He’d promised Ellen that he would call her when he knew where and when he’d be meeting with Peggy. That hadn’t worked out so well, mostly because he couldn’t wait to talk to his only child, his only daughter. How would Ellen react when she learned that Peggy wanted nothing to do with him? Would she be relieved or more likely worried about how Peggy would respond to her after learning the truth?
Hell! How did life get so complicated? All he ever wanted was a family, and now that he’d found his family, nothing seemed to be going right. He might as well make the call he’d promised her and get it over with. What he had with Ellen was long over.
He dropped his keys on the counter to the pealing sound of the phone ringing in the hallway. Caller ID showed Ellen’s number in Seattle. His first thought was to ignore the call. He wanted to do it on his time, on his terms.
Yet as the phone kept ringing, he thought that maybe it might be easier now rather than later. Peggy’s rebuff of him had focused his anger where Ellen was concerned, and it was time that a few things were straightened out between them. He picked up the phone. “Hello, Ellen.”
“I talked to Peggy. I’m sorry that things didn’t go very well when you talked to her. Truly sorry.”
“You can understand her anger and disappointment.”
“And it’s my fault. I made every mistake imaginable where Peggy is concerned. I should have told her about you. By the time she made her decision to move to Eden Harbor, it was too late to tell her the truth.”
“All these years, all the opportunities you had to make it right for both Peggy and me...”
“This is awful. I wish I could make up for my mistakes. It’s just that when Marcus died, my world fell apart. I had never felt such loss, such longing. Grief is a terrible thing. When Peggy demanded that I tell her about you, I couldn’t face any more sadness.” Ellen’s sobs reached out to him across the phone line. “But I should have done better. I should have called you when I knew she was moving to Eden Harbor. You might have been able to help her through this. Now, she seems to be angry at both of us, and it’s my fault.”
The anguish in her voice made him wish that things were different between them, that he could find it in his heart to comfort her even if he couldn’t forgive her. “Ellen, I don’t know what to say. All I know for certain is that I want a relationship with my daughter. I deserve at least that.”
“Anything. I’ll do anything to make amends.” She sniffled and cleared her throat. “Any ideas what we could do?”
“I’m going to try again with her, see if anything has changed.”
“If it helps any, Peggy has a very kind heart. She wouldn’t intentionally hurt anyone.”
“How would that help us?”
“Us?” she asked, her voice low, almost intimate, reminding him of how much he once loved this woman who had totally screwed up his life.
“Do you ever wonder what our life would have been like if you hadn’t run off the way you did?”
“Please, Bill, can we not go into this now? We have a more urgent problem at the moment.”
“That problem started with what you did back then. But you’re right. We have a more urgent problem—Peggy. Before we can work on that, we have to own up to what we did. We both made mistakes. You shouldn’t have run off the way you did, and I should have ignored my pride and hurt feelings and gone after you. If we’d acted more responsibly, we wouldn’t be in the mess today.”
There was a long pause, during which he assumed she was preparing her argument in defense of her behavior. Instead, she said, “You’re right. You’re absolutely right.”
“Then how do we make up for what we did?”
“Bill, would you object if I came to Eden Harbor? Peggy doesn’t really want me there, but I need to be there to help you. I owe you at least that. And after Peggy’s cancer scare, I want to see her.”
“Her cancer scare?” he asked, his heart pounding with worry.
“I’ll tell you all I know if you’ll let me come to see you.”
He couldn’t ignore the pleading tone in her voice. From years before, he knew that Ellen Donnelly did not play on the sympathy of others. The plea in her voice was genuine. He could either accept her request or he could deny it and let the distance between them continue.
Was that what he wanted? He felt a warm feeling in his stomach that climbed his chest into his throat. His love for Ellen had encompassed his life, defined him in so many unacknowledged ways. If he could simply let go of his anger and accept that their lives were inexorably linked together and would be forever, he might be able to find happiness with Peggy and have a decent relationship with Ellen. Whether it ever became more than a connection they shared through Peggy, he didn’t know. But for now he would extend the invitation.
“Ellen, why don’t you come to Eden Harbor? You could stay at my house.”
“You mean it?”
“I do. And if you’ll give me your flight details, I’ll pick you up in Portsmouth.”
Suddenly the line was filled with a gentle laughter, a joyful sound he remembered from their past. A sound that made him remember everything he’d lost and how much he wanted it back.
“What will we tell Peggy?” Ellen asked.
“That’s your job. You’ll have to figure that out yourself.”
“Will you mention anything to her?” He would not get involved in Peggy’s relationship with her mother. “No. If you come here, it will be up to you to tell Peggy about your visit.”
“You’re right. It’s going to be hard to do, but I’ll find a way.”
When Ellen got here, it would be up to her to explain her decision to return to Eden Harbor, not his. “Well, you can’t go on like this much longer, can you?” he asked.
