by Alice White
Kate frowned deeply and pulled me close. “Come with me,” she said gently, leading me to her house.
She knew how awful my mother could be and she knew that my mother had no patience for me. If I came home covered in mud she’d scold me for horsing around by the river bank and getting myself all dirty. My dress was already stained from the mud, and there was nothing I could do about that.
Kate sat me in a chair and started to wipe my cheek as I stared blankly at the floor. “Someone has to do something about her,” Kate mumbled.
“No one ever will.” My voice sounded so defeated and I could tell it was breaking Kate’s heart.
“Well then, it seems you have to do something, then.”
“But what?”
Kate hesitated and leaned in close. “You’re of marrying age, Elizabeth,” she began. “You could get married.”
“Who’s going to marry me? I have a reputation here thanks to Claire and he goons.”
“Then you don’t get married here.”
I frowned at Kate and looked her up and down, wiping what was left of the mud from my face as well as the tears. “What do you mean?”
She sighed. “I’ve heard of this thing called ‘mail order brides.’ Men out west send ads back to the east and try and get women to go out there and live with them. It’s a tough land so the women are sparse.” She chewed her lip. “I would miss you, but you could start over there. Claire wouldn’t be able to find you and her words couldn’t follow you.”
“It seems a bit drastic.”
“It is, but it might be your only option to find a husband.”
I hesitated a moment before nodding. “You’re right.”
She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close. “I don’t want you to leave, but I know life is impossible for you here. Maybe you just need to start over.”
I pulled away and nodded numbly, thanking her before leaving and setting down the muddy path that would take me home. My skin tingled from the perfumed water Kate had washed me with and I was thankful for the pleasant smell. The smell of the acrid mud made it impossible not to think of Cody’s betrayal.
As I pushed the door open and wandered inside my heart dropped into my stomach. My mother was leaning over a fire, stirring dinner. I tried to sneak past her but she heard me and frowned, looking me up and down.
“What in the world happened to you, child?”
I knew I couldn’t tell her the truth. She wouldn’t believe me. She never did. If I told her that Claire came up with a plot to embarrass me in front of the entire town she would accuse me of slandering the poor girl and send me to my room, shaking her head in disappointment.
“A horse rode by and splashed mud onto my dress.”
“Why were you walking so close to the road? Do you know how much work it’s going to take me to get the mud out of that dress? And that’s if I can get it out at all!” she scolded, standing up and stomping over to me.
She jerked me around, untying my dress and leaving me in only my slip. “Stupid girl,” she murmured. “Go get cleaned up for dinner.”
I turned and all but ran up the stairs, managing to hold the tears back until I was safely behind my door. My heart was pounding in my chest and my eyes stung with tears. I made the decision right then and there that I was going to leave. If I stayed I’d wilt and die.
After that night I started going to the church every day and looking at the ads that were posted on the side of the building. They were all ads requesting mail order brides. Some of them requested that women with certain hair and eye colors answer the ad, but most seemed to be directed at any woman who was willing to take the risk.
I started communicating with a man who owned coal mines in the west. He told me he was very wealthy and I told him I was very obedient. After we exchanged a few letters back and forth I was surprised when an envelope with $100 arrived in the mail. It was my traveling expenses. He instructed me to pay my way onto a wagon train and have them drop me off in Madison, Wisconsin.
It seemed like a long and hard road but I was ready to take on the challenge. After all, anything would have been better than staying here. I couldn’t let the opportunity pass me by.
Chapter 4
The road to Wisconsin was even more terrifying than I could have imagined. The wagon train I’d managed to buy passage on set out early one morning, and we made our way through the near west. I didn’t tell my parents I was leaving. The only person who knew was Kate. We said a fearful goodbye and she offered me provisions for the road. She didn’t want me to leave, but she understood that I didn’t have a choice. I had no options left in Virginia.
As we rode through the lands, I wrote a letter to my mother and sent it off when we came to a stop at a trading post with a post man. I didn’t tell her where she could find me, but I told her what I’d done and why I did it. I secretly hoped that it broke her heart just a little to know that she’d driven her daughter away. It was selfish of me and I prayed for forgiveness, but I needed her to know.
The land was settled, but there was still so much danger. I’d seen a tribe of natives more than once and their strange markings and minimal clothing made my stomach do somersaults. I’d never met natives before. Well, not natives that hadn’t assimilated.
They watched us intently as we moved through their land. I tried to ignore the fear that bubbled in my stomach when I saw them, but it was difficult. There were a lot of things to be afraid of in this new land and I was trying to stay strong and brave, but I wasn’t a strong or brave person.
It took weeks of slow and steady travel, but we eventually made it to Madison. They left me in the town center and it was up to me to find my husband-to-be. I had my letter that had his address and his name. I showed it to a few locals and soon enough an elderly gentleman walked me down a fairly deserted road and pointed out the largest house in the whole town.
My eyes widened a bit as I approached the grand door, knocking on it slowly. It was easily four or five bedrooms and had a second story with a balcony. As I raised my hand to knock a second time, a handsome man opened the door and looked down at me, his eyebrow cocked.
