by Alice White
The blonde man watched Michael walk away and then he turned to face me. “Are you alright?”
“I was fine. I was handling myself just fine.” I murmured, looking away.
“I wasn’t trying to step on your toes,” he said gently. “I’m sorry. This town can be rough. I didn’t mean to impose.”
I sighed and nodded. Maybe I was being a bit rude, even by my standards. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. It’s just a little tense.”
“Well…I’m Robert Miller. The town preacher. If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know.” He hesitated and offered a small smile. “You have a lovely voice. Can I ask where you’re from?”
A part of me didn’t want to tell him. People always treated me different when I told them where I was from, but what difference did it make? They were going to figure it out sooner or later. I sighed softly.
“Ireland.
“My father was Irish.”
I looked up at the blonde man in front of me, finding it hard to believe that he was at least part Irish. “You’re lucky you don’t have an accent,” I murmured, running my fingers through my hair.
“On the contrary…I like your accent.”
“Why are you being so nice?”
He seemed taken aback by the question. “Well, I don’t really have a reason to not be nice.”
“Well, thank you for your help,” I said softly, heading back towards the saloon.
“Can I ask why you’re going there? It’s not the best place for a young woman.”
I cocked my brow and put my hands on my hips. “I need a place to stay. The women at the train station told me to come here.”
“You could stay with me.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I’m aware. I’m offering it to you. The people who own this saloon are vultures. They’ll charge you twice what they should because you have nowhere else to go. If you come with me, all I ask is that you help with work around the house.”
It seemed like a good enough deal, but I still felt wary for some reason. I was having a hard time understanding why someone would trouble themselves so much if they didn’t have to. Maybe he was just lonely? That was entirely possible. I’d met many men who would have paid just to have a woman sit beside them and stroke their hair. It was always strange to me just how badly these men wanted and needed comfort.
“Alright, preacher. Lead the way.
Chapter 4
We walked down a dirt road, my shoes becoming coated in mud rather quickly. I didn’t really mind, though. It was better than the uneven cobble streets of New York. I’d hurt my ankle more than once, stumbling through the markets. Compared to that, this was rather enjoyable.
The preacher’s house wasn’t a far walk from the center of town, and soon we came to a small cabin that sat beside a church. The church was almost twice the size of the cabin and I chuckled and pointed to it.
“You ought to live there.”
“I almost do,” he said with a genuine smile.
The fact that the preacher seemed so honest and genuine made me like him even more. I didn’t get the feeling that he was trying to pull the wool over my eyes or make me feel ashamed. Everything he said and did seemed to come from a place of pure honesty and that was comforting.
“Why is the church so big?”
“It’s the only one for St. Louis and the small towns that surround it. Churches aren’t typically the first things to go up when people settle new towns in the West. God doesn’t seem to be as important as gold in a place like this.”
I wasn’t really sure what to say in response to that. I couldn’t pretend that I was shocked or abhorred. I wondered if the people here felt abandoned by God the way I did. Maybe that was why church didn’t seem all that important.
Since I wasn’t ready to get into a philosophical discussion with the preacher, I pointed towards the house. “Can we go see it?”
Even though the house was relatively small, it was still much larger than the apartment I’d lived in with my parents. The cabin actually reminded me of our home in Ireland. I was eager to see if it was what I imagined it to be.
We stepped inside and the warm wood interior gave me goosebumps. It looked just like my home in Ireland. I couldn’t believe it. The fire place was even in the same spot. I stood in the doorway, unable to move at first. This was perfect. It was incredible. I actually felt my eyes become wet with tears, though I quickly wiped them away and cleared my throat.
The preacher came in behind me and smiled. “What do you think?”
“It’s really nice,” I said softly, trying to keep my voice from cracking.
He nodded. “it’s not much but it’s my home.”
“How long have you lived here?”
“I was born here. My father came here after arriving from Ireland. My mother came here with her family to start a new life and they fell in love. Well, the marriage was arranged, but they eventually fell in love,” he said with a crooked little smile, “I always found the story to be rather amusing. According to my father, my mother had a wild spirt. She never rode side saddle and he caught her in men’s trousers more than once.”
I couldn’t help the smile that came to my face. “I think I would have like your mother,” I said, chuckling and starting to circle the cabin, looking at all the details.
The floor creaked under my feet and I could feel the preacher smiling. “I think you would have. You remind me of her.”
I cocked a brow and gave him a strange look. “How can you say that? You just met me.”
“I don’t think you need to know someone long to get a sense of their personality.”
The comment made me feel strange. There was a hopeful flutter in my belly buy I pushed it down and ignored it. How could I possibly have feelings for this man? Was it because he was actually treating me like a human being? That wasn’t grounds for attraction. I decided it was because I was confused. I was in a new place, trying to adjust to new people. I felt outside my comfort zone and this man just happened to offer his assistance. I was grateful. That was all.
