Kate was doing something she hadn’t done in a very long time. She was hosting a dinner party.
And only one guest had been invited.
The kitten was a nuisance. It leapt onto the bed and got caught up in the sheets Kate was pulling off to put in the washing machine. She untangled it and put it on the floor. A corner from the armload of linen she carried out of the room was dangling and the kitten made a leap and swung from the sheet like an oversized pendulum.
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake!’ But Kate found herself smiling. And if she hadn’t had to deal with the kitten’s determination to get involved in the task, she might have been left wondering what on earth she thought she was doing when it was highly debatable whether Connor would even get the chance to find out whether she had clean sheets on her bed. He hadn’t responded to her casual invitation via text that she’d sent the moment she’d walked out of the airport terminal that morning.
And why would he? The last time Kate had seen him had been when he’d walked out of the morgue, having revealed so much of himself. Had he regretted being so open? She hadn’t seen him at all yesterday so maybe he was avoiding her.
The need to be close to him had preoccupied her all day after an almost sleepless night. She had gone over and over the things he had said and the implications his words had contained. And the more she thought about him, the surer she was of how much in love she was with Connor. And the more sure she was becoming that there could be a future for them.
It was a glorious day, this Saturday. Kate threw open the French doors to her living area in the heat of the afternoon and swept the courtyard. The kitten chased her broom.
‘You’re quite free,’ she informed it. ‘You’re welcome to go back home if you want. I can always donate your accessories to a worthy cause.’
The kitten rubbed its head on her ankle. Kate went to make sure the barbecue’s gas bottle wasn’t empty. The fillet steak was already marinating in a mix of spices, including garlic and ginger. The potatoes were peeled, ready to cook and then crush and roast so that they would be hot and crispy and delicious. The food was going to be deceptively simple and hopefully irresistible to a large, hungry man.
Because Connor had finally responded to her text message with one of his own.
You bet, it said. I’ve been waiting for a chance to taste your food ever since Bella said you were the best cook in the world.
No pressure, then.
On her cooking or any other skills.
Kate had a quiet glass of champagne at seven p.m., just before Connor was due to arrive.
The nerves were kicking in now. Kate was planning on testing a skill when she had no idea whether she even possessed it.
She had never even considered the notion of seducing a man before.
* * *
The setting was perfect.
Dusk had fallen and there were fat candles on the wooden table outside, the flicker of the flames reflecting on the crystal glasses and shining silverware. The barbecue was open and there were covered platters of things that were obviously about to get cooked, but even now he could smell something delicious.
The trees surrounding the small courtyard and garden closed them off from the world and Connor realised that he was feeling oddly nervous.
Had been, ever since Kate had opened her front door.
It was the first time he’d seen her hair loose since that day he’d brought Bella home with her injured foot. A long time ago now and so much had changed. He knew so much about Kate.
She knew so much about him.
Maybe they both knew more about each other than anybody else on earth did. The thought was scary.
Not only was Kate’s hair falling loose, she was wearing a floaty sort of skirt that swirled around her legs when she moved. Connor had only ever seen her wearing fitted skirts at work or jeans at home. He’d never realised before how much more feminine it was to see the hints of leg that came and went between folds of soft fabric. So much...sexier. Her feet were covered in what looked like ballet shoes but he could bet that underneath the pale leather, her toenails were bright red.
Good grief. He had to get a grip or he’d do something impulsive. Like reaching for that silky, shining river of hair that was just begging to be stroked. Actually, what Connor really felt like doing was catching some of it and winding it around his hands until he’d trapped Kate’s head so that he could position it perfectly to kiss her. Long. And hard.
He swallowed hard and looked around. ‘No Bella?’
‘No.’ Kate was fussing with the top of a wine bottle. ‘She’s gone home for the weekend to visit her family.’ She cleared her throat. ‘Would you like some wine or would you prefer a beer?’
‘Wine’s good. Here, give it to me.’ He reached for the bottle but Kate stepped away slightly.
‘I can manage.’
Whoa... Connor slapped himself mentally. He should know how touchy Kate was about being given orders. Especially when it came to something she was perfectly capable of doing for herself. It wouldn’t occur to her to feed a man’s ego by pretending otherwise, would it?
And he liked that. Didn’t he? She was a strong, independent woman who was at least his equal in pretty much everything. Except...she still needed protecting, didn’t she? She was afraid of violence. Of letting people close.
Everything about this woman was confusing. Most confusing was the way he felt about her. Connor wasn’t quite sure why he’d accepted the invitation to come to dinner tonight but now that he was here, one thing was very clear.
He wanted Kate.
And...maybe she wanted him, too. Otherwise why would she have set this up? She must have known Bella wouldn’t be here and she’d obviously gone to a lot of effort to make things nice.
Nerves kicked in again. And when Connor felt something sharp attack his leg, he almost leapt out of his skin. He uttered a choice word he would never normally have chosen to say in front of a woman.
