The words fell out before I could stop them.
“I miss you too, Derrek. I feel like all I've done is eat, sleep, and work nonstop. I don’t even know what day it is most of the time.”
“But you’re happy?”
“Yes. I love it.”
That was all that mattered to me. I could be supportive of the changes. I had to be, as long as she was happy.
“Do you think we can catch up soon?”
“Oh Derrek.” She sighed. “I don’t know when I’ll have a chance. We’re leaving tomorrow morning for three away games. I think I’ll be back next Wednesday. Maybe. Then we have a game the next day.”
“Wow you sound like me now.” Only I could make time for her.
“I have so much respect for you guys. I’m exhausted, and I don’t even have to play.” She chuckled, and I tried to join her but didn’t have it in me.
Something in the back of my mind told me to give up. Let her go. She was clearly doing well without me.
But I couldn’t just walk away. I cared too much.
“Are those guys being nice to you?”
“Oh yeah. I love them.”
I closed my eyes at the “l”-word. I didn’t want to hear that. What if she was dating one of them?
“It’s like having fifteen brothers. They tease me every chance they get, and boy do they stink sometimes, but we have a lot of fun together.”
Brothers? That was a good sign. You don’t date your brothers. I forced a laugh. “Don’t let them pick on you too much.”
“Oh, I can hold my own. Don’t worry.” There were more voices, and she said something away from the phone. “I’m sorry, Derrek. I’ve got to run. It was good talking to you.”
“You too.” She ended the call before I had a chance to say anything else.
I never could have imagined the call going like that. I felt like I didn’t even know her anymore, and it made my chest feel like it was cracking in two. Coach told me to figure it out, but I was more confused than ever.
I had to see her in person. That was the only way I’d know what was really going on, but from what she said, it would take a bit of planning and coordination to make that happen. I couldn’t do it on my own, that much was obvious. I was going to have to put aside my ego and ask Nikolay for help. I cringed when I realized I would need the Pride too.
Elena was the first person I wanted to talk to. She would know if Amelia was interested in someone else and if I had a chance. I had a feeling a grand gesture was in my future, but it would be worth it.
This feeling, knowing Amelia was slipping away, was enough motivation to kick things into gear. I couldn’t lose her. I wasn’t willing to surrender what we had. There was something more than friendship between us. I was a fool for not acting on it sooner. I thought she needed time to settle into life here. I didn't want to push her before she was ready, but somehow, she skipped right over me and into a new career.
I wasn’t going to give up. Not yet.
20
Amelia
I let out a shaky breath. When I saw Derrek’s name on my phone, I knew I couldn’t keep ignoring him, but I had no idea how hard it would be to hear his voice again.
I couldn’t believe no one told him about my job. I assumed between Elena, Nikolay, Madi, Olli, and Chloe word would have gotten around. I didn’t mean to blindside him, but I didn’t know how to tell him either. When Darrin offered me the position, my first instinct was to call Derrek. I wanted to know what he thought I should do. If he thought me traveling with the team would be too much. If he would miss me. If our schedules would make it too difficult for us to see each other.
But then I thought about the facts. He treated me like a friend. He and I spent time together, but nothing romantic had happened between us. No matter how much I wished things were different, I couldn’t sit by and wait for him to feel the same. The chance to be the Cougar’s assistant trainer was too good to pass up. It was something I thought I’d be waiting years for, and it just fell into my lap. I would be an idiot not to see that it was fate pushing me in a clear direction.
Waiting one day to tell him turned into a week, then two. The longer we went without talking the easier it was to breathe again. My heart was still hurting, but I had enough on my plate to keep my mind off it.
Tony, Kevin, and Chris wormed their way into my world and kept me entertained and distracted. I really liked them and they made sure the rest of the guys made me feel welcome. It was almost as easy as being around the Fury. Almost.
There wasn’t a group like the Pride. Most of the guys were single and the few that were married had multiple homes. The wives seemed to prefer the LA weather or the shopping in New York.
I wasn’t around for many of the practices since that’s when I worked one on one with the injured players, but I never saw a group watching like the Pride did.
The Cougars were very different. Not bad or good, just different. Talking to Derrek reminded me of that. His voice put me at ease. He felt like home.
I shook my head and pulled out my recovery plan for Tony. He hadn’t reinjured his knee, but I put together a few exercises to do with him to make sure he was moving along at a good pace.
“Hey, Tiny. Why the long face?”
I forced a smile before turning around. “Just thinking.”
“Liar.” It was almost annoying how well he knew me in such a short period of time.
“How’s the knee?” I rested my hand on it while lifting his calf with my other hand.
“It’s fine. Don’t try to change the subject. What’s wrong?”
His heavy gaze seemed to force the words out of me. “I just got off the phone with someone, and it just kind of threw me off.”
His eyes followed me while I approached him. He knew the routine now and scooted back onto the table so I could check his range of motion. “Who was it?”
“A friend.” I lifted his leg by his heel, straightening his knee.
“A friend wouldn’t make you look so lost.”