He was tall and rugged despite his mansion and had eyes the color of cold steel. He wasn’t clean shaven but the beard gave him an even more manly look. He had high cheek bones and a sharp jaw that made my knees week. His dark hair gave him an intense look and his height wasn’t anything to scoff at. This was Adam and I was going to marry him.
I’m sure my eyes were as wide as half dollars as I tried to take him in. He was so beautiful. He cocked a thick brow at me. “Are you alright?” he asked. “Are you lost?”
I finally jumped to attention and cleared my throat “Oh! No! I, uh, I’m Elizabeth Harbin. We wrote to each other. You’re my fiancé.”
He chuckled and scratched his head. “Don’t get ahead of yourself darlin’,” he murmured. “Why don’t you come in? It’s hot as Hades out there.”
I nodded and walked into the house, surprised at how sparse it was. He clearly didn’t have an eye for decoration. It was so beautiful on the outside and I’d expected it to be just as lovely on the inside. Instead it just looked rather sad.
Once we were inside I let out a sigh, my body feeling heavy. Adam closed and locked the door behind me. “You must have had a long journey. Come in and sit,” he said, motioning to a thick, plush couch.
The couch looked inviting but my eyes were heavy. “I hope you don’t think this rude of me, but I think I’d rather lie down for the evening. I’m very tired.”
A slow smile came across his lips and it looked more like a smirk, as if he knew something I didn’t. “Of course. Follow me.”
The house was much larger than the one I’d left in Bethel and I was looking forward to having my own room. Me and my sister had just slept on the floor near the fire place. I couldn’t help but grin at the thought of a bed and a wardrobe. Maybe this wasn’t as crazy a decision as I initially thought.
He led me up the s
tairs and pushed one of the bedroom doors open. “Right in here.”
I walked into the room, surprised at how lived-in it looked. There was a glass of water beside the bed and an oil lamp that looked as if it had been burned recently. There was even a gun propped up against the wall beside the bed which wasn’t even made. The disarray of the room made me start to wonder who’d been in here before me. I wasn’t sure if I was up for marrying a man who had a habit of inviting women to stay with him.
When I turned to ask him about the state of the room, my eyes widened at the sight before me. Adam was stripping out of his shirt, the expanse of his muscular belly and chest revealed to me. I gasped and turned around, clapping a hand over my mouth to prevent the surprised squeak I was holding back from slipping out.
“What are you doing?!”
“Getting ready for bed,” he said easily.
“This is your room?”
“Whose room did you think it was?”
“MINE!”
I was exasperated at this point, my eyes wide and full of shock. I couldn’t believe that a man who I wasn’t married to was taking his clothes off in front of me! Did he have no decency?
“This is our room, and our bed,” he explained.
“NO! I am not sharing a bed with a man who isn’t my husband.”
“Do you think we’re getting married?”
“You called for a mail order bride!”
“Bride is a term we use loosely. When I said bride, I meant a woman who would lay in my bed, keep the house, and raise my children.”
“You just described a wife,” I pointed out.
“I don’t believe in marriage.”
The words hit me like a bag of bricks and I actually stumbled a little. “You don’t believe in marriage?”
“No.”
I don’t know if it was anger at being misled or the fact that I was in a new place trying to reinvent myself, but when he told me that, I did something I’d never done before: I stood up for myself.
“Well I don’t believe in sleeping in the beds of men who aren’t my husband.”
I left him with a shocked look on his face as I turned and walked down the hall to an empty bedroom, feeling something new. It was a sense of pride.
Chapter 5
Things didn’t get easier after that. Adam continued to try and convince me that marriage wasn’t necessary for us to do the things that husbands and wives did. For a while I even contemplated the fact that maybe he was right. Maybe things were different in the west, but after long and thoughtful prayer I came to the conclusion that he was wrong. I was going to follow through with my promise to myself and to God.
Madison was an entirely different world from Bethel. The longer I stayed there, the more I realized that without Claire, I could have friends. There weren’t many women in Madison but they were all good friends and welcomed me into their group with open arms.
I formed many wonderful friendships, but I got on exceptionally well with a young woman named Penny. She had long black hair and beautiful, kind eyes. She was married to the local butcher and had two children. They seemed to be with her wherever she went.
We were walking through the street, looking at the fresh vegetables and fruits that farmers were starting to sell. She hummed and bounced her youngest son on her hip before glancing over at me.
“Is Adam still insisting that you two don’t need to be married?”
“Yes. He refuses to accept that it’s how it has to be. I’m afraid he might send me back.”
Penny looked at me and touched my shoulder. “He can’t make you go back, sweetheart. He can’t make you do anything. Hold true to your beliefs. If it’s meant to be, God will make him see the right path.”
I sighed softly and looked at her. “What if he kicks me out of the house?”
“Then you’ll come live with me.”
