by Robin Allen
Ramion was struck by her beauty, just as drawn to her inner loveliness as her physical appearance. He swept away the hair covering her face and softly kissed her cheek.
She stirred slightly, her eyelids flickering open. “Ramion,” she whispered, when she saw him looking down at her. Feeling tired and disoriented, she closed her eyes again.
“Hi, baby,” Ramion said.
His deep voice always struck a chord inside her, and whenever he said “baby”, it played a melody inside her heart. She opened her eyes again and gave Ramion a soft, sleepy smile. “You woke me up.”
He raised the comforter and teasingly asked, “Do you always sleep with your clothes on?”
“I fell asleep.”
“I can see that,” Ramion said. “You work too hard.”
“I’m guilty,” Sage said with a yawn, stretching out her legs before rising up from the bed. She gathered the files and papers scattered on the bed and closed her laptop computer, placing them on the desk. “The flowers were lovely, Ramion.”
He sat on the chaise lounge across from the bed and removed his jacket and shoes. “You didn’t call me to let me know that you got them.”
“I didn’t want to talk to you.”
“I waited for your call.”
“Don’t even try it, Ramion. You were in court all day.” She gave him a piercing stare. “I didn’t call because I was mad at you. Still am.”
“I know you are. That’s why I’m here. We can’t resolve anything not talking to each other.”
Sage reached inside a dresser drawer and pulled out a knee-length purple sleep shirt. “What is there to talk about? You know how I feel and you know why I feel the way I do, yet you still are going to represent your slimy uncle.” She went into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.
Ramion stood at the bathroom door. “I really don’t know what happened. Parts of your past are closed, sealed tight like a steel drum. You won’t talk about it.” When he heard water running, he moved away from the door.
Ramion stripped down to his underwear and climbed into the bed. He scanned through the channels, looking for local news, not realizing how late it was until The Tonight Show appeared on the screen. Checking his watch, he saw that it was 11:45 p.m.
He hoped she would understand his desire to help his uncle. He had given his father his word that he would help Walter, and he couldn’t go back on his word.
Sage came out the bathroom smelling of toothpaste and musk-scented perfume. Arching her eyebrows dramatically, she asked, “Who invited you to stay?”
“Sage, don’t be like that.”
“It’s my bed.”
“Well, if you want me to leave, just say the word,” he said in a defensive tone.
She glared at him for several seconds, then reluctantly said, “That’s okay,” sliding into the bed beside him. “So how are we going to work this out?”
“I don’t know exactly why you feel the way you do.”
Pressing her arm against his shoulder, she said, “Yes, you do, you just don’t know the details.” She looked away from him and was silent for a long time.
Ramion turned down the volume on the television.
“You know my stepfather raped me,” she said, meeting his curious gaze. “You know it hurt me deeply. It was the most devastating thing to ever happen to me. I’ve buried it inside because that was the only way I could survive. I guess you could say that I even tried to hide the memory from myself. I buried it real deep, and I don’t want to dig it up.”
“But it’s coming up anyway, isn’t it? When we were at the restaurant, you had this sad faraway look in your eyes like you were remembering something.”
“Yes, I thought I had this tight lid on my memories. But now the lid’s come loose, and it’s all starting to leak out.”
“Baby, you know I don’t want to cause you pain. I don’t want to do anything to hurt you.” He stroked her arms and entwined his feet with hers.
“I know. At least part of me knows. The intellectual side of me understands that you have to help your family and, in a way, that’s what hurts me the most. My mother didn’t help me.”
“What do you mean?”
“She took my stepfather’s side.” Her voice was rigid. “She believed I seduced Aaron. And I felt betrayed. I was betrayed.” Passionate emotions strangled her voice. “I’m her daughter, her flesh and blood,” she said, patting her chest with her hand. A painful lump had lodged in her throat. “But she believed him over me.”
“What else, baby? I know something else happened.”
