“Jane … Where is Jane? Is she alive or dead?” She whispered Jane’s name over and over. Gilde said nothing else, although her heart longed to say so many things. She wanted to tell Jane how much she meant to her. She wished she had some way to convince Jane that she would never have betrayed her with Thomas or anyone else. But most of all, she wanted to express her deep gratitude to Jane for making her welcome, for making her feel at home when she was so far from her family. If she had the chance she would thank the Kendalls for all they’d done for her. Had she ever thanked them? She couldn’t remember now. Gilde felt the bile rise in her throat. Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Kendall, thank you for all the sacrifices you made for me, a stranger. I know how hard it must have been for you to take a child into your home. If I didn’t tell you, it was because I wasn’t thinking. I was so young when I came here, all I could think about was what I was leaving behind. I never took a moment to think of how all of it affected your family. I appreciate everything you did, all of you. I do. If only she had one more chance to say these words … but, now it was too late.
CHAPTER 20
Gilde 1940
After discovering that her adopted parents had been killed in the bombing, Gilde didn’t know where to go. She thought about going back to the Lawrences’ flat but she’d just met them and it felt like such an imposition to show up on their doorstep. Gilde wandered the streets shaken to the core and afraid until she saw that the home of a friend, Laura Paulson, a girl she knew from school, was still standing. She was not really her friend, it was Jane’s friend, but Gilde knew Laura well enough to explain the situation and ask if she could stay at least until she could figure out what to do next. The family lived a few blocks away, and they were lucky the building that they lived in had not taken a direct hit. Gilde knocked on the door.
Mrs. Paulson, Laura’s mother, answered. Her eyes were wide with shock when she told Gilde to come in. However, Laura’s mother gently made it clear that Gilde was to keep her visit temporary.
“You see, Gilde, Mr. Paulson has been out of work. Things have not been easy around here for us. He just recently got a job and because we barely have enough to take care of ourselves, we can’t take on the responsibility of another child. So, please, try to find another place to stay as quickly as possible.”
Gilde stayed the night, and the next day she and Laura walked to school together. All day during class, Gilde was worried about what the future would hold for her. After school she walked back with Laura to the Paulsons’ home.
Gilde and Laura went to Laura’s room. “My mom is serious. We had it real bad for a long time. It was awful,” Laura said as they laid their school books on the dresser.
Until now Gilde hadn’t thought about the Paulsons’ financial problems. But as Laura was talking to her Gilde remembered that Mrs. Kendall had brought food to the Paulson home several times. She even remembered overhearing bits and pieces of a conversation between Mr. and Mrs. Kendall about the Paulsons’ situation. She overheard Mr. Kendall say that he felt terrible because he had seen the Paulson family standing in soup lines.
Gilde didn’t know what she was going to do, but she did know that staying with Laura was temporary. She had recently turned fourteen and if need be she would drop out of school and find work. But who would hire her? She had no skills. And now she had no family, no address.
The Paulsons tried to be tolerant, but Gilde could feel the undercurrent and she knew that she was imposing upon them. Laura’s older brother made comments about Gilde’s German accent several times and that made Gilde feel even more unwelcome.
Every morning for a week, Gilde went to school with Laura. The students, because their parents had told them, and teachers, because many of them still remembered, constantly talked about how the Germans used poisonous gas in the Great War. The teachers warned the students of the horrible effects they would suffer if Germany gassed them. Everyone was required to have their gas masks with them at all times. Gilde listened to the others talking about the effects of the gas and she was terrified. It quickly became commonplace to see everyone carrying a cardboard box around their neck with their gas mask inside.
London had become like a chamber of horrors to Gilde. When nightfall came, the Germans rained a sea of bombs on the city, leaving fires in their wake, then in the morning the dead and injured were found under the rubble of churches, schools, and apartment buildings. Each night Mrs. Paulson blocked out the windows of her home with black paper to make sure that the house would appear dark, and that way it would not attract the bombers. A law was passed that once the sun set, no lights in any building could be lit. The city must appear dark to any overhead planes. Gilde couldn’t get used to the deafening roar of the warning sirens. They unnerved her.
