“Why Planet Blaron?” Iggy looked scared, and I wondered how much longer he would put up with this so-called “game” of traveling to Planet Blaron.
“Remember, Iggy,” I said, “we’re just pretending.”
“Pretend like a movie?” Iggy asked.
“Yes—like a movie.” I figured there was no reason to scare Iggy more than necessary, since there was no telling what he might do if he really freaked out. I secretly felt terrified, wondering what Alistair, Mr. Stickyfoot, and Miss Bubbles might do to us next. What if Iggy and I got stranded here on Planet Blaron with nothing to eat but raw broccoli?
Something moved overhead, and when I looked up, I realized that what I thought was a gray ceiling above us was actually alive. Whatever it was looked squishy, gray, and snaky. It made me think of a giant, writhing brain. Staring up at it, I felt queasy.
Then I thought I might faint when something that resembled a living hot-air balloon dropped down from the sky.
“LOOK, DANO!” Iggy shouted. “BALLOON!!”
The balloon creature drifted slowly through the air with tentacles dangling. Part of its body seemed to be a baggy sac that functioned like a parachute.
As it moved closer to us, I saw that the creature had three large eyeballs attached to long stalks on its head. It was enormous.
Part of me wanted to scream and run away, but Iggy was watching me to see whether he should be worried. I knew I should try to act brave.
“What dat name dat animo called, Dano?” Iggy asked. “Dat squid or giant space octopus or balloon-eyeball monster?”
“I’m not sure, Iggy,” I croaked. Iggy was looking to me for all the answers, but I didn’t have any.
We watched the alien squid creature settle near a large clump of broccoli and release something that reminded me of a giant suction cup or an enormous snail’s foot from inside its body. The giant foot-stomach covered the broccoli plant and devoured it.
At least that alien seems to be more interested in the broccoli than in us, I thought.
I remembered how the aliens had made themselves look like our mom and dad “to make us feel more comfortable.” I guess this is how the Blaronites really look, I thought. To be honest, this didn’t make my stomach feel any better.
“UP! UP!” Suddenly, Iggy was screaming. “PICK ME UP, DANO! I SCARED!”
I looked up and saw more aliens dropping from the high ceiling like a team of skydivers. A moment, later, we were surrounded by several of the baggy, slimy creatures.
Iggy screamed as loud as he could: “I WANNA GO HOOOOOME!!”
THE MOMENT IGGY SCREAMED, our environment changed. We instantly found ourselves back on the Spaceship Bumblepod, seated across from Alistair, Miss Bubble, and Mr. Stickyfoot.
Iggy threw himself on Alistair in a bear hug. “Awistair—we saw giant space octopus! And it have a very gwoss booger-glue slime-bag dat come out of his tummy and cover dat plant and a big balloon-head thing wif three GINORMOUS EYEBALLS, and it was a BIG, YUCK-O MONSTER!”
Miss Bubble and Mr. Stickyfoot said nothing. I got the feeling Iggy might have hurt their feelings by using words like “gwoss” and “yuck-o” and “slime-bag” to describe the Blaronite creatures.
“That creature wasn’t a monster, Iggy,” said Alistair.
“But it look very YUCKY!” said Iggy.
I glanced at Alistair and tried to imagine what he might look like without his human disguise. It kind of bothered me. Those aliens were just so weird looking.
But who knows, maybe we humans looked kind of gross to Alistair, too.
“Shall we get started?” said Mr. Stickyfoot, who sounded a little impatient. “We’ve finished our analysis of Iggy’s DNA, and we’re ready to share the results.”
“Here, Iggy,” said Alistair, opening one of the panels on his watch. “Why don’t you take a look at one of your favorite cartoons for a few minutes while Daniel and I talk to Mr. Stickyfoot and Miss Bubbles?” At the push of a button, a Spongebob episode appeared on Alistair’s watch.
“AWESOME!” Iggy couldn’t believe his luck. A huge grin spread across Iggy’s face as Alistair put the special Blaronite watch on his wrist.
