by Linda Howard
“That sounds a little paranoid, seeing kidnappers behind every tree.”
“Yes,” she agreed, still watching the spider. It finally minced into a crevice in the rock, out of sight, and she sighed. “He is paranoid about it, because he’s afraid that next time he wouldn’t get me back alive again.”
“Again?” Grant asked sharply, seizing on the implication of her words. “You’ve been kidnapped before?”
She nodded. “When I was nine years old.”
She made no other comment and he sensed that she wasn’t going to elaborate, if given a choice. He wasn’t going to allow her that choice. He wanted to know more about her, learn what went on in that unconventional brain. It was new to him, this overwhelming curiosity about a woman; it was almost a compulsion. Despite his relaxed position, tension had tightened his muscles. She was being very matter-of-fact about it, but instinct told him that the kidnapping had played a large part in the formation of the woman she was now. He was on the verge of discovering the hidden layers of her psyche.
“What happened?” he probed, keeping his voice casual.
“Two men kidnapped me after school, took me to an abandoned house and locked me in a closet until Dad paid the ransom.”
The explanation was so brief as to be ridiculous; how could something as traumatic as a kidnapping be condensed into one sentence? She was staring at the rain now, her expression pensive and withdrawn.
Grant knew too much about the tactics of kidnappers, the means they used to force anxious relatives into paying the required ransom. Looking at her delicate profile, with the lush provocativeness of her mouth, he felt something savage well up in him at the thought that she might have been abused.
“Did they rape you?” He was no longer concerned about maintaining a casual pose. The harshness of his tone made her glance at him, vague surprise in her exotically slanted eyes.
“No, they didn’t do anything like that,” she assured him. “They just left me in that closet…alone. It was dark.”
And to this day she was afraid of the dark, of being alone in it. So that was the basis for her fear. “Tell me about it,” he urged softly.
She shrugged. “There isn’t a lot more to tell. I don’t know how long I was in the closet. There were no other houses close by, so no one heard me scream. The two men just left me there and went to some other location to negotiate with my parents. After awhile I became convinced that they were never coming back, that I was going to die there in that dark closet, and that no one would ever know what had happened to me.”
“Your father paid the ransom?”
“Yes. Dad’s not stupid, though. He knew that he wasn’t likely to get me back alive if he just trusted the kidnappers, so he brought the police in on it. It’s lucky he did. When the kidnappers came back for me, I overheard them making their plans. They were just going to kill me and dump my body somewhere, because I’d seen them and could identify them.” She bent her head, studying the ground with great concentration, as if to somehow divorce herself from what she was telling him. “But there were police sharpshooters surrounding the house. When the two men realized that they were trapped, they decided to use me as a hostage. One of them grabbed my arm and held his pistol to my head, forcing me to walk in front of them when they left the house. They were going to take me with them, until it was safe to kill me.”
Jane shrugged, then took a deep breath. “I didn’t plan it, I swear. I don’t remember if I tripped, or just fainted for a second. Anyway, I fell, and the guy had to let go of me or be jerked off balance. For a second the pistol wasn’t pointed at me, and the policemen fired. They killed both men. The…the man who had held me was shot in the chest and the head, and he fell over on me. His blood splattered all over me, on my face, my hair….” Her voice trailed away.
For a moment there was something naked in her face, the stark terror and revulsion she’d felt as a child; then, as he had seen her do when he’d rescued her from the snake, she gathered herself together. He watched as she defeated the fear, pushed the shadows away. She smoothed her expression and even managed a glint of humor in her eyes as she turned to look at him. “Okay, it’s your turn. Tell me something that happened to you.”
