by Alice White
“You don’t look near as pale as you did earlier,” Todd commented. “Is everything alright?” he asked, his eyes prying into hers.
“I’m fine, I think I was just exhausted from the trip. I didn’t sleep very well in the coach,” she admitted.
“Well, I’m glad you are feeling better,” Todd answered.
“Yes, me too,” Sally said. “Todd, maybe you should show her around the ranch, so she can see everything.”
Todd looked over at his mother, glaring. He knew what she was up too. But the truth was he wanted to have time alone with her and find out why she had whispered those words earlier. He wanted to know why she couldn’t go back.
He turned towards Clara and asked, “Sure. Would you like to see it?”
She stuttered and said, “Yes, sure, that sounds nice.”
He smirked at her and led the way. Clara followed behind him, trying to keep up with his long strides. Her legs moved faster than they had in a quite a few years.
“Can you please slow down?” she finally cried out when she saw him putting even more distance in between them.
Todd turned around and laughed. “I’m sorry; I’m not used to having anyone with me.” He came back to her and walked at a much slower pace.
“So how long has your family lived here?” she asked.
“For 35 years now.” He smiled. “My father, God rest his soul, moved the two of them out here a long while ago. He made a great go of it. I only wish he was still alive to see it thriving today,” Todd explained.
“I’m so sorry to hear about your father. When did he pass?”
“He’s been gone for 4 years now. I still miss him every day. If he was still alive my mother would never contacted you, either.” Todd saw the injured look on her face. “Nothing against you, please don’t take that the wrong way.”
“I know you didn’t mean it against me. But I think your mother was only trying to help you out.”
“That’s what she said, too. I can’t believe you’re not more upset at her about it,” Todd said.
“Why would I be? She was only trying to make sure her son would be happy. I mean, I’m not saying that I am the only person who can offer that to you. But she wanted to at least try,” Clara said.
Todd shook his head. “I know she was doing what she felt was best. But I don’t think it’s fair that she made the choice for me. I know nothing about you. How am I supposed to know if I want to even consider marrying you?”
Clara wasn’t sure how to answer that question. As far as she knew he wasn’t interested in that at all. So why would he ask the question? She shrugged her shoulders in response. “I’m honestly not sure.”
“Tell me about yourself,” Todd said.
She hadn’t expected him to say that, so she hesitated a minute and thought. “There isn’t a lot to tell, really. I’m 28 years old, I’m widowed and I’ve spent my whole life in South Carolina.”
He studied her closely. “I’m sorry to hear about your husband. How long were you married?” he asked.
“We were married for 6 years when he passed, and thank you.”
“There must be more about you I should know. That can’t be all. You seem much more complicated than that.”
“I’m really a simple woman. I love God, and I try to live a good life,” Clara stated.
He looked at her again and studied her. “So if you’re a simple woman, why did you say you can’t go back?” he asked her point blank.
She looked shocked. “You heard that?” She didn’t know what else to say.
“Yes I did, and I would like to know why you said it.”
Clara felt like she was backed into a corner. She would have to tell him all her secrets, and she wasn’t sure if she could trust him to keep them. Not that she would get in trouble for them, but she was embarrassed by the things she held inside.
She sighed and shook her head. “I just don’t like South Carolina; there are far too many bad memories there for me. I feel that it would be taking a step backwards.” She tried to keep from saying much.
“What kind of bad memories?” he asked.
Clara knew he was going to continue to push her until she spilled at least a little bit more. He had barely shown her any of the ranch while they had been walking around and talking. He was far more interested in learning more about her.
“Can we maybe talk about this another time? It’s late and you’ve barely showed me much of the ranch.”
“We’ll talk about it tomorrow, but I want to know all your secrets. I can tell you have them, I see them in your eyes, especially when South Carolina is mentioned.” He studied her once more then turned away.
Todd showed her the rest of the ranch in near silence, only saying a few things.
When they got back to the house his mother had dinner on the table, and she sat down with them.
“It smells lovely,” sClara complimented.
“Can you cook, dear?” Sally asked.
“Yes, I can cook.”
“Maybe you should cook tomorrow’s breakfast then,” Sally said.
“Mother, she only just got here today,” Todd said.
“But you should see if you like her cooking,” Sally answered.
“You don’t have to cook tomorrow,” Todd said, turning to her.
“It’s okay, really I don’t mind. I enjoy cooking. It helps me to relax,” Clara admitted.
“See? She likes it!” Sally said to Todd, and then turned to Clara. “You can cook tomorrow then, sweetie, if it helps you relax!”
Clara smiled at the older woman. Even though she had tricked her to come out here, the truth was that Clara really liked Sally Cody. She didn’t know what it was about her. Maybe it was because she reminded her of her own mother.
The rest of the conversation centered around questions from Sally to Clara about South Carolina.
“You’ll find that it stays pretty nice here year round. Though once your blood thins out you’ll get chilly. We don’t have snow; at least we never have in the 35 years I’ve been here. I think you will enjoy it,” Sally said.
