I just couldn’t help myself. I knew Ethan was right to warn me off, but staying away was impossible. What I felt for her was more than just a physical attraction. That was definitely there, believe me. But I found I craved her infectious sense of humor just as much, if not more. I fought her friendship, knowing that if there was one person who’d be able to breach the impenetrable walls I’d surrounded myself with it’d be her, but I was a glutton for punishment and couldn’t stay away.
Even though I knew hurting her was inevitable. I could never be the man she needed. I didn’t have it in me to give her a life. There would never be a white picket fence with babies and pets running around. I’d had that dream once and I still burned from the memories.
When I didn’t find her anywhere in the lobby area, I gave up my search and headed for the studio where Sophia’s class was being held. Usually the kids were running around like they’d just executed a successful prison break at the end of class, but pushing through the door and stepping into the studio, I was taken aback to find that not only were they all sitting completely still, facing the wall of mirrors, but even the parents weren’t moving, with smiles on their faces as they faced forward.
“Come on. Miss Lilly!” One of the girls cried. “Pleeeeeeeease?”
I watched in fascination as Lilly’s face blushed an enticing shade of pink as her gaze darted to the ground and that dimple popped out with her shy smile. “Okay, okay,” she started, holding her hands up as the kids started shouting. When they finally quieted down, she continued. “But only if Mr. Kyle is okay with it.”
Something unpleasant twisted in my gut as the guy who taught some of the classes at Lilly’s school walked over all cocky-like, a confident smirk on his face as he threw his arm around Lilly’s shoulder. I was officially losing it, because I had a sudden urge to lunge and rip that goddamned arm off and beat him to death with it.
“I don’t mind if you don’t, sweetheart.” He smiled brightly down at her. The fucker. The kids went crazy and the adults all chuckled quietly as Lilly moved from under Dick Head’s arm and walked to the dock that held her iPhone.
Seconds later a song began to play and she and the douche moved to the very center of the room facing everyone. They began to move in sync to some punk who sounded like he hadn’t even hit puberty yet as he sang about begging some chick to have mercy on him.
The longer the song played, the tighter my fists clenched at my side, until my knuckles turned white. And it only got worse when they moved, pressing their bodies flush against each other as she wrapped her lean arms around his neck and he grabbed hold of her hips and pulled him even closer.
Was everyone else blind? They were in front of a bunch of first and second graders, for Christ’s sake! How did they not find this shit inappropriate?
Lilly finally moved away from him, and I started to breathe easier, until she executed some sort of jump through the air and he caught her, tossing her high before letting her slide down his body. I thought my head might explode. Just as my vision started growing red, the song ended and everyone in the room — except for me — burst into cheers.
Everybody acted like it was the most magnificent thing they’d ever seen. And although I couldn’t deny that both of them were clearly talented, while everyone else celebrated them, I wanted to commit homicide. I told myself it was because they had no business dancing like that in front of impressionable children, but the truth was, I couldn’t stand the sight of another man’s hands on Lilly.
“Daddy!” Sophia came charging through the crowd of kids and parents. “Weren’t they awesome?” she screeched, as she threw herself into my arms.
Before I had a chance to respond one of the soccer moms close by turned and spoke up. “They truly are amazing, aren’t they? I’d kill to learn how to do the Argentine Tango.”
Was that what they were doing? I thought they were just dry humping around the floor. “Amazing,” I gritted out through a fake smile. “You ready to go, Angel?” I asked, turning back to my daughter and disregarding the woman next to me. She was obviously an idiot.
“I wanna say bye to Miss Lilly,” she pouted. I was just about to tell her we didn’t have time if she wanted to make it to her classmate’s slumber party when Lilly’s voice spoke up from beside us, causing every muscle in my body to tense up.
“Hey guys.”
It had been a week, a fucking week since I’d last seen her. I’d been going out of my head picturing this very moment, but right then the best I could do was a quick glance over my shoulder. I couldn’t look for too long or there was no telling what I’d do. I gave her my attention just long enough to notice that her chest was rising and falling, still somewhat out of breath from her dirty dance with the needle dick.
“You were so good, Miss Lilly! I can’t wait until I can dance like you.”
Yeah. Over my dead fucking body.
“Thanks, sweetie.” She smiled sweetly and some of that anger knotting my gut untangled a bit, but not enough for it to matter. When her eyes hit mine, the sparkle dimmed slightly, and Christ, that hurt. She asked, “How are you, Quinn?” but I needed to get out of there before my head exploded. Nothing was going right. Anxiety mixed with an unhealthy dose of jealousy raged in my blood, and if I didn’t leave, I was going to cause a scene.
“Come on, Soph,” I stated in a flat tone. “We have to go.”
“Okay,” she answered sullenly. I caught a glance of Lilly’s face, just enough to notice that I’d hurt her feelings again, but there was nothing to be done. If I stayed any longer the chances of me making the situation worse continued to grow. As I grabbed my daughter’s hand and led her from the building without a backward glance, I hated myself just a little more.
