On day fifteen, I'd decided to stop humoring him and his little checklist.
“Enough,” I told him. We were sitting in my hotel room, and he was trying to ask his daily routine of questions. “This is stupid. I’m fine. It's time for more blood.” I didn't crave the blood, no. I wanted more power. I wanted to reach into the sky and bring the stars down.
He ignored my complaints, so I got up from the floor and sat down on his lap. We hadn’t been that close in days, and he didn't even react, he just shifted so it was more comfortable. No phone in his pocket, no sir-ee. He did not have a boner for me.
“Okay, next question. Is your tongue numb?”
I traced his jugular with my finger and thought about licking it. “Nope.”
“Do you smell fudge when there is no fudge?”
I rolled my eyes. “Have you always been such a nerd?”
“Answer.”
I planted a long lick on his neck. “The grocery store down the street has some fudge bars for sale; they smell good. Other than that, no.”
“Stop licking me,” he ordered. I still couldn’t control him. I’d dismissed it as a wolf thing, but sometimes I tried just for fun. Make mad passionate sex to me. Sexxxx. Nope. He stood up, carried me to the bed, and sat back down on the edge of it. I could’ve drunk from him in the chair, but he preferred the bed so he could collapse on it if he needed to. I also preferred the bed, but not for drinking. “Drink. I'll ask the questions later.”
I sunk my teeth into his neck and oh my fucking god did it taste good. His blood was the best I'd ever had. Other blood tasted too salty or like a cup of dishwater. His was like honey wine, deeply satisfying and crisp. Crispy blood. More crispy blood. Maybe when I was done feeding, he’d touch me again. I so wanted him to touch me.
“Lis...” his voice was strained and his hands gripped my rib cage tightly. What did he want? I was busy. “Lis please,” he begged. I liked begging. Maybe he'd have sex with me now.
Something clicked in my head and I registered what was happening.
I was draining him.
I shrieked in horror and pulled away. His body slumped down onto the bed and he struggled to breathe. I'd drunken so much of his blood. Clarity slapped into me and I felt my body go cold like someone had dumped ice water on my head.
“Knight!” I screamed. His hand reached up and he took mine, squeezed it, and then he closed his eyes.
It took Knight over an hour to recover. I felt his heart almost stop once, but his body worked quickly to keep him from dying. He held my hand the entire time, squeezing it like it gave him strength. When he could finally sit up, I threw myself into his arms and started crying.
“I almost killed you,” I sobbed into his shirt. His arms went around me and he held me close.
“I know,” he soothed. “But to be fair, I almost killed you once.”
I beat a fist against his chest. “You should've stopped me!” I was talking about me almost draining him, but I also meant everything else. He should’ve stopped me. He promised me he would. And he didn’t.
We sat like that for a long time. I could feel every muscle in his body, every sinew. It was all too much. The smells, the sounds, the emotions. I started to sob and grab my head.
“Knight,” I whimpered. “This is too much. It's my limit. I can't do this anymore.” The overflow of Knight's blood was working through my system. I started to get flashes of things going on around town. Make it stop. Please make it stop. In the midst of it all, I felt something snap. The hold James had over me dissolved and the bite on my neck slowly closed over. I was free.
I passed out.
When I woke up the next morning, Knight was sitting next to me on the bed eating a bowl of kimchi and eggs and watching something on the flat screen tv about the Civil War. One of my many orders to Sara had been buying a tv. He saw me stir, so he handed me a glass of water he'd had waiting for me.
“Morning,” he said simply. I took the water and downed it in long gulps.
I wiped my mouth on my sleeve when I'd emptied the glass. “Are you okay?”
“I'm fine,” he said simply. He went back to watching the tv, so I put a hand on his knee.
“Knight,” I said slowly. “You didn’t stop me. You promised me you would. And you didn’t.” I felt tears form in my eyes. “I went into this trusting that you’d be there to pull me out of it. I was there. I was on the precipice, and you let me go over.” I knew blaming him wasn’t entirely fair. But I couldn’t help it. I’d been so scared seeing him almost die. And I couldn’t shoulder that blame on my own or I’d never be able to live with what I’d done.
