“Yes.”
“And think of me?”
“Yes. Shall I show you?” his flesh goosed at the way she said it. He got to do this with her, she wanted to explore her sexuality, and he could help her do it, anything she wanted to try, he would.
“Yes, if that’s what you want, or you could tell me every one of your dirty little fantasises, and I’ll do every single one of them.”
“There is something I want to try.” She blushed, she looked so adorable.
“Name it.” He could barely keep himself together.
“I want to kiss you.” He frowned, but she pushed his underwear down. He groaned. “I don’t know how.”
“Holy fuck. Are you sure? I don’t want you to do anything to think you should.”
“You have done it for me. It felt so good. It’ll feel good for you won’t it?”
“Yes, but…” She was already kissing down his chest. Her hair was brushing him, and he gathered it in his hand so he could watch her.
He stood still, unable to move as she went onto all fours and glanced up. She smiled a wicked little smile and she gently ran her lips down his length, she kissed the tip, teased him all over before beginning. She was hesitant at first and he moaned when she began, he encouraged her in every movement. He sucked his breath, his thighs shook as he sought to be still.
She pulled away but held him still and knelt down so she could use her hands, she looked so intent on him, so focused, he smiled, crying out as he carried on. Everything contracted in him.
“Time to stop, I’m close.” It only encouraged her, and she held onto him fiercely, he couldn’t breathe, he could think, he only came, gripping her hair, teeth clenched.
She sat back a little shocked.
“Are you okay?” he was panting. She smiled.
“Yes. Are you?”
“That was…” He leant forward and kissed her, long and hard, he didn’t care he’d just come. “What do you want?”
“Do the same for me?”
“As you wish.” He spent his time, kissing his way down her body, loving her, he lay between her legs, her thighs wrapped round her head.
It always surprised him how easily she came. “How do you do that?”
“It’s always been easy for me. Isn’t that weird? I spent so long afraid and avoiding sex, but fuck I could come at the drop of a hat.”
“Tell me.” She giggled as he kissed down the inside of her thighs, her body still flushed, and twitching.
“I wear jeans that are too tight and I could come.” He stilled and looked up at her. “And this is embarrassing, but when I stayed here before, I would be so close all night, being so close to you. You’d make me…you know.”
“Horny?” she giggled and nodded. “Did you?” she nodded again. “Fuck. What else do you want to try?”
He kept kissing the tops of her thighs. She didn’t answer but moaned, her hands wouldn’t leave his hair.
“Have you come more than once?”
“No.”
“Let’s see how many times I can make you come.” She cried out when he settled back down, making him hum. He lost himself with his head between her legs, just enjoying her. Her fingers bit into his scalp, her legs squeezed his head as she they trembled. She was limp, unable to move when he stopped.
He crawled back up her body and kissed her, it was strange to taste herself on his tongue and lips, but he was so hungry for her.
“How am I just knowing this now?”
She looked away. “It’s embarrassing.”
“Oh no it’s not, it is the sexiest thing, all I want to do is make you come.”
He grabbed a condom, rolled it down, and entered her. He went slowly with her, savouring it, everything about her as she blossomed out, as she embraced herself, her sexuality.
“So, you never answered my question, what do you want?”
She swallowed as he moved. “I want to try some things, I’m scared.” He stilled.
“To ask or to do?”
“Maybe both.”
“You’re safe with me, I’m pretty much guaranteed to enjoy anything you want to try.”
“I want to try positions, doesn’t matter what, I want to try them all. In different places. I want to maybe,” she cleared her throat, and he shifted her legs to get him deeper, and kissed her as he did. “I um…” she lost all focus as he withdrew, and turned her over, her heart pounded.
“Like this?”
“Yes.” He ran his hands down her back as he pushed back in.
“Angles are everything, the slightest shift can change how it feels.” He shifted his hips up and she cried out as he moved.
“Lean on your elbows.” He moved again. She went down, spreading her legs, it was hard to restrain himself, but he did. It was so deep, and he moved slowly, almost hissing.
Everything they had shared until then had been sweet, impassioned, good, but innocent almost. It was almost strange being this way with her, but seeing her eagerness and want was thrilling.
“How does feel that my love?”
“I like it.” He could see how much it cost her to say it. Her face was turned to the side, eyes closed mouth open.
“Feel me.”
She reached one hand back, she felt all round where they joined, and she fondled him. She used her other hand to touch herself, he couldn’t hold back, he watched her get herself off, amazed at her.
All she could do was feel, she couldn’t think. For all her life, she had feared this, and to let that go, be loved and wanted by the man she loved, who was strong and vulnerable, how he responded to her mood and wants, was better than anything.
He had been careful with her, so tender, so much love, but for him to fall with her into this was wonderful. She had never thought it was possible to feel sexy, to be a sensual woman, but she felt it, she wanted it all the time, to explore, to know, to feel, even if she was afraid.
She looked up at him, he looked blissful as looked down at her, and she smiled. She wanted to hold him, to put her hands on him. He must have felt the same and he withdrew. He pulled her up, she turned and kissed him as he lowered them down.
