“I need to get out there. Thank you for everything today.” He turned and walked out, effectively closing the door on our conversation and leaving me hurting for him.
13
Lilly
Since my father’s diagnosis it had been hard to keep from stopping by my parents’ house unexpectedly every chance I had. The only thing that kept me from going over constantly was the fact that we’d changed our monthly dinners to weekly, so I was able to keep a closer eye on my father. Other than being tired and losing weight, he’d been in pretty good spirits recently. It wasn’t until I walked into their kitchen the day after Sophia’s party and got a look at my mother’s face that I knew something wasn’t right.
Her eyes were bloodshot, dark circles made them appear sunken in. Her skin was pale and her normally put together appearance was disheveled. She looked like she hadn’t been sleeping.
“Mom? What’s wrong?”
She gave me a sad, tired smile as she slowly chopped a stalk of celery. “Oh, hi, sweetie. I didn’t hear you come in.”
I walked to her and took the knife from her hand. “Maybe that’s because you’re half-asleep? What’s going on?”
She let out a weary sigh and all but collapsed onto the barstool at the island. “Sorry. It’s just been a little rough. You’re father hasn’t had a very good week.”
It felt like someone reached into my chest and squeezed. “Is he okay?”
Hearing the worry in my voice, Mom reached over and placed her hand on top of mine. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. He’s okay. He’s just been a little under the weather. You know how it gets when a person’s sick. The nights are always the worst. I’ve been staying up to take care of him.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“Lilly,” she said softly. “You’re already juggling enough with the studio and your big show coming up. Fall and Winter are a stressful time for you as it is. I didn’t want to burden you.”
That tightness in my chest returned and my eyes began to burn. “Mom, how could you think that? You’re my parents. You and Dad could never be a burden. When Dad is sick, or you’re not getting any sleep, I want to help. Please, let me help.”
She looked so tired, so sad. This was the woman who kissed away every ache and pain, who held me when the kids at school teased me, who’d been my rock my entire life. I was twenty-four years old and she was still looking out for me. It was time for me to pitch in. I owed it to her to carry some of her burden for a change.
“You know what? There’s really no reason for you to go all out on dinner every night. Why don’t I handle it for a change while you go take a nap?” She gave me a look that spoke volumes about her faith in me when it came to cooking, so I amended by saying, “I’ll order a pizza. You and I can eat that, and I’ll make Dad a sandwich. I can’t possibly screw up a sandwich, right?”
Her smile was one of relief as she gave my hand a gentle pat. “Okay, sweetheart. You do that. I’m just going to rest in the living room for a bit. Your father’s sleeping in the bedroom and I don’t want to disturb him.”
Mom went to lay down while I prepared a grilled cheese sandwich and some tomato soup for Dad and put in a call for a mushroom and pepperoni pizza.
The ache in my heart only grew worse when I pushed the bedroom door open and saw my father, so small and frail, lying asleep in the bed. He’d always been such a force of nature when I was growing up. I even remembered back when I thought my father was invincible. He was a strong, proud man. Seeing how cancer was slowly ravaging his body was tearing me apart.
“I smell tomato soup and grilled cheese,” he spoke, pulling me from my dreary thoughts. I smiled as he cracked his eyes open. “I knew it. That smell could only mean one thing — Lilly’s on dinner duty.”
“Ha ha,” I deadpanned, as I made my way into the room and set the tray down over his lap. “Very funny, Daddy. Not everyone can have Mom’s skills in the kitchen.” I helped him prop up on a few pillows and took a seat next to him.
“That’s okay, Lilly Flower. You make up for it with the way you dance. Always felt like I was watching magic every time I saw you.”
“Stop it, or you’re going to make me cry,” I teased, even though I felt dangerously close to bursting into tears.
Dad might have looked worse than he had the week before, but I could still see the love and humor in his eyes. He slowly lifted the spoon to his mouth and sipped the soup. “So, I take it your mom’s finally resting?”
