by Kahlen Aymes
When he called her later the same day and then the days after and she wouldn’t take his calls, he was left wondering if it really had been a dream that was driving him insane. He’d barely been able to keep his head in work, thinking he imagined her scent on the sheets the next morning. Angel completely closing off after they had been so incredibly close left him bereft. So close; barely any words had been spoken, yet he remembered every breath she’d taken that night, every touch of her fingertips, her body’s immediate response to his, and each searing kiss. And how he’d lost himself in the dream of her. She was a beautiful, real dream… and nightmare at the same time.
Alex looked down at his phone again in disbelief. His heart was racing as if it would fly from his chest and the skin of his face and neck burned like fire. As he stood motionless in the middle of the room, he couldn’t breathe.
“What the hell is happening to me?” Alex ran a hand over his jaw and swept it across the back of his neck. His breathing labored in frustration; anger and something he couldn’t define seething through his body. “That’s it. I’m done with this bullshit!”
*****
Alex wasn’t sure how, but minutes later he was driving through midtown toward KKIS. He didn’t know whether or not he’d be able to get in, but then he hadn’t stopped to think. Period. Alex shook his head as he realized where he was headed and why.
It had been three weeks since he’d laid eyes on her. Three weeks since he’d kissed her mouth. Three weeks since that night when everything he believed, all his carefully built delusions, had come tumbling down around him in a thunderous heap. He closed his eyes briefly and was brought out of it as the shrill cry of a horn blew in front of him. His eyes flew open in response, and he swerved sharply to avoid the other car. He sucked in his breath.
Holy shit!
He was at the complete mercy of his wants, his needs… his goddamned emotions. Steeling his resolve, Alex pressed his foot down on the accelerator, despite the weather, as thoughts of Angel raced through his brain. The first time he’d seen her at Home Depot and then, fatefully, at the karaoke bar in that amazing dress she wore their first night together. The way her mouth felt under his, the incredible passion they shared that last night, and his incredible need to protect her. All of it was stunning and unfamiliar. As foreign as everything else he’d been feeling.
Blinking his eyes twice and shaking his head to try to clear it, he muttered under his breath. “I am completely losing it.”
It wasn’t long before he was pulling up outside the radio station. Angel’s newly repaired Lexus was still there, and his eyes flickered over the parking lot. It was well-lit, the new security cameras in several places, but it was still the middle of the night and it left Alex uneasy about her walking to her car alone.
The doors were locked and the lobby dark. Alex dialed Darian’s number and waited for him to answer.
“Alex, are you back in Chicago?”
“Hey, D. Yes. I’m at the station. Can you come down and let me in?”
“Whoa. Think about what you’re doing, man.” Darian paused. His friend was acting completely out of character. It wasn’t like Alex to run across town for a woman, especially one that wasn’t giving him the time of day. “How long has it been since you’ve seen her?”
“Darian, don’t fucking lecture me. Just… I only want to talk to her.”
“Call her then. Don’t ambush her. It might do more harm than good.”
Alex sighed heavily as he leaned up against the white brick beside the glass doors on the front of the building.
“I have. I did. A few weeks back, she came to me in the middle of the night. I thought I was dreaming, but I wasn’t. Angel came to me, and now she won’t answer my calls? And, all of the other bullshit with that psycho-bastard? It’s driving me fucking crazy.” His hand raked through his damp hair. “Chris put me through to her tonight. It turned into a confrontation.”
“Didn’t it start that way, too?” his friend asked knowingly.
Alex ignored the question. “Blow me, Darian. I have to talk to her.”
“Jesus, Alex. I’ve never seen you act like this.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I… care about this girl. Shit, it actually matters to me if she’s hurt or if she has the wrong idea of what I’m thinking. It’s complicated and I don’t have time to go into it, but I’m completely out of my element,” he ground out. “Truthfully, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here other than I have to see her.”
Darian sighed into the phone, feeling sorry for his best friend’s struggle. “Is Chris still there?”
“I think so. There are two cars.”
“I’ll call her and have her let you in, but please wait until Angel is off-air. Let her finish the show before you go into the studio.”
“Have you talked to her? While I was in London? Has she said anything about me?”
“Not much, Alex; only once. She wanted to know how you were. I’m sorry, man. Besides that one minute of concern, she’s been all business and sort of closed off. She’s working on some sort of charity thing, so I haven’t really seen much of her other than the one night I sat in on the show.”
“I see.” His heart fell.
“I’ll call Christine now. Alex, just—take it easy on her. For both your sakes.”
Alex breathed in deeply, filling his lungs to their max capacity. “I don’t feel easy, D. It’s like I’m ready to explode.”
10
Fine Line
There was music playing over the station intercom as Alex walked down the hall following Christine after she’d let him in. Wide-eyed and staring at finally seeing him in ‘real life’, the young woman pointed out the direction of the studio where Angel’s show was being broadcast. Alex felt at a loss for what to say to the girl. He was more concerned with seeing Angel.
“Thank you, Christine. It’s nice to finally meet you.” Alex extended his hand, and she shook it limply.
