by Lexi Blake
It was a psycho’s guide to building an army.
“No,” Faith admitted. “One of the things the team is looking for is the formulary of the drug. We know it’s out there, and if it falls into the wrong hands it could go poorly. My husband…she gave him the drug to torture him. My sister and my father tortured Tennessee. He’d worked for the CIA, but my father had him burned when he threatened his business interests. Ten doesn’t like to talk about it, but I know he still dreams about it at night. I have to wake him up and convince him that he’s here and not in that place.”
That place. The one she’d been sent to. The one she’d thought was all a horrible dream.
If she’d had anything in her stomach, she would have been sick again.
“I need…I need to breathe.” She stood up.
Owen was right by her side. “I’ll take you outside.”
She didn’t fight with him. She simply followed him because if she sat there for one minute more, she was going to explode.
Everything she’d worked for…everything she’d needed…
She turned the corner and there he was. Steven Reasor sat at a table with two other men. There was a beer in front of him and he looked haggard.
She stopped and stared at the monster who’d haunted her dreams.
“Dr. Walsh,” he began.
“She wiped your mind, didn’t she?”
“I don’t know.” Three simple words, but there was a world of pain in them. “I only know that if I hurt you…”
She couldn’t right now. She couldn’t do this with him. Her heart started to race and her hands were shaking.
Owen picked her up. He hauled her up into his arms and carried her through the cabin. He managed to get the door open and she was outside. Cool air hit her and it didn’t matter that he’d lied to her. It didn’t matter that he’d used her.
All that mattered was that years of her life, her research, her soul had been warped and used to hurt others, used to hurt him.
A sob tore through her, making her body shake, and if Owen hadn’t been holding her so tight, she would have fallen from his arms to the porch. He didn’t let go. He kept walking, leaving the slight glow from the porch for the moonlight.
She sobbed against his chest. She’d been stupid. So fucking stupid. She should have seen what was happening, but she’d been flattered and then frightened.
She’d run like a coward and she hadn’t looked back. Because of her weakness, a whole group of men had been confined to Hell, and she’d had a hand in putting them there.
“Keep going, love. You don’t have to stop but I’m going to sit us down here.”
He sat and she looked around. They were in a gazebo-like structure. He sat them down on a bench, and she could see silvery moonlight reflected on water.
She had no idea where they were, but then that wasn’t a surprise. He could tell her where they were and it wouldn’t mean a thing because she hadn’t left the lab in years. Since that day when she’d fled Kronberg she’d buried herself.
Had she done it because deep down she’d known what had really happened? That was almost easier to deal with than the idea that she’d merely been a coward.
What would her mother think of her?
Owen’s arms tightened around her as though he feared if he let go even for a second that she would disappear. “Forgive me. Please forgive me.”
For lying to her? She shuddered and forced herself to sit up. “You thought I was responsible for what happened to you.”
She wanted to stop talking. If they didn’t talk, she might be able to stay in his arms. If they didn’t talk, she might be able to pretend.
“You didn’t know.” His words were hoarse. “I always knew you didn’t know. Forgive me for doubting you, Becca. When I heard you’d treated Theo, it triggered something in me. But I can easily see how she manipulated you. You’re not the villain in this.”
But she was. “I knew something was happening. I thought it was Steven. If I’d said anything at all, maybe she gets caught.”
“Or the pharmaceutical company she worked for covers it up and she moves on and they very likely have you and anyone you’d talked to about it killed. It was how they worked. They only cut her loose when she wouldn’t fall in line. I doubt any one person with one complaint could have taken her down.”
“Let me up, please.” It was time to put some distance between them.
His arms tightened almost painfully. “I don’t want to let you go.”
“You have to. You said it was my choice. Did you lie about that, too?”
His arms dropped and she stood, the wood of the gazebo creaking under her feet. Weariness invaded her limbs and when she looked back at him, his head was in his hands.
His eyes gleamed in the moonlight, and she could have sworn there was a sheen of tears there. “Forgive me. I didn’t go into this with the thought to hurt you. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.”
“It doesn’t matter now.” She wasn’t even sure what to do. Her life was in ruins. There was apparently a warrant out for her arrest. Everything she’d ever worked for was gone and all because she’d taken a job so she could spend time in Europe. All because she’d been arrogant.
“Of course it does.”
She stared out at the water. It was dark, and she had no idea how deep it went. It looked peaceful on the surface. What horrors did it hide? “The scars on your body, you didn’t get them the way you said you did, did you?”
He was quiet for a moment, the silence emphasizing the distance between them. “I had a bad reaction to the drug. I don’t know if it was the one that wiped my mind. I think she used the other one on me, too. I don’t know. I get flashes of things now, and I don’t know if they’re real or not. I hope some of them aren’t. I hope they’re dreams. From what I can tell I wasn’t there for long. A little more than a day.”
