A World Away (A New Adult Romance Novel)

by Lila Lacroix

  “I know, but everything you eat in France seems to be so luxurious, it’s also delicious. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get back to American and have to pay more than 50 centimes for a croissant that isn’t half as decent as the ones I get down the street here.”

  “It’s true that French food is known to be the best in the world. There’s a reason why we make fun of the English and their food. Were you thinking of doing any traveling Sophie, after exams have finished and the summer holidays start?”

  “You know, I hadn’t really thought of it. Everything’s been so hectic the last few weeks. Exams are starting, I’m still trying to get over what happened and sleep through every night without waking up from the nightmares. I don’t think I will. Paris has been such an adventure, and seeing as I’m living off student loans, I don’t think I want to spend that kind of money to go away.”

  “I understand. It’s so terrible that this happened to you, especially here, when you’re so far from your support network. You’re lucky to have Philippe, when it happened to me I had all of my friends and family around, which I think helped.”

  “Thanks, Stephanie. I never had much for support group to begin with though, I didn’t have what you would call a stable home life.”

  “Well in that case, you’re part of our family now. If you ever need anything from me Sophie, just let me know.”

  I was completely taken by Stephanie’s generosity. As the meal went on and we continued to talk about various subjects, Stephanie actually did start to feel like my sister. Or maybe my sister-in-law one day? I forced the thought out of my head. I always did this, I always moved too fast in my head compared to real life.

  Regardless, by the time Stephanie left for the night, I felt for the first time like I belonged with a family.

  “She’s really nice, your sister.”

  “I’m glad you like her, I thought the two of you would get along.”

  “Definitely, she’s great.”

  I went to sleep that night feeling better than I had since the incident with Jacques. Knowing Stephanie, who had gone through the same thing with me, made everything so much easier. I knew that I would survive as well, I knew that I could get over it like she had, and get on with my life. I knew that I would never forget what had happened, but I also knew for sure that it didn’t have to destroy me.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Unfortunately for us, the conversation with Stephanie made both Philippe and I realize that there was no way we could ignore reality forever. The fact was, my semester in France was going to end in a month, and although I could then spend three months traveling, afterwards I had to go back to America. The next day we went for a walk in the park before stopping in front of the fountain on some benches and discussing our future.

  “It really pains me to think that I’ve finally found you, that I finally found someone like you and get in a few months we may be forced apart,” I started.

  “I know. I promise you Sophie, I will do everything in my power to make sure that we can stay together. I guess there’s no real way for you to stay in France and studying here long-term?”

  “No. I had a look at a few things, for one thing my college doesn’t allow for more than one semester abroad. So that’s out. I could register directly with the university here, but the problem is the international student fees. It would cost me at least $20 000 per year just for tuition, and am already neck deep in student loans. Plus, my French isn’t good enough for me to get a part-time job during the year or a full-time job during the summer to help me pay for things. I would just have to borrow more and more money, and quite frankly with the way the economy is in America, I don’t think they would give me that much to go to school here.”

  “That’s really too bad. My family aren’t rich, we have a bit of money, but unfortunately not enough to pay that much for tuition. I wish I could go to America, I still have the three years of my externat to do starting next year.”

  “I wish it was easier to study in another country. I wish I could finish off my studies in France, get my degree here and then we could figure out what we would do afterwards.”

  “Absolutely. Or me in America. Sadly, I don’t think that’s going to work out. It’s just that the more we seem to talk about it, the less realistic it seems. I can’t see a solution that doesn’t end with one of us giving up our dreams.”

  “I think we’re going to have to face reality. I don’t think there’s a way for us to be together after this semester, after you go back to America.”

  I leaned into Philippe, resting my head on his shoulder. The fact that we had to come to grips with the fact that we weren’t going to be together hurt me more than anything in the world. It was funny, I had only known Philippe for a few months, but it felt like we had known each other for a lifetime. I knew that more than anything, this was going to be an incredibly difficult place to leave because of Philippe. I wanted to stay with him, I wanted to be with him forever.

  “Maybe I could put my degree off for a few years. There must be something like working holiday visa, something that I can do to get a work visa for France, and then work some menial jobs for a little while until my French gets up to par or I manage to save some money to go to university here.”

  “I wouldn’t ask you to do that Sophie. I know what the degree means to you, I know how important it is and how hard you’ve worked to get where you are. I know you’re afraid of ending up like your mother, and I also know that if you do this, if you quit university just to be with me, you’re eventually going to resent me for stopping you from following your academic pursuits. And where will we be then? It won’t be a healthy relationship if you resent me.”

  I knew Philippe was right. Getting my degree was one of the most important things in my life, and I knew I had to go through with it. I didn’t want to be getting minimum wage jobs for the rest of my life, not able to get ahead and ending up living in a studio apartment drinking away my life like her. If I put my degree off, if I gave it up, even for a man like Philippe, I knew I would end up resenting him, no matter how unfair that would be to him.

  “We could always try long-distance,” I suggested, knowing how few of those relationships work out.

