by CJ Adler
If I'm leaving, for however long, he might as well know.
I bite my bottom lip in amusement, a smile twitching at the corner of my lips despite the current circumstances that we've found ourselves in. I've never seen him so out of his element. He's no longer carrying himself with certainty.
I decide to do the right thing for once and put him out of his misery. I offer him an escape route so that he doesn't have to say anything:
“I have to go,” I whisper before doing exactly that.
Jay
“So you just let her go?” Grey asks as soon as I get home.
I sigh, nodding. “What else was I supposed to do? She made it explicitly clear that she's not going to change her mind. Not for anyone.”
“It's Aqueela we're talking about…” Grey starts his usual lecture. “She's not going to change her mind unless you give her a reason to,” he hints. “Take it from her point of view, she's suffered so much torment here. She's trying to escape that.”
I've been through a lot on my own too. She's not the only one that wants an escape. The only difference is that I'm not running away from it all. I'm not taking the high road; I'm facing it.
I let out a humorless laugh. “You're actually taking her side? If she only knew.”
He scoffs. “Yeah right. As if I'd ever take that wild maniac's side over yours. All I'm saying is that you should see everything through her perspective too. In her stupid head, staying here is not enough. You haven't given her enough reason to stay.”
Knowing where this is going, I shake my head at him. “You know I can't do that.” I care about Aqueela. The way I feel for her is apparent, however, I find myself becoming more doubtful of my own emotions.
“You can,” he insists. “Just tell her already, man.” I stay quiet, skeptical of his advice.
“Whether you admit to it or not, you've loved her for a while. She deserves to know the entire story,” he continues, reminding me of the first time I met her.
The memory never leaves me. It wasn't in an ice cream store. It was in a park; that's where we first met. We were just kids. I liked her, helped rebuild her stupid sand angels, kissed her even, but then reality hit and I was 'shipped' off to the orphanage. When I escaped, Greg sent me back to school. It was too late though, she'd forgotten who I was.
Not seeing the point in rekindling a lost friendship, I steered clear of Aqueela all throughout high school, making sure to avoid her at all costs. Then just as I was about to run, like she's doing now, she bumped into me at that damn ice cream store. In her books, that was the day we met.
I scowl at him, failing to mask the pain of the hole left in my chest. “I just like the girl,” I clarify, hoping he'd grasp the concept. I'm only eighteen. I'm not even sure I know what love is.
“You're in denial.” He shakes his head at me, disagreeing with my statement. “It's more than that. You've had her back for years. You've looked out for her all this time without her even knowing it. I don't see how you can deny it any longer. You're just lying to yourself.”
“I was just doing what was right,” I reason, arguing against him.
“That's a lie, JT, and you know it!” he raises his voice, trying to get his point across. “You've never given a damn about anyone else as you have for her in all these years that have passed.”
Hearing Grey say that only reminds me of what Principal Long said on graduation day.
“You punched Mason when he broke Aqueela's leg in the fifth grade. You almost tore him apart when he tripped Aqueela at junior prom on the dance floor. This is stuff you've told me yourself. You sacrificed your afternoons to sit detentions because of fighting. All this time, it's always been for her,” he mutters, irritated.
A memory resurfaces at his words:
“You all good there, Jay?” Mia, an acquaintance of mine from Math, asks with acautious look to her eyes.
I nod, leaning back against the tree with the back of my foot propped up against it. I ignore her presence, flipping through the pages of my science book instead.
“Don't you usually prefer the school garden's oak tree?” she jokes, looking for a way to initiate a conversation with me.
“Closed off today,” I mutter, hoping she'd get the hint that I'm not interested. She does and soon leaves.
Relieved, my focus turns back to my science, but I'm interrupted by laughter coming off in waves from the spineless jocks passing by. I force myself to tear my eyes away from my science book to see what all the commotion is all about.
It has to be Montry. It's always Montry. Every time.
