The thing with Damien was that he was painfully in control of any situation even at the worst of times. By the tone of his voice he didn’t sound intimidated or upset, he sounded as if he rehearsed this for a public speech to convince people that radioactive waste was safe.
“Bullshit! You knew this all along and if you had told me about this back when we were in the military, I would have tried to at least be supportive of Rae, and I would have had a chance to get to know my own son.”
“I swear to you, I didn’t know. She never even told our parents you were the father.”
“For fuck sakes man, I have no idea how to raise a son,” I admitted and pinched the bridge of my nose.
“So you’re planning on raising Braden?”
“No, yes, I mean, I have no idea. I’ve sent Samson to go fetch them and bring them to Denver, I honestly have no idea what to expect.”
“A word of advice, they are both fragile, especially Braden so try and stay calm. Things will work themselves out.”
What did he mean by fragile, was Rae in some sort of trouble?
“Fragile, how?”
“That my friend, you will soon figure out, all I’m asking is that you take the time to listen to Rae,” he said. But I wasn’t so sure if I could be tamed after finding out that the mother of my child had kept him hidden from me as if he was a dirty secret.
“I can’t promise you that, but I’ll try,” I said and then hung up.
There were so many secrets all of a sudden, and I had no idea how to handle it. In my world, it was a matter of black and white. You tackle the player; you steal the ball you score a tri. There were no grey areas, but now I was facing a million shades of grey all at the same time.
Raedene
Everything just happened so fast, by nine o’clock the next morning a Lexus pulled up in front of the house and good old Samson got out and opened the door for us. Some things never change; I can still remember him being dropped off at college by Samson. Caleb was always the spoiled, rich kid amongst the rest of us. Things did however change drastically after his parents’ divorce, and for some reason I figured that he may have finally descended by force of gravity and tasted real-life after he left for the military.
“Miss Callaway, it’s lovely to see you again,” Samson greeted me with a friendly smile.
“Hi Samson, it’s been a while hasn’t it?”
“Indeed. And I see your little boy looks just like you,” he commented.
It was true, Braden had my strawberry blonde hair and forest green eyes, but on closer inspection the shape of his mouth and nose was a cloned copy of Caleb’s.
“Yes he has my eyes, but that’s about it.” Did Samson know that Braden was Caleb’s son? Unsure of what Caleb had confided in his old friend, I omitted to mention the resemblances between the two.
The closer we got to Denver the more nervous I became, so much so that I could feel a hollow form in the pit of my stomach. The last time I was this nervous was when I found out I was pregnant. It was like yesterday when I looked at the two pink lines on the pregnancy test, and now I had no idea how I was going to explain to Caleb why I never told him.
As we turned into the driveway through the large automated gates I wanted to run. He really outdid himself this time. The house looked like a glorified bachelor pad with a masterful modern cubed design and large windows. It was nothing short of a glass house apart from the concrete and wood that panelled the sides, definitely not designed for a family or kids. Not that I was actually hoping to rekindle an old flame, frankly there was nothing left to rekindle.
To make matters worse, Caleb was standing outside on the stairs, legs apart and his arms folded across his chest. Completely transformed, he was much bulkier in his biceps and chest than I remember. The frown that furrowed between his brows was intimidating and for a moment I contemplated asking Samson to take me back home. If it wasn’t for Braden, I probably would have been gone by now.
Caleb reached the car and opened the door for us and I attempted a casual smile, I could feel the muscles in my cheeks jump uncomfortably and I quickly pursed my lips to relieve the tension.
“I’m glad you decided to come,” he said without a smile but glanced right past me at Braden who was still fast asleep on the back seat.
You didn’t really give me a choice, I thought to say, but instead I nodded, “It wasn’t too much trouble.”
Samson brought our luggage and came to stand beside me and Caleb’s frown deepened, “Is that all you have with you?”
What did he expect, it wasn’t as if I was moving in, “Yes, it’s just a weekend bag, it’s enough for a couple of days.”
I saw the muscle jump in his jaw as he clenched his mouth shut, clearly holding back whatever he wanted to say.
“Samson will take your stuff upstairs; will you be okay to carry him or can I take him?” he asked hesitantly.
“No it’s fine, I’ll take him,” I quickly said and ducked into the car pulling Braden closer and lifting him into my arms.
“Are you sure? He looks a little heavy.”
“I’m used to it and I don’t want him to wake up in a stranger’s arms,” I said and immediately wished I had a filter.
The pain that flashed in Caleb’s eyes was evident, and I instantly felt terrible. Although he was technically a stranger to Braden, he was still his dad and it wasn’t exactly his fault that he never had part in his son’s life.
“Actually, my back is hurting a little, so if you don’t mind carrying him that will be great.”
I carefully placed Braden in Caleb’s arms and as his hand brushed my arm I felt that familiar spark that shot through every fibre of my being and from the look in his eyes, he felt it too. I clumsily took a step back and he abruptly turned away and headed into the house. I waited outside for a few minutes to calm the raging storm inside me. I was halfway up the stairs when my heart stopped, I could have sworn I heard Braden’s voice and as I entered the open plan living room I stopped. Caleb was sitting on a small square bench with Braden next to him looking through a state of the art telescope. I literally clutched the front of my shirt trying to calm myself down since it felt as if my heart was about to jump out of my chest.
