by Alice White
Once we were inside I let out a sigh, my body feeling heavy. Adam closed and locked the door behind me. “You must have had a long journey. Come in and sit,” he said, motioning to a thick, plush couch.
The couch looked inviting but my eyes were heavy. “I hope you don’t think this rude of me, but I think I’d rather lie down for the evening. I’m very tired.”
A slow smile came across his lips and it looked more like a smirk, as if he knew something I didn’t. “Of course. Follow me.”
The house was much larger than the one I’d left in Bethel and I was looking forward to having my own room. Me and my sister had just slept on the floor near the fire place. I couldn’t help but grin at the thought of a bed and a wardrobe. Maybe this wasn’t as crazy a decision as I initially thought.
He led me up the stairs and pushed one of the bedroom doors open. “Right in here.”
I walked into the room, surprised at how lived-in it looked. There was a glass of water beside the bed and an oil lamp that looked as if it had been burned recently. There was even a gun propped up against the wall beside the bed which wasn’t even made. The disarray of the room made me start to wonder who’d been in here before me. I wasn’t sure if I was up for marrying a man who had a habit of inviting women to stay with him.
When I turned to ask him about the state of the room, my eyes widened at the sight before me. Adam was stripping out of his shirt, the expanse of his muscular belly and chest revealed to me. I gasped and turned around, clapping a hand over my mouth to prevent the surprised squeak I was holding back from slipping out.
“What are you doing?!”
“Getting ready for bed,” he said easily.
“This is your room?”
“Whose room did you think it was?”
“MINE!”
I was exasperated at this point, my eyes wide and full of shock. I couldn’t believe that a man who I wasn’t married to was taking his clothes off in front of me! Did he have no decency?
“This is our room, and our bed,” he explained.
“NO! I am not sharing a bed with a man who isn’t my husband.”
“Do you think we’re getting married?”
“You called for a mail order bride!”
“Bride is a term we use loosely. When I said bride, I meant a woman who would lay in my bed, keep the house, and raise my children.”
“You just described a wife,” I pointed out.
“I don’t believe in marriage.”
The words hit me like a bag of bricks and I actually stumbled a little. “You don’t believe in marriage?”
“No.”
I don’t know if it was anger at being misled or the fact that I was in a new place trying to reinvent myself, but when he told me that, I did something I’d never done before: I stood up for myself.
“Well I don’t believe in sleeping in the beds of men who aren’t my husband.”
I left him with a shocked look on his face as I turned and walked down the hall to an empty bedroom, feeling something new. It was a sense of pride.
Chapter 5
Things didn’t get easier after that. Adam continued to try and convince me that marriage wasn’t necessary for us to do the things that husbands and wives did. For a while I even contemplated the fact that maybe he was right. Maybe things were different in the west, but after long and thoughtful prayer I came to the conclusion that he was wrong. I was going to follow through with my promise to myself and to God.
Madison was an entirely different world from Bethel. The longer I stayed there, the more I realized that without Claire, I could have friends. There weren’t many women in Madison but they were all good friends and welcomed me into their group with open arms.
I formed many wonderful friendships, but I got on exceptionally well with a young woman named Penny. She had long black hair and beautiful, kind eyes. She was married to the local butcher and had two children. They seemed to be with her wherever she went.
We were walking through the street, looking at the fresh vegetables and fruits that farmers were starting to sell. She hummed and bounced her youngest son on her hip before glancing over at me.
“Is Adam still insisting that you two don’t need to be married?”
“Yes. He refuses to accept that it’s how it has to be. I’m afraid he might send me back.”
Penny looked at me and touched my shoulder. “He can’t make you go back, sweetheart. He can’t make you do anything. Hold true to your beliefs. If it’s meant to be, God will make him see the right path.”
I sighed softly and looked at her. “What if he kicks me out of the house?”
“Then you’ll come live with me.”
The answer was simple and resolute. It calmed me a bit to know that I would have a place to go. Even though I didn’t have to worry about going back to Virginia, I still didn’t want to be kicked out of the house by the man I’d traveled so many miles to marry. I could only have faith and hope he would come around.
After shopping in the market, I went home, telling Penny goodbye. When I arrived I could hear the thump of books in the office that Adam worked out of most of the time. His coal mines weren’t in Wisconsin. They were in several other states and it required constant letter writing to deal with the bankers and workers. When he wasn’t trying to run his empire, he was out with the horses. He loved them and I loved to watch him with them. He was tender and kind when he was around the horses. Everything I wanted for myself.
I went to the kitchen and made him a quick lunch of fresh bread and cheeses with some fruit on the side. I carried it up to the office, gently knocking on the door. He threw it open, annoyance written all over his features.
“What do you want?”
“I was coming to bring you something to eat,” I said softly, chewing on my bottom lip.
He knocked the plate out of my hand. “If you aren’t going to act like a wife in all respects then don’t bother,” he snapped.
