I am not talking about niceties we exchange because it is what it is and it is what we do. He fakes emotions and reactions. I don’t think he even has them.”
“How can someone not have emotions?”
“I don’t know,” Selina sighed. “I look at him and all I see is emptiness, darkness and the second Granny saw him, she knew it as well. Papa doesn’t see it because he is blinded by the title Lord Ainsworth holds. He wants what he thinks is the best for me, but this isn’t it.”
Matilda shuddered. “I have never heard you talk about anyone like this.”
“I wish I didn’t have to.”
“What will you do, though, if Uncle doesn’t give you permission to marry Mr. McAlister?” Matilda asked.
Selina looked away from her cousin.
To deny her father’s wishes and marry Edward without his consent would be a scandal no one could stand. Edward’s clients could stop doing business with him; same with her father.
His partners would think he couldn’t control his household so he wasn’t fit to do business with. Her name would be dragged in the mud and all over London, possibly farther, as well.
What will she do if it comes to that? Will she choose love and scandal? Duty and misery?
Why were those her only options? What kind of world allowed the option to follow your heart to be the disgraceful one?
“I don’t know, Tilly,” Selina answered sincerely. “I want to be brave enough to defy Papa but at the same time I need to think about the consequences. Am I prepared to lose my family? And if I accept Lord Ainsworth’s upcoming proposal, will I be able to live with myself? Could I handle the pain?” Her eyes watered.
“If Mr. McAlister doesn’t get a deal from the Duke, I am afraid I will have to face these choices and neither will end well.”
“I wish I could help.” Matilda told Selina and smiled sadly. “But I’m just me. At least Uncle would listen to my Papa, but not me.”
“I know,” Selina nodded. “Papa is not even listening to Granny. What is it about men that makes them think we are not worthy listening to?”
“I don’t know. All I know is that it isn’t fair.”
* * *
It was a grim morning, in Selina’s opinion. The sky might be blue and clear, but to her it was just taunting her misery. She barely slept, even if that night Matilda hadn’t snuck into her bed.
Four days, she had been in Bristol and each day she grew more and more anxious. She hated not to have some control to her life. She didn’t like how her future was being handled by men and not by her. She was capable enough, just didn’t have enough freedom to do anything about it.
“Miss Clifford,” the Crawley’s butler, Mr. Williamson, called for Selina the moment she arrived at the bottom of the stairs as she was about to have breakfast with her aunt and cousin. Her uncle was away for a few days because of work.
“Yes?” She stopped and smiled kindly at the man. She didn’t want to be rude and it wasn’t his fault she was having personal problems.
“This arrived for you, Miss.” He offered her the platter he held, where there was a letter.
Her heart almost stopped as she recognized the handwriting and the address. Of course, the name had been changed. Apparently, Miss Elaine McSweeney had written her a letter.
“Oh, good.” Selina had to clear her throat. “Dear Elaine was so sick. I am glad she feels well enough to write me. Thank you, Mr. Williamson.”
“Miss.” He bowed and left the room.
Selina looked around and walked the fastest she could without raising suspicion to the small library. Her hands were shaking when she opened the sealed letter.
Dear Miss Clifford,
We need to talk. Much has changed since we last saw one another. I have missed you, though, so I think some things are unchanged after all.
Meet me at the back entrance of the Crawley’s property after everyone goes to sleep. I will wait for you as long as it takes.
Yours truly,
Mr. Edward McAlister.
Selina smiled and caressed his signature with her thumb. Edward was in Bristol and he wanted to see her! Oh, finally. She hoped he had good news.
The back entrance would be easy enough to find. She just needed to sneak out of her room and the house without drawing anyone’s attention.
Maybe all they needed was a scandal. Maybe if someone caught them, her Papa would have no choice other than to marry her to Edward.
No. Edward told her to trust him the last time they saw each other, and to not make any harsh decisions. He was right; they needed a strategy. She would hear him and together they would make a plan.
Suddenly, the morning didn’t look so grim anymore and her appetite returned.
She had hope.
Chapter 13
Mr. Edward McAlister
“He is your son, my lord,” the Duchess’ words echoed in the office and Edward looked at his father’s expression and he hoped his own did not betray him.
The Duke had gone pale and after a few seconds of staring at his wife, he slowly turned to Edward, who straightened his posture and raised his chin, trying his best to maintain the façade.
“You,” the Duke whispered and, like the Duchess had done before, had to hold on to the furniture for support. “You are my son.”
“Barely.” Edward said coldly. “I expected you to have known about me before I negotiate with you.”
“Negotiate? What?” The Duke looked confused and, if he were truthful to himself, Edward couldn’t blame the man, not when he had just learned he had a grown son.