“Test my aim, you say?” Mason grins at his friends.
I lift my eyes to see what they're planning.
“How's this for aim?” Mason laughs in amusement before throwing the football at someone in the distance.
It's then that I see that his victim is the usual: Aqueela Lawson.
Before I can react, the football collides into her at a rapid speed, knocking her out from under her feet. I find myself holding my breath, waiting for her to move. Her friend, also Montry's girlfriend, is quick to help her back up.
Ruining my life wasn't enough for him, he has to ruin hers too.
Aqueela reacts like she always does when being picked on by Montry, she laughs it off for her friend's sake. Her laugh is enough to ease my concern, but not enough to tame my short temper.
Dropping my science book aside, I head over to Mason's circle of idiots. I've had enough of watching him hurt her and I've had enough of doing nothing about it. I resent his character. He's weak—bold in front of his buddies but a coward when on his own.
Clenching my fists tightly, I make sure Aqueela's attention is elsewhere before I punch Montry in his face for the first time of what would become many.
“What the hell, Taylor?!” Mason shouts, covering his bruised eye.
“Let it be a warning, stay away from Aqueela. You know enough about me to know that I operate on a short fuse.” I grit my teeth, restraining myself from the violent urge to hit him again. Seeing him bleed would be more satisfying.
“Aqueela means more to you than you've ever been willing to admit to. If she didn't, you wouldn't have bothered in the first place,” Grey breathes out, annoyed that I'm barely listening to him anymore.
Montry didn't listen either...
Aqueela had been walking past when Mason decided to try the same trick twice. He threw the ball when she had her back turned to him. Seeing it coming, I stepped in front of her and caught the football before it could hit her.
She was too busy talking to her friend to notice.
After that, I lost myself in blind rage and ended up in a real fist fight with Montry. My temper landed me a detention, and after that incident, many more followed.
If Montry refused to quit, then neither would I.
“You did the impossible, Jay.” Grey pauses, a thoughtful frown on his face.
“You fell in love with a psycho.”
Aqueela
It's when I step onto the plane that I find Jay to be true to his words. He's not going to stand in my way. A part of me wishes he would. My gaze keeps drifting to the window as I wait for us to take off. I'm either doing something incredibly brave or incredibly stupid.
“Is this seat taken?”
Shocked at the familiarity in his voice, I tear my eyes away from the window to see if it's really him. Speechless, I move my bag off of the open seat next to me, permitting him to take the seat beside me. He doesn't hesitate to do so.
“What are you doing here, Mason?” I eventually question as a wave of confusion flows through me. He better not have some kind of agenda or ulterior motive. “If you're here to convince me that Jay's the wrong choice, I might just believe you, so save your breath,” I grumble, agitated.
Mason shakes his head at me. “For once, I'm not here to bad-mouth him. He's the better guy for you and the better guy in general. I may love you, but he's the one who deserves you.”
His wor
ds take me by surprise. Usually, he never has anything good to say about Jay.
Mason sees my confusion and takes the liberty to explain himself. “I'm here to speak on his behalf. I'm going to tell you everything that he couldn't say to you himself.”
To say I'm stunned by all of this would be the understatement of the century. Raising an eyebrow at him, still perplexed by his presence, I gesture to him to continue.
“There's a lot he hasn't told you.” Don't I know it? “He probably would have in time, given the chance.”
“Did you really come all this way to defend Jay, of all people? You're supposed to hate him,” I remind him, stopping him before he can say anything further. “You're supposed to rue his existence and all that ruthless stuff.”
Mason grins at this, his brown eyes flickering up in amusement. “I don't hate him,” he corrects me. “I just dislike him with an intense passion.”
He elaborates, “Do you have any idea how difficult it is to grow up with parents who won't stop talking about my adopted brother who they had to give up, the brother who went 'missing'? I'm constantly being compared to him. In their eyes, I don't match up. I don't stand a chance because I'm not his equal and never will be. He's a better person than me. I'm insignificant. With good reason, he's always the one everyone chooses, including you.”