He pushed her legs wide apart, and high. He hissed when he pushed back in. He waited for her to nod, then he moved. She watched him lose himself in it, in her, leaning up on one arm, her smoothed her hair. “I love you.”
“I love you.” She watched him grow tense, he looked almost pained, she smiled, he was gorgeous above her. He sped up making her call out, he came suddenly, crying out, neither of them made much noise, but not that night. He was letting go as much as she had.
He hadn’t been that determined with her until then, but all restraint was gone, and he was himself.
She wrapped him up in her legs as he fell collapsed on her.
He couldn’t speak, never mind move.
She didn’t know why but she started crying. He leant up and looked at her. “Did I hurt you?” he looked horrified. She shook her head and tried to hide.
“Look at me. Tell me.” He tried to pull out, but she just held onto him, her legs squeezing him.
“I’m so happy.” He kissed her tears away.
They got comfortable and she lay snuggled into him, while he just stroked her hair.
“You know if you want to do anything you can tell me, or, if you don’t like something you can say it. If you want to be weird, I can be weird, but you know, not too weird.”
She looked at him. “Define weird.”
“Nope, I want you to tell me. I don’t want to tell you what I want. Not until we explore every last thing you want to do.”
“Not fair.”
“Tough.” He kissed her. “Will you, tell me I mean?”
“Yes. When I regain the use of my legs.” Her smirk made him laugh.
Fourteen. Of all the forks in the road
They weren’t leaving straight away, there were a few things to take care of first. Arthur changed his will, just in case, he had always been se
nsible like that, they had to prepare and plan their wanderings, or at least agree where to start.
The consensus was Europe first, then Asia, America, and then wherever they felt like going. They shopped, they packed, they mooched the internet for ideas.
Rebecca was lounging in the den, the patio doors were open, and Arthur was setting up the barbeque.
She closed her laptop and went outside to him, she set up the table. It reminded her of another time, in Alice’s garden.
“What?”
She was stood with cutlery in her hand, her mind lost to those days. She was a different person now. Arthur had given her that.
“I was thinking about Alice.”
He grinned. “You know that day, when we drank margaritas, and you wore that swimsuit, I knew, I just knew it. I couldn’t keep my eyes off you.”
“I know.”
“What did you think?” he looked genuinely interested.
“You were so handsome, I found you formidable, but kind. I didn’t think someone like you could want someone like me, but I saw it, I felt it. Your mum knew we liked each other. This would make her so happy.”
He smiled and nodded. “That reminds me, I have something for you.” He dashed inside. He went into the office and grabbed a small stack of books, and came back.
“What’s this?”
“I kept mum’s books. I know you like them, especially this one.” She smoothed her hand over the familiar old book.
“You’re my Darcy you know.” He watched her blush.
“There all yours now. Everything is.” Her eyes flickered and she tried to steady herself. “So, you hungry?” she nodded, it was all she could manage.
In March of that year, around the time when Arthur was in his worst wallowing, Ashley Rhodes lay in the dark, as a well of anger bubbled in her. The man next to her, a cruel hateful thing, slept soundly, as if everything was fine.
It wasn’t fine, nothing was fine. Mark had just got out again, after another stint inside, and he went back to her.
She huffed. She thought of Rebecca for the millionth time. She felt sick. Her first impulse was to ask her for help, so she could get out too. She wondered how different things would be if she had. But she hadn’t, her fear had gotten the better of her and she had done what she was told. Her mother was gone, her dad didn’t want to know, he had another family now, the only person she had left was her Aunt Julie.
Of course, she also had Mark. He had taken Ashley as a stand in for Rebecca, he even called her Becky sometimes just to piss her off. If she had been stronger, she would have said no, she wouldn’t have gone to the parties, wouldn’t have been flattered by their attention and seeming kindness, they were just winning her round, so that she took the drugs they offered, so that she would do as she was told. She had, and now there was nothing.
Nothing other than the dim hope of escape.
She didn’t know how she could do it. She sat up, her arse was sore and the revulsion and pain shot through her middle as she moved. She couldn’t do this anymore, she couldn’t. She would rather die.
This would have been Rebecca’s fate, and if she could get out, why couldn’t she.
Ashley gingerly got dressed, watching Mark as he slept. She picked up her bag, a tatty tote, and shoved a few things into it. She crept down the stairs, her hands trembling, already feeling antsy.
When she stepped out into the cool air, she took a deep breath, and she walked as fast as she could. She didn’t know where to go, there was no one to go to. She felt sick with the discomfort and automatically she found herself walking towards the hospital. She didn’t know what she would say, but she had the feeling he had done some damage to her this time.
She was sobbing by the time she got into the reception of the emergency department.
The receptionist took one look at her black eye, tangled hair, and awkward stance, and requested the sexual trauma nurse.
She waited more than two hours before her name was called, she was taken to a small quiet area, a few other women were seated nearby, and she was taken into a private room. Ashley told the woman everything. She was examined, and after the full exam, she waited.