He set his bowl down on the nightstand and folded me into his arms. “Lis. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know you trusted me, and I broke that trust. I’m so sorry.” I heard tears in his voice, but I couldn’t see past the tears in my eyes. “But you couldn’t see yourself like I did. Pulling you back wouldn’t have worked. Not with how far you were gone. Sara and I talked it over. I had to let you almost kill me. It was the only way to bring you out.” He sniffed and tears spilled onto his shirt. “I’m so sorry.”
In his arms was the only place I felt safe anymore. We both cried. He cried because he knew how much he’d hurt me, and how he’d broken my trust. I cried because I’d never felt so scared in all my long life. What if I had killed him? I would’ve still been high on blood, and there’s no telling what crazy notion would’ve gone through my head. Maybe I would’ve tracked down and killed the Hunters. Or run away to start my own slave town. Or maybe I would’ve killed James and kept this town for myself. If I had killed Knight, no one could’ve stopped me.
If I’d killed him, I would’ve lost what we had growing between us. The fevered kisses, the passion, the… love. He would’ve never known how I felt about him. Maybe I didn’t even know. That didn’t matter.
What I’d become, and the things I’d done, even the things I hadn’t done but wanted to. It violated almost every moral code I had. I felt so ashamed.
I wanted to die from the shame.
Knight was my lifeboat. I clung to him until I ran out of tears. He’d long since stopped crying and was gently stroking my long brown locks. We’d been silent for several hours, just sitting there together, until he spoke.
“I’m sorry I left you.”
“What?” I asked, confused, to say the least.
“When I shifted and attacked you. I was so mortified at what I’d done. I know I can’t control myself when I’m shifted, but…I was still ashamed. I hurt you. I’m supposed to protect you.”
“Because of the bracelet, right?” Somehow, I was let down at the thought, though I couldn't say why. Before he could answer, I remembered I'd broken James's hold on me the night before and I pulled away from Knight. “Wait, why haven't we left yet? James will know I'm not under his control anymore. He'll come after us and bite me again, and all of this will have been useless.”
Knight wasn’t concerned. “Sara's handling him right now. He's too focused on her list of complaints to be bothered with you for the moment. We needed time to recover.” I felt Sara at James's house and a turmoil of emotions going on there, most of which were coming from her. He was truly occupied.
“Are we…okay?” Knight asked me. As an answer, I swept him up in a passionate kiss. A kiss that I’d almost lost forever.
Twenty-three
The enormous amount of extra blood in my system was making my head pulse with every heartbeat, and every pulse brought random information about the town around me. People were fighting, loving, eating, and walking their dogs. It was hard to focus on getting packed, but every time I stopped moving, Knight would bring me close for a kiss.
Thanks to Sara, Excalibur had been sitting in her garage this entire time. We loaded it up with our bags and Knight drove us out of town. We didn’t talk much. It had been a very long seven weeks. The longest of our lives. I couldn’t help but wonder if we’d ever recover from it all. I didn’t have high hopes on
the matter.
The further we got from the town, the fewer people I could feel until I could only feel Knight. He was tired. Sad. Angry. Hungry. And relieved. So relieved that we’d gotten away. But he was scared. Scared for me and how I would come out of this. I tried not to delve into anything related to me in his feelings, as curious as I was. I’d already violated too many boundaries.
“Hey,” I told him drowsily, my sleepy state keeping me from blocking out my powers. “In the interest of full disclosure, I can still feel your emotions. But don’t worry. I’m not going to invade your privacy. All your secret thoughts are safe. But don’t focus on them too strongly or I’ll feel them.”
He nodded and smiled slightly. “Good to know.” I leaned against his shoulder and shut my eyes. “Lis,” he whispered. “Thank you for telling me that.”
