My mouth drops open as I stare at her in horror. My heart begins to race and my hands drop by my side, curling into tight fists. She couldn’t possibly be telling me that she was raped as a teenager by the same fucking man who hurt my Skylah. “Tell me this is some kind of sick joke,” I beg of her, clenching my jaw and struggling to control my rapid breaths.
Her eyes soften and I see hurt deep within them. It’s something she clearly never wanted to share with me, and especially in that way, but it’s so damn crucial that she did. Hell, I don’t even fucking know how she knew about any of this. Maybe Shaylee shared it with her.
Tears spring to mom’s eyes as she looks up and meets mine. “I so very much wish that it was.”
Pain guts me and the need to hurl races over me. Seeing her like this, so vulnerable and scared tears at me. Even all these years later, she’s still hurting.
I throw my arms around her and pull her hard into my chest. “I’m so sorry, mom,” I whisper, shaking my head in disbelief, still struggling to understand it all. “How come you never told me this?”
“It’s not something you ever wish to share with your children. It was my lowest moment. I was so ashamed and it took me a very long time to be okay with who I was after that. I had to learn to love myself all over again. He took that away from me.”
“I’m going to make this right,” I vow. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”
“No,” she demands, throwing her hands upon my chest and shoving me back. “You’ll do no such thing. We’ve spoken to the police. Let them handle this. I know you’re hurting and angry, but please, I can’t have you getting involved.”
My blood runs cold. “What do you mean ‘we?’”
“What?”
“You said ‘we’ve spoken to the police.’ Who’s we?”
Mom’s eyes widen just a fraction before they soften with regret. “I’m so sorry, honey. I spoke with Skylah about this last week and we went to the police together.”
Betrayal hits me hard. “She knew about this?” I demand, stepping back from my mother, not trusting myself one fucking bit. My fingers curl around the open cupboard door and I slam it shut, desperately needing a release for this anger building within.
Unable to stand still, I grab my jacket off the counter and head for the door.
“Wait,” my mother calls out. “Don’t go. There’s so much more you need to know.”
I spin around, staring at her as though she’s some kind of stranger. “How could there be more?” I demand. “The guy raped you when you were eighteen, you didn’t do anything about it and then he hurt Skylah. It doesn’t get much worse than that.”
She nods, letting out a sigh. “It does, Slade.” Her tears begin to spill over as she makes her way toward me. “I’m so sorry that you’ve had to find out in this way. I’ve always wished there was some way that we could get by without me ever having to share this with you.”
“What?” I question, feeling my impatience growing by the second. I want nothing more than to get down the fucking street and demand answers out of Skylah.
“When I was twenty-three, I’d met your father and had your brother. Life was better and I could finally see a happy future. So, I decided it was time to come clean. I told your father about what Lucas had done to me and together, we went to the police to file a report.”
I shake my head, not understanding why this is important now. Clearly, nothing came from her report because he’s still roaming the fucking streets hurting innocent women.
Mom sighs and her bottom lip wobbles as she meets my eyes. “He came back, Slade, as punishment for talking. He hurt me again and vowed that he’d do it over and over until I finally get the picture and keep my mouth shut. Since then, I’ve never said a word, not until now.”
“What are you saying?” I demand.
“That the second he finds out about this, that we went to the police, he’s coming back here. I don’t know if he’s coming for me or Sky, maybe even both of us, but you need to be ready because that girl is going to need you.”
My eyes drop, hating that she’s going through this. “And what about you?”
“I already have someone holding me up. You don’t need to worry about me.”
I meet her eyes, realizing this is over but as I look at her, there’s still something she’s holding back, something she’s hiding…something bigger than everything she’s already told me, but what the hell could be bigger than what she’s already told me?
“Like a Band-Aid, mom. Just tell me, I can handle it.”
She breaks. Her brows pull down and I see her struggling to hold it all together. “Two weeks later…” she says over a lump in her throat, killing me at seeing like this. “After Lucien had come back, I wasn’t feeling well. He’d got me pregnant, Slade.”
I stare at her, absolutely blank.
Empty.
Hurt.
“What are you saying?” I whisper, terrified of her response.
She swallows and I wait with bated breath. “I’ve never done a DNA test, honey, but your eyes, your jaw…”
She leaves the words hanging between us but I don’t need to hear anymore. “Does she know?”
Her eyes drop in shame and I see the answer before she says anything further.
“DOES SKYLAH KNOW?”
“I’m sorry,” mom cries, nodding. “She did the math and worked it out. She knows…she knows everything.”
She knows everything and yet she never uttered a single word.
I turn and walk out the door as the betrayal threatens to break me.
How could she?
Chapter 12
My body is thrown against the wall after being torn from my bed. My hand mimics the movement of flicking out the blade only there’s no knife.
Where’s my fucking knife?
Fear cripples me as darkness bears down on me.
I let my guard down.
I’m too terrified to look away but the cool breeze hitting my skin tells me that whoever this fucker is just slipped through my bedroom window, a window I should have locked before bed.
How could I have been so damn careless?
Barely a beat has passed before his voice rings out, low and lethal, a tone he’s never used quite this harshly on me. “You knew.”