“If she gave you the time dilation drug, I assure you she could make a few hours seem like years. If she then wiped your memory, well, you might not remember it, not the way you’re used to remembering things. It would be like something rippling under the water. You wouldn’t know why you were afraid. You would likely convince yourself there’s nothing to be afraid of, but it would be there. Always.” Like it was for her. It was always there simmering underneath her shiny surface, and now it was out in the open, crawling up from the muck like some monster inching toward her. “Why does this Green person want me? Why go to all this trouble to set me up?”
She heard him moving behind her. “I think he wants to put you in a position where you’ll work for him. Becca, there are things you should know about me.”
“I can’t do anything personal with you right now.” If she did she would break down again. She could understand why they’d investigated her. She could even forgive them for surrounding her. When researching a disease, one had to isolate the cause. They’d thought she might have been a cause. But they hadn’t had to send Owen to her bed. They hadn’t needed to trick her like that. From what she could tell, they’d placed someone in every aspect of her life. While she’d been listening to Faith, Robert had shown up along with Ezra’s wife, Ariel, who probably wasn’t Ezra’s wife since Robert seemed to have a hand on her the whole time. Even the lady who’d recently started making her morning lattes was in on it.
They hadn’t needed to send her a lover who didn’t love her.
“All right, but understand I’m not letting it go. You’re only delaying the inevitable.” He sighed and moved in beside her.
“Tell me what your group wants from me.”
“Shortly before she died, Dr. McDonald sent you something. We believe it was a package that contained her research. We think she understood the net was tightening around her. Ezra has been working on this for a while now. He thinks she’d set up an escape hatch, so to speak. When Theo’s brother raided her French laboratory, she had protocols in place to erase every computer in the lab.”
“She destroyed her own res
earch?” It was a foreign idea. Everyone she knew was obsessed with their own work and desperate for it to live on even after they were gone.
“I don’t think so. Not completely. What was your relationship like with her?”
It was easier to talk out here. She didn’t want to admit it, but it was easier to talk to him. “We were friends. Sort of. She was kind of a mentor to me. It was like she wanted to teach me, to mold me. That was why Steven had a problem with me. He liked being her protégé. He was very jealous of her. I thought for a while that they were lovers.”
A shudder went through Owen’s big body. “Please don’t ever tell Tucker that. I don’t think he could handle it.”
Tucker. The name didn’t fit him. “I don’t know that I can handle being in the same room with him.”
“What did he do to you?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” She couldn’t handle that confession, but she could make another one. “And I only thought they were lovers at first. I realized later on that they had an odd relationship. She used him almost like her bad cop, if that makes sense. He was mean. He was also brilliant, which isn’t uncommon in my world. People put up with a lot when a researcher has brilliant ideas. We don’t call them bullies. We call them quirky or eccentric. But they are bullies. Having a brilliant mind doesn’t excuse being cruel. He was cruel, and she used that so she didn’t have to look cruel. I realize that now.”
“He’s one of the kindest men I know,” Owen said softly. “He was on a mission once with a friend of mine. He sacrificed himself to save a woman I admire quite a lot. He doesn’t remember who he was. He won’t hurt you.”
“Or he’s fooling all of you,” she said quietly. She’d read the final report on McDonald’s last day and the raid that took her out. “Have you considered the idea that he could have faked it? He could have seen what was happening and faked his own memory wipe?”
“Jax knew him. Jax and Sasha and Dante were in there with Tucker. If he was faking he would have to have done it for months. I promise I won’t leave your side and I’ll talk to him about giving you space.”
He wouldn’t believe her about Steven Reasor. That was obvious. It was one of the reasons she hadn’t said anything at the time. She’d known they would all come down on his side.
She held her hands out to show him how empty this whole thing had been. “I don’t have a package from her. She called me the week after I left Kronberg. She wanted to know why I’d gone and I told her. She said she would handle Steven and asked me to come back. I refused and we didn’t talk again. She left me a voice mail a few months later telling me Steven had been killed in an accident and she could use my help. I did not reply. I didn’t hear a thing about her after that until she died. There wasn’t even any gossip about her.”
And that told her a lot. There were powerful forces surrounding this whole mess if no one talked about it. Even in the research world there were sections that thrived on gossip. Yet almost no one talked about Hope McDonald after she died. It should have made her curious.
It had been far too easy to ignore all the clues, and now she would pay the price with her career.
She’d already paid the price with her heart.
She’d loved Owen. She’d fallen in love with him and she’d been nothing but a job to him. And a failed one at that because she didn’t have the mysterious package they wanted.
“She didn’t send me anything, Owen. Or at least I never got it,” she said, every word dull. “Maybe these people you say are after me have it.”
“No. There’s no reason for Green to have sent us out here if he had the information he needed.”
“Why would he send you out here at all? Why not come after me himself? He seems to have had a plan in place for a long time. That money started going missing almost a year ago. Didn’t that CIA guy say they didn’t know about me then?”
“Ezra is ex-CIA,” Owen explained. “He was forced out over philosophical differences.”
She could read between those lines. “His bosses wanted him to find the drugs so they could use them.”