She bolted up from the pillow and leaned over Ramion. “Don’t you think her betrayal was enough? She threw me out. I was only seventeen. If it weren’t for Aunt Maddie, I would have had no one.”
“I have a feeling there’s more to the story.”
Sage touched her right shoulder, where the ugly iron mark was hidden beneath the short-sleeved gown. “I don’t want to discuss it,” she whispered. “I can’t talk about it.”
Ramion gently stroked Sage’s cheeks and tenderly kissed her forehead and lips. “Okay, but I’m here for you, baby, whenever you want to talk about it.”
“He’s dying, Ramion. He’s dying, and I’m glad. I feel so guilty, especially when I think about Ava. She’s going to be crushed when he dies. So will Aaron. And I want to rejoice with happiness.”
“Ava doesn’t know, does she?”
“No, she doesn’t know what her beloved father did to me.” She paused. “My Daddy used to call me Butterfly, and after he was gone I used to wish I was a butterfly so I could fly away from Aaron.”
“How old were you when your mother married him?”
“Nine. He was okay for a long time. He didn’t start looking at me that way until I was twelve. When I started to develop, that’s when everything changed. He stopped looking at me as a daughter and began staring at me like a woman. I didn’t feel comfortable around him anymore.”
“Nobody noticed?”
“Oh, yes, my mother did, but she pretended she didn’t.” She sighed and leaned her head in the crook of Ramion’s shoulder. “What he did ruined everything. Even my memory of my father.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Aaron made me angry with Daddy for dying, for leaving me. If Daddy hadn’t been killed, then Aaron would have never touched me.”
* * * * *
“I’m exhausted,” Ava complained wearily to Tawny. They stood by the food court of the Georgia World Congress Center surrounded by soon-to-be brides and grooms attending the Bridal Expo. They’d spent the last three hours following Sage through the maze of booth exhibits of wedding gowns, bridesmaids’ gowns, shoes and veils, along with wedding invitations, registry services, catering services and exotic honeymoon packages.
“So am I,” Tawny said, eyeing the tables in the food court, for a place to sit down.
“Oh, let’s grab those seats,” Ava said, pointing to an unoccupied table in the crowded food court, already off to grab the seats before someone else did.
“We’ll be here all day, with Sage talking to everybody,” Tawny said.
“They see that huge rock on her finger and dollar signs appear. Everybody wants a piece of the wedding.”
“At first I thought she was crazy to hire a wedding consultant. An expensive one, I might add,” Tawny said. “But there’s so much to do, I understand why she wanted help.”
“Yeah, and she can’t make up her mind about her gown,” Ava said. With an elbow on the table, she leaned her head against the palm of her hand. “I swear we’ve already looked at a zillion.”
“She’ll probably look at a zillion more before she decides,” Tawny said.
“We’ve got five more months of this madness.”
“So do you really think we can surprise her with a bridal shower? You know how nosy she is. She’ll know we’re up to something.” She slipped out of her black-and-red suede jacket, and said, “I’m burning up in here. I feel lik
e coming out of this sweater,” she said complaining about the green appliquéd sweater.
“I hear ya,” Ava said, as she removed her black leather coat, revealing a blue-jean jumpsuit with silver studs dotting the collar and bodice. Silver earrings and bracelets dangled from her ears and arms. “We’ll just trick her. Tell Miss Planner what day we’re going to have the shower, but give it the week before.”
“That should work if she doesn’t go out of town or anything.”
“I checked her calendar, and the thirteenth is wide open,” Ava said. “That’s three Saturdays before her wedding.”
“We’ll have it at my house,” Tawny offered.
“She’ll expect that. What about Elise’s?”
“I’m sure she won’t mind. I’ll ask her.”
“But how do we get her there?” Ava asked.
Tawny shrugged her shoulders. “We’ll think of something. Maybe we can get Ramion to help.”
“You know we got to have a stripper, girl,” Ava said, her eyes gleaming. “Somebody fine, with a hard body.”
“A friend of mine knows some strippers. I’ll find out how much they charge.”