“Anyway, feel free to stay as long as you like. I won’t ask you to pay me, but if you could help with the cooking and cleaning, that would be appreciated.”
I nodded and offered my hand to him in a formal gesture. “Sounds like a deal.”
He took my hand and shook it, smiling softly. “Deal.”
Chapter 5
Robert was a kind man and that made me wary. Most of my adult life had been spent fearing men or avoiding them entirely. It was hard for me to trust most men since they seemed to be after one thing, but Robert was different.
I could tell that he didn't want the same things from me that other men did and while that was comforting, it was also a bit unnerving. I didn't know how to handle men like him. I didn't know what to do with him so I pushed him away.
My cruelty and coldness were a result of everything I'd been through in my younger years. I hadn't told him about my past yet, though I suspected that was to protect myself. He was a man of God and I found it hard to believe that he'd want anything to do with me after he found out what I'd spent my life doing.
The strange thing was that I wasn’t afraid of him kicking me out. I could handle living on the street or in the saloon. I could handle making my own way. I’d done it for a long time and I could do it again. That’s not what scared me. What horrified me was the idea that Robert might not want anything to do with me, or even worse, he might become like all the other men I’d ever dealt with and I didn’t know if I could handle that.
The longer I stayed with him and the more obvious it became that he was a kind, generous man, the more I wanted to protect him from my past. He was trying to force his way in and ask me questions. I told him I was from Ireland and that wasn’t a lie, but that’s all he got. I knew it was bothering him, but he was kind and didn’t push me to talk or reveal any information, and for that I was thankful.
I
did as he asked and I took over the house work as well as the small garden behind the church. He seemed happy to just have someone around who was willing to work hard and help him keep things together. He frequently told me that he wished I would go to church and eventually I gave in.
Going to church made me feel closer to him and it made me feel better about myself. I’d forgotten how warm and loved sermons made me feel. I forgot how light church made my soul feel. Soon I was going on my own accord, though I put up a bit of a fight because I didn’t want him to know he’d won.
About four months had passed since my arrival and my daily routine was finally starting to feel normal. I’d done chores when I lived at home, though that stopped when I started working in the brothel. Madame hired young girls to do all the house work and when they got old enough she’d pull them right in to the life. I always felt so bad for those girls and I was particularly mean to them on purpose, hoping to scare them away. I’d never really learned to cook in the brothel, though I remembered some things mother made. Stews and soups were easy enough to cook, and the fresh vegetables from the garden made them taste wonderful.
I was cleaning the floors and waiting for dinner to boil when Robert came through the door. He sighed and hung his hat up on the rack just inside the door. He looked troubled and I didn’t like that one bit. A part of me had a strange desire to protect Robert, even though I knew he was perfectly capable of doing it himself.
"Good afternoon. You’re home early,” I said, going to collect his boots. I didn’t like all the mud they tracked in.
“I got some upsetting news,” he murmured, shaking his head, “I needed to come home so I could decide what to do.”
My brows furrowed and I gazed at him. “Disturbing news?”
He hesitated but finally spoke. “A woman has come to town, seeking permission to start building a brothel here in town.”
Everyone knew that there were women of ill repute working in the saloon. Prostitution was a force that couldn’t be stopped, but at least those women were doing it of their own will. They weren’t passing all of their money onto a Madame. The women in the saloon could at least save up at get out if that’s what they desired. At least those women had a chance.
The boots dropped from my hands and I stared at Robert, my eyes wide and full of terror. “No,” I whispered, my voice shaking with emotion.
Robert frowned a little and walked over to me, gently putting his hands on my shoulders. “Are you alright?”
I reached out and grabbed his arms, tears welling in my eyes. “No! You can’t let them! You can’t let them open a brothel here!” I pleaded, my eyes wet with tears. “Please don’t let them!”
His brows furrowed and he brushed his fingers across my cheek. “What’s the matter? Why are you so scared of this happening?”
Oh, no. He was starting to put the pieces together. For a moment I stared into his eyes and I actually considered telling him the truth. I considered telling him why I was so scared, but my throat became suddenly dry and I couldn’t force the words out.
“Because…I’ve seen what those places do to families! My father...He frequented one and it tore my mother to pieces!”
Sure it was a lie, and for that, I felt a little guilty. I didn’t like the idea of lying to Robert, but at the same time I knew it was something that had to be done. The truth was too much. I wasn’t brave enough to tell him the truth.
His gaze softened and he drew me close, rubbing my back gently. I took in his scent and collapsed against him, feeling that everything was right in the world for once. I leaned into him, my cheeks hot from the tears. It felt good to be held. It felt so, so good and I hated it. I hated that I needed his touch so badly.
He pulled away slowly and cupped my cheeks, offering a tender smile. His honey eyes lit up when he smiled and it made me feel like I was home. I hadn’t had a home in so many years and now this man was somehow, singlehandedly making it all okay again. That terrified me, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop wanting more.
