Taneesha Never Disparaging

  We had a totally silent snack and study period.

  Finally, sitting with my legs crossed lotus-style on the living room carpet, I couldn’t take the quiet anymore.

  “Well, if you still want to help me, I’m going to write a speech and make a flyer. I’ll say why everybody should vote for me.”

  “And why is that anyway, Taneesha? You don’t want to be president, remember?”

  “Carli, I’m sorry.” It felt good to let that out.

  “What am I supposed to say to that girl, Taneesha? Hunh? I should tell her to leave you alone—so she can wallop me? ’Cause that’s what she’ll do, you know. She looks like she’s a real good fighter. She might even be a boxer for all we know. Like Laila Ali or something. She’s big enough.”

  What could I say? I knew she was right.

  “We should tell our parents.”

  I couldn’t put up a fight anymore. Carli made sense. Plus I could tell how badly she didn’t want me to get every bone in my body ground to bits. Still, I believed I had good reasons not to totally cave in and tell my parents.

  “Okay, okay,” I said. “You can tell your father, but I’m not telling my parents. And I don’t want you to either.”

  “Why?!”

  “Carli, I know them. They’ll say I should chant. That’s what they say about everything. I hear their lectures and dumb little quotes all the time. It’s always the same thing no matter what I’m going through. They don’t listen.

  “Plus if I tell them about that girl, they might come up to school. What good would that do? Once they leave, she can still beat me up. They can’t be at school every day. They have to work!”

  “I don’t know…”

  “You know what I’m saying, right, Carli? You see what it’s like. I come home by myself—I mean with you, but you know what I mean. I make my snack by myself. I do my homework—all without my parents’ help. Well mostly anyway.”

  “Your parents are nice, Taneesha. They do lots of stuff for you.”

  “That’s not what I’m saying—” Couldn’t she see? I didn’t want my parents to get involved and then not be around to follow up. They didn’t live in the school world, but I did. I couldn’t depend on them to fix things when that world fell apart.

  Those girls Carli and I saw fighting on Bernard yesterday had parents just like me. So did that boy we saw two weeks ago—the one who might be dead now, for all we knew.

  But where were those parents? Not one grown-up helped those kids. People drove by in cars with their windows rolled up. They slowed down like they were watching reality TV.

  It could be me next time. I could be the one alone on the street. I could be getting beat up after school with nobody to help me.

  “Carli, I’m just saying I think I should at least try to handle this myself. On my own. Nobody can make one hundred percent sure that girl won’t kick my butt. Not you. Not my parents, not anyone. I have to do it. If I can’t, I’ll tell them. But not yet.”

  “But you could get hurt.”

  “If I need help, I’ll tell them, all right?”

  My words hung in the air. Carli still seemed unconvinced.

  After a while, I said, “What I need to do right now is make that dumb speech and a flyer. You going to help me or not?”

  “You are so darn stubborn, Taneesha Bey-Ross.”

  By the time Carli and I shut down the computer we had a pretty decent speech and twenty-one flyer printouts (one for each kid and Mr. Alvarez):VOTE 4 TANEESHA

  She’s friendly.

  She’s a good listener.

  She’s a hard worker.

  She’s all that and then some!

  And she’ll help you

  with your schoolwork!

  I practiced my speech with Carli playing audience and critic. We worked at it until Mr. Flanagan honked his car horn for Carli to come out.

  “…One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

  Wednesday, right after the Pledge of Allegiance, I took my seat and shot my hand into the air on one of the few occasions that I wore a skirt and tights to school—both navy blue. I had on a white blouse that I’d ironed myself—spray-starched and almost as crispy as Mr. Alvarez’s shirt. That morning, I’d tried to dress like a candidate.

  “Yes, Taneesha?” asked Mr. Alvarez, sounding totally annoyed. “We have a lot to do today and we need to get started. What is it?”

  I didn’t need the embarrassment of asking my question in front of everyone.

  Everybody’s going to know that you know you blew it yesterday! Not that it’s a secret or anything.

