“Rhyann?” He whispered, softly.
“Hmm?” I responded lazily, thoroughly enjoying the tune he was playing out with his fingers along my arm. He pulled back gently and placed a finger beneath my chin, lifting my face to his. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine, gently at first, but it quickly turned serious, like our previous kisses. Our tongues danced around one another, and the deeper the kiss went I found myself wondering how I was even breathing. He shifted on the sofa, pinning me beneath his hard body, while continuing to gently nibble and suck on my lips. The noises coming from our mouths were hot and sensual, and I felt a warm sensation spread throughout the lower half of my body. There was absolutely no denying I wanted this man. I wanted him with every fiber of my being.
“God, I want you.” He rasped, as if reading my mind. His breath was hot against my throat as he planted small kisses over it. The moaning sounds I made must have encouraged him to go further, and I felt his hand slip under my shirt, moving along the curve of my waist. I felt his fingertips caress just below my right breast, and he began to slowly rub his body against mine. Instinctively, I slid my hand between us and brushed my knuckles over his arousal. I could feel the fullness of him through the thin yoga pants I was wearing. It all felt completely right, and way too familiar.
“Rhyann, what are you doing to me? I've never--" he started, with his head dipped down and his voice laced with an intensity I'd never heard from him. "You are so beautiful.” He moaned against my lips. I bared my teeth and gently bit down on his lower lip. His hand covered my right breast and I groaned as his thumb stroked the tender flesh barely covered by my bra. Then, the reality of what we were doing sank in. I pulled back, panting, and pressed my palms against the unrelenting steel of his chest.
“Jesse, we shouldn't do this.” I took long, deep breaths, trying to calm myself.
"Fuck.” He groaned as he reluctantly lifted himself off me. We both sat up, the movie was still running and I could hear a woman screaming in the background, and for a moment neither of us said anything. “I’m sorry, Rhyann, but I'm having a hard time staying away from you. I can’t help it. I wake up every day knowing you are down the hall, lying in your bed, alone and probably wearing next to nothing. I already know how you taste, and I can’t bring myself to stop craving you.” He dragged a hand across his mouth and blew out a sharp breath before pulling me onto his lap, bringing his lips to mine for one more kiss. My legs straddled his and without thinking I pressed my pelvis into his massive erection. He felt so good against me, and I moaned into his mouth. My lips instinctively parted, allowing his tongue to gently flick against my own. Over and over they swirled together in complete unison. When our lips were together, everything felt right. There was no denying our mouths were made for one another. The way I pressed against his body, with his arms surrounding me, we were a perfect fit. For a moment, I allowed myself to get lost in the feel of his warm lips against mine, his hands moving up and down my body. I wanted him so badly, and it took all the resolve I had to resist the urge to give in. I knew in my heart he couldn't offer me what I wanted. I needed stability and commitment, and that wasn't the way he operated. I assumed that I was just another conquest, and he wanted to prove to himself that he could catch me again. I moved my hand between us and pressed against his firm chest, attempting to break the seal. When we broke apart we were breathless, once again.
I lifted my eyes to meet his and the sadness I found surprised me. Maybe he knew what my response was going to be before I even gave it. It wouldn't surprise me, we'd learned more about one another in the short time we had been together than most couples take a lifetime to discover. The problem with us as a couple had nothing to do with incompatibility or lack of desire, and everything to do with his inability to give himself to only one woman.
“I’m sorry, but I've learned the hard way that I'm not good at Rule #3, and you’re not capable of offering more.” I whispered. His grip on me tightened and I felt his body tremble.
He let out an anguished groan and hung his head in his hands. “I’m so sorry, baby.” I found it interesting that he'd used that endearment with me on a regular basis since I'd started working for him. I also found it interesting that I'd never once asked him to stop. He kissed the top of my head and left me sitting on the sofa while the movie credits played on the large screen behind me.
I didn't see him the next day, but I didn't complain. It was probably for the best. We both needed some time to cool off and try to make sense of what was taking place between us.
Alex called two days later and invited me to go to the movies with him. Naturally, I said yes. We'd already been out on two dates, both times he'd taken me out for ice cream on the pier. We were taking our time, becoming comfortable with each other's likes and dislikes. I wanted to get to know him, and give him a chance to grow on me. I needed something to help me break away from the unhealthy pattern I had going on within this house. The sexual tension was thick. I knew we were playing with fire the other night, but that didn’t stop either of us from risking everything we’d worked so hard to build.
It was obvious to me what was going on, Jesse felt threatened by Alex. Given our history, I could understand why he would be curious, but he’d had plenty of women in the house since I’d come to work for him. I never once made a scene until the night I’d stolen his car.