“I’m going to do everything I can to stop it, alright? I don’t want to see you hurt and I don’t want to see anyone else hurt. This is God’s town. He protects us. He always has, and he always will.”
I looked at him, my eyes wide and wet with tears. My throat felt tight, but I nodded slowly. “I hope so. I really do.”
When those words left my mouth, I felt something I hadn’t felt in years; Faith.
Chapter 6
For the first time since I’d arrived in St. Louis. I let my guard down. When I begged him to keep the brothel away, I let him see a scared, damaged side of me and I hated it. I spent the next few weeks trying to build my walls back up, but he made it impossible. Every time I would start to block him out he wiggled his way in with a tender smile. It was becoming quickly apparent to me that I was falling for him.
There was no news on the brothel, and I considered that a good thing. It meant they weren’t moving forward with the plans and right now that was all I could really hope for. There were no laws to restrict brothels out here in the new territories and so I’m sure it was an appealing place to Madame’s to go.
Robert was using all of his power and sway to keep the brothels away, but I knew he was just one man. Even with little to no help from the locals, he was managing to fight an impressive battle and it made me feel even more drawn to him.
I always woke up after Robert and so it wasn’t strange for me to get up from my cot in the living space and find the house empty. I sighed and started picking up my blankets, which I had a habit of throwing around in my sleep, apparently. I was still only half awake, so when I heard a soft voice behind me, I jumped a little.
“Good morning.”
I stood straight up and put a hand to my chest. “Robert! You scared me!” I chastised, still wide eyed.
He chuckled and chewed his lip. “Sorry about that,” he murmured, glancing over at me as he started picking up my blankets as well.
Robert handed them to me and I tossed them on my cot, putting my hands on my hips. “What are you doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re usually out making your rounds by now.” I pointed out.
“I know, but I thought I’d change my routine today.”
“And why would you do that?”
He smiled and offered his hand. I looked at it and turned my head away. “What are you trying to do?”
“You’ve lived with me for just over five months now and we hardly spent any time together.”
“Why in the world would you want to spend time with me?”
It was a genuine question. I’d been rather cold to him since my arrival and I couldn’t understand why he would want to continue spending time with me. It made little to no sense.
“Because you intrigue me. Come on now.”
I frowned but sighed and followed him. “Where are we going?”
“I can’t tell you yet.”
I didn’t care for that answer, but I didn’t push it either. We got on the one horse Robert owned and I was surprised the poor old mare could actually hold us up. She was an old horse that he’d had for years, though she was holding up alright in his opinion.
We traveled through town, passing groups of people who gave us strange looks. They weren’t bad looked though. They weren’t the pitiful, disgusted looks I’d grown accustomed to. Instead, everyone looked at me with a glimmer of hope in their eyes. It was a strange thing. It was as if they knew something I didn’t.
I frowned deeply but allowed myself to relax a bit. I was being paranoid. How could these people know something about me that I didn’t know? We rode on past the town until we came to a line of trees. We continued on through the forest and we didn’t stop for a long time. As we rode I could hear the sounds of water.
Soon enough we broke the tree line and came to an open field of flowers and a grand waterfall. My eyes widened as I slid off the horse and Robert tied her to a nearby tree. I’d never seen a
nything this beautiful before. I left Ireland as a child and New York didn’t offer much natural beauty. The ‘City of Dreams’ didn’t have anything like this.
“Robert…”
He came to stand beside me and smiled. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked, shrugging off his coat and vest.
He hung them on the tree and ran forward, jumping into the lake below the waterfall. I gasped and went to the water, leaning over to look into the murky lake, my hands on my knees. I couldn’t swim and the crossing on the boat had left me rather terrified of water.
“Robert?!”
He emerged from the water and grinned, grabbing my arms and pulling me in. I screamed and tumbled in, but I didn’t drown like I expected to. Robert was holding me tight and we were in a part of the lake that was shallow enough that his feet seemed to touch the bottom. I was a good six inches shorter than him, so I wasn’t quite as lucky.
“What are you doing?!” I snapped, wanting to push away from him, though I knew I couldn’t.
“You weren’t ever going to come in the water if I didn’t make you,” he teased
“Don’t you think that maybe there was a reason for that?!”
“I’m guessing that it was the same reason you won’t let me get close to you; because you’re scared.”
My eyes widened and I looked away. “You’re talking like you’re crazy,” I whispered, my voice dropping.
“Don’t lie to me,” he said gently, “you’re not as good at hiding your feelings as you think you are.”
I looked at him and then away. “Are you proud of yourself? Do you think you have me all figured out?” I murmured.
“Why would I be proud? I don’t consider this a game,” he said gently, looking at me seriously.
My throat felt dry and the fear in my chest was more than I could handle. “What do you want to know? Why are you doing this?”
“Because I want to know you. I want to know the real you and right now, I know you aren’t showing me your real colors. You’re putting up a wall and I don’t understand why.”