“You’re letting Iggy wear your watch?” I couldn’t believe it, after all of Alistair’s talk about the dangers of the alien watch “falling into the wrong hands.”
“Don’t worry,” Alistair whispered, “the watch is automatically under the Bumble-pod’s control while we’re on board the spaceship. It’s on SAFE mode right now, so its powers are deactivated until we leave the ship.”
I secretly wished Alistair had put the watch on my wrist instead of Iggy’s because I also love Spongebob. But I guess I was stuck talking to the aliens about Iggy’s DNA problem while Iggy sat and giggled, watching his cartoon.
“Daniel,” said Mr. Stickyfoot, “the good news is that Iggy is still mostly a normal human boy.”
“What do you mean, ‘mostly’ normal?” I asked.
“We mean that most of his DNA is still human,” said Miss Bubbles.
“And what about the rest of his DNA?” I asked.
“Well, some insect and arachnid genes are now part of Iggy’s genetic code.”
I stared at the three of them. “You’re telling me that Iggy is part insect and spider now?”
“Exactly,” said Mr. Stickyfoot.
“Iggy is turning into a BUG?!” I exclaimed.
“Well, he’s not exactly going to turn into a bug,” said Alistair, “but as Iggy grows, he may have a few bug traits. Or more specifically, a few insect and spider traits.”
“What sort of ‘insect and spider traits’?!”
“That is unpredictable,” said Mr. Stickyfoot.
“But I need to know!” I insisted. “I have to share a room with Iggy, and I’d kind of like a warning if he’s suddenly going to wake up with an antenna on his head, or start flying around the room, or grow a stinger on his butt!”
“Ooooooooo, Dano say a bad word!” Iggy yelled from across the room.
“I fail to see a disadvantage in any of those scenarios,” said Mr. Stickyfoot.
“Here, Daniel, let me show you a picture that might help you understand what we’re looking at.” Miss Bubble touched the table in front of us, and it turned into a computer screen. Suddenly a complicated pattern appeared.
“See? This is a picture of normal human DNA: It’s kind of like the secret code inside each of your cells that determines all your human traits. Now—take a look at a picture of Iggy’s mutated DNA.”
Miss Bubble tapped the table again and a new picture appeared.
I didn’t know what to think. I half expected to suddenly wake up and realize that this whole thing was just a terrible nightmare.
“So let me get this straight,” I said. “You’re telling me that Iggy is now part grasshopper, part ladybug, part cicada, part odiferous ant, part cabbage butterfly, part wasp, and part mosquito.”
“Among a few other species,” said Mr. Stickyfoot. “You forgot stinkbug, for example. There’s also some evidence of possible slug DNA, which is, of course, not in the insect category.”
“And Iggy will develop some traits of those insects—and spiders and slugs or whatever—as he grows up.”
“He might,” said Mr. Stickyfoot, “but only if he’s lucky.”
“Or he might not,” said Alistair, who knew that I didn’t consider any of this the least bit lucky.
“Daniel, keep in mind that just because a creature has a particular gene doesn’t always mean that the gene will express itself,” said Miss Bubbles.
“That’s right,” said Mr. Stickyfoot. “Iggy might go through his whole life without ever developing a stinger, or wings, or venom. Of course, that would be a pity, in my opinion. Insects are such amazing creatures; from what I read in Alistair’s Earth research,
I would think any human would be very pleased to have as many insect parts as possible.”
“Well, you couldn’t be more wrong about that,” I said. Especially when that human is your little brother, I thought.
What could be worse than sharing a room with regular Iggy? I asked myself. How about sharing a room with poisonous, stinging, insect-Iggy with superhuman strength?!
“Listen,” I said. “You guys are aliens, and your technology is way more advanced than the stuff we have on Earth. Can’t you just turn him back into a normal human again?”
“The problem with that,” said Mr. Stickyfoot, “is that we’re not very familiar with ‘normal’ human DNA. Besides, it’s always much easier to mess things up than it is to fix them.”
I glared at Alistair. This is all your fault! I thought.
