by M L Sparrow
“Well, just let me know if you do want some help,” she said, reaching out to squeeze his foot, making him jerk because he was seriously ticklish, a fact she’d found out several weeks ago and continued to use to her advantage.
Returning to their various tasks, they stuck at it until Parker finally got too bored and chucked the notepad onto the floor, where it landed with a dull thud. “I’m done,” he announced, “how ‘bout you?”
“Almost,” she answered, jerking slightly as she felt his fingers tracing lightly over her calf.
The mattress bounced as he levered himself up over her, his breath hot against her neck as he kissed her there. Immediately, her breathing sped up, along with her heart rate and she could hear the blood pounding in her ears.
“I can finish this later,” she murmured after a moment, pushing the laptop away so that she could twist over onto her back, biting her lip in anticipation.
They made love slowly, gently, and when Riley came back from wherever she’d been, they were curled up under the covers – she was wearing his t-shirt and had persuaded him to put his boxer back on.
Riley stumbled through the door and almost fell flat on her face. Picking herself up, she went to sit on the edge of her bed. Immediately, her mouth started running away with her.
“I’ve had an absolutely amazing evening. I went out with Joey and we met some of his friends and there was this girl with hair all the way down to the floor and a few guys that smelled like they hadn’t washed in a while and a cat. It was the cutest little cat I’ve ever seen, well, it was until it scratched me. Look.” She held out her hand to show them an angry red line across the top of it. “Joey told me not to pet it, but I couldn’t help myself. It was black and white. I want a cat, but I want a ginger one and I’ll name him Gingy, but he won’t be mean and he won’t scratch me…”
As she carried on, talking in an excited voice almost like a child, Chloe sat up in bed. Sure, Riley was usually hard to shut up, but she didn’t normally have verbal diarrhoea. Studying her friend closely, she noticed her flushed cheeks and dilated pupils.
“Riley,” she asked carefully, “have you taken something?” Beside her, Parker sat up too.
“Of course not,” Riley exclaimed, but she wouldn’t meet her gaze all of a sudden, “what do you think I am, some sort of druggie. So, I smoke weed? So what, everyone does it. It’s not like it’s going to kill me and I can stop any time I want.”
Worried now, Chloe persisted, “Riley, what did you take?”
“Nothing,” she stomped her foot, face screwing up in irritation. “Well… maybe something. But I’m not telling you what, ‘cos you’ll just tell my sister and she’ll say no. No, no, no. Always no.” Tears filled her eyes suddenly. “She doesn’t want me here, you know? She thinks I’m intruding on her life. But I can’t go anywhere else. Not now. I don’t know what to do…”
Lifting her hands to her face, she dissolved into tears and Chloe’s eyes widened. For a second she didn’t know what to do, then she jumped off the bed and went to sit beside her friend, wrapping her arms around Riley’s thin shoulders.
“I’m sure that’s not true,” she murmured, “Terri loves you, she just… has a funny way of showing it.”
“She doesn’t show it at all!” Riley wailed.
“I should go,” Parker said, already reaching for his jeans on the floor.
“No, don’t,” she hissed. She did not do well with crying; people didn’t tend to burst into tears on her.
Shoes in one hand, he disappeared out of the door without a backwards look. Coward.
Patting her arm, Chloe searched for something to say, but as it turned out, she didn’t need to say anything because Riley did all the talking herself. After a while the words just bled into one another and she couldn’t understand what was being said, so she just stroked her hair and waited for the storm to pass.
It didn’t take that long for Riley to cry herself out and begin to calm down, but it felt like an eternity.
“I’m sorry,” she sniffed when she’d finally stopped bawling her eyes out, lifting her head from Chloe’s shoulder, revealing a large damp patch on Parker’s t-shirt and lines of thick black mascara running down her cheeks. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” Chloe reassured her, edging away slightly because it felt strange to be sitting so close now that she was no longer crying, as if neither of them had any personal space.