  “Can I come to your desk? It’s private.”

  “Oh, all right. Hurry now.”

  I popped out of my seat with my whole class staring at me. Mr. Alvarez didn’t have to ask me twice to hurry. I didn’t want to hear another “turtle” remark like yesterday.

  “Can I give a new speech today?” I whispered when I got to his desk. “And pass out flyers?”

  Everybody was so quiet it was spooky.

  Trying to get all up in my conversation.

  “Speeches were yesterday, Taneesha.”

  Can’t you talk a little lower?

  “As I said—” continued Mr. Alvarez.

  Squirming, I wished I had stayed in my seat and kept my mouth shut.

  “—we’ve got a very full schedule today.”

  Rayshaun and some other kids snickered. And suddenly, even though Mr. Alvarez was dogging me and I could hear them laughing behind me, I decided something: Mr. Alvarez had to let me give my speech again. I had to prove, to myself maybe, that I wasn’t a flop, that I really was as big as the universe.

  I straightened my back and held my head higher. I wasn’t leaving that desk until that man gave me my “Yes.”

  “I know there’s lots to do today but I didn’t do my best yesterday. I wrote a better speech.”

  I didn’t even bother trying to whisper.

  If they hear me, they hear me.

  Mr. Alvarez stared me right in the eyes.

  I gave him just as good a look back.

  Say “okay.” Say “okay.” Say “okay.” Nam Myoho Renge Kyo!

  I watched him begin to flip through his spiral planner notebook, taking forever to turn each page.

  After a while, his eyes landed on mine again.

  “Taneesha,” he said slowly, “we don’t have much time. But you can speak right after recess.”

  YES!

  “Thank you! I don’t need lots of time—just another chance! Thank you!”

  I felt so light I nearly flew back to my desk seat. When I got there, I found a piece of paper folded on my chair. I sat and opened it.

  I didn’t tell my father.

  —Carli

  I smiled and looked over at Carli. She gave me a tiny wave.

  After recess, Mr. Alvarez sat at his desk while I stood in front the class and read my speech:

  “At first I didn’t want to be class president. When Carli nominated me, I felt like saying, ‘No way!’ I thought being president would be too hard. I didn’t think I was good enough to do the job. But I was wrong.

  “Last week I had a great time on Take Your Child To Work Day. I went to the hospital where my mother works. I don’t want to talk too much about it because I’m saving it for my report on Friday. But I will say I that had to work with children who have diabetes, a very serious illness.

  “In our class, we’ve have been discussing leadership. We’ve learned that good leaders care about people, work hard, and try to make things better for everyone. We’ve learned that the best kind of leader helps people become strong and bring out their own power so the people can be strong enough to help themselves and others, too.

  “At the hospital, I read to children that are younger than me. Maybe when I read to them I made their day a little happier. They helped me, too. They helped me see that anyone can be brave—even little girls like them.

  “Now I am goi
ng to be able to read to children at the hospital every week and I asked my mother if Carli can do it, too. I think that maybe Take Your Child To Work Day helped me develop the leadership skills I needed to help Carli become a volunteer at the hospital.

  “If you elect me as your president, I will use my leadership skills to serve you. I will be friendly. I will be a good listener. I will help you with your schoolwork. I promise to work hard to help you bring out your power. I will also help you develop your leadership skills, too.

  “Thank you!”

  Mr. Alvarez smiled so bright I had to squint.

  “Class, let’s give Taneesha a well-deserved round of applause.”

  They did.

  CHAPTER 16

  SNAKE SNACK

  Carli and I walked up Bernard Avenue after school. I’d been flying all afternoon, soaking up the glow of my classmate’s praise (“Man, your speech was raw, Taneesha.”) and the memory of all those claps that had seemed to go on and on for hours.

  But the closer it got to the end of school, the less airborne I felt. By the time school let out, I’d crash-landed like a duck shot out of the sky.