There was no one to call, nowhere to go. She took the warm kindness offered to her, she clung to it. There was a stern looking plain sort of woman, with large glasses and muted clothes, who arrived a little while later. She looked like she had seen everything horrible in the world.
She worked for a local charity supporting vulnerable women, even those with drug issues. She went with the woman, stoic and solid, a dense thing that she could lean up against, while everything else faded in and out of view. She was quiet but when she spoke, it was clear and with sense.
Ashley found herself away from Manderly that morning. There was a small block of flats, which weren’t really flats at all. A secure building, somewhere between a halfway house, hospital, and rehab facility.
Ashley was really lucky to get a place there.
She didn’t pass up the only opportunity to get clean, get well, and get away. She grabbed onto it, knowing that the way back would be unbearable.
That’s not to say it was an easy path to travel, it was hard. Ashley began to feel the hardness in her, a strong single-minded want when the mood took her to see something through. In June, she was unrecognisable.
Her skin was clear and unbruised. Her sunken yet puffy body had filled out, looking healthy and fit.
Counselling, fitness, eating, but most of all, being away from her old life, let her heal, understand, and change.
The young woman was a different person. She mentored the other girls, she was a pretty shining example of what could be.
That was until she ventured out shopping.
She was at the till, checking she had everything on her list, when she heard her name.
She turned. Aunt Julie. For a moment, she froze, but she ditched her trolley and ran. Julie, for a squat figured woman, could move when motivated, but not for long. Her twenty a day habit made her wheeze to a stop, and she rang Mark.
Ashley went back home, running the whole way. She was clawing her breath when Danielle, the woman who had collected her from hospital, came out of her office. Ashley was having a panic attack as she lay on the floor. She had started having them, along with the sweats and anxiety of being clean, with the realisation of the all the things that she had done, and their consequences.
Julie had been the cause of much of it, she had done these things to her, or shoved her towards them.
She sobbed on the floor, afraid and ashamed.
A thought came to Ashley as she lay there, while someone saying calming things to her; she wanted to see Rebecca, she wanted to put it all right, to say sorry.
It became a burning need.
When she recovered, she had a long talk with Danni. Danni played intermediary. It took a little time to find her, Danni used her contacts to find Rebecca’s victim support worker, Hannah, and hoped that she knew where she was.
Hannah reluctantly agreed to try and Rebecca, just to tread water, and made no promises.
Rebecca had kept her contacts up to date as far as Edwards and Hannah went, so when Hannah rang the afternoon of the barbeque, her heart dropped.
She and Arthur had finished eating, and they were lazing, half-undressed, on the couch in the kitchen, when her phone rang.
Arthur grunted as she shifted away from him. He shot her a grumpy look, she laughed.
“Shit.” She sat up and watched her phone ring.
“What?” she shook her head and answered it.
“Hello?”
Hannah’s voice was calm and kind, it always was. Hannah had crossed paths with Danni in the past, she knew her to be good at her job, knew that she was a decent person, and knew that what she was asking of Hannah was a lot, but important.
“Rebecca, don’t panic, it’s okay. How are you?”
Rebecca righted her clothes and sat up. “Fine thank you. You?” she sounded strained,
and Arthur felt a prickle of fear at it.
“Well, the reason I’m calling is Ashley.”
“Is she dead?” she asked almost dispassionately.
“No, she is very much alive, and doing really well from what I’ve been told. She got away from them. She is clean, in a good place for a little while now. Apparently, she went out recently and saw your mother, it triggered some kind of panic attack. She has them sometimes. There is a lot you don’t know about what happened to Ashley. She wasn’t as strong as you for a long time, but she is now, from what I’m told.”
“You haven’t seen her?”
“Not personally. I know about her because there’s a charity for women like Ashley, like you were, and they’ve helped her, I know the woman who runs it. You’d be surprised how many times we see women in your position. Danni, the manager, contacted me about you, Ashley wants to see you.”
“Ashley can get stuffed.”
“An understandable response. But, from what I understand of it, she wants to get out, but she’s alone, like you were, and she needs help and support. She won’t stay here, she’d terrified. Just like you were.”
Rebecca hesitated. The risk was her mother and Mark finding her. Did that weigh up against helping her family, even though she betrayed her? She wondered what had happened to her to make her do what she did. She remembered how they played together when they were little.
“What does she want?”
Hannah released the breath she was holding. “To see you, to apologise, to ask for help, for shelter I think.”
Rebecca looked at Arthur. “Whatever you need to do, we can do it.”
She nodded. “Put her on a train to Chadford central. Don’t tell where she’s going. Buy the ticket beforehand and give it to her there on the day. That is my condition. If they follow her, if she brings them here, if I think for a moment I’m in danger, I’ll ditch her and leaver her to them. It’s not a nice thing to say, but I don’t trust her, not just like that, not after what she did.”
“Agreed.”
Ashley held onto her new backpack, and fussed her hair. Her long blond hair had been cut short, the bob finishing at her neck. She had dyed it an auburn brown with the help of a few of the girls.
Getting a Life (New City Series Book 1) Page 20