The answer was simple and resolute. It calmed me a bit to know that I would have a place to go. Even though I didn’t have to worry about going back to Virginia, I still didn’t want to be kicked out of the house by the man I’d traveled so many miles to marry. I could only have faith and hope he would come around.
After shopping in the market, I went home, telling Penny goodbye. When I arrived I could hear the thump of books in the office that Adam worked out of most of the time. His coal mines weren’t in Wisconsin. They were in several other states and it required constant letter writing to deal with the bankers and workers. When he wasn’t trying to run his empire, he was out with the horses. He loved them and I loved to watch him with them. He was tender and kind when he was around the horses. Everything I wanted for myself.
I went to the kitchen and made him a quick lunch of fresh bread and cheeses with some fruit on the side. I carried it up to the office, gently knocking on the door. He threw it open, annoyance written all over his features.
“What do you want?”
“I was coming to bring you something to eat,” I said softly, chewing on my bottom lip.
He knocked the plate out of my hand. “If you aren’t going to act like a wife in all respects then don’t bother,” he snapped.
The plate crashed to the floor and shattered. I stared at it, my eyes wide. He started to close the door on me but I put my foot in the way, managing the stop it completely.
“Wait!” I snapped, my eyes narrowed.
He glared at me for a moment, opening the door and putting his hands on his hips.
“What?”
“I’ve had enough of you!”
“You’ve had enough of me?”
I forced myself into the office and put a finger in his chest. “You think that I’m not worth anything. I’ve come to realize that and I’m here to tell you it’s not true!”
“You’re useless as a wife.”
“Only because you won’t let me be useful! You’re setting me up for failure without even understanding what you’re doing!” I was panting now, rage running through me. “I’m not refusing to do my ‘wifely duties’ because I’m a stubborn mule! It’s easy for a man to think that marriage isn’t necessary, but do you know what people would say if I had a child and they knew I wasn’t married? Do you think my friends would still walk beside me when people are whispering horrible, awful things about me? Do you think that my life will be the same? I am a woman and there are things that are expected of me! Consider yourself lucky that you aren’t a woman so you aren’t held to the same expectations!”
He frowned at me. “You’re overreacting.”
“I am not! Open your eyes, Adam! Don’t tell me that you can’t see it!” I insisted, my eyes wide with tears.
He sighed and shook his head back and forth slowly, starting to turn back to his work. “Go downstairs until you’ve calmed down.”
My bottom lip shook just a little and I took a step back. “You refuse to see it. You’re blinded by your own arrogance.” I kneeled and started to pick everything up off the floor. “I’m leaving.”
He turned quickly on his heels and looked at me. “What do you mean you’re leaving?”
“A friend offered me a roof over my head if you kicked me out.”
“I’m not kicking you out.”
I stood up straight and looked him in the eyes. “I’m not going to give you the chance. It’s clear to me that you don’t want me here, so I’m just going to go,” I whispered, wiping my eyes.
Adam sighed and put his hands flat on his desk. “It means that much to you, does it?”
“It means everything to me.”
He closed his eyes. “I’ll try to be kinder. Maybe eventually I’ll even agree to marriage, but for right now I’m willing to offer a compromise. I will be kind and I’ll attempt to get to know you.”
My breath hitched and my eyes widened. “Really?”
“Yes. Now, go clean that mess up so we can have a nice lunch, together.”
It wasn’t much but it was enough to give me hope. It had taken a lot for me to be brave. I’d made a p
romise to myself that I wasn’t going to let people walk all over me and I was starting to see the fruits of that promise blooming.
I went downstairs quickly so that I could prepare a wonderful meal for us. If he was willing to put in the effort, then so was I.
Chapter 6
Things got better between us almost overnight. When he finally started paying attention to me and actually talking to me, he discovered that I was a good person and that I could be a good wife. I started putting extra effort into my cleaning and cooking and he made sure to offer his approval. He finally stopped inviting me into his bedroom and we seemed to be on the verge of making an agreement, though he still treated our relationship as a business transaction. That was just part of who he was and I’d settled with the fact that I was just going to have to get used to that.
He’d gotten into the habit of taking me out with him to ride horses. I still wasn’t comfortable getting on the beasts, but I would go out with him and watch him trot around and make the horse do tricks. I always enjoyed these moments because he was happiest when he was riding horses.
Bethel had been such a small town that you could get around without a horse. My father had one, but we rarely got to ride. I was thrown off its back once when I was younger and had been afraid of riding them ever since.
He brought the horse around to me and looked down, smiling. “You always observe. Let’s get you on the horse,” he said with a grin, offering his hand to me.
I frowned and shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
“Isn’t this whole thing about compromise? Come on, now. It’ll be fun,” he assured.
I looked at his hand for a moment and sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to let this go unless I got on the horse. He helped me onto the saddle and grabbed the reins, his arms encircling me in a way that made me feel safe. He was so strong and so amazingly handsome. When I thought about it too long, my cheeks would flush pink and heat would fill my body. I never thought I’d meet a man like him.
“Ready?”
“Ready for wh-,”