by Martin Kihn
“Okay.”
“What is the biggest difference between your firm and McKinsey?”
Now, this question I cannot believe. It’s like he has pried apart my personal laptop computer and read this “secret book project.” How can he ask me such a thing?
But the silence grows, I look at him, he faces me, I look out the window at the lights of the beautiful brownstones on Riverside Drive none of us will ever own. I think. The partner seems about to jump in for me when I say—
“McKinsey is an awesome place. They have a reputation for doing the best work and delivering great client value. Not everything they’ve done is perfect—but not everything we’ve done is perfect. That’s not what consulting is about. I’d say the biggest difference between us is our mix of clients and the people we have on board. Every firm has a different culture. Get to know some of us, get to know the guys at McKinsey—see who you’re comfortable with. Either choice is great. We’re not that different, really.”
Then I stop. I literally cannot believe what just came out of my mouth—but what was I supposed to say, really? What I actually think?
Later, a woman standing near the door, still wearing a long winter coat, waves a white mitten at me and says, “Do you like being a consultant?”
It’s getting later—people are ready to hit the drinks table and schmingle. And the question doesn’t seem all that serious to her, more like a good-bye gesture to fill a silence. But what a question. Do you like being a consultant?
Do I?
I say, “It’s great. There no better way to get to know a range of companies, really see them from the inside. You get exposure to a variety of problems and—a—a variety of business realities you’d never get to see if you worked in industry somewhere. Sure, there’s some lifestyle issues; you won’t be home all the time. But nothing’s perfect, right? It’s a great way to learn, spend time with a lot of smart people—put in practice all those things you’re learning about here in business school.”
“So you’d recommend it?” she persists.
“Of course. Of course I would.”
After the Q-and-A, Jennifer seems pleased. “Great job,” she tells the three of us.
“I need a drink,” says the partner.
“You read my mind,” I say.
We are besieged by office seekers, and I can’t half believe what I hear myself saying to them (“You really get used to the travel—it’s not so bad” “They weren’t layoffs, just like raising the bar a little”)… until, after a while, and a few Amstel Lights, it begins to sound almost natural.
Almost like the truth.
Appendix A
THE COMPLETE CONSULTANT’S DICTIONARY
Words & Phrases You Need to Know to Talk Like a Top-Tier Management Consultant
Consulting Word/Phrase p.o.s. Definition / Used in a Sentence…
add value vi give the client more than you’re getting; what consultants are supposed to do
admin n administrative assistant; exactly equivalent to, but much more acceptable than, “secretary”
advance n an invitation to return; usu. after a pitch, e.g., “We got an advance at the last liaise.”
afterwork n work done after the original engagement ends, for an additional fee; the ultimate goal of all consulting, really
air cover n part-time expert; or small team to provide support for real action
architect vt outline; usu. followed by “the deck,” as in, “Marty, why don’t you go and architect the deck?”
arms and legs n people with nothing better to do; similar to capacity or resources, but usu. of a lower rank, e.g., new associates or summers
at the end of the day adv in reality; not the literal end of the day, which doesn’t happen in consulting; usu. prefatory to “I don’t really care” or “It doesn’t really matter”
baked-in adj included; used when a client asks a question you forgot to address; e.g., “Those projections are baked in to the stick figure on page four.”
bake off n process whereby a sadistic client auditions a number of different top-tier consulting firms for the same engagement, only to hire none of them
bandwidth n attention; usu. used by partners, as in, “I don’t have a lot of bandwidth for you today, I’m arguing with the decorators.”
baseline vt describe or profile; get to know; e.g., “We need to baseline the current salesforce and profile calls.”
beachage; beach time n time between engagements; usu. spent pretending to optimize your knowledgeware
benchmark vt compare
billability n amount of a consultant’s work week that can be billed to a client, expressed as a percent; the ultimate measure of a consultant’s worth
bio break n an extended process check, to allow for #2; usu. can only be called by partners over fifty
black factory n where consultants go when they’re doing an open-ended “study” no one will ever read
blessed adj okayed by a partner
blow up vt revise heavily, e.g., “I’m going to blow up your last page, Marty.”
blue sky vi brainstorm
bogey n goal
boil the ocean v phr what associates do when they are not reinventing the wheel
bottom line n profits, net income; never used by consultants, because it is too easy to understand
bounceback; fallback n fallback is the place you go when you’re in trouble, to retrench and regroup; bounceback is what you try to do after that
brain dump n process of a person who actually knows something imparting information to a consultant
bucket, bucketize vt category; categorize; an early step in the consulting process, right after the brain dump
burning platform n serious business problem; what you try to convince the client they have during a pitch
buy-in n agreement
cactus job n bad degrading perhaps dull assignment, esp. one beneath perceived skillset, e.g., “I’ve been on the beach so long I’m willing to do any cactus job they hand me.”