“You should also know that Iggy’s environment and emotions may affect his development,” said Miss Bubbles. “For example, if he gets very angry or frightened, his body will produce chemicals that could activate his insect DNA. If he stays very calm at all times, he’s more likely to remain a normal human boy.”
I snorted. “Iggy hasn’t been calm for a single day of his entire life!”
Alistair looked at Miss Bubbles and Mr. Stickyfoot. “Maybe we should tell Daniel the good news now.”
“What good news?” I asked.
“They’ve invented something that will help Iggy return to normal if his insect DNA starts to take over.”
Miss Bubbles nodded. “I’ll get the Human Normalizer,” she said.
“The Human Normalizer?”
Miss Bubbles walked over to a control panel and pressed a bunch of buttons. A sliding door opened up, and she returned to the table carrying something that looked like a silver platter you might see at a fancy dinner party, with a dome-shaped lid on top.
“Open it, Daniel,” said Miss Bubbles, after placing the platter thing on the table.
I lifted the heavy lid and stared at what lay underneath. “What the—?”
I couldn’t believe it.
“A pacifier?! The Human Normalizer is a pacifier?!”
“But it’s not just a regular pacifier,” said Alistair. “It’s made with the most advanced Blaronite technology.”
“That’s right,” said Miss Bubbles. “If a stressful event triggers Iggy’s insect mutations, just give him this as soon as possible. In most cases, it should help him return to normal.”
“In theory, at least,” said Mr. Stickyfoot.
I sensed that Alistair, Mr. Stickyfoot, and Miss Bubbles actually had no idea whether the Human Normalizer pacifier would work. But since I had no other options at the moment, I stuck the alien pacifier in my pocket to take home.
“Is there any other way we can be of help before you leave, Daniel?” Miss Bubbles asked.
I felt like saying something very rude, but I stopped myself. “Well,” I said, “could you also create some Bug-Boy Insect Repellent Spray for me to use when Iggy starts bugging me?”
Alistair let out a giggle. “That was a joke, right? Good one!”
“No, Alistair,” I said. “That was NOT a joke.”
Because it wasn’t.
THE NEXT THING I KNEW, Iggy, Alistair, and I were all back in the Gobblebox, sitting on top of the pile of toys.
“Iggy!” It was Dottie, calling from downstairs. “Where you go?”
Without waiting a moment, Iggy sprang out of the Gobblebox and raced down the steps. “Dottie! I go in da Gobbo-box and see a SPACE-OCTOPUS SQUID THINGY AND ALSO SPONGEBOB ON A WATCH!”
It amazed me that Iggy had so much energy after traveling to Spaceship Bumblepod, Planet Blaron, and back to Earth. I still felt dizzy from being transported all over the place.
“You might need to drink some water,” Alistair said. “Space transport can be very dehydrating.”
I started scooping up Technobloks from the Gobblebox and hiding them in my pockets. I figured that I deserved to get some of my toys back after going through such a weird experience.
Alistair looked at me with that I’m-reading-your-mind expression he gets. “Um—are we still friends?”
What could I say? To be honest, I was mad at Alistair. Really mad. “I didn’t sign up for this,” I blurted.
“Sign up for what?”
“Having a little brother who might turn into an insect-boy.”
“Oh,” said Alistair. “Yeah. I know.”
The two of us just sat there in the Gobblebox for a minute, not saying anything.
Alistair noticed a ladybug crawling along the windowsill, so he grabbed it and cupped it in his hand. “These are my favorite Earth bugs,” said Alistair. “Although they’re actually beetles, not bugs.”
“Bugs, bugs, bugs,” I said, still feeling annoyed. “What’s so great about bugs?”
“One reason they’re my favorite is because they eat pests that can ruin your broccoli crop. And for another thing, they squirt green blood from their knees when they’re in danger.”
“Really?” That was pretty weird. “I didn’t know that.”
Alistair blew on the ladybug and it flew away.
“You know,” said Alistair, “when my family first moved here, I hated everything about being on Earth.”
“So?”