“Look, I got your t-shirt all dirty,” she pointed to the wet patch shot through with black streaks.
“It’s fine, it’s Parker’s anyway.” That dirty rotten traitor. If he thought he was having sex again any time soon, he had another thing coming. “Riley, what did you take tonight, do you remember?”
Her pupils were no longer dilated, Chloe saw, but still, this wasn’t normal and she didn’t smell as if she’d been drinking. Plus, Riley was usually a happy drunk… at least until she started throwing up anyway.
Again, Riley shook her head, staring down at her feet. Then after a second, she jumped up, “Let’s go dancing!”
“No,” Chloe answered immediately.
Pouting, her roommate whined, “Why not?”
“It’s a Wednesday night.”
“So?”
“Riley, I’ve got class in the morning and so have you.”
“Pooey,” she blew a loud, unladylike raspberry, “you’re such a killjoy.”
“Yeah, well, tough luck.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Riley threw herself back down beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist and laying her head down on her lap, which was a little awkward considering she wasn’t wearing anything beneath Parker’s t-shirt. “I love you, you’re my bestest friend in the world, my only friend actually. Girls don’t really like me.”
Stroking her long hair absentmindedly, Chloe stayed silent until she asked suddenly, “Can I tell you a secret?”
“Of course.”
“I wasn’t always this pathetic. I had a career, a life. I was going to the Olympics,” she sniffled, wiping at his nose with the back of her hand.
Stunned, Chloe just blinked down at her; she wasn’t sure how much truth was in her words, but she was interested to know more.
Riley continued, “I fell off the uneven parallel bars, let go too soon. Hit the bar. Fell. Tore a tendon. Months of rehab, but it’s too weak. Can’t compete anymore. It was my whole life, I’ve been doing gymnastics since I was five and then all of a sudden I can’t do it anymore. It feels like a piece of my soul has been torn away. I don’t know what to do with my life now. I had everything planned out, I was going to win gold, have an amazing career, but now I can’t…”
Lifting her hands to her face, Riley began to sob heartbrokenly. Damn, what did she say to that?
“I’m sorry,” she murmured pathetically, “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”
That only made her cry harder. If she cried much longer she’d dry up from dehydration.
“My life is over…” she wailed dramatically.
“How about I tell you a secret?” she said on a whim, the words flying out before she could stop them.
Lifting her head, Riley looked up at her through watery eyes. “You have a secret?” she hiccupped.
“Yeah.” Taking a deep breath, she began to tell Riley everything about how Jack had died and the guilt she felt for enjoying her life here with Parker and her new friends. As the words flowed out of her mouth, it was like a weight off her chest. The fact that Riley likely wouldn’t remember this in the morning, made it easier to say.
At some point, she had stopped crying and sat up beside her, cross legged on the edge of the mattress and when Chloe finished speaking, she frowned, deep in thought. “I think your brother would want you to be happy.”
And that was that, plain and simple.
Once Riley had zonked out, face down on her pillow, Chloe lay awake for hours, staring up at the ceiling. For a while,
she listened to music, hoping it would lull her to sleep, but it didn’t, so she turned it off. As it turned out, her dad had been right, it was too hot in South Texas for a hot water bottle, so that ended up on the floor, along with the covers that she kicked off in her agitation.
What Riley said was true, Jack would want her to be happy, he’d only ever wanted the best for her, more like a dad at times than a brother, probably because there had been a seven-year age gap between them. Still, it was easy to think, easy to whisper aloud, but it was quite another thing to push her negative feelings away.
If she forgave herself, moved on, it felt like she was forgetting him.
He didn’t deserve to be forgotten.
Turning onto her side, she hugged her pillow tight to her chest. She didn’t like sleeping without Parker, she realized with a pang. Obviously this wasn’t the first time they’d slept apart since they started dating, but it was the first time she’d really felt his absence. It was like an empty hole in her chest.