I could hear his concern for her in his voice. “She is,” I sighed. “Dad, when things get like this, you need to call me so I can help. Mom doesn’t need to exhaust herself and you don’t need to worry when I’m just a phone call away.”
“Lilly Flower, that’s just what parents do. You’ll understand one day. No matter what’s happening, it’s our job to take care of our children. We didn’t want you to get upset.”
I sniffed, trying my hardest to fight back the wave of emotion. “Daddy, you have to let me help.” I took his hand in mine, noticing how frail it was. The man I once thought could save me from every bad thing that existed was slowly withering away before my very eyes. “I need you to let me help,” I managed past the lump in my throat.
“Oh, baby girl.” He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into him for a tight hug. It was then that I lost my fight and let the tears fall silently. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for all of this.”
“It’s not your fault,” I whispered. “None of this is. It just…” I hiccuped through another wave of tears. “It sucks. I hate this.”
“I know, honey.” We were both silent for several minutes, just holding each other as sorrow filled the room. “Hey,” Dad finally spoke up. “Remember that winter the blizzard came through and dumped so much snow the whole town shut down for a week?”
“Yeah.”
“Everyone was stuck in their houses. You were going stir-crazy, driving your mom up the wall.”
I giggled at the memory. “I remember. You finally had enough of listening to us argue, so you came up with the brilliant idea to take me sledding.”
“Only we didn’t have sleds.”
At that, I let out a full belly laugh. “Yep. So, in your infinite wisdom, you decided I was small enough to use the massive silver serving platter that Grandma Rose had passed down to Mom on your wedding day. Remember her reaction when she found out what I’d been sliding down the hill on? I don’t think I’ve ever seen her turn so red in my life.”
Dad chuckled, his chest vibrating against my ear. “Hey, how was I supposed to know it was a family heirloom?”
We both burst into laughter. Silence filled the room once the humor had petered out. “Lilly Flower, look at me.”
I tipped my head up and looked into my father’s loving eyes.
“Those are the memories I want you to hold onto when I’m gone. I know this will be hard, baby girl. I know it’s going to hurt. But we’ve managed to make a lifetime of memories just like that one. Remember those times when it starts to get hard. Can you do that for me?”
A lone tear spilled over onto my cheek as I smiled up at my dad. “I can do that, Daddy.”
“That’s my girl.” He returned my smile and I knew that this moment was going to be yet another among years worth of happy memories that I held on to once he was finally gone.
* * *
That night, I decided it was best for me to stay the night with my folks. I wasn’t teaching until later the following day and Mom really needed a break. She was so exhausted that when I tried to wake her for pizza, she mumbled a few unintelligible words, rolled over, and passed back out. I pulled a blanket over her and let her be, hoping that she’d catch up on the sleep she so desperately needed.
I closed down the house for the night and had just crawled into my old bed when my cellphone began to ring from the bedside table, the light from the screen creating a soft glow in the otherwise dark bedroom.
I was surprised
to see Quinn’s name, and quickly slid my thumb across the glass face to answer the call. “Quinn? Is everything all right? Is Sophia okay?”
His deep, rough voice came through the line, sending a tingle across my skin. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Why do you ask?”
A quick glance at the clock on my nightstand showed it was a few minutes past ten. “It’s just kind of late. I didn’t know if something was wrong.”
He was silent for a second before whispering, “Shit. I didn’t realize what time it was. I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?”
I found myself smiling in spite of the weight still resting on my chest from the stress with my father. “No. I wasn’t asleep. So, what’s up?”
“I was just…” When he trailed off, I got the weird sense that he wasn’t sure of himself, like he was nervous to be calling me in the middle of the night. “I knew you had dinner with your folks tonight and I wanted to check on you. See how you’re doing.”
Warmth spread threw my limbs and my heart gave a little jump in my chest. He was checking up on me. He knew how hard all of this was, and just wanted to make sure I was okay. At that realization, the weight seemed to lessen just a bit.