“Now if you turn this knob just a little to the left it increases the focus ratio. Can you see the craters on the moon now?” Caleb asked Braden.
“I can!” Braden said excitedly, “Is there really a man on the moon?”
“I think there is buddy, but he hides so well. Maybe one day we’ll be able to see him.”
Oh dear god, Braden was having a conversation with Caleb, how was that even possible? Braden hardly spoke to me other than when he needed food, or water. Tears stung my eyes, I felt like a complete failure as a mother.
“Miss Callaway, can I show you to your room?”
Samson appeared next to me just in time to save me from a completely breakdown. I glanced at Caleb and he nodded, that was my cue. And with a heavy heart and a lump in my throat, I followed Samson.
Caleb
For a moment before Rae arrived I had doubts about Braden. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was really mine, but when I laid eyes on him as Rae placed him in my arms, all the doubt I harboured disappeared. He may have her hair and eyes but he definitely had my features. And now sitting here with him looking at the moon, even if it was broad daylight, it felt as if my heart was about to explode in my chest. He was such a bright little boy regardless of the sadness in his eyes.
I spent most of the day catching up with Braden, who told me the strangest story of his mother and sister, but I assumed it was his imagination running away with him so I simply played along. He spoke of them with such conviction that he could make me believe they were real.
Later that evening after he was settled down and was sleeping peacefully, I waited for Rae to join me for dinner. Naturally I had completely forgotten that I had a date with a friend and when the doorbell rang I cursed inwardly and rushed to do damage contro
l.
“Hey handsome, you ready to go?” Joanne said as she sauntered into the house.
“Hey, I’m kind of in the middle of something, I had unexpected guests that arrived a little while ago, can we do this another time?” I asked uncomfortably.
“Oh please, no need to hide your guests from me, we can just stay in and order some dinner.”
She was relentless, and the only reason I kept her company was because she was hot. It was all about the ego if I was honest.
“It’s a little complicated, but I’ll call you tomorrow and explain everything,” I said modestly, walking her out the door.
“Caleb?” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Shit.
“Oh who’s that?” Joanne asked and peeked over my shoulder.
“No-one,” I said and took her by her arm.
“Caleb, Braden is awake and he’s looking for you…” Rae started and then grew silent.
“I’ll be right up,” I said as Joanne pushed past me.
Great! Just what I needed, I turned to Rae and stepped aside, “Rae, this is Joanne, Joanne, this is Rae, she’s here with her son for the weekend,” the daggers that shot from Rae’s eyes did not go unnoticed, and I quickly corrected myself, “I mean with our son, so I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”
The way Joanne raised her brows was nothing but arrogant and to top it off, she looked Rae up and down as if she was something that the cat dragged in. I’m not going to lie, but Joanne lacked the humble-factor. And right now, I just needed her gone.
By comparison Rae was everything Joanne wasn’t. She was beautiful in a natural kind of way, she didn’t plaster her face with makeup thick enough to scrape off with a spatula, and she was naturally shaped, unlike the overly thin women that hang out in the locker rooms waiting to bait the unsuspecting sport stars with their glamor and haughty attitudes. My chest tightened when Rae disappeared around the corner, but at the same time relief flooded me when Joanne spun around on her heels and stormed down the stairs back to her car. At least that settled it, I only had one woman to contend with at this point, and Joanne was hardly intimidating. In no time, she would be moving on to her next victim like a praying mantis and I’ll be nothing but a memory.
I found Rae outside at the pool when I finally conjured up the courage to talk to her.
“You didn’t have to walk away, Joanne was leaving anyway,” I said as I came to sit on the lounger next to her.
“It’s none of my business, you can entertain whoever you want, it’s your house,” she said laying back and closing her eyes.
“I know that,” I said trying not to let my irritation surface, “But if you haven’t noticed, I just found out I am a father; it’s a lot of information to process, so I didn’t feel like other company. Why after all these years did you only contact me now?”
She draped her arm over her eyes and sighed, “When you left to join the military I didn’t expect to see you again, I waited for a letter or a phone call every day, and when you didn’t contact me I closed that chapter of my life,”
Perhaps I could have made some effort, but still there was no excuse for her to keep the pregnancy from me, “I know I could have written but I was dealing with a lot of shit, you know that.”
“I do, and I was also dealing with a lot. I found out I was pregnant, Damien had no idea where you were stationed, and I had no way of contacting you. Time went by too quickly to figure out how to find you.”
“So why now?” She sat up and looked at me; her eyes were glistening with tears.
“Braden is a troubled child. Damien and the psychologist suggested I contact you since it may help him get better,” she started to say and I felt the sting of disappointment linger at the realization that if circumstances were any different, I would still be oblivious to my own son’s existence. But Damien’s words to me reminded me to listen to her and instead of voicing my own opinion I rubbed my forehead and gave her time to continue.