Once he’d felt nothing much at all; he’d accepted the chilled, shadowed brutality of his life without thought. He still didn’t flinch from the memories. They were part of him, as ingrained in his flesh and blood, in his very being, as the color of his eyes and the shape of his body. But when he looked into the uncommon innocence of Jane’s eyes, he knew that he couldn’t brutalize her mind with even the mildest tale of the life he’d known. Somehow she had kept a part of herself as pure and crystalline as a mountain stream, a part of childhood forever unsullied. Nothing that had happened to her had touched the inner woman, except to increase the courage and gallantry that he’d seen twice now in her determined efforts to pull herself together and face forward again.
“I don’t have anything to tell,” he said mildly.
“Oh, sure!” she hooted, shifting herself on the ground until she was sitting facing him, her legs folded in a boneless sort of knot that made him blink. She rested her chin in her palm and surveyed him, so big and controlled and capable. If this man had led a normal life, she’d eat her boots, she told herself, then quickly glanced down at the boots in question. Right now they had something green and squishy on them. Yuk. They’d have to be cleaned before even a goat would eat them. She returned her dark gaze to Grant and studied him with the seriousness of a scientist bent over a microscope. His scarred face was hard, a study of planes and angles, of bronzed skin pulled tautly over the fierce sculpture of his bones. His eyes were those of an eagle, or a lion; she couldn’t quite decide which. The clear amber color was brighter, paler, than topaz, almost like a yellow diamond, and like an eagle’s, the eyes saw everything. They were guarded, expressionless; they hid an almost unbearable burden of experience and weary cynicism.
“Are you an agent?” she asked, probing curiously. Somehow, in those few moments, she had discarded the idea that he was a mercenary. Same field she thought, but a different division.
His mouth quirked. “No.”
“Okay, let’s try it from another angle. Were you an agent?”
“What sort of agent?”
“Stop evading my questions! The cloak-and-dagger sort of agent. You know, the men in overcoats who have forty sets of identification.”
“No. Your imagination is running wild. I’m too easily identifiable to be any good undercover.”
That was true. He stood out like a warrior at a tea party. Something went quiet within her, and she knew. “Are you retired?”
He was quiet for so long that she thought he wasn’t going to answer her. He seemed to be thinking of something else entirely. Then he said flatly, “Yeah, I’m retired. For a year now.”
His set, blank face hurt her, on the inside. “You were a…weapon, weren’t you?”
There was a terrible clarity in his eyes as he slowly shifted his gaze to her. “Yes,” he said harshly. “I was a weapon.”
They had aimed him, fired him, and watched him destroy. He would be matchless, she realized. Before she’d even known him, when she’d seen him gliding into her darkened bedroom like a shadow, she’d realized how lethal he could be. And there was something else, something she could see now. He had retired himself, turned his back and walked away from that grim, shadowed life. Certainly his superiors wouldn’t have wanted to lose his talents.
She reached out and placed her hand on his, her fingers slim and soft, curling around the awesome strength of his. Her hand was much smaller made with a delicacy that he could crush with a careless movement of his fingers, but implicit in her touch was the trust that he wouldn’t turn that strength against her. A deep breath swelled the muscled planes of his chest. He wanted to take her right then, in the dirt. He wanted to stretch her out and pull her clothes off, bury himself in her. He wanted more of her touch, all of her touch, ins
ide and out. But the need for her satiny female flesh was a compulsion that he couldn’t satisfy with a quick possession, and there wasn’t time for more. The rain was slowing and would stop entirely at any moment. There was a vague feeling marching up and down his spine that told him they couldn’t afford to linger any longer.
But it was time she knew. He removed his hand from hers, lifting it to cup her chin. His thumb rubbed lightly over her lips. “Soon,” he said, his voice guttural with need, “you’re going to lie down for me. Before I take you back to your daddy, I’m going to have you, and the way I feel now, I figure it’s going to take a long time before I’m finished with you.”