But Kate laughed. ‘Meet the kitten,’ she said.
The blasted animal was climbing purposefully up his jeans, the heavy denim no match for claws that felt like needles. Connor carefully peeled the tiny animal away from his leg. It was no bigger than his hand. He looked at the ball of grey fluff. And then he looked up at Kate.
‘Never would have picked you for a cat person,’ he said.
‘I’m not. Bella found it on the doorstep yesterday. I’m waiting for its owners to come and find it.’
‘Seems happy.’ He could feel the whole kitten vibrating with the rumble of its purr. ‘I think it might prefer to stay here.’
‘That’s what Bella thinks,’ Kate sighed. She handed Connor a glass of wine. ‘But I’ve never even considered having a pet.’
‘Why not?’
‘Oh...you know. The whole “fur child” thing, I guess.’ Kate met his gaze steadily. ‘I’m probably further along the “no kids” road than you are. It extends to pets as well.’
The calm surety of her words was almost disturbing. In Connor’s experience, all women wanted kids. They were happy with a relationship to start with but as soon as things started to get serious, he knew they were seeing wedding bells and babies. That was why those relationships never, ever lasted.
He’d known Kate was not his type. He’d known she was different. What he hadn’t known was that her difference put her on the same planet he inhabited. They were two of a kind.
Made for each other?
Connor felt an odd sensation in his gut. It wasn’t desire this time. It was a strange feeling. Like a smile that wasn’t going to make it as far as his face. A sort of contentment.
It was a nebulous sensation, though. Newborn and fragile. Did Kate sense that he was at a bit of a loss? She picked something up from the table.
‘Look at this.’
/>
The device looked like a remote control for a car lock but when Kate pressed the button, the kitten scrambled from Connor’s hands and shot across the flag stones of the courtyard like a bolt of furry lightning.
‘What the—?’ And then Connor saw the red dot of the laser light that the kitten was chasing.
Kate was laughing again. She held out the device. ‘Here, have a go while I get dinner started.’
Suddenly the tension had gone. Onto his second glass of wine with the entertainment the kitten was effortlessly providing, Connor realised he was thoroughly enjoying himself. He picked the kitten up and tucked it into the crook of his arm, rubbing it gently under its small white chin.
‘You should keep it,’ he told Kate. ‘I’ve heard that the best cats are the ones that choose you, not the other way around.’
‘Maybe I will. Shall I put the steaks on now or do you want to wait a bit?’
Connor didn’t want the evening to end too soon. ‘Let’s wait.’ He looked around. ‘This is nice,’ he pronounced. ‘So peaceful.’
He smiled at Kate.
She smiled back.
And the silence suddenly seemed loud. Kate must have heard it too because he saw the way her eyes widened. Connor realised then that Kate was just as nervous as he’d been such a short time ago.
‘Music,’ she said hurriedly. ‘I forgot to put it on. Darn.’
‘Better late than never.’ It was like Kate had taken his nervousness and kept it. Connor felt confident now. Quite sure he was in the right place at the right time.
Kate was heading into the living area of her house. ‘What do you like to listen to?’
‘What have you got?’
‘A bit of everything really. Except for country and western.’
‘Thank goodness for that.’ Connor followed her to the CD rack. He looked at the disc she chose and tilted his head in agreement. He knew the music was slow. Romantic.
That smile feeling inside grew stronger. When the first lilting ballad filled the air and they had stepped outside again, Connor held out his hand.
‘Shall we?’
Again, Kate’s eyes widened but this time Connor saw them darken as well and he knew that she wanted this as much as he did. She came into his arms willingly and, despite the unevenness of the courtyard surface, he found she was as easy to dance with as she’d been the night of that fancy-dress ball.
Not that they were doing anything particularly fancy. Slow dancing. Holding her close. His head bent lower over hers until he could touch his lips to the side of her neck.
And then Kate’s head turned and her lips were right there. Soft and inviting.
He hadn’t kissed Kate since that evening on the beach when she’d made it clear that she wasn’t in the market for a relationship.
So much had changed between them since then. Had that conviction changed as well?
She certainly seemed to want this. Connor deepened the kiss and found Kate’s tongue with his and the world began to spin away.
Until Kate surfaced to drag in a breath. ‘Um...dinner?’ she whispered.
‘Forget dinner,’ Connor growled. ‘Where’s your bedroom?’
* * *
She could do this.
She’d never wanted anything as much as this. Kate lifted her arms to help Connor remove her top. Her hair whispered against her bare skin and Connor’s hands were tangled in its length.
‘Your hair is amazing,’ he said. He was holding chunks of it in his hands. Kate could feel her head anchored by the touch but she didn’t mind. Not when Connor’s lips were on hers again. When his tongue was dancing with hers and it was making her feel that she wanted more. So much more.
She wanted it all.
And then her hair was released and Kate felt the strap of her bra being undone and Connor’s hands came under her arms and touched her breasts, his thumbs grazing her nipples, and it felt exactly like it did in those dreams.