I lowered his foot and repeated the move, not replying.
“It was a guy, wasn’t it?”
I didn’t lift my eyes. He would know the answer right away.
“Was it an ex?”
I shook my head. “No, we never dated.”
“But you wanted to.”
I dropped his leg and stepped back. “Yeah. I did.”
He seemed stunned by the admission. There was no point in lying. He’d figure it out.
“This is the idiot! He never made a move?”
I shook my head and leaned on the counter across from him.
“But you still have feelings for him?”
I dropped my shoulders. “Yeah. I thought I was moving on, but hearing his voice brought it all back. I just don’t get it. We’re so good together, and I swear there’s something between us but he never seemed to feel the same.”
He kicked his legs back and forth as they hung over the edge of the table, making him look like a little kid. “And did you ever tell him how you felt?”
I opened my mouth, then closed it and shook my head.
“Why not?”
I dropped my gaze to the floor. “I was scared.”
“No duh. Being vulnerable is scary, but isn’t being sad worse?”
I looked up and he leveled me with a serious expression. “It’s not fun.”
He smirked. “Then put on your big girl pants and tell him he’s being stupid.”
“What if he doesn’t feel the same?” My voice came out with a tremble.
“Then you know and you can move on. But what if he feels the same and is just as scared as you?” He had a point. But it wasn’t as easy as he made it sound. “It’s the era of empowered women. Don’t sit around waiting for him to wise up. You take control.”
I couldn’t fight the smile on my lips. “You’re right.” If I wanted answers I needed to ask, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t still terrified.
His cock
y grin appeared. “I know I am.”
I wanted to shove him out of the room, but I was cautious of hurting him. “Get out. Don’t you have a game to play?”
He jumped off the table with a laugh. “Don’t get mad at me for saying what you didn’t want to hear.”
Before I could respond he hurried out of the room, and I spun around to turn on the TV so I could watch the game.
My phone rang, and I checked the screen. No one would be coming in to see me until the game started, at the very soonest, so I answered and held the phone out so I could see myself in the small tile in the corner.
“Hi Amelia.” Yula’s smile greeted me, and I match it.
“Hi Yula. How are you feeling?” I felt horrible I hadn’t been able to visit her much, but she got an infection three weeks ago and her doctors limited visitors to her mom and Nikolay. Elena and I had to settle on video calls for now.
“I’m okay. A little tired.” I could see the purple under her eyes. She spent a lot of time sleeping, but never looked rested. It didn’t seem like she felt it either.
“Did you watch the movie I sent you?” I had to contain my laugh as her eyes lit up.
“Yes. I made Nikolay watch it with me like you said. He hated it.” Her quiet laughter sparked joy in my heart. She’d asked me for romance movies in English so she could keep practicing, and I told her to ask her brother to watch them with her. There was no way he could turn her down, and we both knew how much he hated the cheesy movies. So far, he hadn’t caught on to our evil plan, but it was a matter of time.
He said he had too many sisters, but I doubt he thought we’d ever combine our efforts to drive him crazy.
“Oh good. I’m sending a musical with him this weekend. Make sure to watch it a few times.”
Her eyes gleamed and not an ounce of me felt guilty for torturing Nikolay. Not when it made Yula so happy. Not only did it give her an excuse to spend time with him, but it was a great distraction. I made it my mission to find ways to make her laugh, and so far, this was working better than I imagined.
“Oh, I love musicals. We watched The Sound of Music growing up on repeat. Even Nikolay had every word memorized, and me and Mama make him play all of the boy parts.”
“Please tell me you have photos or videos of that?”
She giggled and shook her head. “He would never let us.”
“Smart man.” I giggled with her, wishing there was more I could do. Traveling with the team meant I had even less opportunity to visit her once she was cleared by her doctors. I had to find a way to make it up to her.
“Elena said you’re gone a lot with the basketball team.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m traveling with them now.”
“Do you like them?”
“I do. I really like working with professional athletes. They take their bodies and their health seriously.”
Her eyes lit up. “Oh! One of the doctors told me a good joke.”
“Alright, let me have it.”
“Where does the boat go when it’s sick?”
I pretended to think it about it before giving up.
“To the dock!”
I let out a giggle and nodded. “That’s a pretty good one.”
Some of the pun jokes were lost on her because of the language barrier, but she said they helped her with her English.
“Do you have one for me?”
“Yeah, I saw a good one yesterday. Where do cows go on Friday nights?”
She started laughing and shrugged.
“The moo-vies.”
She burst out laughing then held her side with a small cringe. “Oh too hard.”
I shook my head as she yawned. I checked the TV and frowned. “The game is about to start so I’ve got to let you go. Go rest.”
She started to argue, but ended up yawning again. “Okay, talk to you soon.”
“Bye.”
I ended the call and dropped my phone in my pocket. She was good at cheering me up. It was hard to feel down or sorry for myself when she was positive despite her circumstances. If she could be strong then I could too.
