race to win,” I encourage, motivating him to focus on what's important to him right now. If he loses because of this, he will sorely regret giving his foster parents so much power over him.

  Instead of replying, he stays silent, keeping his gaze locked on me. His gaze speaks more volumes than his words ever could. His silvery blue eyes resemble jewels embedded in the very depths of the ocean—diamonds sparkling in the blue. A hint of a smile crosses over his lips as if he's finally solved a problem, the problem.

  His gaze flickers back down to my lips again as he leans in past me to open the door for me. “C'mon, let's go,” he says tenderly. “Like you said, I have a race to win.”

  My face brightens up upon hearing his words. I eagerly step out of the car, only to see the racing area filled with people; there are crowds everywhere.

  As soon as Jay steps out, people flock to him. In the world of street racing, he's practically famous. He's a reigning legend when it comes to the very thing he loves most.

  Jay quickly puts his shades on, ignoring their questions as he makes his way over to me. He places his hand on the small of my back and leads me through the crowds, almost as if trying to keep me safe from all the sketchy people.

/>   He guides me all the way to his usual hangout spot. A smile lights up my face when my eyes land on Grey. He's too engrossed in conversation with Emma and Landon to notice us.

  “Grey!” I exclaim in excitement before jerking out of Jay's hold to throw my arms around Grey's neck, forcing him into an embrace. “Long time no see, buddy!” I chime into his neck.

  Grey, startled, visibly stiffens from beneath my hold before turning his death glare onto Jay. “How many times do I have to tell you to keep your girlfriend on a damn leash?!”

  Emma and Jay burst out laughing at his reaction. Hell, even Mr. Anger Management cracks a smile at the sight of Grey squirming awkwardly.

  “Get off of me!” he raises his tone in fury, unimpressed that everyone is laughing at his expense.

  “Never!” I shout in triumph.

  “Get. Off.” Grey grinds out, pushing at my face in the hopes of me letting go but I stay stuck to him like glue. His arms fall limply at his side as he gives up, waiting for me to release him. “You done yet?” he asks through clenched teeth, annoyed.

  “Almost. Not quite.” I sigh in content. “Now, shush, you're ruining the moment.”

  “What moment?” Grey remarks. “We don't have moments, Lawson!” he snaps angrily before taking matters into his own hands. He shoves me off of him with as much force as possible, so much force that I end up staggering back, almost losing my footing. “Ah,” he breathes out in relief, “much better, especially when the life isn't being sucked out of me.”

  “I can feel the love,” Emma jokes, bringing my attention to the skilled redhead racer herself.

  “Em!” I shout in joy before leaping forward, tackling her into a hug too.

  She giggles and hugs me back, aware and strangely accepting of my weird, peculiar self.

  I leave Emma to hug her older brother, Landon, despite not knowing him very well. I clearly catch him off guard because he stumbles back under my weight. “Jeez.” He clears his throat as he steadies us, actually exchanging words for once. He's usually silent. “Lovable,” he says as he awkwardly pats my back with one hand as if to return the hug.

  “I think the word you're looking for is 'weirdo',” Grey corrects him, purposely insulting me.

  I release Landon and take a step back to take them all in. It's been a while since I've seen the racing crew. They grow on you. It's like Jay's own little racing family.

  “I've missed you guys,” I admit with a warm smile adorning my lips. “You saw me last week,” Grey retorts with a roll of his eyes.

  “I wasn't talking to you. I've seen enough of you,” I reply before chuckling at his peeved expression. He's not very happy with me right now.

  “Your prolonged hug said otherwise,” he points out in a matter-of-fact way.

  “So, what if I missed you too? Sue me!” I hiss at him, only for a small, barely noticeable smile to make its way over his dark expression at hearing me admit to it.

  “You're so cute, Aqueela.” Emma laughs. “I can see why JT likes you so much.”

  I scoff at her words. “Pshaw. I'm not cute. I'm a rebellious badass who is frightening as lightning.”

  Grey snorts at this, disagreeing.

  I ignore Grey and bite my lip in uncertainty as I glance around. Emma sees.

  “Xavier's not here yet,” she says, assuming that I'm searching for his face among the crowds. “Trust me, we'd all know if he was. He likes to make quite the entrance.”

  Don't I know it? I can still recall the first time I met him.

  “Hate that guy.” Jay grunts, a fierce look to his eyes. “I'm not looking for that creature,” I answer Emma. “Then who?” Emma questions, curious.

  “I'm looking for Nancy, Nancy Montry,” I explain, pretending to not see the hot steam rising from Grey's head. “Is she here yet?” I ask aloud to no one in particular.

  “What do you mean, 'is she here yet'?” Grey asks, his jaw clenched.

  I turn to face him, head-on. “I told her that you're racing today. I invited her to come and support you. I mean, you need at least one person to cheer you on. It certainly won't be me,” I lie to his face. Of course, I'll be cheering him on.

  “Why would you do that?!” Grey growls as he steps toward me in pure anger.

  “Because you weren't going to,” I answer back smoothly.

  He backs away from me, swearing beneath his breath. “Great,” he retorts sarcastically, “as if I'm not under enough pressure today as is.”