I wince at the last part seeing as it's true. I did choose Jay over him. Hearing Mason's side of the story stirs up a deep sadness within me. I've never bothered to see it from his perspective.
“It's not so much that I hate Jay as I am jealous of him. He's on a different league, one I can't compete with. He's always been the better son, the better person, the better boyfriend…” He averts his eyes in shame. “Better in everything,” he finally concludes, bitter. “I envy him.”
“At least you have parents,” I remark, reacting on instinct. It's a knee-jerk reaction to stand up for Jay.
“I have parents who barely take an interest in me. They're still searching for Jay. They never stopped.” Mason explains his side, angering me all the more. “He's their perfect son.”
Jay's foster parents apparently still care and he doesn't even know it because Mason never said anything. His foster parents were planning to get him back, only to learn that he'd vanished; it was probably around the time when he broke out the orphanage and met Greg. To this day, Jay is blindly unaware that his foster parents are still searching for him because they never stopped loving him. He wasn't forgotten.
“Why haven't you told them that you know where Jay is?” I interrogate Mason, trying to understand and learn more about the deep-rooted hatred Jay and Mason hold for each other. They're supposed to be brothers.
“Because Jay didn't want me to,” he confesses. “He said that he's better off without us. I'm just tired of always being caught in the middle of it.” He releases a breath of grief. “Jay blames me. He blames me for everything.”
I sigh inwardly, finally understanding his half to the story. “I'm sorry, Mase,” I apologize on Jay's behalf. Jay's in the wrong to blame Mason. What happened has nothing to do with Mase. It was never Mason's fault to begin with.
“I didn't tell you any of this for pity, I just want you to see where I'm coming from,” he replies, giving a true account on the past as he expresses his side. “Jay's had it easy. I've had to work for the approval of my parents while Jay's always just had it. This is in spite of him not even being around for years. He's always been the favorite and he doesn't even know it. How messed up must I be when my own parents can never just say 'well done' to me because they're always reminiscing back to an entirely different time? I know they're grieving, but when will they stop?”
“Your parents love you, Mason. Don't ever doubt that,” I assure him, now feeling complete empathy for him. After everything we've been through, he's still somewhat a valuable person in my life.
He brushes off my words before sucking in a deep breath as if trying to summon courage. “If I don't say any of this, then Jay never will and you will never know.”
“Say what?” I frown, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
“Do you remember that time that I came to school with a blue eye?” he asks randomly.
I nod. When we'd asked him what happened, he wouldn't say. “It was on the day you threw a football at my face.” I grin, laughing the past off as nothing but a moment in time.
Mason's facial expression transforms into a regretful one at the reminder.
“Well, it was Jay,” he confesses, aware that I've forgiven him since then.
I raise a skeptical brow, taken aback. “Jay did that to you?”
“That time when my nose was bleeding after gym class? You remember that?”
I nod in acknowledgment. “Yeah, it was after you threw dodgeballs at me.”
I frown at the reminder. “Bells had to escort me to the nurse afterward.”
“Jay again,” he answers. “He cornered me in the locker rooms. He landed a detention for it.”
Now I know what Principal P was talking about. I always thought Jay was in detention for being rebellious. It never ever crossed my mind that he'd be in detention for me.
“There are several more accounts that all end the same,” Mase informs me. “I see the pattern now.” I breathe out quietly. Whenever Mason hurt me, he'd also mysteriously end up hurt. I never made the connection.
“You may not have noticed Jay before but, and I can vouch for this, he definitely noticed you,” Mason tells me, clearing it all up. “He's been there for you before you even knew him.”
I don't have to ask to know that Jay was the one who fixed my sand angels after Mason had wiped them out when we were kids. He was the childhood friend. He was always there, until one day he wasn't. That must have been about the time he broke out the orphanage. I forgot him but he never forgot me.