I was suddenly choked up at the show of support. “Thank you,” I managed to say on a whisper. “That… that means a lot.”
“So how’s your dad doing?”
I let out a sigh and stacked the pillows behind my back in an effort to get comfortable. “He’s had a tough few days. I’m staying the night to try and give my mom a break. She was exhausted by the time I showed up.”
“I’m so sorry, Lilly.”
“It’s okay,” I spoke. “It sucks, but it is what it is.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
God, this man. The more time I spent getting to know him, the blurrier the line between friends and something more became. He made it damn near impossible to not fall for him.
“Just talking to you helps,” I answered truthfully. “It might sound crazy, but knowing I can vent to you if I need to really helps.”
His voice was soft as he said, “I get it. Believe me. And I’m always here. You need me, you call. Day or night. Got it?”
I giggled into the phone at his bossy demeanor. “Yes sir.”
His voice sounded thicker, gravelly when he spoke again. “I should let you get some sleep. See you tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” I breathed. “And Quinn?”
“I’m here.” And he really was. That meant more to me than he could ever know.
“Thank you for calling.”
“Always. Night, Lilly.”
“Night, Quinn.” I ended the call and snuggled down into the bed, closing my eyes on a heavy exhale.
Thanks to Quinn being my friend when I needed one the most, sleep came easily that night.
14
Lilly
I hated having to leave my parents the next day to make the drive back to Pembrooke, but the two of them had teamed up against me and practically forced me out the door. They said I had classes to teach and responsibilities of my own. I wanted to stay and help take care of them both, but they insisted they’d be just fine without me. I knew it was their way of looking out for me, but that didn’t help to lessen the tension I was carrying around in the pit of my stomach.
I tried throwing myself into work, tried pouring all my stress and anxiety out in dance, but it just wasn’t working. I was on edge, and it showed. By the time my last class of the day came to an end, I felt ready to snap.
Pasting a fake smile on my face, I began winding my way through the crowd of parents picking up their kids, looking for an escape, when a hand on my elbow caused me to stop. I spun around to find Quinn looking down at me, his pale green eyes full of concern.
“Hey,” I greeted.
“Hey. You okay?”
With a sigh, I tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear. “Yeah, I’m good. Just ready for this day to be over, I guess.”
“I know the feeling.” It was then that I noticed the tension around his eyes and mouth. Something was on his mind.
“I get the feeling I should be asking you the same question. What’s up?”
“What? Nothing. I’m good.” It was clearly a lie. He’d been a good enough friend to ask how I was doing, but I could tell he was holding something back. It was written all over his face.
One of my brows quirked up in skepticism, and I crossed my arms over my chest. “Yeah? Well, for someone who’s good, you’re looking rather constipated.”
By the way his eyes bugged out and a rumble of bewildered laughter broke from his throat, I knew my comment had shocked him. “Constipated?” His eyes sparkled with humor that made my heart leap just a little bit. “Wow. Colorful analogy, Lil.”
Lil. It was the first time he’d ever used any type of nickname with me, and I was suddenly ridiculously giddy at the thought that our friendship had evolved to that level of comfort. “You’re welcome.” I smiled. “Now tell me what’s up, because I know you’re not as fine as you’re claiming to be. We have a truce, remember? We’re supposed to be trying this whole friendship thing out. Grumpy Quinn is only allowed to come out once a month.”
His eyes brightened just a bit more, but despite all my effort, I still couldn’t pull a genuine smile from the man. It was almost infuriating. “I’m not grumpy,” he stated softly, “I’m just…”
“Just what?” I pushed.
He let out a sigh and ran his long fingers through his sandy blond hair. “Stressed, I guess. Tony asked if I could work half his shift for him so he could take his wife out for his anniversary. I said yes before checking with my parents. They’re going to Yellowstone for the weekend. Now I’m committed to working tonight and don’t have anyone to watch Soph.”