  Walking out of Hunter with Carli, all I could see was that older girl’s fat, red jacket. And all I could feel was my chest caving in while her tank of a boot crushed it.

  I started coughing.

  “You all right?”

  “Yeah. Well, no. But, yeah.”

  Earlier, at lunch, Carli had said she’d decided to wait and see how things went the rest of this week before telling her father what was going on. Now she and I headed up Bernard on the way home.

  I looked at the clouds. It seemed like it might snow.

  “Thanks again for not telling,” I said, walking as fast as I could without pulling Carli behind me. She was holding on to my arm.

  Even though I’d thanked her real naturally, inside, my feelings were as knotted as one of my locks. I was mad at her for having a limp and I felt selfish because of how I felt. I couldn’t keep from thinking that if Carli’s leg was normal we could have both run home before the older girl had a chance to sneak up on me.

  “Well, like I said, I know you really don’t want your parents to find out. As soon as I tell my father, he’ll tell them for sure. I still think you’re making a mistake, but—”

  “Making what mistake? I told you you is dumb, girl. Even your little cripple friend know it.” The older girl forced her way between Carli and me, splitting us apart. “What you mess up?”

  “Excuse me?” I asked, irked.

  “You heard me. I said, ‘What you mess up?’”

  “I didn’t mess up anything.”

  I felt confused. I didn’t have a clue what she was raging about this time. I wondered what excuse she would use now to smear misery all over an otherwise okay day.

  “You lying. What I tell you about lying to me? Cripple Girl said you made a mistake and I know she right, ’cause all you is is one ugly mistake. I bet your mama think so, too.”

  Suddenly, the girl’s voice sounded familiar. Not because I’d been listening to her on the street for the past few weeks but because I’d heard her a lot of times before. From inside. She sounded just like Evella. Her words were sort of different, and so was her voice, but no doubt about it, she was feeding me the same junk Evella did. Only instead of being in my head, the girl—or was it Evella?—was live and in person, right on Bernard Avenue.

  And I was not having it this time.

  “No! My mama doesn’t think I’m a mistake! For your information, my mama says I’m big as the universe.

  “And she is not a cripple!” I said, pointing to Carli.

  The sound of my own voice was just the oomph I needed to do some raging myself. “You know what? You’re nothing but a mean bully, picking on kids smaller than you! You’re—you’re just a coward!”

  “Oh no you didn’t just call me a coward! If I’m a coward, then I’m the coward that’s going to beat your ugly little butt!”

  Before I knew it, the older girl shoved me and I stumbled backwards, into the street. I hit the asphalt hard. Hard enough to rattle my bones. I lay still, too stunned to move. Cars rolled by and honked at me.

  What she’d do that for?

  I wasn’t sure if something was broken on me or not.

  Carli gasped and helped me up. We got back onto the sidewalk.

  I guess nothing’s broken.

  All my bones moved okay. I shook my head back and forth, trying to get my senses together.

  Next thing I knew, the older girl reached for me again.

  No. Stop! Help! Heeeeeeeeeelp!

  I looked left and right, trying to see how to get past the incredible hulk that was moving in on me fast—

  “Surprise! Hey, hop in girls!”

  Phew! Mama’s dark blue minivan pulled up along the curb!

  “I got off work a little early today!” she hollered from her rolled-down window. “I came by to pick you two up!”

  THANK YOU, MAMA!

  I would have shouted my gratitude but I didn’t want to seem like a baby in front of the older girl, or in front of Carli, for that matter.

  “Don’t think it’s over! I’ll be back for you.” The older girl spat her words at me through clenched teeth.

  I skittered by her like a roach caught in light, running from a can of Raid. Carli followed behind me.

  When I passed the older girl, she growled in my ear so that only I heard her. “No little kid’s going to talk to me like that!”

  Carli and I leaped in the minivan’s beige, middle-row seats.

  “Hey, you girls all right? You’re huffing and puffing like the Big Bad Wolf.” Mama chuckled a little. Wearing her black coat and earmuffs, she eased the minivan into the driving lane. “Why are you so out of breath?”