“Make sure they know to climb all over Sage. She’ll be so embarrassed. I can’t wait to see her face.” She paused, her face lighting up with a devilish grin. “Ooh, ooh, we have to get it on tape.”
“She’ll die,” Tawny said, laughing heartily.
“I’ll get the invitations. We’re talking about twenty-five people, right?”
“Uh-huh, I’ll give you names and addresses.”
“What about food?” Ava asked.
“Shrimp, wings, some kind of casserole, daiquiris…”
“Margaritas,” Ava added to the list.
“Margaritas?” Sage inquired as she slid into the chair next to Ava. “They serve alcohol here?”
“No, I just got a taste for one,” Ava said, shifting her feet and fanning her face with her hands. “This place is crazy; it’s a zoo.”
“I know. I’m dying of thirst from talking to everyone,” Sage said.
“I see you have two bags of goodies,” Tawny said, noticing the shopping bags filled with samples and promotional items.
“Everybody has something to give away or something to entice you to their booth. Talk about hard sells, they wanted to set up appointments,” Sage said, fanning herself with a brochure.
“Trying to get you while they can. Did you see anything, or did you just get more confused?” Tawny asked Sage.
Sage giggled. “Yes to both. I know what china I want, and I narrowed down the invitations.”
“Well, that’s progress,” Tawny said.
“What about your gown?” Ava asked.
An impish grin curled Sage’s lips. “I found out about another store that sells gowns. It’s in Gwinnett.” She flicked her wrist to look at her watch. “It’s only two o’clock, Ladies. We can be there in an hour.”
Ava and Tawny exchanged exasperated looks.
“Girl, I’m not used to all this shopping,” Tawny complained. “Stan couldn’t believe that I was up and dressed by ten thirty.”
“Yes, but you were supposed to be ready at ten o’clock,” Sage chided.
Ava thought about protesting, but she didn’t have anything else to do. Besides, she wanted to make sure Sage didn’t pick a gown that was too traditional, hideous or plain, her words of warning when they’d begun this search for the perfect wedding gown. Ava sighed. “At least feed us.”
“Okay,” Sage said. “We have fifteen minutes.”
* * * * *
The alarm sounded as Sage opened the kitchen door, her arms ladened with her purse, briefcase and grocery bags. With thirty seconds to deactivate the alarm, she quickly set the bags on the kitchen countertop and turned it off.
“Ava,” she called from the bottom of the stairs. Concerned about Ava’s mood swings lately, Sage decided to surprise her with her favorite meal—lasagna. She planned to prepare the meal herself but, after a late meeting at the state capitol, she’d made a quick stop at Harry’s Farmers Market and bought some ready-made lasagna and groceries.
After putting the groceries into the refrigerator and cabinets, Sage transferred the lasagna from the plastic container to a casserole dish and put it in the microwave. She placed two geometric-patterned plates, salad bowls, silverware and wineglasses on the table, then mixed up a salad of romaine lettuce, tomatoes, eggs, croutons, bacon bits and shredded cheddar cheese.
Setting the timer on the microwave to ten minutes, she left the kitchen. Before going through the living room to her bedroom, she called up the stairs, “Ava, come eat.”
Sage took off her olive pantsuit, hung it in the closet and slipped into her silk lounging pajamas. She washed her face and hands before returning to the kitchen, expecting to see Ava pinching on the food. Her eyes veered to the clock, noting that it was only eight o’clock, too early for Ava to be sleeping. Ah, she thought, snapping her fingers. Time for Ava’s favorite television show, Martin.
A strong offensive odor whiffed at Sage’s nose when she reached the top of the stairs. The skunk-like smell grew stronger as she neared her sister’s bedroom. She knocked on Ava’s door several times. Assuming that Ava couldn’t hear her because of the blaring television, Sage opened the door. What she saw sent a sharp pain to her stomach: Ava inhaling a joint clenched between her teeth. “Ava, what the hell are you doing?”