The plate crashed to the floor and shattered. I stared at it, my eyes wide. He started to close the door on me but I put my foot in the way, managing the stop it completely.
“Wait!” I snapped, my eyes narrowed.
He glared at me for a moment, opening the door and putting his hands on his hips.
“What?”
“I’ve had enough of you!”
“You’ve had enough of me?”
I forced myself into the office and put a finger in his chest. “You think that I’m not worth anything. I’ve come to realize that and I’m here to tell you it’s not true!”
“You’re useless as a wife.”
“Only because you won’t let me be useful! You’re setting me up for failure without even understanding what you’re doing!” I was panting now, rage running through me. “I’m not refusing to do my ‘wifely duties’ because I’m a stubborn mule! It’s easy for a man to think that marriage isn’t necessary, but do you know what people would say if I had a child and they knew I wasn’t married? Do you think my friends would still walk beside me when people are whispering horrible, awful things about me? Do you think that my life will be the same? I am a woman and there are things that are expected of me! Consider yourself lucky that you aren’t a woman so you aren’t held to the same expectations!”
He frowned at me. “You’re overreacting.”
“I am not! Open your eyes, Adam! Don’t tell me that you can’t see it!” I insisted, my eyes wide with tears.
He sighed and shook his head back and forth slowly, starting to turn back to his work. “Go downstairs until you’ve calmed down.”
My bottom lip shook just a little and I took a step back. “You refuse to see it. You’re blinded by your own arrogance.” I kneeled and started to pick everything up off the floor. “I’m leaving.”
He turned quickly on his heels and looked at me. “What do you mean you’re leaving?”
“A friend offered me a roof over my head if you kicked me out.”
“I’m
not kicking you out.”
I stood up straight and looked him in the eyes. “I’m not going to give you the chance. It’s clear to me that you don’t want me here, so I’m just going to go,” I whispered, wiping my eyes.
Adam sighed and put his hands flat on his desk. “It means that much to you, does it?”
“It means everything to me.”
He closed his eyes. “I’ll try to be kinder. Maybe eventually I’ll even agree to marriage, but for right now I’m willing to offer a compromise. I will be kind and I’ll attempt to get to know you.”
My breath hitched and my eyes widened. “Really?”
“Yes. Now, go clean that mess up so we can have a nice lunch, together.”
It wasn’t much but it was enough to give me hope. It had taken a lot for me to be brave. I’d made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going to let people walk all over me and I was starting to see the fruits of that promise blooming.
I went downstairs quickly so that I could prepare a wonderful meal for us. If he was willing to put in the effort, then so was I.
Chapter 6
Things got better between us almost overnight. When he finally started paying attention to me and actually talking to me, he discovered that I was a good person and that I could be a good wife. I started putting extra effort into my cleaning and cooking and he made sure to offer his approval. He finally stopped inviting me into his bedroom and we seemed to be on the verge of making an agreement, though he still treated our relationship as a business transaction. That was just part of who he was and I’d settled with the fact that I was just going to have to get used to that.
He’d gotten into the habit of taking me out with him to ride horses. I still wasn’t comfortable getting on the beasts, but I would go out with him and watch him trot around and make the horse do tricks. I always enjoyed these moments because he was happiest when he was riding horses.
Bethel had been such a small town that you could get around without a horse. My father had one, but we rarely got to ride. I was thrown off its back once when I was younger and had been afraid of riding them ever since.
He brought the horse around to me and looked down, smiling. “You always observe. Let’s get you on the horse,” he said with a grin, offering his hand to me.
I frowned and shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
“Isn’t this whole thing about compromise? Come on, now. It’ll be fun,” he assured.
I looked at his hand for a moment and sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to let this go unless I got on the horse. He helped me onto the saddle and grabbed the reins, his arms encircling me in a way that made me feel safe. He was so strong and so amazingly handsome. When I thought about it too long, my cheeks would flush pink and heat would fill my body. I never thought I’d meet a man like him.
“Ready?”
“Ready for wh-,”
Before I could finish asking the question he snapped the reins and the horse took off. I screamed and closed my eyes, pressing myself against his chest as we whizzed through the forest. I finally opened my eyes after a few moments and the view was breathtaking. We’d broken through the line of trees now and we were racing through a beautiful field full of wild flowers. The spring storms had made the land lush and green.
He yanked back on the reins and the horse came to a trotting stop, moving in a small circle before finally stopping completely.
“What is this?” I whispered, my eyes wide.
“I discovered this place when I first inherited that house.”
“It’s amazing.” My eyes were wide in wonder as the wonderful scents filled my nose.
“I thought you might like it.”
I turned to look at him for a moment, glancing over my shoulder. “Why would you take the time to bring me here?”
This was definitely out of the ordinary for Adam. It had been enough to eat meals with him and sit in the grass while he rode horses. I never really expected anything more than that, even if we got married. He was intent on keeping our relationship purely contractual.
He smiled and slid off the horse, holding his arms out to help me down. Adam led the horse to a nearby stream and tied it up close enough that it could drink. When he came back over to me he had a strangely serene smile on his face. He reached up and cupped my cheek tenderly.