“I have a proposal for you.” Edward decided to use his best business tone.
“A proposal?” It was the Duchess who asked and Edward held the glare he wanted to give her as best he could. “What kind of proposal?”
“Since I learned about you, I promised myself I would never go to you when I needed anything.” Edward told the older couple. “So far I have not and I wish I never had to, but life is funny. I need to break this promise because otherwise, I will not be able to marry the woman I love. There is no way around it, not one that I can see.”
The Duke just stared at him for a moment. “What do you need?”
“I know you do not have a son, and your daughter died five years ago. My condolences,” he added and he meant it. It didn’t matter that he never met his sister. He would have never wished her harm. She was a result of other people’s choices and, therefore, was innocent.
“Don’t you dare talk about her,” Her Grace hissed at him and Edward gave her a cold look.
“You can hate me all you want, Your Grace, but I am very sorry for your loss. Accept my condolences or not, but I know how much it hurts to lose someone you love and I do not wish it to anyone. Even you,” he added.
His attention returned to his father. “As I was saying, seeing as you do not have sons or any offspring left, how much would you like to make me your heir?”
“Excuse me?” the Duchess exclaimed while the Duke just raised his eyebrows in surprise.
Ignoring the Duchess, Edward kept talking. “I looked for information on you, Your Grace, and business is not what it once was, is it? Less money than ever is coming in, but you have large expenses and still, you don’t have the proper income to preserve the life you had before.” Edward paused studying the Duke’s expression. “I am willing to pay you a thousand pounds a year for the rest of your life if you pass the title to me instead of Lord Ainsworth, my… cousin.”
“A thousand pounds?” the Duchess said in a curious tone. It appeared she wasn’t as against Edward when money was involved.
“Yes. All you have to do is recognize me as your son.” The older couple stared at him. “I know this is unusual and less than ideal. Trust me, this place is the last place I wanted to be in and I wish this moment never happened, but this will be beneficial for both of us.” Edward looked at his father.
“Your line and name will continue through me. I may be just a
maid’s son but I was raised to be a gentleman and I will not degrade your name. You will have a thousand extra pounds every year, and I will marry who I want. Everyone wins.”
“I…” It appeared the Duke was speechless so Edward straightened his coat.
“I will leave you to discuss it between yourselves. I thought my existence was of your knowledge, Your Grace, but I now see that it was not. I need an answer in two days at the most. Your butler will have my information if you need it. Have a lovely day.”
With a bow, Edward left the room and only realized he was shaking when the door of Bellford manor closed behind him.
* * *
What his mother would think if she had seen Edward and the Duke together?
Before she died, she had told him she wished she had given him a proper family, a father and siblings. Edward never felt alone, though, not with his mother and Lady Tennyson taking care of them.
He had a family. Unusual by social standards, but filled with love and care. Whatever else could he have asked for?
A knock on the door brought Edward back from his memory lane. He cleared his throat. “Come in.”
“Sir.” Mr. Scott, his butler while in London, entered the office. “The Duke of Bellford is here to see you, per your request, he said.”
Only a day. It appeared the Duke wrapped his mind around problems rather quickly, like Edward himself. “Yes, Scott.” Edward got up from the chair in front of the fire. “Tell him to come in, please.”
“Of course, sir.” Scott bowed his head slightly and left.
Edward stopped by his small cabinet and took a bottle of whiskey and while he waited, poured some in two glasses. Whatever direction their conversation would go, he would need to have at least some alcohol in him and he suspected the Duke wouldn’t mind.
Another knock on the door and Mr. Scott opened it, announcing clearly, “Edward Egremont, the Duke of Bellford for you, sir.”
“Your Grace.” Edward bowed to the Duke and saw that his appearance was rather different than the day before. His eyes were red, his hair just a little out of line. There were lines on his face that seemed more pronounced than before. He looked as if he hadn’t slept at all. “Thank you, Scott. That will be all for now.” Edward nodded to the butler, who nodded back and left the room.
The Duke studied his son for a few moments. “When I saw you at first, I didn’t connect the dots but something felt familiar. It’s your nose, it is just like hers. To notice such a thing, huh?” the older man asked. “The fact that we have the same Christian name didn’t even occur to me, but she named you after me.”
“She did.” Edward didn’t avert his eyes. “Even then, she loved you.”
An expression of pain passed through the Duke’s face. “I thought she had met someone else.” He shook his head. “She was acting odd, so when I heard the news about her marriage…”
“We are not here to speak about my mother-”
“That is where you are very much mistaken, sir,” the Duke said rather severely, cutting Edward. “Everything is about your mother. And my wife. Me. You. I want to understand what happened with my life that I missed such a thing. I want to know how come I have a grown son and learned about it yesterday.” He was angry, Edward realized. “You have known about me for years. By the looks of it you seem to be at peace with all of it, but how did you feel when you found out? I had a day to try and piece it all together and I still find it earth shaking.”