cadence n regular meeting schedule, though with spiritual overtones, e.g., “I thought you and I had a kind of cadence on this problem, but I was wrong.”
call down vt fire; or, in the best case, merely reduce to almost nothing; e.g., “The client woke up on Friday and decided to call down the team.”
cap n capital
capacity n days on the beach, e.g., “I have capacity today”; something most consultants have but none ever admit to having
capital call n a requirement that partners give their own money to the firm, in times of trouble; usu. used by McKinsey, then denied
change agent n consultant, rarely
chunk out vt do a rough draft
client education n coercion; applied to clients who are either too stupid and/or too smart to agree with your conclusions
client team n group of low-level client employees assigned either full- or part-time to impede your progress and fail to gather necessary data
cook vt finish, e.g., “Go cook that spreadsheet, Marty”; not to be confused with falsify, as in “Go cook the books, Marty,” at least, not usually
core competency n thing you can do; not “core competence,” which is actually grammatical; popularized by Hamel & Champy’s Reengineering the Corporation
counsel out vt ax; terminate; fire
craft skills n the toolkit of core competencies specific to consulting; slow progress in developing one or more of these is the most common reason given for getting counseled out
critical path n things on a schedule or agenda that really should happen, as opposed to everything else
crunch mode n takes place, e.g., night before deliverable is due, in an odoriferous conference room with Japanese food ordered in
data dump n same as a brain dump, only more numerical
deathmarch n an engagement that rarely ventures out of the pain zone
deck n PowerPoint presentation; from the old days when the presentations were on
paper with gold edges, resembling a deck of cards
deliverable n the deck, basically; what you give the client, before the invoice
dentists n investors
disconnect n difference; thing you don’t understand
dotted-line vi supposedly talks to; informal relationship, e.g., “He reports to maintenance, but he dotted-lines to marketing”
drill down n analysis, e.g., “This drill down is shoddy and putrid.”
drill-down vt improve, e.g., “We’ve really got to drill-down this drill down down more.”
drive vt make happen
driver n something that makes something happen
ecosystem n market; similar to environmentals, but not so mysterious
end state vision n many bogeys put together into a grand unifying theory
engage vt talk to, e.g., “Should we engage the principal on this deck—or just take a process check?”
engagement n project to which you and your pod are assigned
environmentals n things you can’t control, like market forces, e.g., “We’re afraid environmentals might drive top-line growth going forward.”
exposed adj in trouble, e.g., “If we don’t get on a deathmarch right away we’re gonna be really exposed on that Tuesday deliverable.”
exposure n problem; implied it’s a potential problem, but it’s actual, e.g., “We have exposure on that point in the meeting tomorrow.” (We’re wrong.)
fallback n see bounceback
farmer’s math n flawed, quick, in-the-ballpark calculation; usu. accepted as the answer because it is done in public by a partner
feet on the street n salespeople
FHA adj made up; comes from, “from Henry’s ass,” although Henry remains unidentified
five-forty n changing your mind, changing it back, then changing it again; a combination of doing a three-sixty and a one-eighty
flavor n industry, business, example, e.g., “This section is about the pharma sub, but let’s make the next one a different flavor.”
flex adj flexibility, e.g., “This new software should give you added flex in your model.”
food fight n competition, usu. in unclear or transitional markets, e.g., “There’s a food fight going on the wireless space right now.”
forcing function n “This deadline will be a forcing function to get him to make up his mind” or “What is their forcing function to get them out of this funk?”
game over n a disaster; usu. applied in the negative, e.g., “It’s not game over if Marty can’t be in the meeting.”
gap; gap analysis n what’s missing; trying to find what’s missing
going forward adv in the future
grand unifying theory; GUT n explanation, e.g., “In a couple weeks we should be able to come up with a GUT to explain all these crazy numbers”; from the world of physics, where a GUT would theoretically unite gravity, relativity, and quantum mechanics
granularity n detail, always expressed as a deficit, e.g., “We really need a lot more granularity in this drill down.”
grow vt increase
hard stop n time you have to leave for the airport, usu., e.g., “We’d love to answer that question, but Marty has a hard stop at three thirty-five.”
head end in the sky adj dreaming; dreamy
hockeystick vi shoot up really, really fast, e.g., “After the IPO, the stock price really hockeysticked.” (ca. 1999)
hypothesis n guess
incentivize vt ungrammatical verbalization of the noun incentive, as in, to inspire
incrementals; incremental change n really small changes, over and above baseline trend; incremental change is the opposite of step change, which is impossible
invoice vt bill, always followed by “the client,” e.g., “I can’t wait till we invoice the client.”
iterate vt read; edit, e.g., “Let’s iterate before you go off and do something crazy.”
journeyline n history, story, e.g., “This résumé has quite a bizarre journeyline, Marty.”