“Least I could do,” I mumbled. “Since I’m such a fucking twat now.” I drifted off to the rhythmic thumping of Knight’s heartbeat. I slept until Knight pulled into a motel and got us a room.
The room smelled like air conditioner and carpet fibers. I shuffled over to the bed and flopped down on my stomach with my cheek pressed against the scratchy comforter. My head was pounding and my stomach was rolling. My body was used to having several pints of new blood every day, and it was not pleased that I hadn’t drunk since the night before.
Knight sat down next to me and studied me carefully. “Withdrawal?” he asked. I nodded. I felt horrible.
“I’ve wanted to die several times recently,” I groaned. “But right now…I really, really, fucking want to.”
“Tomorrow will be worse,” he said, not even trying to sugar coat it. I glared at him. Whatever else I could say about him, he never babied me.
I finally fell asleep after sharing a pizza with Knight. I drifted straight into nightmares. My dreams took me back to James’s town, forcing me to relive the pain and agony I’d felt under his control. I woke up sweaty and shaking. My hand automatically went to where James’s bite had been. Careful to not disturb Knight sleeping beside me, I got up and went to the large mirror on the closet door. The bite was still gone, with only a light red mark to indicate it had ever been there.
It was the only scar I had that was visible.
I was still running my fingers over the scar and wondering how my life had come to this moment when I smelled lilacs. Balthazar was behind me when I looked up and I turned to fall into his arms.
“Where have you been, you ass!” I sobbed into his dark blue suit. His hands came around me and he hugged me close.
“My apologies,” he said softly. “I couldn’t help you, and I thought my presence might distress you even more.” He was right. I couldn’t bear the thought of him seeing me drunk on blood and power.
I softly pounded my fists on his chest and whispered, “ass,” for good measure. He kissed the top of my head.
“You’ve still got the dog, I see,” he said with disapproval.
I smiled. “He came back for me. He stayed with me and helped me escape.” Also, he sexed me up without actually sexing me up. That part was the best.
“He’s a dog. He shouldn’t want to be within ten feet of you.” Balthazar let me go and turned to study the sleeping werewolf. “Does he have feelings for you?”
All of the passion between us came to mind, but he’d never mentioned feelings. “Why would you think that?” I put a hand to my temple as my headache suddenly became apparent.
“Boys fall for girls,” Balthazar said simply like it was a no-brainer.
“You’re ridiculous.” I poured myself a glass of water and gulped most of it down.
“Your blood count is high. You could see his feelings for you. Easily.”
“You can tell?” Balthazar nodded. “No, I won’t do that. He knows I can delve into his mind, and I promised him I wouldn’t.” That made me smile. Not the promise part, the fact that I hadn’t lost my clarity, even though my body was raging with powers. Balthazar made a humph noise and stared at Knight again.
“I can see his feelings,” he declared. “Would you like to know?”
I won’t lie. I was tempted. Knight was asleep, and he’d never know. But I was done with acting like that. Never again.
I shook my head. “No. I promised him that his secrets were safe. And anyway, it doesn’t matter. Why would he love a vampire? He’s a werewolf.” I was making excuses. Feeble ones, at that.
“Stranger things have happened,” Balthazar noted.
Maybe I could’ve hoped for more from Knight, but I felt like shit, and I wasn’t in the mood to wonder. Balthazar left and I went back to sleep against Knight’s warm back.
Knight was right. I did feel a hundred times worse the next day. I lifted my head from my pillow, every movement causing complete agony. My lips groaned before I could stop them.