Slade.
Fuck. My body sags in relief.
What the hell is he doing? He knows where I stand on having men sneaking into my bedroom in the middle of the night. How could he cross that line? The first time he didn’t know, but now…something must be wrong.
I try to reach for his face but his hand shoots up, somehow able to see perfectly well in this darkness, and slams my hand above my head, keeping me completely immobilized. “What’s your problem? What do you think you’re doing? It’s the middle of the fucking night,” I demand, struggling to keep my voice down.
Even in this darkness, it’s impossible not to see the way his eyes blaze with fury. “You. Knew.”
“Yeah, so you keep saying,” I throw back at him, pissed to be held against the wall in the middle of the night while also pissed that I let my guard down. I never do this but since Slade came along a false sense of security came over me and clearly, that was a mistake. I struggle against his hold “What the fuck do I know?”
“Lucien. You fucking knew it all and didn’t say a goddamn word. How could you do that? I thought we had something going here. I thought I could fucking trust you,” he shakes his head as pain tears right through my soul, knowing exactly what he’s talking about. Daniella told him. “You talk a big fucking game when it comes to loyalty, but the second you could, you fucking betrayed me.”
The fuck?
Fury ripples through me and I push back on his chest, demanding space that he refuses to give. It’s one thing for him to be annoyed that I didn’t speak up, but it’s a whole other thing for him to accuse me of betraying him. Clearly, he’s only just found out and hasn’t thought this through, otherwise, I know he wou
ldn’t dare step into my room and accuse me of this bullshit.
“Are you kidding me? Yeah, okay, I knew and I didn’t say a word, but how could I?”
“Excuse me?” he grunts in disbelief, his nostrils flaring as his world falls around him. I honestly feel for him, I am so damn gutted for him that this is his reality. I couldn’t imagine what he must be feeling right now and I want nothing more than to reach out and wrap my arms around him, reminding him that he is good, but right now, I’m fucking pissed, and damn it, he’s going to fucking know it.
“You heard me,” I say through my teeth, pushing him again, this time getting the tiniest bit of space. “You were there when Blake outed me to the fucking world. You saw what that did to me. It was my secret to keep, my secret to share in my own time, and that was stolen from me way before I was ready to even consider sharing it. I was exposed, ashamed, embarrassed, and hurt. How could I have done that to your mom? My mother’s best friend. How could you be okay with me doing that to her? Me telling you that Lucien is your father is the same damn thing as telling you what he did to her, and I’m sorry that hurts you but this is so much bigger than you.”
“I have his blood running through my veins.”
I lean into him, hating how harsh I have to be. “This. Is. Bigger. Than. You.”
He shakes his head, the betrayal shining so damn brightly in his eyes that it kills me. He’s far too angry and confused to see things clearly. He’s thinking of him, thinking about how this is going to affect his world. Despite my explanation, he’s too far gone to see the bigger picture.
I step into him and reach up to touch his face, only he slaps my hand away. “Don’t fucking touch me,” he growls, bearing down on me. “You and me. We’re done.”
No. He doesn’t mean that. He couldn’t…
“What’s going on in here?” A stern Ben demands, barging through my bedroom door and sending the room into an intense brightness as he turns on the light.
Slade and I continue staring at one another, my heart tearing in two. My eyes begin to well with tears and I hate how damn obvious I’m being. How could I have let him close enough to hurt me? I knew better than that.
“Nothing,” I say through the lump in my throat, refusing to believe that he just ended this. “Slade was just leaving.”
He continues to stare and it’s as though Ben isn’t even here. “You heard her,” Ben rumbles when Slade doesn’t go to move.
His jaw clenches and he takes a step back and then another. As the distance grows, so does the gaping hole in my chest. His eyes are torn from mine and without a backward glance, Slade walks out the door and out of my life, leaving me gasping for air.
Ben walks deeper into my room but keeps a distance. “What was that about?” he questions without his usual chirpiness, clearly annoyed at having been woken in the middle of the night.
“It was nothing,” I tell him, fighting the tears. “I just want to go back to bed.”
Ben watches me for a moment but all I can do is listen out for the sound of Slade making his way through my home and walking out the door, slamming it closed behind him.
Why do I so desperately need to run after him and get down on my knees, begging for things to be right?
I feel as though I’m in some sort of alternate universe because there’s no way in hell I ever thought this would happen. I knew he’d be upset and I knew it would gut him to know that I knew whose blood runs through his veins, but I thought he’d understand. I thought knowing what I went through and having this being his mom meant that he’d be able to see things clearly.
I’ve never been so wrong.
After studying me for far too long, Ben finally nods and steps back out of my room, shutting off the light as he goes.
I find myself drifting toward my bedroom window and glancing out to see Slade crossing in front, heading back home. His palms are pressed to his temples, his head down, and looking absolutely gutted.
“Please look up,” I whisper into the darkened room, desperate to have his eyes on me one last time, but when he disappears out of view, I break.
The tears flow and I climb back into my bed feeling more empty and alone than ever before. For the first time since getting together with Slade, I find my hand slipping under my pillow and latching onto the familiar knife, knowing that tonight, it’ not going to do anything to help ease my fears.