  “I agree. I think if we have to be separated, we should still try and make things work. But I also think that no matter what, we should vow to be as happy together as we can be in time that we have left together. No regrets, just love.”

  “Absolutely. I think you’re completely right Philippe.” I took his hand in mine and smiled at him. “Let’s promise to do our best to be happy in the time that we have left.”

  As we went home, I found it a lot easier to say those words than to think it. I wanted to be as happy as possible with Philippe, I really wanted to, but the problem was that no matter what, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that in a few months we would never see each other again. I mean, it was all good and fine to say that we would have a long-distance relationship, but I knew that those never work out in reality. I didn’t want to lead myself on, I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I had to accept the fact that when I went back to America, Philippe and I would probably be over. There was just no getting around that, and the thought of it made me incredibly depressed.

  It was funny, in a away. I had come to France not wanting to get involved with any man, wanting to escape the memory of Mike. Well, I had completely gotten over Mike by now. I barely thought about him, ever. The problem was, I had replaced him with someone else. Someone infinitely better, somebody that I knew would take care of me forever if only we had the opportunity to live on the same side of the world.

  I wished I didn’t love Philippe. I wished I liked him as a friend, but I knew that was impossible. I was well and truly in love with him, no matter how much separating from him was going to hurt. There was nothing that could change that. I couldn’t un-love him.

  That night when we went to bed I fell asleep facing away from Philippe. It was e
asier to hide my tears when I faced the wall, tears regretting the fact that I had to leave the love of my life. I didn’t think I would ever meet anyone like Philippe again. In fact, I knew I wouldn’t. Philippe was my soulmate, and I didn’t want to let him go.

  Chapter Eighteen

  As the semester came to an end, exams were in full swing. Philippe and I studied together, usually at the kitchen table together with books and notes everywhere, the stress of finals finally getting to us both. It was three weeks of study, study, write exams. When I had a look at a few of Philippe’s textbooks, I had to admit that his medical degree stuff made mine look easy. Still, as I struggled through statistics and economics, I couldn’t help but think my degree wasn’t a cakewalk either. Noelle’s soccer team canceled practice for a few weeks as everybody on the team was at the University as well, and no one was going to be able to either practice or play. It was funny, I had actually begun enjoying soccer, and a part of me wished Noelle’s team played in the winter so she could have invited me to play with them earlier. Maybe when I got back to San Francisco I’d be able to find an intramural soccer team to join. No, I wasn’t going to think about being back in America. I pretended for as long as I could that I was still going to stay in France, that Philippe and I would be together forever.

  At the end of April it seemed like the semester would never end, but the second week of May, and the end of exams, came faster than I could’ve ever expected. Just as quickly as it started, the semester ended. My student visa expired, I was now on a tourist visa for three months. I had three months to enjoy with Philippe before I had to go back home to America.

  Philippe and I both had our last exam on the same day. When it was finally finished, and I could forget everything I knew about economics, accounting and marketing for a few months, we went out with Noelle, Claire and two of Philippe’s friends, Olivier and Julien to celebrate.

  Of course, this being France, the wine flowed plentifully at the bar and restaurant where we had made our reservations to celebrate. When Philippe ordered us two vanilla milkshakes instead, both our sets of friends looked at us.

  “It’s become a tradition for Sophie and I,” Philippe explained as an answer to their looks. “Sophie is allergic to alcohol (I told him the lie I had already told Claire and Noelle in the past) and one day I accidentally brought a bottle of wine on one of our dates. When Sophie told me she couldn’t drink it, I went and got us some milkshakes, and that’s been our little tradition ever since.”

  I was so thankful for Philippe’s explanation. I also loved the fact that he refused to drink around me as well. It was so respectful, so kind of him to really consider the fact that I was terrified of becoming an alcoholic one day and to do whatever he could to make me feel comfortable around him, even if that meant never drinking himself.

  The weird drink orders were soon forgotten as we all got into the wine and bread brought to us by the waitress.

  “Finally! Only a few more years of this and we will be graduated!” Noelle exclaimed as we clinked glasses.

  “Yes, you chose well not to go into medicine. It feels like we have been in school our whole lives, and we are almost twenty six,” Julien replied, downing his wine with a single gulp.

  “And we still have three years to go,” Olivier added glumly. “Oh well, at least next year is the externat, so at least we’ll get to feel like we’re doctors, even if we don’t have the diploma yet.”

  “Yeah, we’ll finally get hospital experience, so that should be good,” Philippe continued.

  “Fuck it. No more talking about that. Now, we are on vacation. We don’t need to care about learning until September,” Claire chimed in, and everyone had another sip of their drink as we all toasted the fact that school was over yet again.

  “Are you looking forward to going back home? I’m looking forward to you leaving,” Noelle joked, “because I can finally steal Philippe for myself.”

  “Thanks Noelle, you’re a great friend,” I retorted as the whole table laughed. The others were definitely getting tipsy, the noise level coming from our table getting louder and louder.

  “I’m sorry Noelle, Sophie is the only girl for me,” Philippe replied. “We are going to try and make our relationship last long distance.”