“No, I have to fix my mistakes.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
PEGGY WAS DOWN on her hands and knees furiously digging weeds out of a flower bed, her arms aching, her hands grasping the trowel. She hadn’t slept last night after her conversation with her mother. Not only was it what they said but also how her mother looked—older and less confident. Not the successful, upbeat person she remembered.
Had their separation done that? Or was it simply that her mother was getting older? Deep inside she knew the answer. She’d left home and hadn’t been in touch, all over the issue of her birth father. She’d been really angry back then about not being told who he was, but now that she knew... Would she feel differently where her mother was concerned? She and her mom had once been very close. Peggy missed that.
Guilt swirled around her at the thought that she had hurt her mother. She hadn’t meant to. She simply couldn’t deal with the lies. She had remained in Seattle for a year after she found out. She’d tried to find out the name of her birth father but she had little to go on and she finally gave up. She couldn’t forgive her mother for stopping her from finding her father. Her mother and she hadn’t spoken again until yesterday.
Stress and anxiety tightened her shoulders as her thoughts turned to her tack room. Who had cleaned it? Ned had denied any involvement, and she believed him, which meant that some unknown person had been on her property, inside her tack room when she wasn’t there.
She’d led Nate Garrison to believe she was okay about it, that she was okay staying in her house alone. Now she wasn’t so sure. She’d bought this farm with its lovely Craftsman house, believing she’d found her dream place. Now, if someone was on her property, cleaning her tack room, what would they do next?
She dug deeper and harder into the flower bed until her shoulder ached and her incision began to hurt. She sat back on the ground, looking at all the work she’d accomplished. If nothing else, being outside in the fresh air, digging like someone possessed, she’d managed to finish the entire bed. About to get up off the ground, she glanced around at the sound of a vehicle coming up her driveway.
Rory’s truck spit gravel as he came toward her house. She scrambled up from the ground, dusting off as she walked towar
d him. He shut off the engine and opened the cab door.
“Hi. What brings you all the way out here?” she asked, suddenly remembering that he didn’t know about her results.
Rory got out and came toward her. “I’ve been worried. I had hoped I’d hear from you about your biopsy.”
“I thought you’d call me, want to know how I was doing,” she countered, fighting the urge to step into his arms, feel his body close to hers.
“I did want to know. Why didn’t you call me?” he asked, his eyes dark, a hurt tone in his voice.
“Not everything is about you,” she said, feeling hurt that he, too, believed that she was somehow letting him down. She regretted her words, but she was weary of always being the one responsible for someone else’s happiness. She’d seen the look on her mother’s face and accepted that she’d been responsible for making her mother unhappy. She wasn’t responsible for Rory’s happiness.
“You’re right. This isn’t about me. It’s about you and me and how I thought we were...friends who cared for each other. When did you plan to tell me?”
“I’ve had a lot to deal with these past few days,” she said, wanting to share her feelings with him but afraid that he’d make light of them like he did before the biopsy.
“Does that mean you’re not going to tell me?”
Looking up into his eyes and the caring she saw there, she was aware of how much she’d wanted to share her news with him. “No. Not at all. The biopsy showed no cancer.”
“Thank God!” He pulled her into his arms, holding her close to his chest, so close she could hear the frantic beating of his heart. “I was so worried.” He held her away from him and looked directly into her eyes. “When my mom got word she had cancer, she didn’t tell me. She told my sister. I never felt so left out in my life.” He smiled in relief. “I couldn’t help but wonder if history wasn’t repeating itself.”
Peggy closed her eyes to ward off the eager concern on his face. She hadn’t expected him to be so relieved at her news. She’d misjudged him and she was sorry. “Because I didn’t call and tell you the biopsy was negative, you assumed the worst.”
“That’s about it,” he said, leading her toward her tack room, where they sat on the bench along the side of the building. “On occasion I’ve been known to hide how I feel.”
“How do you feel?” she asked, tired of wishing for the life she wanted.
“I’m relieved to know you’re okay. I want to spend time with you, get to know you better.”
She’d been hoping he’d say something like that to her. The past few days had tossed her life around in so many different ways, but it had also made her see that she needed to face her insecurities. “Me, too.” His presence seemed to surround her, draw her closer to him. It was a strange feeling, yet one she liked. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you. It’s just that so much has been happening.”
Looking like a cowboy in his faded jeans and checked shirt, he leaned closer. “Like what?” he asked, his attention riveted on her.
Once again she was reminded of how good she felt when he focused all his attention on her. He made her feel as if everything that mattered to her also mattered to him. She had to learn to be at ease with his attention, to not let her suspicious mind look for an ulterior motive. Her bad dating experiences were getting in the way. Yet she couldn’t help being suspicious where her personal safety was concerned. She nodded toward the building behind them. “Did you by any chance clean my tack room?”
“What? No, of course not. I wouldn’t do it unless you asked me to. And never without telling you. Why?”
“Because someone did clean it from top to bottom. I had been meaning to do it for months. Then the other day when I came home it was clean.”
“Did you call the police?”
“Nate is looking into it for me.”
