My Only Regret (Twisted Fate Book 1)

by James, Rhonda

  “So, how are you going to tell him?” Mel asked, leaning her head against my shoulder.

  “Well I can’t just spill out something like that over the phone now can I? I’ll have to fly out and see him, or maybe I should wait until I meet with the OB.” I twisted my hands together, absentmindedly pulling at the sheet. “I’m not sure what I should do Mel, this is too soon, this is way too soon for us. I mean, we barely know each other, we aren’t even speaking at the moment, how the hell can we raise a child together? This will scare the hell out of him. We’ve never even discussed having a family. How can I be a mother? Mine was a shitty example, how can I be expected to be any better?” I threw my hands up, exasperated. “Fuck!”

  “Sweetie, it will be okay.” She stroked my hand, her head still rested on my shoulder. “You just wait and see, it will all work out.” She lifted her hand to grab the remote control, flipping through the channels to find something we both felt like watching, stopping when a picture of Twisted Fate caught our eye.

  “I miss David,” she said longingly, “I miss the sex.” We watched as a reporter stood in front of a large crowd that had gathered outside the venue where they were scheduled to perform tonight.

  “We’re here in Los Angeles, standing outside the Staples Center, where Twisted Fate is about to arrive for a live performance. Fans are going crazy waiting for a chance to catch a glimpse of the band as they arrive. The concert is sold out and everyone is expecting a stellar show. We asked the fans earlier what they were looking forward to the most about tonight’s performance and here’s what they had to say.” The screen switched to shots of young girls dressed in clothing way too tight and revealing, giggling as they answered the question.

  “I can’t wait to see Sam without a shirt on!”

  “I want to try and catch Jesse’s shirt when he throws it off stage.”

  “I can’t wait to meet them backstage after the show. I got a pass!!”

  “I love them all, they’re so hot!”

  “Well, there you have it folks, the energy is electric down here. The concert kicks off at… Wait, hold it folks, Twisted Fate has just pulled up to the Staples Center and we are going to try and catch them on their way in. Try and get a little sneak peek before the show!” The camera panned over a pair of limousines, surrounded by security. Mel squeezed my arm tightly, waiting to spot David coming out of the car. My heart clenched in my chest at the thought of seeing Jesse, even if it was only on television, I missed him terribly. Mel screamed in my ear as David stepped out, followed quickly by Tyler and Stefani, a couple of the stage crew followed and Sam squeezed between them, slapping them on the back. Finally, I saw the top of Jesse’s head as he slipped his large frame from the car. He looked so handsome all dressed in black leather. He turned to the crowd, waving once, before turning back to the car and offering a hand to a woman following closely behind. She stepped fully out of the car, one arm draped around his shoulder, and the other offered a queenly wave to the crowd. My heart stopped beating and I threw up the only food I'd eaten in three days.

  I've been at Mel’s for the past two days and haven’t left my old room, other than to go to the bathroom and shower. Jesse hasn’t called me back, probably because I had called him after seeing the news footage and told him to go fuck himself. Why was that woman always coming between us? And why did he allow her to drape herself all over him like a cheap coat for the world to see? Had he already given up on us, on our marriage? Had I?

  Sleep felt better than facing reality. When I was awake Mel wanted to talk, when I stayed in bed she left me alone. Mel had talked with David, keeping the news of my attack and the baby a secret, and she reported that David hadn’t said much about Jesse. It felt as if they were shutting me out, as if Jesse had made his intentions clear with everyone but me. I wanted so desperately to call and ask him what the hell he'd been thinking, but I was afraid he wouldn’t speak to me. I paced endlessly across the floor debating what I should do. My floor was littered with remnants of tattered paper napkins.

  This is crazy! I told myself over and over. Finally, I snapped and did what I should have done days ago.

  I hit speed dial on my phone, and when the sound of his voice filled my ears I could no longer hold back the tears. Honestly, I’m surprised I had any tears left to cry. I’d cried for four straight days, surely I would reach the bottom of the well at some point.

  "I thought you wanted me to fuck off." Jesse answered, with a distinct edge that I’d never heard directed at me. It was cold, and callous, and it sent a shiver down my spine.

  “Jesse, what’s going on between us? Just tell me, please.” I begged him. "Why were you with her again?"

  “Rhyann,” he began slowly. “I don’t know what we’re doing anymore. We can't keep tearing each other apart. You don’t seem to be able to trust me, and I’m not sure if I can stay in that sort of marriage.”

  “What are you talking about? You sent me a text and then never called back. You said you loved me and missed me. You wanted me to come join you,” I croaked, fighting desperately to hold back the sobs threatening to escape. “Listen, I know that I screwed up, badly, but I think we can work this out. Don’t give up on us just yet. Please, I really need you right now.”

  “Is something wrong? Are you okay?” he asked, concerned.