Only better.
Connor had shed his own shirt now.
His chest was broad, the muscles deliciously defined, with just a smattering of dark hair that arrowed down to the waistband of his jeans where he was undoing the fastening. He kept his eyes locked on Kate’s and she couldn’t look away.
Oh...Lord...
Kate’s mouth went dry with desire while other parts of her body did quite the opposite.
And then he was naked. Huge and warm and intent on her. So intent, he stopped watching her face as he took off the rest of her clothes. They were skin to skin now and she could hear the rasp of Connor’s ragged breathing as he pulled her so close she could feel the entire length of his body. It was like a dance move, the way he eased her onto the bed and then he raised himself on one elbow, tracing her body with his other hand.
Her collar bone and her breast. The dip into her waist, his fingers trailing across her belly as his hand lowered. And then he touched her between her legs and Kate felt the first brush of panic.
No... This was Connor. She could do this.
But even as the battle waged behind her closed lids, Kate knew she was losing. She could feel herself pulling away. Back to the safe place where she could just watch what was happening to her body.
She couldn’t feel it any more. The thrill of Connor’s touch was gone. It was pure mechanics and when the time came she would have to fake an orgasm. Just like she always had.
‘Katie?’
Her eyes flew open. Connor had stopped touching her. He was looking at her instead and his face was very alert. The blurred intensity of unfulfilled desire had gone.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked quietly.
‘Nothing.’ Kate reached for him. ‘Don’t stop...’
But Connor caught her hands and held them. ‘Talk to me,’ he said. ‘Tell me why you switched off like that.’
Kate was horrified. Admittedly the sample wasn’t very large but to her knowledge, none of the men she had slept with had ever guessed where her head was. But why would they? Sh’d never started with them in the place she had started with Connor.
Wanting this so much.
Wanting him.
‘I...don’t know what you mean.’
Connor was silent. And Kate felt ashamed of herself for lying to him.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered.
Suddenly aware that she was lying there totally naked and exposed was horrible. Kate sat up, pulling her knees up so that she could wrap her arms around them. Connor seemed to simply melt out of the way but Kate wasn’t watching anyway. She buried her face against her bare knees.
‘I thought I could do this,’ she said. ‘I thought it would work. I’m sorry, Connor.’
‘I don’t understand.’ His hand touched her back and Kate couldn’t help herself. She flinched.
The hand was withdrawn instantly and she heard Connor take in a slow breath. And then another one.
‘That boyfriend of yours,’ he said. ‘He didn’t just hit you, did he?’
Kate felt her breath escape in a kind of sob. ‘No.’
‘He raped you.’ Connor’s voice was as harsh as the word. ‘My God, Kate. How old were you?’
‘Fifteen. I...I wouldn’t have sex with him. I was too scared. And when he hit me I was even more frightened and I tried to run away and...and...’
And Kate wanted to cry but the tears that might have been a relief were locked away along with all the wonderful feelings that Connor’s touch had been able to give her.
Connor groaned. A desperately sad sound that only made Kate want to cry even more. ‘It was too soon, that’s all. You weren’t ready for this.’
Kate shook her head. ‘It won’t work.’
‘Don’t say that.’
Kate felt the bed move as Connor s
tood up. She watched him through the tangle of her lashes as he stood beside the bed for a long moment and then he surprised her by turning and dropping to his knees.
‘Kate, I don’t know what’s going on between us but it feels important. Important enough to be bigger than sex. We’ll sort this out. You wanted me to make love to you, didn’t you?’
‘Yes.’
‘And it was good until...’
Until he’d touched her in that particular place. Kate nodded.
‘So it can be good again.’
‘You don’t understand.’ Kate’s voice was weary. ‘The only way I’ve ever been able to have sex with anyone was to distance myself. Kind of like the way you do when you have to do an autopsy or something. I didn’t want to feel like that with you because...’
‘Because what, Katie?’ Connor’s voice was gentle.
‘Because I...care about you.’ This was bad enough, without revealing just how much she cared about him. That was a grief that would have to stay very private. ‘I thought it could be...I don’t know...real.’
Connor’s face looked grim now. He didn’t know what to say. Or maybe he simply wanted to escape. Kate had to look away. Still, Connor didn’t move. Did he need more of a reason? She could give him one.
‘It’s not just the sex that got screwed up for me,’ she said quietly. ‘There was a...a baby.’
She heard the sharp intake of his shocked breath.
‘Oh, my God,’ Connor breathed. ‘Did it...? Did you...?’
‘I lost it.’ Kate clamped her lips together hard. That was all she was prepared to say. All she could say right now, without the rest of her heart out, and if she did that, how could she survive?
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, yet again. She made her tone final this time. She rolled away to the other side of the bed. ‘I’m going to the bathroom,’ she told him. ‘Maybe you should get dressed and go. You don’t have to stay. I know how awkward this is...for both of us.’
The Legendary Playboy Surgeon Page 12