* * *
Lilly
Quinn’s propensity to run hot and cold was beginning to become too much. There was something about him, something I saw in him that drew me to him, kind of like a kindred spirit. I could see the pain, still fresh behind his eyes, and knew we shared that in common, but I was getting whiplash from his mood swings. He’d been texting all weekend, asking to talk, but the first time I saw him after arriving home from Denver, he acted like a jackass.
Fuck him.
As I puttered around my apartment with a glass of wine in hand, trying to keep myself from calling Eliza and laying all my problems on her shoulders, that sense of loneliness began to creep back in. I wanted my best friend. I wanted to bitch and whine to her about all the bad shit going on in my life, but I knew that wasn’t fair. She was happy, pregnant with her and her husband’s first baby. She was finally in a good place after so many years of sitting stagnant, she didn’t deserve for me to heap all my problems on her.
Maybe I just needed to cut my losses with Quinn, accept that we couldn’t be friends and just move on. But every time I considered doing that, my heart physically ached. It wasn’t the attraction to him that kept me holding on. Sure, that was definitely there, but it was more. After the night I danced for him, I couldn’t help but feel a connection. I’d opened up to him, sharing pieces of myself that I hadn’t shared with anyone but Eliza.
He’d been so easy to talk to, and with him listening, there had been brief snatches of time where the loneliness was beaten back. The question was, were those brief snatches worth the other times he made me feel undeserving? Less than important? He had the uncanny ability to make me feel on top of the world one second and lower than pond scum the next.
I knew he regretted every time he hurt me, it was written all over his face. But wasn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome? I kept expecting for Quinn to shed the rough exterior, stop letting me close only to shove me away again, but every time I thought I’d made progress, he reverted back to his usual asshole ways.
Was that insanity?
None of the answers I was seeking came to me as I paced my apartment, so I eventually caved and turned on the TV after refilling my glass, flipping
from channel to channel in the hopes of landing on some mind-numbing show that would help to turn my brain off for just a little bit. I stopped when I landed on an episode of Vikings, a wave of nostalgia washing over me. I wanted to watch, see what my girl Lagertha was getting up to, but the damn show reminded me too much of Quinn.
“Damn it!” I shouted, turning the TV off and throwing the remote across the room. “What’s wrong with me?” I shouted at the ceiling. Before I got an answer, there was a knock on my door.
I stared at the door for several seconds, long enough for a second, more insistent knock to follow. “I’m coming,” I called out, as I stood from the couch and headed for the door. The wine had affected my senses just enough that I forgot to check the peephole, and once I opened the door, I instantly regretted my decision to imbibe.
“Quinn?” Yep, it was Quinn, all right. And he looked like he could breathe fire at any moment. Looked like Angry Quinn was in full force tonight. “What are you doing here?”
“What the fuck was that, today?”
My head shot back and I had to hold onto the door to keep my balance. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
“Yeah, I did,” I snapped. “And the last fucking thing I need right now is your attitude. I haven’t done anything to warrant you being a jackass… just like I didn’t deserve it every other time. So do me a favor and take it somewhere else.”
I moved to slam the door in his face, but his booted foot shot out, stopping my progress. I frowned and demanded, “Move your foot.”
“We need to talk.”
“Like hell we do! I’m sick and fucking tired of the way you bounce from happy to asshole in the blink of an eye. I’m not doing this. You need to leave.”
I gave the door another shove, but his hand came up at the same time, and since he was much stronger than I was, the door flew all the way open and he waltzed into my apartment like he owned the place.
“Oh, please. Do come in,” I said dryly, as I slammed the door closed and stomped in after him. So he’d invaded my personal space. Whatever. Didn’t mean I had to talk to him. I’d had just enough wine that acting like a bratty child sounded like the perfect idea, so that’s just what I did. Snatching my wineglass from the coffee table, I clicked the TV back on and began flipping channels again as I took a huge gulp. He wanted to talk? Well he could talk to his own damn self. I had no interest in listening.
19
Quinn
The goddamned woman was infuriating.
I came over to get some answers, and instead of even looking at me, she was hitting buttons on her fucking remote like I wasn’t even there. Like I hadn’t just spent the past two and a half hours pacing my house after dropping Sophia off at her slumber party, trying to calm myself down without any success.
“You mind?” My voice came out more of a growl, but it was taking everything I had not to go all caveman on her ass and toss her over my shoulder, tying her to the bed until she finally listened.
“Not at all,” she replied casually, waving her wine glass through the air. “Carry on like you intended. I’ll just pretend you’re not even here.”
“How much wine have you had?”
“Not enough to put up with you. That’s for goddamned sure.”
With that, I’d had enough. “For Christ’s sake, Lilly!” I barked. “Will you fucking look at me?”
“No thanks.”
And I snapped. Snatching the remote from her hand, I powered the TV off and shoved it into the pocket of my jeans. If she wanted it, she could come get it. And I couldn’t lie, the idea of her digging around in my jeans held a hell of a lot of appeal.
“Hey! I was watching that!”