Jesse appeared to be in a good mood when I met up with him later that afternoon. We went over his calendar and I briefed him on the interview questions that were sent over for the video chat he was doing this weekend. Neither of us mentioned what had happened earlier in the week, we had gotten pretty good at avoiding the elephant in the room.
“You want to grab a bite to eat at our favorite Chinese place?” He asked, as we wrapped up the mock interview.
I made a face and apologized. “Sorry, I have plans tonight. Maybe another night?”
“Oh, that's okay, don’t worry about it. I’ll call David. So, are you doing anything special?”
I closed my laptop and took off my reading glasses. “Alex is taking me to the movies.”
“That’s nice. Is he coming to pick you up?” He asked, casually, as he pretended to look through a stack of music sheets.
“Yes, as a matter of fact he is. He’ll be here at seven.”
“Well, sorry I won’t be able to meet him, maybe next time. Hope you two have a nice life.” He stood and walked to the kitchen with me hot on his heels.
“What’s that supposed to mean? Have a nice life?” I demanded, grabbing him by the crook of his arm.
“What? I never said that. Night. I said have a nice night.” He looked down at my hand on his arm and smiled through clenched teeth.
“No you didn’t. You said life, and I think it's because you’re jealous that he might be able to offer me something that you can’t.”
“Yeah, what’s that?” He hardened his eyes at me and I stared him down.
“A relationship.” I replied, flatly, catching the slight flinch his body made at my response.
“Think what you like, Rhyann. I’ll see you later.” He jerked his arm from my grasp and I watched him walk away, knowing it was pointless to try and argue with someone that couldn’t even admit their true feelings. Sure, he had told me that he wanted me, he'd even told me that he couldn't stop thinking about me. What he hadn't told me was that I was the only one he thought about, and those were the words I longed to hear coming from his lips.
Jesse ended up being at home, despite his previous declaration. When Alex came to the door I dashed quickly to answer it, praying that Jesse would stay upstairs and not turn this into a pissing match. I threw open the door and was immediately greeted with a warm smile. It was a nice change of pace from the tension that had been present after our argument. Jesse had stomped around all afternoon, avoiding all contact with me. To keep myself from wringing his neck, I’d stayed in my room and got caught up on my reading.
“Hey, look at you.” Alex gave me a soft kiss then
held me at arms length. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” I blushed and thanked him.
“Ready?” I smiled, inching my way to the door. I heard Jesse’s door open and caught a glimpse of him over my shoulder as I turned to leave. He was standing at the top of the stairs, leaning over the bannister. His eyes cut into me, as if somehow willing me to change my mind. I turned away and closed the door behind me. I heard a loud bang and could only assume that he’d slammed his door shut.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The movie he took me to see was a comedy, and I could honestly say it was nice to be with someone who didn't know me in the same way that Jesse knew me. With Jesse, there were no secrets, he already knew me intimately, and we talked about everything. Alex seemed to be perfectly content with taking things slow. He was easy going, and when we were together he made a point of making me feel as if I was the only woman in the room. He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me, asking me a ton of questions on the way to the movie, and during the previews. At one point he reached his hand over and laced it with mine, and that simple gesture felt really sweet, though there weren't any sparks.
After the movie we weren't quite ready to call it a night, so we decided to stop by Theo's to have a drink and listen to the live music they offered every night. We walked in and were immediately pushed back by the large crowd gathered in front of the door.
"Is it always this crowded?" Alex asked, placing an arm protectively around my waist and breaking through the crowd like a line backer.
"Yeah, it usually is, especially on a Thursday night." I took the seat he offered, before he sat down in the chair next to me.
"What's special about Thursday?" He asked, ordering two beers when the waitress came by.
"It's open mic night. We have a lot of talent in Seattle. Theo's is a great place to get recognized since a lot of famous acts have performed here over the years. A lot of them still stop by and surprise the crowd." He reached a hand across the table and gave mine a gentle squeeze.
"I can't believe I'm leaving in the morning. I hate that our time together has been so short. Will it be okay if I call you once I'm back home?"
"I think that would be okay." I laughed, relaxing my hand into his. I'd just leaned forward to say something when I saw David out of the corner of my eye. Where David was, Jesse usually wasn't too far behind. The thought of seeing him here, when I was on a date with Alex, made my stomach queasy.
Alex started to tell me about his next project for work and, as much as I would have liked to hear what he had to say, I tuned him out once my eyes locked with Jesse's and it took everything I had within me not to get up and run out the door. He was sitting at a table about thirty feet from me, talking with David. Whatever David was telling him must have been funny because every so often he would throw his head back and laugh. When he was done laughing he would casually bring his gaze back to me, staring at me knowingly. We hadn't been in this bar together since the night we'd met. Finding myself in this position, unable to shut him out, made me want to scream at the top of my lungs. Here I was, out with a perfectly nice guy who was obviously interested in me, yet I could't convince myself to look away. I saw Jesse avert his eyes toward the door, and I followed his gaze to where Tyler and Sam were coming in to join them.