“Oh, yeah. Angel’s mad at me for taking your call earlier. She hasn’t talked to me all night, and I’ll probably get fired.”
“Isn’t Darian your boss?” He tried to concentrate on her words but all he really wanted was to bolt through the door that led to Angel. It was unsettling to be so uptight and worried. He was Alex ‘fucking’ Avery, and he tried to remind himself of that fact and also that Angel was a woman. And women had never been his weakness. He was controlled, confident, and in charge of his environment. Usually.
Christine shrugged. “It’s Angel’s show. I don’t know.”
“Is she off the air yet?” He glanced at his Rolex and then looked anxiously down the hall again.
“She was on her last call when she basically kicked me out.” Christine looked at the floor, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. “So, I guess I’ll go. Can you tell Angel that Darian let you in? Please?”
Alex’s brows dropped over his green eyes in sympathy. He was grateful for her help and certainly didn’t want her to get in trouble. He pulled a business card from his wallet and handed it to her.
“If she fires you, give me a call. But, I’m sure she’ll be too angry with me to wonder how I got in.” His disarming smile had the desired effect, and the girl smiled back as she waved and walked toward the door.
“Lock this behind me. I hope you have your armor, Prince Charming. That princess has claws.”
Alex’s face twisted sardonically and he nodded. He doubted Angel would agree. “Yes. I have the marks up my back to prove it.” He flushed as he realized how true that statement really was.
The hallway was long and the walls were lined with old records and CD’s, autographed photos of musicians, and windows into the various sound booths. It was dark; only low lights in the corridor with the remainder of the studios deserted.
He walked toward the one Christine indicated and glanced through the window that made up the upper half of the wall. The door was on one side of the window, and Angel’s back was to him. She was st
ill seated at the desk as he looked upon her. There were some headphones thrown down on the desk in front of her, and she was digging in her purse for something.
Alex’s pulse quickened, and he paused to watch her unobserved. She was so beautiful, her long hair like silk waves down her back over the dark burgundy top. There was a sad expression on her face when she looked down at the phone she’d just retrieved; her chest lifted as she sucked in a deep breath and bit her lip. The three weeks since he’d seen her felt like years. He drank in the sight of her like he’d never get enough, almost content to do nothing else.
Setting the phone down on the desk, Angel clasped her hands in front of her and rested her forehead on them. Alex hesitated only briefly as he struggled with how to approach her. He decided to give her what she’d expect from him: sarcasm and pith. It put him in control, and he didn’t want to reveal how much the outcome of this confrontation mattered. He yearned to gather her close and kiss her until she was breathless, but he couldn’t. Not until he was sure how she’d take seeing him. He didn’t expect it to go well.
When Alex pushed the door open, she was startled and glanced up quickly.
“Looking for another call from me? You’ll be disappointed,” he pointed out dryly and regretted his words when anger replaced the surprise on her face. “I’m not a masochist.”
Her eyes shot in his direction, taking in his casual elegance; offensively expensive designer jeans just tight enough to accentuate his delicious body, under a dark grey, long-sleeved V-neck that hinted at the smooth muscles of his chest, signature messy bed-head, and scruff on that incredible jaw. So fucking sexy it was criminal. Testosterone practically dripped off him in puddles. Her eyes dropped to the hem of the soft cotton shirt, her carnal knowledge of the happy trail just beneath it was enough to make her mouth go dry.
Angel forced herself to look away when her pulse quickened. She wasn’t sure if it was the surprise of him being there or the memory of his chest brushing against her nipples that fucked her up so badly, but the reason was irrelevant. She was embarrassed by her body’s violent reaction to the mere sight of him.
“Then what the hell are you doing here?” She grabbed her purse and shoved the iPhone into it, pointing at the door. “Leave! Didn’t the dial tone in your ear communicate well enough? I don’t want to talk to you!”
Alex glared at her for a split second before he exploded.
“Too. Fucking. Bad, Angel! I want some goddamned answers! The last time we were together, it was incredible. So what the hell is going on?”
She hesitated briefly, unsure when he meant. Every time with him had been incredible, but the last time had been indescribable. Did he know it was real?
“Everything isn’t always about what you want.”
He almost laughed at that, thinking how he’d been willing to give her everything she’d asked for and more. He’d been fucking dying to do it.
“I’ve been worried sick about you! I told you I know what’s been going on with Mark Swanson, and yet you leave me out here floundering!”
Angel said nothing, her eyes shooting fire at him.
“I want an explanation why you won’t talk to me or keep me informed of what the fuck is happening! And more importantly, why you’re running away?”
She turned from him and looked down at the purse in her hands, leaving Alex to bristle.
“It isn’t fucking brain surgery. You’re a smart guy—smarter than most, so figure this shit out already!”
They stood frozen in place, both of them heaving with the effort of their yelling, their eyes locked.
Alex softened his voice. “I thought we… were so connected. Why are you doing this? There’s something tangible here,” he said as he used his hand to indicate them both. “Is it only because of that prick? I took him down. He’s ruined. He can’t afford a pot to piss in, let alone a legal team. If he tries anything else, he won’t find it easy to get out of it.”