“That bad, huh?” Knight commented from behind me. I sat up and blinked a few times. My head hurt so badly, it was hard to make them focus on anything. I could barely see Knight across the room. He was sitting at the little table by the window eating breakfast. He’d kept the lights off and shut the curtains, which I greatly appreciated. I couldn’t handle bright light right now. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, planted my feet on the carpet, and stood up. My legs instantly gave way underneath me. He got up from his chair but I motioned for him to stay. I needed to do this on my own. “I happen to like your face, please don’t break it.” I pulled myself up and forced my legs to support my weight. They wobbled a few times but I managed to get to the other chair at the table before they gave out again. “You okay?” I nodded. Sitting on the table was a plastic box with croissants and some pudding cups. I looked at it and up at Knight. He grinned and shrugged. “I can’t make custard croissants. This is the next best thing.” He served me up an opened pudding cup and a croissant on a paper plate, before breaking off a piece of croissant and dipping it in the pudding. “Here, try.” I felt my lip tremble. He’d really tried to make going through this a little bit easier by making his own version of my favorite food. I didn’t deserve him, him or his love. He suddenly pointed a finger in my face to distract me. “No. No tears. Eat the pastry.”
I reached out to take the small bite of food. My hands shook and I couldn’t keep it in my grip. It fell into my lap, smearing my shirt with pudding. “Sorry,” I apologized softly. He clicked his tongue, broke off another bit, dipped it, and held it up to my mouth. “Now you’re feeding me?” He ignored my protest and shoved the bite in while I was talking.
Fuck, it was good.
“Is that French vanilla?” I asked with the pastry in my mouth. He nodded and broke off another bite. The second bite made my head pound as my senses tried to inform me how amazing it smelled. I lost control for a few seconds, but that was all my powers needed. I could see, hear, smell, and taste everything nearby. There were four other humans in hotel rooms and two in the office. One was walking outside with a cart that smelled like cleaning products. Her breath smelled like chocolate.
“Hey,” Knight soothed. He took my head in his hands and kissed my forehead gently. “Focus, okay?” I grounded myself with the scent of his hair. His shampoo smelled like cinnamon. I took a deep breath and regained control.
I looked up at him feebly as he ran a hand through my hair. “Why are you still here?” I expected…well, I wasn’t sure what I expected. The bracelet promise, maybe. Because we’re kind of lovers, even if I’d been pushing him away for weeks. He doesn’t have anywhere else to go. I have money and he doesn’t.
But that wasn’t what he answered. He stared into my eyes and said, “Where else would I be?”
I plunged forward and kissed him, but the pain in my head throbbed with every movement. “Oww,” I said between kisses. “Oww, oh god, it hurts.”
“There’s no rush,” he promised and kissed me again before pulling me into his lap. “There’s plenty of time for that. You need to get better.”
So. Knight and I had to make a new plan now. Someth
ing long term. And something that involved both of us. I knew there was nowhere I could go, anywhere on the globe, that would stop the Hunters from finding me. I’d be on the run forever. But, with Knight at my side, it would be a life I wanted to live.
Our first pit-stop was going back to Jesse’s pack. He’d called us during my detox and said he could get us a car that couldn’t be tracked by the Hunters. He sounded as if there was more besides the car for his reason to call us, but he didn’t elaborate.
A week of detox, which did involve some throwing up, had mostly gotten me back to normal power levels. The pain and shakes had subsided, and I was back to needing Knight’s blood every morning, which he provided without complaint or fear. I felt strong again, and absolutely in control over my powers.
I still had nightmares about James. Being around too many people scared me now. I was so afraid he’d be around the corner, ready to bite me again and steal my freedom. Knight said I had PTSD, a human disorder. I told him I wasn’t human. Still, I stayed in the hotel room while he packed Excalibur up with our bags. I came outside after carefully pushing out my senses and making sure no one else was nearby. It was safe.
Knight drove, even though he was practically bent in half in my tiny car. I would miss my Excalibur, but I would gladly sacrifice it to keep us safe. I unbuckled and laid my head on his lap while we drove.
Jesse’s pack lived in a trailer park on the edge of a forest. Perfect for Lycans to run all they wanted. We pulled up in their non-paved road. All the trailers were parked in a large semi-circle, leaving a big clearing for all the Lycans to gather in. They had grills, picnic tables, a basketball hoop, and still had enough room to spare.
The pups were wrestling in the open space around the trailers, desperate to work off their raging hormones and prove themselves. Rather than stopping it, the adults were egging them on while cooking something on a grill for lunch.
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