As each day passed, the atmosphere with the Paulsons was becoming more tense, like a rubber band pulled to the breaking point. There was not much food and Gilde was always hungry, but she restrained herself from eating. She knew she had to leave. The idea of leaving was scary, but it was time to look for another place to stay, because the Paulsons were making it clear that they wanted her to go. An organization had come to the Paulson house offering to evacuate the children to the country during the bombing, and the family was seriously considering sending Laura and her brother.
One afternoon Gilde was helping Mrs. Paulson clean the apartment. She tried to make herself useful so that she wasn’t such an imposition. She was on her knees washing the kitchen floor when Mrs. Paulson said in a soft voice, “Gilde, have you thought about somewhere else you might want to go? I don’t want to hurt your feelings but times are tough. Perhaps you could contact the Central British Fund for German Jewry, and see if they have another family who would be more financially suited to take a child from the Kindertransport. Or you could go to the country. They are evacuating all of the children from their homes. We are thinking about sending Laura and Dave. But if they go we’ll have to send their ration cards with them and that might make things harder on us. Besides that, Dave just got a job and we sure could use that money. It’s just that we aren’t as well off as the Kendalls were. I hope you understand.”
“Yes of course. I’ll contact the committee,” Gilde stammered. What could she say? It was terrible to be living in a place where she knew she was not wanted.
Gilde didn’t have a lot of choices. It had been difficult enough asking the Paulsons to take her into their home. Now she would have to ask another family to make the sacrifice. Gilde hated to be such a burden, but she had no idea of where she might find employment or how she could ever live on her own. She thought of all of Jane’s friends. They had been much friendlier with her before she had the falling out with Jane. It was highly unlikely that they would want to help her. Then she thought of the Lawrences. They’d been so kind, and they were Jewish. She was embarrassed to go back and ask them for help. So she’d contacted the Central British Fund for German Jewry and they told her that all of the children from the Kindertransport were going to be relocated to the country. The country? She’d just gotten used to London. She’d just begun to feel comfortable at the little theater group she’d joined. Although most of the young people from the theater group would probably be leaving the city with the evacuation too. Without Jane she was lost, and now they wanted to move her again. The woman from the committee had implied that the Kindertransport children would be used as farm workers. It was an option. But before she took it, Gilde decided that she was going to swallow any pride she had left and see if the Lawrence family would take her in. They might say no, but she had to try.
The following morning, Gilde walked to school with Laura, who seemed to be getting tired of having her around as much as her parents were. As they trudged down the familiar streets Laura didn’t speak. At first Gilde tried to make conversation, but Laura’s short one-word answers discouraged her. In the beginning, when Gilde had first arrived, Laura seemed happy to have the company. Mrs. Paulson had decided that Gilde would sleep in Laura’s room.
As the weeks passed, Laura became more standoffish and easily annoyed. When they arrived at school, Laura went to class. Gilde didn’t want to tell Laura about her plans in case the Lawrences said no to her. So, she watched Laura disappear down the hallway. Then she turned around, left the school, and walked to the Lawrences’ jewelry store.
The door had been put back into place even though it was badly damaged, and the mess of broken glass and rubble from broken concrete right outside the shop had been cleaned up.
I can’t believe I am about to beg these strangers to take me in, Gilde thought. Then she opened the door to the store and went inside. The shards of glass had been swept from the floor, but only two display cases remained standing. They were empty. Gilde wondered if there was any jewelry left or if it had all been stolen during the looting. Mr. Lawrence must have heard the door open because he came out of the back room. His thin white hair was disheveled and he had a slight limp, but he recognized Gilde right away and a big smile came over his face.
“Nu, Gilde? How are you?”
He did speak Yiddish. She almost cried when she heard the old familiar greeting “Nu.”
Gilde said, “I am alright. But I have to talk to you and Mrs. Lawrence.”