Their presence at Theo's on a Thursday night could only mean one thing. They were going to perform.
I felt a pang in my stomach and watched helplessly as they made their way to the edge of the stage. I knew that if I didn't get out of here quickly I would have a nervous breakdown.
"Alex, I suddenly don't feel well. Would you mind taking me home?" He stands quickly and takes hold of my elbow.
"Yes, of course. I just need to use the restroom before we leave. I'll only be a minute." He weaves his way through the crowd and I get up and head in the opposite direction. He can find me outside, the band is about to start playing and right now I would prefer to be anywhere but here.
"Good evening." The deep timbre of Jesse's voice echoes through the microphone. "It's been a long time since we've played at Theo's." The crowd begins to whoop and holler for the band. They didn't need an introduction, everyone here was familiar with the music of Twisted Fate. "Tonight I want to do a song that isn't one of our own, it's a cover of a song that is near and dear to my heart. Before we start, I have a question for all the guys out there. How many of you have found the one?" Guys yell out answers and Jesse smiles while shaking his head. "I'm not just talking about a girl for the night. I’m talking about that one woman that makes you feel alive. That one woman that just gets you, you know, like no one ever has. The one that sees all of your flaws, your imperfections, and doesn't care.” The crowd yells out something sexually derogatory and Jesse chuckles. “Guys, I’m talking about that one woman that makes you feel so good, and when you're buried inside her there is no place on earth you would rather be, and you'd crawl across the desert, swim any length of ocean, just to be inside her again. Do you guys know what I'm talking about?” There are shouts of Fuck yeah and I'll be that girl for you, Jesse, and I can't help but roll my eyes at the stupidity of these women.
Then, he goes on to say something that cements my feet to the floor, and brings tears to my eyes. "See guys, I brought this up because if you have all that, you're a lucky son of a bitch. Don’t let her get away, because if you do you'll fucking hate yourself for it. I should know, because for one night I had a taste of what that was like and I let her get away. But, I've recently found her again and I've wasted a whole lot of time trying to deny my feelings. I've seen her every damn day for the last three months and I've been too fucking scared to tell her I'm in love with her." His beautiful hazel eyes meet mine and I'm unable to turn away. The room goes silent as the crowd begins to look around and see the lucky girl that has won Jesse's heart. "Well, anyway baby, for what it's worth, this one's for you."
Tyler starts playing the intro and the crowd goes wild as Jesse begins singing his rendition of Daughtry's Losing My Mind. The heart-wrenching words, combined with Jesse's powerful vocals, make for an entranced crowd. I break eye contact with Jesse only to find that Alex has returned from the bathroom and is staring at me with a look of understanding on his face.
"Alex." I take a step toward him and drop my shoulders in defeat.
"He's the one, isn't he? He's the asshole that made you cry?" I can’t respond, so I just nod. "You're in love with him, aren't you." He asked, softly. I can see the sadness written all over his face, and I feel bad for leading him on when I knew I could never give my heart to someone else. I couldn't offer it because it hadn't been mine to give.
"I wish I wasn't." I whispered, softly, but he heard me. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you." I cried, locking eyes with Jesse once more before turning around and running out the door. I caught an old friend just as he was about to pull out of the parking lot and called to him, asking for a ride. I watched out the window as Alex stood on the sidewalk and shook his head. I didn't say anything to my friend, I just cried softly as I tried to process what the hell had just happened.
I heard a door slam, and Jesse's footsteps on the stairs, long before he knocked on my door. I ignored him the first time, still trying to form the argument in my head. I was angry because he had embarrassed me in front of Alex. I was angry because he had made me cry. Mostly, I was angry because of what he said. He had been in love with me and hadn't even bothered to let me know. All this time my heart had been silently breaking while I watched him go out with other women, then each time I had to resist the temptation to sleep with him because I knew how much it would hurt me in the end when I couldn't keep him. Now, to learn that the whole time I had been fighting he had harbored feelings for me too. I didn't know whether to be pissed off or happy that he'd finally admitted it.
“Rhyann, can I come in?” He spoke softly into the door.
“Go away.” I groaned toward the ceiling.
He rattled the doorknob. Thankfully I had locked it earlier. “
Come on Rhyann, let me in, please. I just want to talk.”
“Not sure I want to talk to you right now.”
I heard muttered cursing through the door and I couldn't help but smile. “Look, I’m sorry for being such an ass. I know I screwed up.”
I sighed mightily, before shuffling over and opening the door.
“It was a shitty thing to do. I was on a date, Jesse. Why tonight? You've had plenty of chances to tell me how you felt.”
My Only Regret (Twisted Fate Book 1) Page 11