  I bucked my eyes at Carli and held my index finger to my lips.

  Carli mouthed, “Why not?!” flumped her back onto her seat, and pressed her lips together as if that pushed her words inside.

  “We—we were just—we were—rushing to get in the van!” Realizing that I probably sounded like I was freaking out, which I was, I took a breath and slowed down. “I guess that tired us out.”

  “Really? You girls are young. Don’t scare me saying you poop-out that fast. You should be in better shape than that.”

  Please, no Officer HP today.

  “We’re all right, Mama. We were walking pretty fast before you pulled up.”

  Everything that had just happened swirled in my head. I caught Mama’s eye in the rearview mirror.

  “You sure you’re all right, honey? You look kind of sick. We better take your temperature when we get home.”

  “I’m okay. Just thinking about all the homework I have to do, that’s all.” I sighed. I wanted to tell my mother what was going on. But instead, I said, “Oh. I gave my campaign speech today. For class president.”

  “Yeah? How’d it go?”

  “She did a great job,” sighed Carli.

  “Carli helped a lot,” I mumbled.

  “Well, neither one of you sound like it. You sound like the living dead.”

  I couldn’t even manage a fake laugh at Mama’s joke. Fear swallowed me in one big gulp.

  “Who was that girl you were talking to?”

  “Hunh?”

  “That girl you were talking to when I pulled up. Who was she?”

  “Oh, her?” I gave Carli a “Now what?!” look.

  She shrugged her shoulders and pressed her lips tighter.

  “Who was she, honey?”

  “Um, she… she…I…I…I dropped a pencil sharpener out of my pocket!” I blurted. “She picked it up. She was just giving it back to me.”

  The van had stopped at a red light. In the mirror, Mama looked into my eyes—obviously buying none my story.

  The minivan’s walls squeezed in from all sides, suffocating me. I waited for my mother’s next question. It never came.

  I exhaled.

  “Well,
I finagled a few hours off today,” Mama said, after a few minutes. “One of the nurses switched with me. I have to come in early tomorrow to make up for it, though.”

  I barely heard her. The older girl’s threat throbbed in my head: “I’ll be back for you!” I felt like the scared little mouse I once saw cornered by a boa constrictor at the zoo.

  You wouldn’t be in this mess if you had kept your big mouth shut!

  Snake snack. That’s me.

  “Taneesha, you’ve got to tell your parents!” whispered Carli, sitting on the living room floor with me at my house while we pretended to study. I’d changed into jeans, a grey sweatshirt, and my lavender bunny slippers. Carli still had on her school clothes—white sweater, navy pants.

  “Okay. Okay. You’re right. I’ll tell them tonight.”

  “Why don’t we just do it now? While I’m here? This is serious. That girl pushed you into the street! You could have gotten run over! She was going to hit you!”

  “I don’t want to tell them yet, Carli. But I will tonight. Promise. Can you do me one last favor?”

  “What?”

  “I’ll call you after I talk to my parents. Can you wait until then to tell your father?”

  “Taneesha!”

  “Please, Carli. I’m going to tell them tonight, I swear. I just don’t want them to find out from your father first.”

  “You’ll call me?”

  “Promise.”

  “All right.”

  Now things were even more complicated. My parents would want to know why I hadn’t told them about the girl before. I didn’t know what I’d say to them but I knew Carli was right. I had to say something.

  The rest of the day came and went like always. Mr. Flanagan picked up Carli. My parents and I ate dinner. Everything was the same as usual except for the fact that all I could think about was how tomorrow that girl might stomp the life out of me with her army tank boots.

  CHAPTER 17

  INVISIBLE, COZY BLANKET

  “TANEESHA IMANI BEY-ROSS! PLEASE COME DOWNSTAIRS!”

  I flinched. I’d been in my bedroom laying out clothes for tomorrow and I knew that Mama screeching my whole name could only mean trouble.