Reaching for her mobile, Chloe scrolled through her contacts until she found his number. She hesitated, her thumb hovering over his name for a moment, before pressing down. It rang a couple of times and she considered hanging up, but then he answered.
“You ‘kay?” he yawned. She could imagine him with his hair sleep ruffled and eyelids heavy.
“I’m lonely,” she admitted, fitting the mobile between her ear and the pillow.
“Want me to come over?”
“It’s almost time for you to get up for practice, there’s no point.”
“So?”
“Just talk to me for a minute.”
“What do you wanna talk about?”
“Tell me about your family. You know all about mine and I don’t even know your brother’s names.”
“Axel, Tyler and Conner,” he spoke softly into the phone, probably trying not to disturb Jet, either that or he just didn’t like the subject – whenever they talked about family he always shied away from sharing anything too personal.
“What are they like?” She already knew they’d bullied him as a kid, but then all siblings fought. Granted, burning your little brother with cigarettes was taking it to the extreme. “Do you get on now that you’re older?”
A small silence. “No, we’re too different. When I’m home we… just try to ignore each other.” The hesitation suggested a lie but she didn’t call him on it; the same theory she applied to Riley also worked for Parker, if he wanted to tell her, he would.
“That’s a shame. What about your parents, what are they like?”
“They’re a disaster,” he half laughed, but it wasn’t a sound of amusement, “Dad drinks like a fish, Mom’s always yellin’ and they’re both cheats. I guess now you know why I’m such a fuck-up.”
“You’re not a fuck-up,” she reprimanded softly.
“It’s so sexy when you say fuck. Your accent makes it sound all posh.”
“Don’t try to distract me,” she said, though she was smiling. “How can you think you’re a fuck-up? You’re going to a good university on a full scholarship. You’ve got a shot at the NBA, Parker. Don’t you know how amazing that is?”
“NFL, sugar,” he laughed, a proper laugh this time, “the NBA is basketball.”
“Oh, well, my point still stands.”
“I s’pose,” he sighed and she heard him shifting around on his bed, the sheet rustling. “And I got a smokin’ hot girlfriend, so I’m not doin’ bad in that department neither.”
“How could I forget that achievement?” she commented dryly, rolling her eyes.
“Hey, it’s my biggest achievement,” he said with mock offense, “I bagged the hot British chick.”
“Bagged?” she repeated dangerously.
“Hell yeah.” Before she could say anything, he added, “Come on, just let me win this.”
She huffed, “Fine.”
“Thank you.” She could hear the smirk in his voice, then the sound of water running; he must be in the bathroom. “I gotta go, sugar, but I’ll see you at lunch.”
“Okay,” she murmured, “love you.”
“I love it when you say that.”
“Well, I love it when you say it back,” she prompted.
Laughing softly, he said dutifully, “I love you too, Chlo.”
Chloe had a free period after her first class of the day, so she headed over to the library. As a child she’d loved the library and after Jack’s death it had become the one place she could find solace, but she hadn’t spent much time here since she’d come to Texas. Usually it was only when she had a free period whilst her friends all had lessons.
Claiming a desk tucked away in a corner at the back, she left her bag there and began browsing through the shelves and shelves of books. That old feeling on contentment came back to her and she smiled to herself as she trailed a finger along the exposed spines, studying each one as she came to it, until she found something that piqued her interest. Pulling George Orwell’s 1984, off the shelf, she turned it over in her hands. The book was an American classic, but she was ashamed to say she’d never actually read it.
As she walked back towards the desk, she glanced up and saw a vaguely familiar figure sitting at the desk near her. It was no wonder Chloe hadn’t noticed the girl when she first walked past, since she was hunched over the table, squinting at the papers spread out in front of her through a pair of glasses that looked far too big for her small face.
Hesitating, not wanting to interrupt and yet also not wanting to ignore her, Chloe lifted her hand slightly to catch the other girl’s eye. When that didn’t work, she moved forward several steps, coming to a stop next to Payton’s desk. Startled, her head jerked up and she stared at Chloe for a second with wide, almost owl-like blue eyes.