  “Oh, my sister tried that once with her boyfriend when he moved to Berlin for work,” Olivier started. “Eventually they broke up because they were so far apart, and also he had a second girlfriend he hadn’t told her about.”

  “Well, I promise you Sophie, I don’t have another girlfriend. We might be a world apart, but I’ll never stop loving you.”

  “Awwwwwww,” came the chorus from the rest of the group as my face went crimson.

  “See? How could I possibly let go of a man so sweet, even if we can’t be together?” I asked everyone, taking hold of Philippe’s arm and resting my head against his shoulder.

  “What are you girls doing fawning over Philippe?” Olivier asked. “Julien and I are perfectly handsome, young, single men.”

  “It’s part of that wanting what you cannot have, of course,” Noelle replied. “But look Claire, we have been so blind. They are right. We must claim these two for ourselves, which one do you want?”

  “Well, I’m sitting next to Julien, so he is mine now. Olivier is all yours.”

  “Ladies, ladies!” I laughed. “They are men, not something you pick off the supermarket shelf, choosing the one which best suits your fancy!”

  “No, I have to say I’m pretty happy with the way this went,” Olivier argued. The whole table laughed as Julien signalled to the waitress to bring another bottle of wine.

  The night continued until finally the restaurant was closing and we were unceremoniously kicked out. The other four were all well and truly past the “buzzed” stage.

  “Hey, Julien, should we go back to my place?” Claire asked, clinging onto her new date’s arm.

  “I think that’s a great idea,” he replied, winking at Philippe.

  “Don’t think you’re the only one getting action tonight, I have roommates but Olivier I’m sure your place is wonderful.”

  “Oh you have no idea, Noelle,” Olivier replied, a huge grin on his face.

  As our party split up, the others heading towards a night of passion, Philippe and I giggled.

  “It’s funny being the only sober ones around drunk people, I’ve found,” I told him.

  “Yes, it definitely makes you think twice about drinking yourself. I hope I don’t look that silly when I do it.”

  “Well, who knows, we may have inadvertently set up a few lovely relationships tonight,” I replied. “But I don’t want them to be the only ones getting action tonight,” I continued, lowering my voice seductively.

  “Are you sure? I mean, I’m still happy to take it slow.”

  “I’m sure. I think that milkshake went to my head,” I added with a grin, and Philippe took my arm.

  “Well, let’s go home then. I’ve wanted to do this to you for so long, I can barely wait.”

  We barely made it inside the door before Philippe and I were all over each other. I was so wet, my panties were completely soaked by the time we got in the door. I had wanted this for so long. I needed Philippe, I needed him more than I had ever needed anything before.

  He pressed me against the wall in the entranceway. A framed photo of somewhere in Italy fell to the floor, but we both ignored it. His hands made their way to my face and my hair, stroking me with a loving, yet passionate touch, a paradox that turned me on more than I could have possibly imagined.

  “Let me know if you want me to stop, if you need time,” Philippe let me know before his mouth was on mine. He kissed me with a passion, a ferocity I could have never imagined. It was like Philippe was dying, and I was the medicine. I was the only thing that could save him.

  “I don’t want you to stop. I don’t ever want you to stop,” I whispered, pulling away from him for a second before diving back in for more, which he instantly
gave.

  I wasn’t a virgin, and yet, as we began to make out in the entrance of Philippe’s apartment, I felt like one again. All of the nerves, all of the sensations running through me, it all felt so new. It had been so long since I’d done this, but more than that, I had never done this with a man that brought out this kind of intensity of feeling in me, this absolute need to have him.

  My heart pounded in my chest as Philippe’s mouth moved over mine. His kisses were wonderful, perfect, and I moaned my appreciation as he slipped his tongue into my mouth.

  I pressed myself against Philippe. I could feel my breasts pressing against his chest, my nipples hard and painful as they, along with every other cell in my body, were desperate for his touch.

  I could feel his own arousal and I knew I wasn’t alone with my feelings. His shaft pressed against me, harder and harder, getting bigger and stiffer as he pressed one of his legs in between my own, moving his hands from my hair down to my body.

  Philippe’s breathing became as deep and ragged as my own. He pulled away for a moment and we stood there, neither of us moving. The sound of our breath was the only thing we could hear. Suddenly, with a low almost growl, Philippe moved in on my ear, nibbling my earlobe while his hands found the hem of my shirt.

  With a swift motion he moved it up and over my head. Every inch the fabric moved along my skin drove me wild.

  “I want you so bad,” I murmured as Philippe reached behind me and unclipped my bra with one hand, letting the fabric fall to the floor, revealing my breasts to him.

  “I want you too, and I’m going to have you,” Philippe growled into my ear before moving his mouth down to my nipple.

  My nipples already hard and painful with desire, his mouth on me sent ripples of pleasure coursing through my body.

  “Oh, God!” I exclaimed, throwing my head back against the wall as pure bliss overtook me. Philippe’s hot mouth felt so good, his tongue tweaked my nipple gently, flicking it, teasing it until I didn’t think I could take any more.