“What is it? You need help? Money? What?”
“Yes,” Gilde said. “I am afraid I need help.”
“Alright come on. Let’s go sit down in the back and we’ll talk.”
He took her to a room with a table that was covered with equipment, papers, magnifying glasses, and various old broken watches and small chips of gemstones. There was a large box lined in black velvet. Mr. Lawrence saw her look at the box.
“That’s what I have left in inventory. No use in putting it back. The bombs keep coming. If and when I have a customer, I bring out the box. So? It works for now,” Sam Lawrence said. He kept the diamonds and gold in a safe. He used that stuff to trade with the black market, but there was no need to tell Gilde about that.
“Yes, I think it’s a smart idea,” Gilde said.
“Sit, sit….”
She sat down. There were two chairs. He was sitting in one; the other chair was dusty.
“When the bombs fell, the family I was living with were all killed,” Gilde said, taking a heavy breath. “I have nowhere to go.”
“My God, Gilde. You’re just a child. That’s terrible.”
“Yes. I know. I am distraught. But I am also desperate for a place to live.”
Mr. Lawrence nodded. “We don’t have much. Everything is so hard to come by now with the rations and all. But I have a few friends, and so we’re not starving on these rations. I am even able to get some kosher food sometimes. Before the war Lenore tried to keep a kosher house, but now, it’s not easy. We do the best we can. We trade our ham and bacon rations with our neighbors for other things. It all works out. Anyway, I’m rambling.” He smiled. “Of course, you’re welcome in our home. A nice Jewish girl like you. And we don’t have much, but, what we have we’ll share with you.”
“I also have a ration book. I’ll give it to you for my food,” Gilde said. “Do you mean I can stay with you?”
“Of course. If my Sharon or my William were in a strange city without anywhere to stay, I would hope that a Jewish family would take them in. So how can I turn my back on someone else’s child?”
“Oh Mr. Lawrence. You don’t know what this means to me.” Gilde started crying.
“Shaa. It’s alright. We even have a room just for you. I am sorry to say that against our will, William enlisted. You can use his room.”
“Should we talk to Mrs. Lawrence before you say yes?”
“Sure, but I know what she’ll say. She’ll be happy to have you. A nice Jewish girl. Why not? Maybe when William comes home, you and William might decide you like each other. And who knows, it could be a shidduch. Well ... who knows, anything can happen, right? But for now, you’ll move in. Sharon will be so happy. You know she has a hard time keeping friends. She says she’s always the outsider when she’s with Gentiles. But she has some Jewish friends from our synagogue. She’ll introduce you. Jews always have a rough time keeping non-Jewish friends. I guess that’s why we’re the chosen people.” He looked at Gilde and saw the questioning look in her eyes. Then he laughed. “Don’t worry. It’s been going on like this for centuries. Our people are strong; we have always survived anti-Semitism, we always will. Maybe someday we’ll even have a country of our own. Eh? A dream, huh? Why not, everyone should have a dream.”
“Do you think my parents will survive in Germany?”
“I believe that they will.”
“And the Nazis?”
“They’ll end up defeated, with their heads buried in the sand. That’s where they belong, isn’t it?” He laughed. “Don’t be so serious. Everything always has a way of working itself out. You’ll see. We try to laugh in this family. We laugh even when maybe we should cry.” Sam winked at her, and even though he looked nothing like Taavi, he reminded Gilde so much of her father at that moment.
Gilde smiled at him.
“Come on, let’s go upstairs and tell Mrs. Lawrence to roll out the red carpet because we have a house guest.”
Sam Lawrence was right. The family opened their arms and took Gilde in with a warm embrace. For the first time in a long time, Gilde felt wanted and safe. She knew they were strangers, and they owed her nothing. At any time something could happen and they could say go, like the Paulsons did, and she’d be back out on the street. But for now at least, she had a home, and even if it was only temporary, she could make believe that she was surrounded by people who cared about her. To make things even more like a fairy tale, she had her own room. It had been William’s room. His things were everywhere, but that was just fine. She saw his wooden jewelry box on the dresser with his gold mezuzah inside. In a drawer next to the desk was a medical journal, probably one of his books from school. A few items of clothing hung in the closet, and a pair of shoes he’d worn were on the floor beneath them. She couldn’t remember a time in her life when she had so much privacy.