“Shit!” Ava mumbled as she quickly snuffed out the joint in an ashtray. Ava looked guiltily at her sister, feeling like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Ava opened her mouth to explain, but she couldn’t lie or deny what she’d been doing.
Sage was dumbfounded. “Ava, I don’t believe you’re doing drugs! Marijuana! I just don’t believe it!” She grabbed the television remote and pressed the Mute button.
“Sage, don’t trip. Please don’t trip,” she pleaded with her sister. “I get high every now and then. It’s not an everyday thing.” Ava removed the top from a can of air freshener and began spraying the room.
“It doesn’t matter how often. You shouldn’t be getting high at all. You never did it before, so why now?”
Ava sat back on the bed, thinking about the reasons she indulged in the “pleasure principle”. That’s what she called it. Marijuana made her feel good. But she knew Sage would never understand that kind of feeling. You had to feel it, be under its awesome influence, to understand the pleasure that could be derived from inhaling the toxic weed. “I do it because it feels good. Isn’t that why most people get high?”
“We’re not talking about other people. We’re talking about you!” Sage screamed, pointing her finger at Ava.
“Maybe I do it to escape reality. I don’t like to think about my father dying from that horrible disease.”
Sage stared at her sister, her eyes devoid of empathy. “I know it hurts, Ava. But that is no reason to do drugs. How would Aaron feel if he knew?”
“He’d freak out.”
“And Mama?”
“She’d freak out big-time.”
“I can tell you not to do this because it would hurt them. But this is about you. How you deal with life. How you deal with hurt. Life can be very painful, but you have to face up to whatever happens and deal with it. Rise above it. Developing an addiction to escape pain only creates more pain.”
Ava put up her hands. “It’s just reefer,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.
“I don’t like you doing drugs. Period,” Sage said. Shifting from anger to concern, she added, “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“It’s not like I get high every day,” Ava defended herself weakly.
“Where’d you get it?”
“Why, Sage? Nobody you know. Everybody gets high in Atlanta.”
Sage shook her head. “That’s bullshit, Ava.”
“Some of the people I hang out with do.”
“Marika?” Sage asked, although she would be truly shocked if Ava answere
d affirmatively.
“No way,” Ava said flippantly. “Kelly and some of the girls I hang with from the sports club.”
Sage nodded her head, remembering their brief introduction months ago. “Maybe you shouldn’t hang out with them.”
“It’s not like I have a whole lot of friends here.”
“Give yourself some time.”
“Look, Sage, I’m not strung out. I don’t smoke every day. Mostly when I go out. I’m a recreational user, so you don’t have to worry about putting me in some kind of rehab program.”
“Maybe this is recreation for you today. But what about tomorrow? Once you get started, you crave it more and more. Or you move on to more addictive drugs.”
Ava rolled her eyes. “Don’t play the commercials for me. I know the deal,” she said, and slid off the bed. “I’m in control of this.”
“You’re not in control if you have to use drugs.” She inched over to Ava and stood directly in front of her. “The point is, I don’t want you to stay in control. I want you to stop! Just say no. Just stop.”
“Please, Sage. Don’t give me that ‘just say no’ crap.”
“I’m serious, Ava. I care about you. You’re my sister, and I love you. I don’t want anything to happen to you because what you’re doing is dangerous.”
“I hear you loud and clear.” Ava turned away and moved over to the dresser. She pushed some of the open drawers closed. “But I’m grown, and I’m going to do what I want.”
Sage glared at her sister, fighting the temptation to grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. What more can I do? she thought. She’s grown. I can’t run her life, but neither can I let her destroy it.
Ava could see the struggle her sister was waging with her thoughts and feelings. She’d never wanted her to know she was using. More than anything, Ava didn’t want to hurt her.
“I will tell you this one time only,” Sage said. “Don’t do drugs in my house or anywhere around me. I’m not going to tolerate it!”
Ava stared at her sister, uncertain how to respond to her righteous anger. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen Sage this upset. Suddenly she was ashamed. “I’m sorry.”