Chapter 13
Nearly a whole fucking week.
I don’t think I’ve ever drawn quite so much in my life. It’s Saturday night and the week has been the worst kind of hell. Slade hasn’t even murmured a ‘fuck you’ to me. I haven’t had his heated gaze on mine, his warm hands holding me tight, his jaw-dropping smile giving me butterflies. I’ve been through all sorts of shit, yet somehow, I’m finding this one of the hardest.
Maybe I was right, maybe I was falling in love with him otherwise this wouldn’t have hurt so damn bad.
Crap. I can’t think about that. I’ve learned a few life lessons over the past few days and the biggest one is that when I think about what could have been, I crumble, each and every time.
Slade has looked miserable all week. He’s started fights with every single prick who stood in his way, he’s knocked out Damian once or twice, he hasn’t shown for many of his classes, especially the ones that I’m in, and what’s more, he hasn’t gone home to his family in a week.
I don’t know where he’s been staying but my best guess is that he’s been with Damian. I’ve had Daniella texting me, checking in and asking if I could keep an eye on Slade but that’s easier said than done. She’s hurting and I feel terrible as my own pain has been clouding my mind that I haven’t been able to be there for her like I should.
It’s been a week since we went to the cops about Lucien and so far, we’ve heard nothing. It makes me wonder if they even took us seriously. Hell, maybe they’re all in Lucien’s pockets. It wouldn’t surprise me; I’ve already learned that the cops in Aston Creek are dirty.
I let out a sigh and look around myself. I don’t know what I’m doing here. The smart thing to do would have been to stay home. I could have gotten lost in my millionth drawing of the way he looked when he said that I’d betrayed him or the way he walked from my home with his head down in turmoil.
I hate that my decision to keep this from him is causing him so much pain. Though, it’s so much bigger than that. This isn’t just me keeping something from him, this is his mom hiding this for eighteen years, this is finding out that he shares the blood of the devil. I don’t know how he’s ever going to come out of this but I wish he’d let me back in. I can help him. I don’t know how, but I know I can.
Music blares around me and the walls practically shake with the beat. It’s the usual end of week party in Aston Creek, currently being held in Rachel Carter’s home. In a perfect world, I would have turned my nose up to this shit and stolen Damian and Slade away to spend the night at the court near my home, shooting hoops while I fucked around on my sketchpad, but here I am, stooping to new lows just so I can see him, if only for a second.
I find myself standing before an array of drinks. My eyes scan over the sodas before drifting towards the hard liquor. Yeah, that’s more like it. I grab a bottle of Vodka and walk away and as I go to grab a cup, Damian steps into my side. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”
I shrug, hating how this bullshit between me and Slade has been affecting my relationship with Damian. After all, I only just started to really like the guy. “How is he?”
Damian sighs and nods toward the backdoor. I glance up and follow his line of sight to find Slade sitting out back alone in a dark corner with a bottle in his hand. “Pretty fucking bad,” he mutters. “Were you ever going to tell me what the fuck is going on between you guys? Because one minute you can’t get enough of each other and the next, he looks as though he could strangle you with his eyes. Did you fuck around on him?”
“What?” I snap, looking up at Damian in horror. How could he t
hink that of me? Surely after everything, he knows me better than that by now. “How could you say that? I’d never fuck around on him.”
Damian shrugs. “Hey, don’t snap at me. It was a serious question. What else am I supposed to think? The guy has gone from head-over-heels to nothing. Something happened and I’m waiting for one of you dicks to come clean about it.”
“It’s not my place to say,” I tell him. “I wish I could as maybe you could help me to make this better, but I can’t. I’m sorry, this is Slade’s thing and he needs to be the one to share it when he’s ready.”
“Fuck, Sky. Screw all your loyalty bullshit. What’s up with my boy? I can’t fucking help him like this. He’s going to get himself in trouble or worse.”
Guilt pours through me though it shouldn’t. I technically haven’t done anything wrong. “I’m sorry, Damian,” I say, glancing up once again at Slade. “I just…I can’t.”
Damian sighs and the way he looks at me makes me feel absolutely pathetic. He shakes his head as though I’m a disappointment for having decent morals and walks away.
Shit. Why the fuck did that suck so bad?
I’m left feeling even shitter about myself and I want to throat punch both of those dickheads for making me feel like this when in reality, I was doing the right thing in protecting Daniella’s secret. They wouldn’t understand unless they’d felt the shame of what being raped does to you, and they sure as hell wouldn’t understand until they’ve felt the fear of never being safe.
I did what I had to do and I refuse to be sorry about it. It’s time for those fuckers to get over it. From now on, I’m done trying to make this right. Slade can come to me when he grows the fuck up and realizes that this is about so much more than just his hurt feelings.
I don’t give a shit that he’s technically Lucien’s son. He already has incredible parents and the fact that he was technically a little sperm in some monster’s ball sack doesn’t change the fact that he’s an amazing guy who was raised to be a strong and caring man with good morals, respect, and an even better heart. He’s nothing like Lucien.
Lost Girl: Aston Creek High (Book 2) Page 10