  “Of course something is wrong! My marriage is falling apart! I've literally been fighting to keep my head above water. I was involved in an accident,” I admitted, and just like that the sobs broke free, filling the room with their pitiful sound.

  “What kind of accident? What happened, are you alright?”

  “I am now, but it was pretty serious. Steve attacked me at knifepoint in the park. I was in the hospital overnight.”

  “What the fuck! Where the hell is he now? Did he hurt you? Why are you just now telling me this? Why didn’t you call me?” Anger now filled his voice as he fired each question at me. "I'm coming home."

  “No, you don't need to do that. Steve is in jail, most likely for a long time. I have a bump on my head and a black eye. I tried calling you from the hospital but you never called me back, and then I saw you on the television, the night of the concert in L.A.”

  I heard groaning on the other end of the phone. "I’m sorry about that.”

  “Did you sleep with her?”

  “I think we should talk about this in person,” he sighed.

  “DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER?” I screamed.

  “Rhyann, I’m not having this discussion over the phone. You're just going to think the worst anyway.”

  “Don’t bother, it doesn’t matter anyway does it? I guess you’ve made your decision. I hope she was worth it, because whatever we once shared, it’s over,” I cried, ending the call and letting the phone fall to the floor. I threw my head back, letting loose an anguished wail. My heart felt as if it had just been split open, exposing me to the ugly truth that I had always been afraid of. I was never going to be enough for him, no matter what he had said before, there would always be someone in the wings, waiting to take my place. I’d been broken before, and I knew that I would be okay in time, but things were different now because it was no longer just me that I had to worry about. I placed a hand over my stomach, looked down, and spoke to my unborn child.

  “Looks like we’re on our own, but don’t worry, because somehow, someway, I know we’ll be okay.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  One week has passed since Jesse and I last spoke, and I still haven’t worked up the nerve to tell him about our baby. I've decided to keep the baby, even though I'll have to raise the little one on my own. I found myself looking forward to having someone to take care of, someone to depend on me. A small part of me also looked at it as a way of keeping a part of him close to me. I cried nearly every day, but that would get easier with time. I moved back in with Mel and she helped me move a few things before Jesse returned.

  My heart ached so much. The sensible side of me knew that we were both bein
g stubborn and foolish. I didn't think for one minute that he wasn't still in love with me. My pride wanted me to let him go, but my heart, and the life we'd created, pleaded with me to just hang on and have faith.

  I kept busy most days searching for jobs and spending time in the coffee house just down the street from the apartment. One morning I had just settled down and opened my computer when I heard my name being spoken.

  "Rhyann, is that you?" I turned and found Alex sitting at a table a few feet away. He stood and made his way over and when he reached my table I rose and gave him an awkward hug.

  "Alex, how have you been?" I motioned for him to join me.

  "Good, things are really going great." He scratched his head and laughed. "Wow, I can't believe I ran into you. I'm only in town for a few more hours and stopped in for a quick cup of coffee. Gosh, Rhyann. It is really great to see you. You look amazing. I mean, really, you're glowing."

  "Wow, thanks." I blushed. I wasn't about to tell him the reason for my glowing skin. Even though I hadn't been able to keep much food down, my skin had never looked better. "So, I take it you're in town on business. What have you been up to besides work?"

  "Well, I've actually met someone and we've been spending a lot of time getting to know one another. So, yeah." He appeared to be nervous, like he was worried I would be offended that he had moved on.

  "Oh, I am so happy for you. You are a great guy, you deserve someone who will cherish you. Listen, Alex, I want to apologize for the way I left things that night. I was pretty messed up."

  "No, don't worry about it. Seriously, I think I suspected something was going on between you two. How are you doing? I heard you got married in Vegas." He offered me a goofy smile and I brought my knuckles up to my lips, pressing firmly because I wasn't quite sure if I was about to laugh or cry. I looked up and put on the bravest face I could muster.

  "Actually, yeah, that's true. We were married a few months ago."

  "Holy shit! Congratulations!" He stood and gave me a big hug then sat down and took my hand in his. "I truly hope you two are happy together."

  "Thank you. That means an awful lot right now." I choked out a sob and brought a hand back to my mouth.

  "Rhyann, what's wrong? You can talk to me." He encouraged, placing his hand on my back to comfort me.

  "Well, my marriage appears to be hanging by a thread, I found out that I'm pregnant, and I miss my husband. I love him, but I think I may have lost him."

  "Whoa, wait a minute. It can't be that bad. Surely he won't leave you and the baby alone. I heard the things he was singing to you. He loves you, that was obvious."

  "He doesn't know about the baby." I said, softly.

  "Oh, Rhyann." He put his arms around me and simply held me, and I had been so hungry for human connection that I couldn't bring myself to let go. I cried on his shoulder as he ran his hand soothingly over my back.

  When I finally pulled away I shifted my gaze to the window and to my surprise I saw Jesse standing there, watching us. When his eyes met mine he shook his head and turned away, heading back down the street.