“And now you’re not. Start talking.”
She shoved up from the couch and got in my face. “Start talking? Have you lost your mind?!” Christ, she was something else. How I ever thought, for even a second, that she was anything like Addy was beyond me. She was harsh where Addy was soft, argumentative where my wife was compliant, loud when my Addison was quiet. She pushed back. That was something Addison had only ever done once… right before she died. They couldn’t have possibly been more different. But in spite of that — maybe even because of that — I was unbelievably attracted to the woman. It was that attraction that scared the living shit out of me. It was unlike anything I’d felt before, even for my wife, who’d been the love of my life. It was why I pushed Lilly away, causing her pain that I felt down to my very bones. But something in me had snapped tonight, and despite the fear, I couldn’t make myself stay away.
“You show up at my house, force your way in after being a complete dick earlier today, and you have the nerve to bark orders at me? You’ve got to be kidding!”
“And you let some fucking guy put his hands all over you right in front of me!” I shouted back.
“Oh my God,” she laughed in bewilderment, as she raked her hands through her long, silky hair and took a step back. “You have. You’ve totally lost your mind.”
I couldn’t have stopped myself from moving toward her if I tried. The more I got to know Lilly, the more that tether, that unseen force I felt between us grew stronger. I couldn’t not touch her.
“Wait,” she paused, holding her hand up to stop me. “Where’s Sophia?”
That one simple question hit me in a place inside I’d long thought dead. The fact we were in the middle of an argument, the fire inside her raging as strong as always, and she stopped everything out of concern for my daughter? I felt that in a way I had never wanted to feel again. And it made me lose all control.
My voice came out in a growl as I stalked toward her. “At a sleepover.”
* * *
Lilly
Oh God.
There was no denying it. In that very moment, Quinn was the predator and I was his prey. And how I wanted him to devour me.
But self-preservation kicked in before I could do what I wanted and lose myself in him completely, because no matter how badly I craved this man, in the back of my mind I knew it was only a matter of time before he did something else to hurt me, to push me away and keep me at arms length.
And I was tired of being hurt.
“Quinn, stop,” I demanded, but judging by the feral look in his eyes, he was beyond reason as he continued to move. My hands hit his chest at the same time the fire in my blood ignited. “Who the hell do you think you are, huh?” I shouted, slamming my palms against his chest. “Who the hell do you think you are?! You treat me like shit over and over and over, drive me crazy with your fucking mood swings, and you think you have the right to come in here and make demands? Screw you, Quinn! I’m tired of letting you make me feel bad about myself.” I laughed without humor again, because the longer he stood there, so close, the more hysterical I began to feel. “And you know what? It’s all my fault! Because I actually want to be your friend.” I punctuated the statement with another smack to his chest. “How stupid is that? Because on the rare occasion you aren’t a jerk, I actually like being around you. I’m not so damn lonely all the time.”
“Lilly—”
But I wasn’t even close to finished. It was like the dam had broken, and I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I was now ranting, and even though I was pretty sure I wasn’t making any sense, I couldn’t stop. “I’m just so damn tired of not having someone to talk to, you know? I thought I could talk to you, but every time I think I’m getting close, you push me away again. I just…” My voice dropped to a whisper as the fight began to drain out of me. “I’m so tired of feeling alone.”
I dropped my head, unable to meet his eyes as I fought back the tears. I wished he would just leave. No matter how much I was drawn to him, no matter the connection I thought I felt between us, I was mentally and physically exhausted. I just needed space.
But apparently he wasn’t having that. With his thumb, he put pressure under my chin and forced my face up. “I’m sorry,” he whispered reverently. “I’m sorry.” I could
hear the sincerity laced around those two words. My breath stalled when his eyes traveled down to my lips and the green grew dark.
I licked my lips as my body started to shake, responding to that one simple look. “Q-Quinn…” I stuttered as I moved back. “What are you—?”
He cut me off with a curt, “What I’ve been dying to do for way too fucking long.” Then, before I could pull in a full breath, his mouth was on mine in a fierce, hungry kiss that made every bone in my body go weak on impact.
My lips parted on a startled gasp and he took that as an opportunity to dive in. His tongue wrapped around mine as his hands grabbed hold of my hips and molded my body to his. I was so consumed by him, his smell, his taste, the way he touched me, that I hadn’t even noticed we were moving until the backs of my knees hit the couch and I was going down.
Quinn was like a man possessed, touching wherever he could, and I couldn’t get enough. My brain was on sensory overload, unable to process anything other than his hands on my body or his lips against mine. My legs spread, almost of their own accord, cradling his narrow hips between them as I tangled my fingers into that mass of sandy blond hair, pulling him impossibly closer. I could feel his hard length through the denim of his jeans, and when he rolled his hips, hitting that sensitive spot that ached for him, I had to tear my mouth away on a wanton moan.
One hand skated up my side, over the material of my thin sweater until he cupped one heavy breast in his large hand, causing a whole new flood of arousal to rush through me.
Welcome to Pembrooke: the complete Pembrooke series Page 53