Edward sighed and grabbed the two glasses of whiskey. He walked towards his father and offered him one of them. “You will need it.”
The Duke nodded and took the glass. Edward pointed to the opposite chair of his own and after the older man was comfortable, he sat down as well.
“I am not at peace with it.” Edward said after a moment of tense silence. He took a sip of his drink and looked from the fire to his father. “I don’t think I ever will be.”
“Why did your mother leave? My wife has confined herself to her bedroom since you left yesterday and the brief conversation we had, then, was not enough,” the Duke asked. “Please… son.”
“Don’t call me that,” Edward stated by instinct and then cleared his throat. “I don’t think there is need for that.”
His Grace nodded in agreement after a moment. Perhaps he thought it over and realized he had to gain Edward’s trust before calling him that.
“Mother left because she was told you had scorned her,” Edward eventually told his father. “Mother’s story is that she was talking to another maid and she told her about being pregnant. The Duchess heard about it and told you.”
“I never-”
“I know that now,” Edward interrupted the Duke. “Mother did not. She believed the Duchess when she was summoned a few days later, and she told her you wanted nothing to do with her or the child. She thought she was alone.” He saw the Duke’s face harden. “The Duchess gave her a hundred pounds to get rid of me and go away. My mother believed her.”
“My wife and I were struggling then,” His Grace said in a low voice. “She had miscarried twice in the previous years and I had little affection for her at the time, I must admit. I did love your mother, though.”
Edward scoffed. “Loved her? You were a Duke, a grown man. She was a little older than a child. I can see how she got confused, but you… you were old enough to know better.”
“Is this coming from the man who is the same age I was, then. Who came to me with the absurd idea of gaining a Duke’s title because he wants to marry the woman he loves? Isn’t that hypocritical of you?” the Duke asked, surprising Edward.
When he put it that way, they weren’t as different as he thought. “I was yet another fool in love with someone I could not be with. I was twenty-six years of age. I did not know I could feel what I felt, but there I was, all but swooning over the new maid.
Recently married to a woman I barely knew; my father had passed a few months before and all his responsibilities became mine overnight,” the Duke said. “I was unhappy and one day I heard your mother giggle. That was it. I followed the sound, and there she was, giggling with another maid while cleaning the room. I didn’t want to like her as I did, but there was no fighting it.”
Hating him for so long, Edward never truly thought about it that way, not when the information he had about the Duke was about the scorn of his mother. Edward never thought the Duke had loved his mother.
“I never forced your mother,” the older man said. “We started to talk while she cleaned the rooms and she was such a bright girl, happy with life and just so pure. She loved me as well.”
“I know,” Edward agreed. It was no secret Daisy Taunton had loved His Grace till the day she died. She always told Edward she appreciated every moment she had spent with his father.
“I would have kept her. And you, had I known,” His Grace said. “Perhaps not in the house, but maybe rent a cottage for both of you. And of course, you would have been brought up as my son, and you would have a lord’s education.”
“I had a lord’s education. My mother was lucky enough to seek refuge in Wales. The hundred pounds were enough for a few months’ rent of a small cottage at Lady Tennyson’s estate. She took a liking to my mother and gave her work.”
“This Lady Tennyson. She is the one you said helped raise you?”
“Yes.” Edward nodded. “She took a liking to me as well. Since she had no children, she treated me like her son as well. My mother had told her about you, about my bloodline. Some might think she thought I needed a good education for being who I was, but she loved me. She was my godmother.”
“I see.” The Duke took a sip of his whiskey. “I honestly do not know where to go from here. Under normal circumstances I would have a notion about what to do, but this…”
“I thought this could have been a simple transaction.” Edward passed a hand through his hair. “I thought of you as a bastard, Your Grace, who could have been swayed with money.”
“What about n
ow?”
Edward looked at his father. “Maybe things are not as black and white as I thought.”
Chapter 14
Edward Egremont, Duke of Bellford
The whiskey was quite good, the Duke thought as he took another sip of it. His son sure knew how to choose them, apparently.
His son.
How much he had desired that whenever the Duchess was pregnant. Instead, she gave him one beautiful, marvelous little girl who was taken from them and the world too soon. He loved Kathleen so very much. She came into the world and brought a light he thought had gone out.
Meanwhile, his son grew without him, hating his father because he thought the Duke had shunned his mother. The Duke had truly loved Daisy and his heart had been broken when he learned she had gone away.
A Hidden Duke For The Passionate Lady (Regency Historical Romance) Page 9