“He’s the man who was shot while on duty and ended up returning to Eden Harbor to work with troubled youths.”
“Yeah. He was really great. He helped Gayle. That’s how they met. Wow. I still can’t get over how quickly they fell in love, how inseparable they are. Everyone is waiting for them to set the date.”
“Every good romance starts somewhere,” he said, his eyes assessing her so closely she had to look away. He rubbed his face, then returned his intense gaze back to her. “Is that all that’s bothering you?”
She couldn’t seem to tear her eyes from his body, from the way his blue shirt matched his blue eyes, the way his jeans hugged his thighs. “Isn’t that enough?”
“Not enough to make you as anxious as you seem.” His eyes held hers. “What is going on? What’s upsetting you?” He touched her chin, turning her face up to his. “I didn’t come here to talk about your friends. I came to talk about you.”
“I’m okay, really. I don’t have cancer, and that’s huge.”
“So what about the tack room? While Nate is looking into it, would you like me to stay here with you? I wouldn’t get in your way. You wouldn’t be alone at night...”
His eyes said he was sincere. She tried to imagine what it would be like sharing her home with him, having him so close. She flushed in pleasure. “That’s a wonderful offer, but I’m sure I’ll be okay. Even better when Nate finds out who did it. He says if he can’t find the person, he’ll call the police.”
“Why not call them now?”
“I’d rather not. I’m sure there’s an innocent explanation.”
He raised one eyebrow. “If you change your mind about my offer...” He shrugged.
Her heart did a slow thudding movement against her ribs. “My birth father came to see me.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. Come to find out he lives right here in Eden Harbor, even though my mother never told me he was here.”
“Had you ever asked her?”
“No. There wasn’t any reason to. Then when I learned about my father, she wouldn’t tell me who he was or where he was. That’s why I left Seattle.”
“Whoa! Peggy, you’ve had a lot of stuff going on in your life. Why don’t you start at the beginning?”
Settling next to him, looking out over the paddock where her horses stood near the low hedge line, she told him everything about her mother, her father and her birth father. As she talked to him about it, she felt relief and a strange sense of happiness. She’d told most of it to Sherri and Gayle over the years, but she had never confided in a man. As she talked, one thing remained constant in her mind. Rory never took his eyes off her, never once made any attempt to stop her, to make a point or to make her feel that somehow she was responsible for the events that unfolded after her father’s death.
She smiled at him, a new feeling of appreciation for him surfaced as she talked. “That’s about it. Coach Cassidy is my birth father. My mother grew up in Eden Harbor. I haven’t seen her since I left Seattle other than a video call the other night.”
Rory hugged her close to him, kissed her forehead and took her hand in his. “You’ve led a complicated life since Marcus Anderson died.”
“It didn’t need to be that way if my mother had told the truth.”
He sighed. “So often telling the truth is the most difficult thing to do. Do you think you can ever forgive her?”
“I don’t know. A part of me wants to, but my mother has never been able to see life from anyone else’s point of view but hers. If she had, she would have known how painful it was for me to learn that she lied to me, about my dad and about Coach Cassidy.”
“Peggy, your dad was part of that lie. He had to be, or else he wouldn’t have put his name on your birth certificate.”
“He was doing it out of love for my mother.”
“The fact remains that he put his name on the document and never told you,” he said, his tone insistent.
Peggy flexed her tired fingers in agitation. “He didn’t do it because he thought it was the best answer, he did it because of his love for her,” she said, feeling her resentment toward her
mother all over again.
“Did you consider that maybe your mother did it because of her love for you? That maybe she felt you’d be happier with your life as it was without the complication of finding out about a man who played no role in your life?”
She gritted her teeth. “He played no role because he wasn’t given the chance.”
“Are you sure? What do you know about Coach Cassidy?”
“Not much. He’s a great coach. He’s well liked.”
“Why didn’t he go looking for your mother after she left Eden Harbor? Why didn’t he hire a private investigator to find her long before he did? Why did he wait for almost thirty years before going in search of the woman he loved?”
She looked at him, surprised that she hadn’t been able to see the situation in a more balanced way. “You’re saying that I let my anger at my mother stop me from seeing the whole picture?”
“I’m saying that you need to take it slow, look at everything that happened. Give your mother and your birth father a chance to explain themselves.” He stared at the sky for a few minutes. “Do you want your birth father in your life?”
“Yes. At least, I’d like to get to know him. We’re way past him being able to really be my father.”
“Depends on how you define being a father. Fathers, like mothers, never stop caring or wanting to offer advice and help. My mom was always supporting me in whatever I wanted to do.”
“She sounds really special.”
“She was. She had a great sense of humor, right up until she passed away from cancer. When the will was read, her note to us started with her statement that whatever she had to bequeath to my sister and me might be seen as a dead giveaway. It sounds a little quirky, but that was my mom. My sister and I were very lucky to have the parents we did. Dad was great. He was the one that inspired me to follow my heart, to take life as it came, not be wishing for something I didn’t have. He lived his life that way.”
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