Meanwhile Todd was looking at her and shaking his head. Clara had noticed it; she knew he was wishing his mother had never written to her.
She wasn’t looking forward to having this talk with Todd tomorrow about her secrets. Clara wondered how he had heard her? He hadn’t been that close to her when she’d whispered those words about going back home. She’d been so shocked at his words about sending her back; it had been one heck of a blow to her.
“I think I’ll retire for the night, if you don’t mind. I think the trip took more out of me than I thought,” Clara said, standing up from her chair.
“Are you okay, honey?” Sally turned and looked at her, the concern obvious in the old lady’s eyes.
“I’ll be fine, thank you again, Mrs. Cody. I really appreciate your hospitality. Yours as well, Mr. Cody,” Clara said and left the room.
Chapter 7
That night she had nightmares as the past came tumbling back into her unconscious mind. She knew she would have to tell Todd that she was damaged goods. She would have to tell him everything. There would be no half-telling of this story.
It was sad, and it wasn’t something she wanted to relive right now. But when she closed her eyes the images and memories of the past floated by. Some were swift, while others took the slow and painful slide into her mind. Clara didn’t have a choice but to confront the memories today.
When she woke up she didn’t feel any better. Trying to take the worry off of her own shoulders, she turned her head to the sky and asked for God’s assistance. After her prayer she made her way to the kitchen.
Clara really did love cooking. It had helped her many times in the past to forget things that had happened. Today though, she knew the memories would have to be told. However, the cooking could still help her feel better about herself!
She got into the kitchen and her mind went into another world. She sliced up some
potatoes, cooked some bacon, and made some homemade buckwheat pancakes. She had looked and found all the ingredients she needed when Samuel had shown her the pantry.
Clara smiled and hummed as she cooked. Amazing Grace was the hymn that she was humming when Sally walked in a little later.
“Oh wow it smells absolutely amazing!” Sally smiled.
“I love to cook; it’s always been something I’ve thrived at!” Clara stated.
“I think Todd will love this food. I know I will. You cooked a ton of it!” Sally laughed at the pile of pancakes stacked high on a plate.
“Well I just hope everyone enjoys it.”
Sally helped Clara take the meal to the table. Todd was just coming in and sat down.
“It looks amazing and smells simply delicious,” he said, smiling. Todd said grace and they all dug in.
“How did you get it to taste this delicious?” Sally turned to her and asked.
“I just added some ingredients that you had in the pantry.”
Todd was eating, no words coming from his mouth. He sat back after devouring half the stack of pancakes. “I didn’t mean to make a pig out of myself, but that was so good! I’m glad Mother asked you to cook. Nothing against your cooking, Mother!” He laughed.
“Thank you very much,” Clara said.
Todd went to stand up and leave. “Clara why don’t you let my mother and Samuel handle the dishes and come with me. We have a few things to talk about.”
Clara stood up and followed him out the door. She almost balked and didn’t go, but she knew she had to do it.
He didn’t ask her about it right away. Instead, he walked out to the field and began working on the fence. Clara wondered if he expected her to just tell him.
“Okay, so tell me what the deal is with you not wanting to go back home,” Todd said.
Clara sighed deeply and looked at the ground, the tears threatening to escape down her cheeks already. She had promised herself that she would try not to cry when she told him.
“It’s true that I have some secrets, but they may not be what you think. My husband was not a nice man, but I stuck with him because of my marriage vows. He liked to gamble, drink, and sometimes he hit me. I suffered through it for years, and then when he finally died, he hurt me one more time. He left me buried in debt due to his gambling obsession. I took the money that your mother sent and paid off the debt collector. I might have had to go to jail if I hadn’t used that money, or worse yet he was going to sell me. I know I sold myself to you, or rather your mother, but it’s different. This man was talking about selling me to many men to make his money. So I have many reasons not to go back. The memories are still there in that state and I didn’t have any money to pay you back. I was so happy when I got your letter. I thought my life was going to be better. I thought God had finally answered all of my prayers. He had given me a God-fearing man and let me get away from the place where so many bad things had happened. That’s it, really. I have no more secrets to tell you.” Clara wiped the tears that were coming down her face. She turned from him; she didn’t want him looking at her when she was like this.
“I’m very sorry that you had to deal with a husband like that. You know I wasn’t going to ask you for the money that my mother paid you, right?” Todd asked.
“No. Why wouldn’t you want it back? It was quite a bit of money. I wouldn’t feel right not paying it back if I had to leave. But I really don’t want to leave. You could find me another man if you don’t want me. Please just don’t make me go back there. That Mr. Jones is an evil man. He might seek me out and do horrible things. I know he would have rather kept me and sold me to different men. You know he told me before I left that he didn’t believe in God. I swear for an instant I thought he was the Devil himself sitting across from me,” Clara stated.
“Sounds like you’ve had your fill of evil men, between your late husband and this Mr. Jones,” Todd stated.
Clara shook her head in agreement. “Yes, I have.”
He looked at her and didn’t say anything else. Clara felt like she should just start walking back to South Carolina. He didn’t want her here. She hung her head and wished that her life would stay good for just a little bit.