She told me all about Braden and his past life regression, which explained the stories he told me. It was a strange one to say the least, how on earth was I going to help him with all that. She rambled on, finally telling me that the psychologist suggested that she introduces Braden to me since he lacks the much-needed father figure in his life.
“So let me get this straight, if he was normal, you would never have contacted me?”
“This is not about us Caleb, it’s about our son, he needs help, and the psychologist suggested I find you. We parted ways on bad terms a long time ago; surely you didn’t expect me to just fall over my feet to find you?”
“No I didn’t but I reckon a child is a pretty big thing,” I objected.
“You think I don’t know that? Love is a sham, you said, it’s something I can live without, you said, I never want kids, you said. Pray-tell what did you expect me to do with all that?”
I stood up and cracked my knuckles, how dare she hold that against me. I was bloody pissed that day when my dad decided to leave my mom for someone only five years older than me. Those words were said in anger.
“People say things in anger when they are hurt. You can’t be that ignorant that you would think I really meant what I said,” I said raising my voice just a fraction.
“Your silence spoke volumes, thank you very much,” she retorted and stood up shoving me out of the way, but as she stepped, she lost her footing and tumbled into the pool.
I didn’t think twice before I too jumped in, clothes and all. Instinctively I gathered her in my arms; knowing she had a phobia for water ever since her near drowning incident when she was only six. But instead of accepting my help she pushed at my chest and swam to the corner of the pool.
“I’m not an invalid, I can swim,” she spluttered and held unto the edge of the pool.
“Since when? The last time I recalled you hated water,” I said and swam towards her.
“I got over all that.”
I couldn’t help but find her little outburst adorable, and despite everything that had happened, I wanted her, right here right now. Not even the cold water in the pool could constrict the blood flow down south.
I slipped my arm around her waist turning her to face me. Her green eyes were wide and although uncertainty lingered behind the windows of her soul I could see that somewhere in that chaos was the affection I used to see when we were young and in love. Although I had no intentions of settling down soon, the fact remained, I still wanted her and as I dropped my head and captured her lips I let out an audible groan. To my disappointment it was short lived. At first she didn’t protest, she opened her lips and our tongues swept over each other’s but in a split second she pulled away and hastily lifted herself out of the pool and fled into the house, leaving a nothing but a watery trail behind her.
Maybe it was for the best; attempting anything more would just complicate matters. I had a comfortable life, a big enough bank balance to support her and Braden for the rest of their lives.
“Keep it simple,” I said to myself before lifting myself out of the pool.
Raedene
I was a complete mess after that kiss a few days ago. Especially knowing that it would have been so easy to give in to Caleb, but I just couldn’t. I may have known him years ago, but so much time had passed from then to now. And although I may not have paid attention to the sport headlines it soon dawned on me that he was somewhat of a rugby celebrity and that was just a little too overwhelming. Having long overstayed my welcome according to me, myself and I, I was desperate to get back home, but Caleb was making it practically impossible for me to budge. He spent nearly every day with Braden and watching my son blossom like a real four-year-old was worth the torture I had to endure. Okay fine, it wasn’t exactly torture, it was worse. It was self-inflicted stupidity. I pussy footed around Caleb all the time, sometimes sneaking around like a mouse in a cattery, expecting to be pounced on any moment. All things considered, one thing was certain, we were not leaving any time soon and since we might as w
ell get comfortable I was going to have to make a trip to town and stock up on clothes and other necessities.
I quickly tied my hair in an untidy bun and made my way downstairs to find Samson. As I reached the bottom of the staircase, the doorbell rang, it was just past eight o’clock in the morning and curiosity got the better of me, especially when Caleb came stalking past me, so I quickly snuck into the kitchen and stood listening.
“What do you want?” Caleb said sounding irritated, which was nothing out of the ordinary, but when the visitor spoke I froze.
“Mr Hayes, is it true that you have an illegitimate child that you only found out about now?”
“It’s none of your business,” I heard him say in threatening tone.
“Will you be claiming custody of your son?”
There were a few clicking sounds that undoubtedly belonged to a camera. How on earth did they know about Braden? Joanne – brilliant, just brilliant, she was a real piece of work.
“I said, it’s none of your business, get out before I have you forcibly removed.”
“Will you be marrying Miss Callaway?”
“I said get the hell out of here, Miss Callaway and her son has nothing to do with you!” he shouted and this time I heard the door bang shut – Miss Callaway and her son – he didn’t even acknowledge Braden as his. As I turned around Braden was standing behind me rubbing his eyes.
“Rae I’m thirsty,” he said in a croaky voice, and as usual calling me by my first name, but I was so used to it that it hardly bothered me anymore. I simply picked him up in my arms and lifted him unto the kitchen counter.
“Come here sweetheart; let me get you some water, what do you say we go out and get some ice cream later?” I said and gave him a glass of water. I had to get out of here, get some distance between Caleb and I, and I needed to clear my head.
Seal's Professor: A Military Roommate Romance Page 29