Sympathy washed over me as I took in his concerned expression. I couldn’t imagine how hard it was for him, trying to be a single father to a little girl, especially to one as rambunctious and lively as Sophia. Without thinking, my mouth opened and the words came out. “I’ll watch her for you.”
His surprise registered for a brief second before he replied, “I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You didn’t.” I shrugged. “I offered. I don’t mind. Really. I like Sophia, and we’re friends, right? Let me help you.”
Just then, the girl in question came scurrying over. “Daddy! Did you see me? Did you see?” She jumped up and down excitedly and, at her enthusiasm, coupled with the genuine, happy smile on Quinn’s face, my belly swooped.
“I did, Angel. You were terrific.”
“Miss Lilly said Imma fast learner,” she rambled.
Quinn’s eyes quickly met mine and he gave me a wink that made my knees tremble just a bit. “I can see that. You’ll be spinning around in circles in no time.”
She rolled her eyes dramatically, like only a little girl can do. “I can already do that, Daddy.” She proceeded to spin around over and over, wobbling around until she finally lost balance and fell on her behind. Without batting an eye, she jumped back to her feet and grinned triumphantly. “See?”
“I stand corrected.” Quinn chuckled. “You sure you can handle all this energy over night?” he asked, looking back at me.
I scoffed. “Pfft. Totally.”
Sophia’s gasp drew both our attention to her. “Is Miss Lilly coming for a sleepover?” She clasped her hands together in front of her chest. “Oh please, please, please, please!”
Quinn eyed me questioningly, leaving the ball in my court. I leaned down, running my hand over Sophia’s soft ponytail. “If you want me to, yeah. Your daddy has to work so I told him I’d come over and keep you company for the night. You can cook, right? Because I’m horrible in the kitchen. If we don’t want to starve, it’s up to you to feed us.”
“Yeah!” she shouted, throwing her hands in the air. “I can make you Daddy’s pancakes! They’re the best in the whole world!”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the fear written across Quinn’s face. �
�I don’t think your dad’s too fond of that idea, Little Miss.”
“I think I might be more comfortable if the two of you stay out of the kitchen. How about I leave some cash for pizza?”
I took no offense to that. Besides, it wasn’t too long ago the fire department was at my apartment. But still, I couldn’t help but tease. “It was only a teeny-tiny kitchen fire. No big deal.”
He looked like he was two seconds from having an aneurism, so I took pity on him. “I’m kidding! Me and Soph will order a pizza so we can Netflix and chill. Don’t worry.”
His lips quirked just a fraction, and I would have given anything to get a real smile from him. That quirk did nothing but make me more determined to wear him down. I was going to get a smile from him that actually reached his eyes if it killed me.
“I must be losing my mind,” he muttered under his breath. “Okay, fine. Lilly’s watching you tonight, Angel. That means you have to do exactly what she tells you. And no tricks.”
I hadn’t thought it was possible for a kid her age, but Sophia actually looked affronted as she declared, “I don’t trick!”
Quinn gave her what could only be described as The Father Face. I knew it well. I’d gotten it from my own dad quite a bit growing up. The reminder of my dad sent a pang of sadness through me that I had to work to swallow down.
“Yeah?” he asked, unconvinced. “What’s your bedtime?”
“Nine.”
“Nice try,” he grunted, turning from his daughter to me. “Her bedtime’s eight. Don’t let her play you. Trust me, she’ll try.”
I winked down at a bereft Sophia, earning myself a grin. “I think I can handle it.”
“Famous last words,” Quinn replied before taking his daughter’s hand. “All right then. Does six work for you?”
“Yep. I’ll be there.”
Maybe it was the little girl in me, maybe it was because I was happy to have something to fill my time with so I could keep my mind off my dad, maybe it was just because I really liked Sophia and her father. But whatever the reason, I was excited for my sleepover tonight.
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