One shoulder shrugged. “I think every intelligence agency in the world would like to get their hands on her work. I won’t say they would all misuse it. I’m sure some of them merely want to know how it worked and how to keep it out of the hands of the rest of the world. But someone would use it.”
“It would be far too tempting,” she agreed. “Even the best of intentions can get pushed aside out of sheer curiosity. I’m not saying I would ever do what she did, but I’m curious. I’d love to see that drug and how it works.” She would love to know what it had done to her. She shook it off. “I would give you the package if I had it. I trust Faith. She said you guys work with Stephanie Gibson, too. I’ve never met her but she’s got an excellent reputation. I would feel good handing it over to them, but I don’t have it.”
And that meant she didn’t have any leverage with these people. They were here to do a job, and now that the objective wasn’t achievable, they would move on. She would be alone to face the music because she doubted the problem would disappear. This Levi Green person might shrug and walk away, but the Canadian police wouldn’t. Once it got out that she was under investigation for embezzling funds from her grants, there wouldn’t be a place on the planet that would hire her. Not for research work, and she hadn’t been a practicing surgeon for years. And then there was the fact that apparently she was being accused of working with a Chinese spy.
She would spend every dime she had fighting the accusations.
She would have to stand in front of her father and explain what had happened, why she’d broken the promises she’d made to him and her mother all those years before.
It was overly dramatic, but it felt like her life was over. The thought opened a deep ache in her heart because briefly she’d felt like she was starting all over again. For a few days it had felt like everything was coming together and she would be able to fulfill the promise she’d made to her mother, that she would be happy.
“Could someone give me a ride back or let me use a phone so I can call a cab?” She glanced around. It appeared they were by a lake that spread out before her as far as she could see. The cabin behind them was the only light, so there didn’t appear to be any close neighbors. She might be hiking out of here.
He turned to her. “You’re not going back. Do you understand what they’ll do to you?”
“Yes, I think they’ll put me in jail until I can make bail. They’ll freeze my accounts so I’ll have to call my father. He should be able to loan me the money. I don’t know what I’ll do about an attorney, but I’ll figure it out. It’s not your problem.”
His hands cupped her shoulders and he turned her, forcing her to look at him. “I will not leave you alone. We’re holing up here for a few days and then you and I will make our way to London. There’s a place there where you’ll be safe. I’ll try to stay with you as much as I can. I have a bit more freedom of movement than the others. I promise I’ll find a way out of this for you. I’ll keep you safe and I’ll clear your name.”
There it was, the insane impulse to believe every word he said, to toss the whole problem in his lap and let him take care of everything.
He’d lied to her and she couldn’t believe him. “I need to go home and face this. I’m not going on the run. Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not a fugitive. If this Green person doesn’t get what he wants, maybe the heat will come off me.”
“It won’t. He won’t stop because you don’t know where that package is,” Owen swore. “He’ll take you anyway. If he can’t get the knowledge out of the box, he’ll take it from your brain, and he won’t ask gently for it. He never meant to take you back to the States. He’ll get custody of you and take you somewhere no one cares how he treats you.”
“I don’t know how she did it.”
“But you could figure it out. I think he’s got enough pieces of the puzzle he figures if he gets a brilliant mind like your
s on the problem, you could solve it. You could recreate the drug from the clues he has. Hell, for all I know he’s got some of it and he wants you to reverse engineer it. I don’t know. I only know that he wants you and I’m not going to let him have you. I’ll die first.”
There was such emotion in his voice that she had to step away. He didn’t mean it. It only meant that he had something else he wanted from her. She had to hold on to the cold man who’d walked into that interrogation room earlier this evening. That had been the real Owen Shaw. He’d strode in with no warning because he’d wanted her to be shocked. He’d likely enjoyed it.
He probably deserved it since he’d lost his memory because of her.
“Becca?” He turned to her and seemed to force his hands back to his sides.
She shook her head, backing away. “I won’t fight you, but don’t talk like that again.”
“I know I fucked up.” His voice was like gravel. “I know I made a mess of things, but you have to believe me when I tell you this was real to me. You and me, we were real.”
Of course they had been. “Do you not believe me when I say I don’t know where the information is?”
“The information is meaningless. You’re what’s important.”
“I asked you not to talk that way.” She couldn’t stand listening to those words coming from his mouth.
“Not to tell you I love you? I know I didn’t say it before, but it’s true. I love you, Becca. I’m in love with you. I don’t know what I was like before, if there was some woman I cared for. I don’t think so according to the people who knew me then. I think you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved.”
“Stop it.” She shouted the words. The whole night seemed to crash in on her and rage suddenly made the velvety darkness of the night seem red. How dare he say those words to her? How could he lie again? He put her here. It wasn’t fair or right, but her rational mind wasn’t in charge. She’d held it in for the hours it had taken for the truth to sink in. She’d held in her rage at being used. He’d used her. He’d fucked her and called it something else. He’d promised her his kindness and given her…this. Protection and caring was what he’d promised to exchange for her submission.