“Because you deserve so much more than what I’ve been giving you.”
My eyes widened and I stared at him, my heart beginning to thud in my chest. “It’s time that I’m honest with you.”
My brows furrowed, but I stayed silent, allowing him to talk. He closed his eyes for a moment as if remembering a painful memory. “You are not the first woman who has been in my home.”
I frowned a little. “What do you mean?”
“I was married once.”
My heart slammed in my chest and I felt betrayed somehow, though I knew that was ridiculous. He hadn’t really done anything wrong.
“What?”
“I had a wife. Her name was Louise and she was my everything. I fell in love with her head over heels and I knew I wanted to marry her.” He paused for a moment, trying to hold himself together. “She died giving birth to our first child and it turned me into a cold, bitter man. I couldn’t let her go and I promised myself I wouldn’t fall in love ever again. I couldn’t handle the pain of losing someone I loved twice.”
I looked up at him, my eyes wide in shock. “I’m so sorry, Adam…I wish I’d known.”
“I’m glad you didn’t,” he said, looking at me for a long moment. “If you’d known, I don’t think you would have pushed me like you did.”
“How could my pushing possibly be good?”
“It made me believe again.”
I frowned and pulled away a bit, but he reached out and yanked me closer, holding me tight. I allowed myself to relax in his grip, burying my face in his chest.
“You made me believe that I could love again. I was so cruel because I knew I’d fall for you if I let myself get close, so it was just safer to keep you at arm’s length.”
I looked up at him and reached up to touch his cheeks. “What are you saying, Adam?” I demanded.
“I’m telling you that I love you.”
The words shot through me like a bolt of lightning, bringing tears to my eyes. My breath hitched and I threw my arms around him, holding him tight.
“You do?”
He held me close, his hold on me tightening. “I do,” he promised.
Tears were rolling down my flushed cheeks as I clung to him, sobbing softly into his shirt. I’d wanted to hear those words so badly, but I’d just accepted that they were never going to happen. Was this real?
“I still need time,” Adam said. “I still need time to accept marriage, but I want you to know just how much you’ve changed me. How much you’ve worked your way into my heart.”
He looked down at me and cupped my cheeks. I could hear my blood rushing in my ears, the sound nearly deafening. The world narrowed until it was just us, and he pulled me close, pressing his lips to mine in a long, eager kiss.
I threw my arms around his neck as stars exploded behind my eyes. This was everything I’d ever wanted and so much more. A warmth filled me as he kissed me, and when he pulled away I felt a tingle on my lips. He pressed our foreheads together and I let out a long, slow breath.
“Adam, I love you too.”
Chapter 7
That was the beginning of something wonderful. We were finally accepting each other, and not only that, but accepting who we were and what we needed. I blossomed after that, not only as a wife but as a woman as well. Everything was perfect in my world.
I stayed quiet about the success of our relationship for a long time, but I was having a hard time keeping myself contained. I knew I had to tell someone, and Penny seemed like the perfect person. We were working in her garden, digging into the soft dirt and planting seeds into the cool, wet earth. I was about to explode with excitement and Penny noticed almos
t immediately.
She smiled and raised a brow in my direction. “Are you alright?”
“I’m so amazing!” I gasped, a wide grin on her face.
She blinked for a moment before letting out a soft chuckle. “Well, I guess that answers that question.”
“I kissed Adam! He told me he loved me.”
Her eyes widened but she grinned and threw her arms around me. “Congratulations! I’m so happy he came around. You deserve someone who cares about you.”
I blushed and pulled away, holding onto her arms and laughing breathlessly. “He took me out to this beautiful field of wild flowers and he told me everything. He told me why he didn’t want to get married and then he told me how much I changed his life!”
Penny smiled and took my hand. “That’s wonderful, darling,” she said, patting the back of my hand. “I’m so happy for you.”
“I hope he’ll marry me some day.”
“I’m sure he will. You just have to be patient with him. He’s lost a lot.” She hesitated a moment. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about his wife before, but it felt like an intrusion. He needed to tell you in his own time.”
There had been a brief moment when I was angry at the other women for not telling me about his wife, but the longer I thought on it, the more I realized it was for the best. Penny was exactly right. It was an intimate thing that Adam had to tell me himself. Hearing it from someone else in a different situation would have just put more strain on our already delicate relationship.
“I’m not mad. I understand why you didn’t say anything.”
Penny smiled and kissed my cheek for a moment before pressing a seed into the dirt.
“So I heard you were going on a trip with him.”
“Yeah. I don’t really like the idea of him going out there on his own,” I said softly.
Penny chuckled. “Don’t let him hear you say that. Men don’t like it when you don’t have faith in them.”
I gave her a look but smiled. “It’s not that I don’t have faith in him. I believe in him wholeheartedly. He’s such a strong man and I know he can do anything he puts his mind to. It’s just-” I stopped short.