Later that night, when everyone had retired to their rooms, Sam and Lenore were alone in bed. Most nights they just turned off the light and fell into a deep slumber. But tonight, Lenore turned over to look at Sam before she extinguished the light. A look of worry was on her face and a deep furrow had formed between her brows. “Why did you agree to this, to take this stranger into our house, Sam?” she asked.
“I had to take her in, Lenore. She was alone with no one to turn to. She’s so young, almost still a child. Can you imagine her alone on the street? What would become of her? She’s a Jewish girl, Lenore. If we don’t help other Jews, nobody will.”
“But we have so little, Sam. You’ve already sold most of my mother’s diamonds, God rest her soul. All that we had from before the war is dwindling fast. The business has gone straight to hell. Who needs jewelry when they don’t have anything to eat? We are in trouble, Sam. I don’t know how we are going to manage.”
“Like we always do, Lenore. We might have a little less for a while until this is all over, but we share what we have. It’s a mitzvah. And, she seems to be such a good girl,” he said.
“Yes, I suppose she is But what if we lose the war? Then we will have nothing.”
“If we lose the war, no one will have anything. And whether this poor child is with us or not, won’t make any difference as to whether we survive or not. Have a rachmones.”
“I do have a rachmones, it is a pity. I am just worried. You know that if we had plenty I wouldn’t hesitate for minute. But Sammy, we have gornisht, nothing.”
“We have each other. And we have plenty of love. Let’s at least share our love with this poor little girl.”
“Sam, what am I going to do with you? You’re such an old fool.” Lenore shook her head.
“You’re angry that I told her it was alright for her to move in?”
“How can I be angry, Sam. Your heart is so big. I have to be thankful
. I am a lucky woman to have such a good husband. Kenahora. Pooh, pooh, pooh.” She spit a little over the side of the bed and said kenahora, so that the evil eye would not notice her good fortune.
“So you understand?”
“Of course I do. It will be hard for us, no doubt, but you’re right. We couldn’t turn her away. It would be a sin. She’ll stay here with us. We’ll do what we can.”
CHAPTER 21
1940
Mr. Lawrence was right. The entire family opened their arms and took Gilde in with a warm embrace. Sharon offered Gilde instant friendship, and after school Gilde began to help in the jewelry store. It was her choice. Mr. Lawrence never asked. But she wanted to learn and she learned quickly.
“You know, my own children don’t have any interest in the business. I’ve tried to teach them, but no. They want nothing to do with it. You are going to be quite a stone cutter someday.”
Gilde watched as Sam Lawrence cut diamonds and she learned. Within a few months, she could fix a broken watch and he began to allow her to cut less valuable gemstones. At night Gilde and Sharon helped Mrs. Lawrence black out the windows as the bombings continued.
The theater group that Gilde had joined was too far away from the Lawrences’ apartment and Mrs. Lawrence didn’t want Gilde to go out at night.
“It’s dangerous anyway, that a girl should be out alone. Especially now with the bombing too? I think you should quit, Gilde,” Mrs. Lawrence said.
So, Gilde quit. But she enjoyed the Friday night Sabbath dinners, and the occasional Yiddish words that the family spoke. She felt warm and wanted, and she hadn’t felt that way since the Kendalls died. The family walked to temple on Saturday morning and Gilde went with them. She watched Sharon and learned to wear modest clothing. Not as modest as the extremely Orthodox neighbors, that Gilde had met during the bombing, but conservative clothing that was not too tight or exposing. The family tried to keep a kosher home, and for the first time, Gilde was beginning to understand Judaism as a religion and not only as a nationality.
Watch Over My Child: Book Three in the Michal's Destiny Series Page 9