  “Now why on earth would Nancy's presence pressure you?” I question in mock thought. “Unless, of course, you're afraid of what she'll think less of you if you were to lose today. Mhm?” I push him further. “In which case, I've been right all along and you do like her.”

  Grey glares down at me and opens his mouth to say something but he suddenly freezes when his eyes hone in on something behind me. I turn around, my own eyes widening when I see Xavier walking toward us. The only problem, other than Xavier himself, is that he's not alone.

  Grey immediately turns to Jay with a ferocious look to his eyes, his jaw clenched in anger. “I'm going to kill him,” he says with conviction, so much so that I would actually be surprised if he didn't go through with it.

  My eyes move from Grey back to Xavier. He's currently approaching us with a girl on his arm, that girl being Nancy herself. I have no doubt in my mind that Xavier is flirting with her seeing as she's blushing and laughing like an idiot.

  “Uh-oh,” I gulp, breaking the deafening silence. I move so that I'm standing in front of Grey as if to block his view, not that I can, I'm too short. “Now, Grey…” I start, “I know you're mad, but let's think logically about the consequences of murder—”

  Grey, not up for chit-chat, effortlessly pushes me aside as if I'm nothing but a pestering fly. “Out of the way, Aqueela,” he admonishes, his voice low and dangerous, his dark eyes focused solely on Xavier's arm draped over Nancy.

  I tug him back to me by his upper arm, trying to stop him. He merely shakes my grip off and shoves me backward. I go tumbling straight into Landon as a result.

  “Watch it!” Landon snaps at Grey before he helps me regain my balance.

  Grey's not hearing any of us. He's stuck in some kind of trance of fury.

  Xavier, unaware of his near death, stops in front of us with a broad grin on his face. He opens his mouth to say something, most likely something cocky, but

  I cut him off for his own sake, “Run, Xavier, run!”

  Alarmed, Xavier meets Grey's hate-filled gaze just as Grey makes a move to get to him.

  Jay pushes Grey back with one hand. “Woah, man. Calm down,” Jay advises, trying to keep the beast in Grey at bay. “Pull it together and ease up, buddy.”

  I take over from Jay. “Close your eyes,” I instruct Grey.

  To everyone's surprise, Grey actually listens and obeys me.

  “Good. Now take in a deep breath…”

  Grey sucks in a deep breath.

  “…and release it.”

  He releases it.

  “Now open your eyes.”

  He does as told.

  “Calm, calm, calm.” I wave my fingers in front of his face as if trying to hypnotize him. “I order you to be calm.”

  Grey nods before glancing at Jay. “I'm calm now,” he says quietly, convincing us.

  “Huh, would you look at that, it worked. I hypnotized him. I'm a wizard!” I praise myself, mystified by my powers.

  Jay, unsure, slowly releases Grey, choosing to trust him.

  Mistake!

  As soon as he's free, Grey goes ballistic and tackles Xavier down to the floor.

  Nancy gasps in surprise before yelling at him. “Grey! Grey, stop it!”

  Grey ignores her and sends another fist Xavier's way.

  I'm not a wizard after all…

  I cover my eyes for a brief moment before peeking through my fingers, unable to resist. Well, there goes Xavier's pretty face.

  Landon winces for Xavier. “Ooh, that one
's going to leave a mark.” He almost looks amused as he stands back and watches the fight play out. I know for a

  fact that he's not fond of Xavier due to Xavier's obvious crush on his sister. No doubt he's rooting for Grey.

  Emma whacks her brother upside the head. “Don't just stand there, Lan! Help JT!” Emma lectures, pointing to Jay who has already managed to haul Grey off of Xavier.

  Xavier just got off easy, thanks to his racing rival. If Jay wasn't here, he'd be a bloody pulp of flesh.

  “Ugh. Do I have to?” Landon complains, his sister giving him a flat look, in turn. “Buzzkill,” he grumbles, caving, as steps in to help Jay pull Grey away from Xavier.

  Emma immediately runs over to Xavier, acting on impulse. She quickly helps him up to his feet. Fortunately, Grey only punched Xavier once in the face. I think Jay allowed it. His nose and lips are bleeding and that's about it. He'll live...unfortunately.

  Emma wraps an arm around his waist to support him. “You okay?” she asks, looking up at him, concerned.

  “Yeah,” he mutters, rubbing the blood off of his lips.

  “Let's get you cleaned up, yeah?” Emma says as she drags him after her in the direction of the public bathrooms.

  Nancy, on the other hand, seems to be in complete shock. She's stunned to the bone. She's frozen in place with her hand over her mouth. I walk over to her and she seems to snap out of it upon meeting my gaze. “Hey, Aqueela,” she greets softly, actually coming off as somewhat friendly for once.

  “Hey,” I greet back politely.

  “Mind telling me what just happened?” she asks. “I came like you asked but, as I'm sure you know, there are so many people. I couldn't find you and so that guy, Xavier, kind of crept up on me and asked who I was looking for. I said 'Grey' and you and he said he'd take me there. He started flirting along the way and next thing I know, he's on the floor. Grey completely lost it. Is he out of his mind? Why would he do something like this?”

  Because he likes you.

  “He's not usually the aggressive type,” Nancy stupidly insists.

  I raise an eyebrow at her. “I'm sorry, are we talking about the same Grey Ferrot here?”