“Why? Why did you get involved? I didn’t want you to!”
“Are you really asking me that?”
“This isn’t about Swanson. It’s about us. It isn’t a game!” she shot back, her brown eyes flashing fire. “I just… It’s not going to work.”
“So you just slink away and cut me off? I never thought the great Dr. Hemming would ever run away from the damn truth! Please explain that to me. What exactly isn’t going to work? I know you enjoy being with me.” His tone was softer now, and when she answered, so was hers. “The fucking earth moves when we’re together!”
“Yeah, well, there’s more to life than getting off, Alex.”
He shook his head and laughed bitterly. “This isn’t about sex, Angel.”
“Isn’t it? I thought that was all you wanted in your relationships, and I use the term loosely,” she murmured in defeat, using both hands to place invisible quotes around the word.
“You know damn well it was different with you!” He ran both hands through his hair as he moved toward her, his voice growing softer. “I’m not sure what I want right now, but it’s not this abyss looming between us.” He reached out a hand to run a single finger down her back. “Yes… with you it’s more than amazing, but sex is only a vehicle. I can’t lie, Angeline,” he almost whispered. There was something in the way he said her name that pulled at her. “When I touch you, I’m… out of control.” It was an admission he wasn’t ready to make. “Once I start, I can’t stop. It’s never enough.”
“Alex. Please. Then don’t. Don’t touch me.”
He ignored her plea and both of his hands closed over her shoulders and ran down her arms.
He let out his breath as his forehead came to rest on the crown of her head. “Hmmph. That’s like asking me not to breathe.” His voice was back to the velvet tone, the one that coaxed and excited; the one that he used in their most intimate moments.
Why did his words melt her so easily? Why wasn’t she stronger? Why him? Why was she helpless toward a man who could break her so easily? Angel closed her eyes as the shockwaves caused by his light touch ran along every nerve in her body.
“Do you think I’m such an idiot that I don’t realize how many women you’ve said those same words to? I’m not good at this shit. I don’t fuck around, and you make me…” She stepped forward until she was almost free of his hands.
“I make you what?” He didn’t hesitate to take the opening she left hanging there.
She turned on him, twisting out of his hold and backing away slightly, her eyes accusing and the index finger of her right hand pointing in his direction. “You make me feel out of control, okay? I don’t like not knowing what comes next or feeling like I have no choice. I don’t like worrying about you when I can’t do anything about it. I don’t want to give a shit if you’re fucking half the women in Chicago!” Her voice was frantic and louder as the words ripped from her. “I don’t want to give a shit, Alex!” She stopped and centered herself. Alex could visibly see her regaining her control, and it was evident in the calm tenor of her words when she continued. “I can’t keep this up and not care. I know this about myself, and that isn’t what either of us wants. Is that what you want me to say? Let’s just cut our losses while we still can.”
Alex’s jaw shot forward in protest as he pulled back. “It’s too late! I am right there with you, and I’m not happy about it at all!” He was yelling at her. Alex didn’t even realize it until Angel flinched in front of him, yet it didn’t make him back down. “But it is what it is, Angel! I asked to spend time with you, so it is unfair to say I just want sex! And I’m not fucking half of Chicago and you know it. How have I made you feel like this? I’ve worshiped you!”
“Stop talking! Just shut up! This is pointless!” She put both hands up to the sides of her head and closed her eyes, unable to hear anymore or she’d give in. “You’ll never convince me I’m any different than any of your other fuck buddies of convenience and that’s fine! You never lied about how you are. I get it; it just isn’t for me.
I should never have gotten involved with you.” She looked straight into his face and dropped her hands to her sides.
“Oh, right. You’d rather have a lesser man following you around like a puppy on a leash. Does Kenny get a hard-on on demand?” he spat in disgust. “I bet he never opens his fucking mouth without asking permission first. I’m sure that’s immensely stimulating for you. Forgive me if I don’t fit your mold.”
“That’s the point, isn’t it? Swanson was just my excuse to end things! Neither one of us fits the other’s mold, so where can this go? If amazing orgasms were all I wanted, you’d definitely be my go-to guy.”
A few months ago, that comment from a woman would have pumped up his ego, but coming from this woman, one he wanted beyond all others, it left him as cold as ice.
“That’s enough! Stop belittling the time we’ve spent together! What do you want from me? If it’s for me to disappear, forget it!” Alex was more pissed than he’d been in a long time, and he couldn’t believe his ears. Nothing had been defined between them other than the insatiable need they had for one another. “Weren’t you listening when I told you that I don’t fuck around? I’ll be damned if I’ll sit still for you doing that just to prove you’re not in this!”
Angel was visibly shaking with the strength of emotions rushing through her. If he only knew she had no interest in anyone else and there was no way she was able to let anyone else near her now. Not while he was in her head… the memory of him inside her body, his kisses and his scent, his sounds, how much he made her laugh. She shook her head in disbelief. Alex wasn’t the type to allow anything beyond lust, and she’d already lost her heart. She’d known this would happen the first time she heard his damn voice.
“Hmmph!” she huffed. “Doesn’t Cole give you a play-by-play?”