When Mason sees me at a loss for words, he continues. “As Jay's brother, or whatever we are, I shouldn't have said that I love you when knowing all the while how Jay felt about you from the very start. It was selfish of me. I regret it,” he quickly fixes his slip-up when I frown, “not the way I feel about you, but in the circumstances in which it happened.”
I remain silent, unsure how to respond. The plane takes off before I even get a chance to register it all. There's so much to process, so much that should have been said sooner.
“Jay's in love with you, and despite what he says, I don't think he's ever not been.”
Jay
I stare after the plane in disappointment.
Grey comes up to stand beside me. He follows my gaze and pats me on my shoulder, trying to be optimistic for once. “You can tell her when she comes back.”
I nod, refusing to dwell on the sinking feeling of being too late.
Grey tries to reassure me of the facts. “It's only a month.”
Except…it wasn't.
THE END
Can’t get enough of Aqueela and Jay? Make sure you sign up for the author’s blog to find out more about them!
Get these two bonus chapters and more freebies when you sign up at cj-adler.awesomeauthors.org!
Here is a sample from another story you may enjoy:
Chapter 1
——Sam
“Samantha Banks! Get a hold of yourself, woman! I have a girlfriend!”
And as if on cue, everyone’s snooping eyes in the entire Lediville High universe were on me, awaiting my reaction as they held their breath. It wasn’t too long ago when I, Samantha Banks, heedlessly involved myself in the school’s scandal of the year with the most popular and pompous jerk, Aaron Lanter. Well, I gave the full credit to my one and only best friend, Chloe Windsor, for what really happened.
Ever since our little scandal, he had reduced me from being non-existent to a jester—Lediville High’s source of entertainment. Aaron Lanter was obnoxious and a bully, but everyone couldn’t seem to see that. They were so blinded by his ridiculously mesmerizing blue eyes, stupid blond hair and abs
urdly perfect smile. Unbelievably, they couldn’t see past those shallow attributes.
Today was another demonstration on how to strip me an ounce of my slowly decreasing dignity—by announcing to everyone in the cafeteria that I was into him.
I wasn’t, and I would never be, but they didn’t know that. They eat on whatever he would feed them.
I woke up late this morning, and my stomach was already growling when lunch period came. And with an empty stomach and an unstable disposition, I looked down at my tray as an idea formed in my mind. I did the unthinkable without hesitation. I flung my tray at him.
Swoosh!
Bam!
Splat!
“What the f—” Aaron hollered as the sticky spaghetti and salad hit him. His blond, tousled hair was now smeared with a common shade of spaghetti sauce.
“Woah!” The students that had circled us gasped; eyes in horror and anticipation for Aaron’s retaliation. But, I wasn’t an idiot to just stand there and wait for him to do something to me. I knew what had needed to be done next—run.
“Douchebag!” I managed to yell over my shoulder as I bolted out of the cafeteria door like the great Jesse Owens.
We played this game so many times already that I could already predict Aaron’s move. I knew he would order his pathetic little helpers, Zack and Jasper, to come after me.
I dashed and sprinted to my haven—the girls’ washroom. I had realized a month ago that none of his brute sidekicks could actually touch me there. And so, it had become my place of refuge and hiding there had become so frequent too, that the last cubicle on the left had become my favorite spot.
Sitting on the toilet, catching my breath and tending my hunger, my mind brought me back to the night my world first rammed hard with Aaron’s, like how some planets smacked into each other over billions of years ago. Before the collision, I was happy and peaceful in my own orbit, until I attended Diana’s stupid party and got drunk. We played one of the most cliché games humanity invented to extract information forcefully and give the desperate an exclusive chance to exchange saliva with each other. As humiliating as it may sound, I had exchanged saliva with someone, and the worst part was that someone had to be Aaron Lanter, the most bigheaded prick in the universe.