Neither of us said anything for a minute. I looked at Alistair and tried to imagine what it must feel like for him. How would I feel if my parents told me that I had to move to a different planet where I had no friends, and where I had to wear a disguise every day? I guessed it would be pretty hard. I knew Alistair must be amazingly brave.
I also knew it was sort of also my fault that Iggy had eaten the bug DNA. After all, I had snuck up to the Gobblebox right when I was supposed to watch him.
But I was still mad at Alistair.
“I used to hate being here,” Alistair continued, “but then I realized that there are all kinds of cool things to study on Earth—like insects and plants, and that there are way more species here than on Planet Blaron. And of course, I’m helping everyone back on the home planet by finding better ways to grow frackenpoy.”
Alistair looked at me. “Remember when you and Chauncey were at my house and I couldn’t stop laughing?”
“Yeah,” I said, remembering how Alistair had rolled around, giggling about nothing for about an hour while I sat and played with his Technobloks. “So what was your deal?”
“Well, I can’t explain why I started laughing, but I had never laughed before in my whole life.”
“Never?”
“Blaronites don’t laugh,” he said. “Anyway, once I started, I just couldn’t stop. And that was the first moment I realized it could actually be fun to be human. And now that we’re friends, I don’t think about wanting to go back to Planet Blaron so much. I want to live here.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. I had to admit that things had gotten a lot more exciting since Alistair had moved in next door. On the other hand, I now had a bunch of new problems.
Alistair picked up the Vortex Chariot and looked at it. “Now this one would make a cool robot,” he said. “Don’t you think?”
Hearing that cheered me up a little. “You know what would be even cooler robot?” I said. “The Sargonian Desolator.”
“But the Vortex Chariot has better weapons.”
“You DARE to challenge the Sargonian Desolator?!” I grabbed the Vortex Chariot and hid it under my shirt as I climbed out of the Gobblebox.
“Okay,” said Alistair, “maybe I do.”
I handed Alistair some extra Technobloks and we tiptoed downstairs and into my room. I was still kind of mad, but not so mad that I didn’t want to build robots.
“I HAVE A GREAT IDEA,” said Alistair. “Let’s build a Brocco-bot!”
“What’s a Brocco-bot?”
“A r
obot that will help grow the perfect broccoli plant.”
“Okay, Alistair,” I said, blocking the doorway to my room, “that’s where I draw the line. We are NOT building a Brocco-bot!”
“But it would be so useful!”
“Exactly. It would be so lame and totally NOT cool!”
Just then, the doorbell rang, and I heard Iggy race from the kitchen to open it. “CHAAAAAUNCEEEE!”
Uh-oh, I thought. Just the person I don’t want to see right now.
“It smells like cookies in here!” Chauncey announced. But instead of looking for a snack like he usually does, Chauncey walked straight toward my room. “Hey, Daniel! Can you show me how you did that fake exploding letter-magic-trick thing—”
Chauncey froze when he saw Alistair. “Oh,” he said, in a not-friendly voice. “I didn’t realize Broccoli Boy was here.”
“Hi, Chauncey,” said Alistair. He didn’t seem to notice Chauncey’s mean attitude and just kept working on his Brocco-bot.
“So, Daniel,” said Chauncey, “How about showing me that magic-trick thing you did at school?”
“What magic trick?” I knew I had to play dumb. There was no way a tattletale like Chauncey could be trusted with a secret as huge as aliens living next door, not to mention a watch that transports people into outer space.
“You know,” said Chauncey, “that letter I picked up at school. The paper that just disappeared in my hand!”
“Maybe you shouldn’t pick up letters that don’t belong to you.”
“Whatever,” said Chauncey. “Just show me how you did it, okay?”
“Look, Chauncey, there isn’t any trick.”
Chauncey squinted at Alistair. “What about you, Broccoli Boy? I bet you also know how it works!”
Alistair just shrugged and kept building with Technobloks.
“Fine,” said Chauncey. “Be that way.”
“Chauncey! Come quick!” Iggy ran up to Chauncey and tugged on his sleeve. “I find one bwoken animo cwacker and five marsho-wowows on da floor!”
Iggy Loomis, Superkid in Training Page 6