knock-on adj additional, e.g., “This reorg is going to have major knock-on effects in our ability to sell afterwork.”
knowledgeware n ideas, usu. derived from reading Business Week or Google News
la-la land n la-la mode that extends beyond six hours… to a few months
la-la mode n state of doing nothing, usually waiting for a data dump from the client
learning curve n process of accumulating information
learnings n what you get when you study something
liaise vt, n meet, meeting; can be used as verb or noun, e.g., “Get Dave on the phone—we’ve got to liaise about the liaise.”
low-hanging fruit n simple problems; stuff the client should be smart enough to fix for themselves, but aren’t
mag-a-logue n catalog that is thick, like magazines used to be
moral equivalent n different business but an analogous idea from partner’s one job she can remember
net net adv equivalent to at the end of the day, but easier to say
new alums n recently fired employees
noodle around vi think; mull over
off-line adj never, used during client meetings, e.g., “That’s a good idea, Marty, can we talk about it off-line?”; equivalent to shut up
off the reservation adj doing creative thinking, not in agreement, usu. applied to clients
on board adj in agreement; never “get on board”; in consultants’ nonconfrontational style, “I’m on board with that.”
one-eighty n a total change of heart
on receive adj listening without talking; a safer position for a consultant to be in than on send
on send adj talking without listening; dangerous, unless you are the air cover
on the beach adj not currently able to bill one’s time to a client; too much time spent here will turn one into a new alum
open the kimono/tent vi reveal something, e.g., the strategy or the ideas
optics n how something looks; esp. related to consultants in client workspace trying not to look like they’re costing/wasting money by e.g., sitting in a large group at lunch
outside the box adj used to mean “creative”; currently a cliché meaning “I don’t have anything to say right now.”
owner n worker; person responsible for doing a portion of the work stream
pain zone n the product of (a) the number of partners involved in an engagement and (b) the inverse of the time until the first deliverable
parachutage n the arrival of a partner into an engagement the night before a deliverable is due; inevitably game over for the pod as it proceeds to death-march into the pain zone
ping vt call someone and ask her something
PIOUTA (“pee-yáh-tuh”) adj acronym for “pulled it out of thin air,” e.g., “Tomorrow’s presentation is gonna be strictly a PIOUTA strategy.”
pitch n a desperate plea for work; your turn in the bake off
pod n work team
populate vt fill up; usu. used with “binder,” as in “Don’t bother me right now, I’m populating my binder.”
positioning n selling part; to analyst community, to dealership network
pro-act vi opposite of react, e.g., “We need to pro-act to changes in the environmentals.”
process check n coffee break, urinary break, or both; not appropriate for defecation
puke/throw up on vt react negatively, e.g., “Marianne really threw up on your deck at the pulse check yesterday.”
pulse check n update for client; also a six-month internal firm appraisal after which many associates become new alums
pushback n a retort, but much more genteel
put a stake in the ground vi make a statement; actually write down, or say, a hypothesis
put up a chinning bar vi state a hypothesis you know is probably wrong; what you do to build up strength before you are ready to put a stake in the ground
reach for vt call or e-mail; usu. in the future tense, as someth
ing that will never occur, e.g., “I’ll reach for you when I’m further up the learning curve.”
red-face test n somebody challenges you about something to see if you at least have enough of a clue to talk about it knowledgeably; esp. when applied to an “idea” you’ve spouted somewhere or a pet project—when challenged, can you defend it?
red light/green light n document listing steps in a process, each step accompanied by a green, yellow, or red light; the significance of the lights is unknown
reinvent the v phr see boil the ocean wheel
resource n employee, in the sense of being a commodity
rev n rewrite, editing revolution, e.g., “Let’s get this in tonight so we can get going tomorrow on the next rev.”
robustify; robust vt complicated and good-looking, e.g., “This model is robust [we can’t figure it out but we don’t get an error message]”; “We need to robustify this graph—it looks like we made it up.”
rolling off vi leaving an engagement, probably to go on the beach and then get counseled out due to low billability
sanity check n final look over asking if something makes sense; never changes anything; otherwise known as “common sense”
sat n satisfaction
scribe vi to take notes; an honor reserved for first-year consultants and summer associates with whom the partner does not want to speak
showstopper n very bad thing
skillset n abilities and talents; those things that allow you to add value with your tool kit
socialize vt strong-arm, e.g., “I have to socialize the client into buying this point of view.”
solution n product
so what? n purpose; every page of the deck is supposed to have a so what?
space n business
spike n special talent, e.g., “We can’t hire you here at McKinsey, Marty, you don’t have a spike.”
sporty adj optimistic, e.g., “twenty-five percent CAGR in the dried milk sector seems really sporty to me.”
stakeholder n someone who actually cares about the outcome of the engagement, as opposed to the client, who may not
step change n really big change