  "Wait!" I yelled out, even though I knew he couldn't hear me. I grabbed my belongings and chased after him, leaving Alex to stand there looking after me as I struggled to get out the door. By the time I reached the sidewalk he was nowhere in sight. My eyes frantically searched both sides of the street, desperate to locate him, but to no avail.

  "Fuck!" I threw my head back and shouted up into the sky.

  Heads turned my way as I cried alone in the street. Even though my interaction with Alex had been innocent, I knew Jesse would jump to conclusions, the same way I had with Amber. It seemed that no matter how much we loved each other; trust was something neither of us was fully capable of.

  I walked home and spent the next two days in bed, crying and thinking about my lonely future.

  The following Saturday morning I decided to get out of the house. Sitting around the apartment wasn't doing my body, or my brain, any good. That afternoon I called Mel and asked her to take me out for a night on the town, as luck would have it she didn’t have plans with David.

  She arrived home promptly at six-thirty and I opened the door before she had a chance to knock. “Whoa, you look great girlfriend.”

  “I’m ready for a night of laughter. I'm tired of being sad.” There was no way in hell I was ready for this, but I couldn’t stay locked up inside any longer. I had cried until I feared I would end up dehydrated, then managed to cry some more. My heart ached with every breath I took, and I wanted desperately to crawl in a hole and die, but I knew that I had someone else depending on me now, so I had to be strong, even if it killed me emotionally.

  “Sweetie, I am so happy for you. This will be good. You'll get out and meet some new people.” Mel had been thoroughly pissed at Jesse for not coming to see me after the tour ended. She bitched at David about it and he told her that Jesse was keeping his feelings tightly guarded but he also had said that Amber had only been with them briefly that night at the Staples Center. "You know, if it makes you feel any better I've heard that he has been just as miserable. David said he's practically living in the studio writing songs. She hasn't been with him, in case you were wondering." I could only nod at her, unable to form words, but my heart leapt for joy knowing that he was hurting too. If he was hurting, that meant he still loved me.

  An hour later we were sitting in a nightclub with two of Mel’s co-workers. They knew all about me working for Jesse and unfortunately wouldn’t stop asking me questions about him. Thankfully, Mel hadn’t told them about our marriage and I was hoping that they wouldn’t recognize me from photos that had leaked after Vegas. I had carefully chosen a wide bangle bracelet that covered the small tattoo on my left wrist. Once I met them I knew anonymity wouldn't be an issue, these two were about as dumb as rocks.

  “What was he like every day? Did he ever make a pass at you? I hear he is such a man whore. I’ll bet he smells good.” The girl named Sherry wouldn’t shut up. I tried to smile and give short simple answers, hoping they would be appeased. What I truly wanted to do was throttle her right there on the floor of the nightclub.

  “Did you ever see him naked. You know, like when he came out of the shower or something? I've heard that his penis is huge!” Heather shrieked. "Oh my God! A friend of mine once told me that her cousin gave him a blowjob after one of his concerts before he made it big. She said he was like the best ever." Heather was the receptionist at Mel’s office, and she was fast becoming my next target. The longer she ran her mouth, the more she resembled Amber, and I dreamed about throttling that bitch on an hourly basis.

  “Well, I've heard that he’s great in bed, but you never get to have him more than once. He’s more of a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy.” Sherry announced, knowingly, as she chewed on her cocktail straw. Sadly, I had to agree with her accurate description. He sure left me, although I must admit it was due to my own jealousy. Would we still be together if I hadn’t pushed him away? In my heart I knew the answer was yes. He had loved me, but love, or a lack of it, had never been our problem.

  “I wouldn't care. I would beg him to have his way with me and say the hell with tomorrow!" Heather giggled. "Do you think I’m his type?” I rolled my eyes, frustrated beyond belief that I was allowing this conversation to continue. Hell yes she was his type. She was easy. I wanted to fucking kill her.

  “Girls, I'm done talking about Jesse Montgomery. I don’t work for him anymore and he's out of my life. I never saw him naked, I don’t know his penis size, I don’t know if you’re his type, and furthermore I don’t give a flying fuck.” I exhaled and turned to Mel, who had been in the restroom and missed the entire barrage of questions but caught the tail end of my outburst.

  “I need some fresh air.” I got up and walked toward the front door. As I passed the bar I caught a glimpse of the television. On the screen were old photos of Jesse and Amber. The text running along the bottom of the screen read: Are Jesse and Amber a
n item again? Couple spotted getting very friendly out on the town in L.A. after a Twisted Fate appearance. The entertainment reporter came on the screen and began talking. “It would appear that Jesse Montgomery and Amber Sky are trying to rekindle an old flame, but our sources tell us that Mr. Montgomery is still married. Could the honeymoon be over that quickly? Stay tuned for further details as we dig around for the juicy gossip.” And just that quickly the life was sucked out of me again, and I wanted to crawl back into my bed and hide away.