“Hi,” Chloe smiled, shifting awkwardly, “I’m not sure if you remember me, I’m Chloe, we met when Dawson trod on your glasses…”
“I remember,” Payton said quickly, adjusting her new glasses in a small, nervous gesture, before dropping her hands into her lap and clutching them together.
“Oh, good. Well, I just wanted to say hi, so…” Chloe wasn’t particular good at initiating conversations with people she didn’t know and trying to do so with someone who was even more reserved than her was extremely difficult. Backing away, she gave the other girl another friendly smile before turning around.
“Would…” A small hesitant voice behind her had her turning back to face Payton, who was staring down at her desk, “Would you like to sit here?”
Realizing how hard it had been for her to make the offer, Chloe smiled and accepted, going to grab her things and transferring them to the desk next to the younger girls. By the time she sat down, Payton was already bent over her work once more, her long blonde plait falling over one shoulder.
The silence as they both got on with their own thing wasn’t quite companionable, but nor was it agonizingly awkward. Still, she occasionally felt the need to say something, just so that she didn’t feel like they were totally ignoring each other.
“What are you doing?” she asked at one point. In answer, Payton just held up the sheet of paper she was working on. It was filled with scribbled mathematical equations that Chloe couldn’t even begin to puzzle out.
“Wow, that looks complicated.”
“Not really,” Payton shrugged, returning the sheet to the desk and smoothing it out. “It’s easy when you know the rules.”
“So I guess you’re pretty good at math?” she said, an idea forming in her mind.
Another little shrug. “I’m better in biology.”
“Do you tutor by any chance? My boyfriend’s really struggling in his math class.”
Immediately a panicked look spread across her face and she started shaking her head, “I… I don’t do that.”
“He’d pay you, of course. It wouldn’t be much, but I’m sure you two could negotiate a price between you. Please, you’d be doing me a huge favour. He has to pass math to keep
his scholarship.”
Chewing her bottom lip, Payton’s brows pulled together as she thought about it, staring down at the desks scarred surface. It appeared to be a difficult decision for her so Chloe leant back in her chair and went back to reading, though she kept her fingers crossed.
A while later, she glanced at her mobile and winced; she was supposed to be meeting Parker for lunch and she’d totally lost track of time. Shoving her mobile into her pocket and slinging her bag over one shoulder, she stood, drawing Payton’s attention.
“I’ve got to go, I’m meeting Parker for lunch, but I’m sure I’ll see you around.” She didn’t mention the tutoring again, because she didn’t want to seem pushy, but luckily Payton brought it up for her.
“I’ll do it,” she said hesitantly. “Tutor him, I mean.
“Really? Great, thanks! If you give me your number I can pass it onto him.”
Nodding, which caused her glasses to slip down her nose, she wrote her number in small, neat handwriting at the top of her page, before carefully ripping it out and handing it over.
“Thanks, Payton, I appreciate it and you’ll like Parker, he’s really nice.”
She’d have to remind him to be friendly to the younger and to put a filter on his foul mouth, since she was doing them a favour, though she clearly wasn’t happy about it.
Again she just nodded, so Chloe said goodbye and headed down the aisles of books towards the check-out desk. A soft, almost inaudible “Bye” followed after her.
By some stroke of luck, Chloe nabbed one of the coveted picnic tables outside of the cafeteria and set her bag down beside her. It was edging into November, but the sun was still out. It wasn’t the same melting heat that had been beating down on them when she first arrived, but it was warm enough to sit outside for lunch – some brave girls were even wearing shorts and crop tops, refusing to stop showing off their tans so soon.
Having already grabbed a sandwich and a bottle of apple juice from inside, she got out her library book while she waited for Parker. When Riley arrived suddenly, sliding onto the bench next to her, having recovered from last nights’ trauma, she almost spilled her drink down herself in shock.