“I need to finish up this fence if I can. Do you mind finding your way back to the house? If not you can wait, but honestly, you’ll get pretty hot out here as the day goes on,” Todd stated.
Clara walked away slowly, not saying a word to Todd before she left. She didn’t pay attention to where she was going. Instead, she allowed her sadness to overwhelm her mind.
Chapter 8
Todd felt bad for her after he heard her story. He didn’t know what to do. He found her attractive, but he still felt as if she was his mother’s choice. “Because she was her choice,” he said out loud.
He knew that he couldn’t let the fact that he felt bad for her convince him to marry her. That wouldn’t be a good basis for any marriage. He may have waited until he was older to marry, and he wanted to make sure he did it right.
Todd shivered at the thought of what she must have felt all those years ago when she married her late husband. How had she felt the first time he did something wrong to her? It made him angry at the man who had hurt her.
His work was long and tedious; it gave him plenty of time to think about Clara and what he wanted to do. He let the hot sun beat down on him all day long, but there was no idea of what to do with Ms. Clara Wilson when he headed back to the ranch house.
“Where’s Clara?” his mother asked him as he walked into the house.
“What do you mean? She left a while back to walk back to the house. I asked her if she knew the way.” Todd shook his head; he should have taken the time out and walked her back.
“She’s not been back since you left this morning with her.” Sally stood wringing her hands in a nervous motion.
“I’ll go look for her, but I have no clue where to begin. Ask Samuel if he can help me look, please,” Todd said as he walked out the door. “I’ll start in the north field and work my way out there. Have him start somewhere else, I don’t know where.” He ran out. He was flustered and worried about her. There were dangerous creatures in Arizona. Some, if not all, she had no clue about.
His anxiety was high. He didn’t want anything to happen to her. He beat himself up about not walking her back to the house. Todd knew very little about tracking, but enough that he should be able to trace her steps if he found them. He went back to the spot he had been working on in the field, where they had talked. Todd thought of all the evil she had seen in the world. He wanted to protect her from it. Now, at his first test, he had failed miserably.
God, if you help me find her, I promise that I will … I don’t know. I already go to church each week and I pray as often as I can. Well maybe not often enough, but I try. Just please God let me find her safe and sound. Don’t let any of the dangerous creatures attack her or sneak up on her. If there are any hostile natives in this area please let her be invisible to them as well. Keep Clara safe and I will try and keep my mother’s promise to her. God, if you really did send a sign to my mother that this is the right woman for me, let me find her safe. If I do, I will marry her, as my mother feels this is Your Will. Amen
Todd followed her tracks as well as he could. He didn’t want to call out to her, just in case there were natives around. It was getting darker by the minute and soon searching would have to be done with torches.
He hoped that they could find her before they had to do that. “Please God let her be okay,” he asked again. “Which way did she go?” He looked at the ground and couldn’t find any tracks.
Immediately he wondered what he had done wrong. Was she in a hurry? Was she being chased? Did she see a snake, a spider, or something else? So many images ran through his head, and all of them were bad. He could picture her lying on the ground either dead or dying when he found her.
Coming up over the ridge of the last hill, he looked around. In the distan
ce he thought he saw something, someone sitting on a rock. Or maybe it was slumped over. He couldn’t tell if it was her or not, though.
He approached cautiously. His heart was beating fast the whole time. One thing he did notice was that there wasn’t much movement from whoever was sitting on the rock.
Todd had gotten close enough to the rock now to notice it was nothing. He had sworn he had seen someone sitting there for a minute.
He stopped and closed his eyes, trying to focus on the noises around him. To his right he thought he heard a female’s soft crying.
Todd followed the slight nose and soon saw Clara sitting on the ground and looking around. He ran to her. “Are you okay?” he asked and looked her over. “Were you bit?”
Clara looked up at him, her eyes red and bloodshot. “Is it really you?” she asked.
“Yes, it’s me. Here, drink some of this water. You must be dehydrated.” He handed her the canteen and she took a big swallow.
The liquid came right back up after she drank it down too quickly.
“No, drink a bit slower, just a little bit.”
She did as he said and the water stayed down.
“Just take a few sips every now and then, you’ll be okay. Did you get hurt?” he asked again.
“I twisted my ankle on the rocks.” She lifted her dress up slightly so he could see how swollen the ankle was.
“I think you might have actually broken it, but that will be up to the doc to figure out. You can’t walk, and we can’t stay out here all night. I’ll have to carry you, I’m sorry.” He bent down and picked her up easily.
Clara yelped in surprise.
Todd walked home as quickly as he could. “Mother, I found her,” he yelled out as he walked into the house.
Sally came running around the corner and into the room. “Oh my goodness, is she okay?” she asked Todd, who was just setting her down in the chair.
“I think she broke her ankle, or twisted it. I’m not sure. We’ll have to get the doc. Is Samuel back from looking yet?” he asked.
“Not yet,” she answered.
“Well I have to get the doc, then. If it’s broke we can’t let it go for long.” Todd headed out the door and came back a short time later with another man.