21
Derrek
I should be nervous. Except the fact that I felt calm was psyching me out and making me nervous. I shook my head and focused on the door. From the moment we hung up I knew what I had to do tonight, before she left with the Cougars.
The distance I felt tore me apart. It would be easy to let us continue to slip apart. It was probably the smart thing to do, too. We were both facing critical times in our careers, and being pulled in a hundred different directions. Fate could be giving us a sign. Maybe now wasn’t our time.
If my heart wasn’t absolutely convinced this was the right thing to do, I’d be willing to fade out of her life. I couldn’t though. Two weeks without being around her, missing her while eating dinner, not seeing her cheer us on during games, and having no one to confide in had been a nightmare. I was ready to end our separation. At least, I was going to try.
Players and staff continued to trickle out from the arena exit but Amelia wasn’t with them. Her car was still in the parking garage, so I wasn’t worried I’d missed her. Unless she went out with someone after the game. She might not have even come through here.
Yup, there was the panic I was missing. I gripped the steering wheel and forced myself to take a calming breath. The arena door swung open and I froze when I caught a glimpse of her long chestnut hair. She was talking to one of the players, smiling and laughing as she waved to him. He turned and went to one of the first Range Rovers, leaving her alone.
I rolled my shoulders, trying to relax, before opening my door and getting out. I shut it a bit louder than necessary hoping she’d notice so I didn’t scare her.
Her eyes darted to me at the sound. There was a flash of confusion before she grinned. “Derrek?”
I closed the distance between us, ignoring the fact we were in the middle of a parking garage and anyone from the team could come out at any moment. “Hey, Amelia.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to talk.”
Her eyes darkened. I heard chatter behind us and turned to see two players coming toward us. One of them eyed me. “Amelia, you okay?”
I scowled at him, but he ignored me, keeping his focus on her.
She nodded. “Yeah Tony. I’m fine.”
Tony turned his attention on me, measuring me up and down. “You the idiot?”
A burst of laughter came from Amelia before she covered her mouth with bright pink cheeks. I looked between them, growing more irritated when Amelia nodded.
Tony stepped toward me until we were toe to toe. He had four or so inches on me, but basketball players were wimps. They cried when they got bumped or pushed to the ground. Please. Our warm ups were more physical than they could ever handle.
“You should leave.” His tone held zero humor and a whole lot of unspoken threats.
“Tony, it's fine. Really.”
He broke his eyes from mine and nodded at Amelia. “Fine. Let me know if you need me.”
He and his friend walked away, but he shot me a menacing look over his shoulder. Getting in a fight wasn’t high on my priority list, but he was tempting me.
“Sorry. The guys are a little protective of me.”
Her worried eyes broke the tension building up in me. “That’s good. I’m glad they watch out for you.”
A tiny smile escaped her lips. “They do.”
“I know you’re leaving tomorrow, so I wanted to see if you had time to talk tonight.”
She looked at the ground for a moment before nodding. “Sure, but let’s get in your car before someone else comes out.”
I wasn’t going to argue that, so I led her back to where I parked and opened the passenger door for her.
“Thanks.” I matched her cautious smile before hurrying around and getting in next to her. I started the car so the heater would turn on, then faced her.
“There’s so much I
want to tell you.”
She stared back at me with patient eyes. “Me, too.”
“These two weeks have been so hard, Amelia. I’ve hated not talking to you or seeing you.”
Her gaze dropped to her hands in her lap. “I know. I shouldn’t have ignored you, but things have been crazy.”
“I know.” I interrupted her. “We’ve both been busy.”
She nodded. “But that’s not all, Derrek.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. I had a bad feeling about what she was going to say. “What else?”
Her shoulders dropped before she spoke. “I couldn't do it anymore.”
“Do what?” I was confused.
“Be your friend.”
“You don’t want to be friends anymore?” My stomach tightened, preparing for rejection.
A sad smile tugged at her lips. “I can’t.”
I reached forward and took her hand in mine. “I don’t understand. I thought you missed me too.”
Slowly, she lifted her eyes until they met mine. “I did. I do.” She sucked in a rocky breath. “But I can’t just be your friend.”
Her words took a minute to sink in. “Just my friend?”
A blush appeared on her cheeks, and I wanted so run my fingers along them.
“I like you, Derrek, a lot more than I probably should. I thought I would be fine with keeping things the way they were, but it hurt. I know you don’t feel the same way about me so I had to get space. I’m sorry. I realize that’s not fair to you.”
I shook my head trying to convey that not only was she wrong, but she didn’t need to worry. “Amelia.”
It was all I could get out. This conversation was going differently than I planned, and I needed a second to catch up.
“Don’t worry, Derrek. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.” The pain in her eyes flared, and I hurried to finish before she ran away. “None of this is okay. I hate that I somehow managed to hurt you. That’s the last thing I ever wanted to do.”
She tugged her hand out of mine with a tragic smile. “It’s not your fault.”
“That’s not what I mean. Your friend, Tony, was right. I’m an idiot.”
Scoring Chance (Utah Fury Hockey Book 9) Page 14