Jane sat frozen, her eyes those of a startled woodland animal. She couldn’t even protest, because the harsh desire in his voice flooded her mind and her skin with memories. The day before, standing in the stream, he’d kissed her and touched her with such raw sexuality that, for the first time in her life, she’d felt the coiling, writhing tension of desire in herself. For the first time she’d wanted a man, and she’d been shocked by the unfamiliarity of her own body. Now he was doing it to her again, but this time he was using words. He’d stated his intentions bluntly, and images began forming in her mind of the two of them lying twined together, of his naked, magnificent body surging against her.
He watched the shifting expressions that flitted across her face. She looked surprised, even a little shocked, but she wasn’t angry. He’d have understood anger, or even amusement; that blank astonishment puzzled him. It was as if no man had ever told her that he wanted her. Well, she’d get used to the idea.
The rain had stopped, and he picked up the packs and the rifle, settling them on his shoulders. Jane followed him without a word when he stepped out from beneath the rocky outcropping into the already increasing heat. Steam rose in wavering clouds from the forest floor, immediately wrapping them in a stifling, humid blanket.
She was silent for the rest of the afternoon, lost in her thoughts. He stopped at a stream, much smaller than the one they’d seen the day before, and glanced at her. “Care for a bath? You can’t soak, but you can splash.”
Her eyes lit up, and for the first time that afternoon a smile danced on her full lips. He didn’t need an answer to know how she felt about the idea. Grinning, he searched out a small bar of soap from his pack and held it out to her. “I’ll keep watch, then you can do the same for me. I’ll be up there.”
Jane looked up the steep bank that he’d indicated. That was the best vantage point around; he’d have a clear view of the stream and the surrounding area. She started to ask if he was going to watch her, too, but bit back the question. As he’d already pointed out, it was too late for modesty. Besides, she felt infinitely safer knowing that he’d be close by.
He went up the bank as sure-footedly as a cat, and Jane turned to face the stream. It was only about seven feet wide, and wasn’t much more than ankle-deep. Still, it looked like heaven. She hunted her lone change of underwear out of her pack, then sat down to pull off her boots. Glancing nervously over her shoulder to where Grant sat, she saw that he was in profile to her, but she knew that he would keep her in his peripheral vision. She resolutely undid her pants and stepped out of them. Nothing was going to keep her from having her bath…except maybe another snake, or a jaguar, she amended.
Naked, she gingerly picked her way over the stony bottom to a large flat rock and sat down in the few inches of water. It was deliciously cool, having run down from a higher altitude, but even tepid water would have felt good on her over-heated skin. She splashed it on her face and head until her hair was soaked. Gradually she felt the sweaty stickiness leave her hair, until the strands were once more silky beneath her fingers. Then she took the small bar of soap out from under her leg, where she’d put it for safekeeping, and rubbed it over her body. The small luxury made her feel like a new woman, and a sense of peace crept into her. It was only a simple pleasure, to bathe in a clear, cool stream, but added to it was her sense of nakedness, of being totally without restrictions. She knew that he was there, knew that he was watching her, and felt her breasts grow tight.
What would it be like if he came down from that bank and splashed into the water with her? If he took the blanket from his pack and laid her down on it? She closed her eyes, shivering in reaction, thinking of his hard body pressing down on her, thrusting into her. It had been so many years, and the few experiences she’d had with Chris hadn’t taught her that she could be a creature of wanting, but with Grant she wasn’t the same woman.
Her heart beat heavily in her breast as she rinsed herself by cupping water in her palms and pouring it over her. Standing up, she twisted the water out of her hair, then waded out. She was trembling as she pulled on her clean underwear, then dressed distastefully in her stained pants and shirt. “I’m finished,” she called, lacing up her boots.
He appeared soundlessly beside her. “Sit in the same place where I sat,” he instructed, placing the rifle in her hands. “Do you know how to use this?”
The weapon was heavy, but her slim hands looked capable as she handled it. “Yes. I’m a fairly good shot.” A wry smile curved her lips. “With paper targets and clay pigeons, anyway.”
“That’s good enough.” He began unbuttoning his shirt, and she stood there in a daze, her eyes on his hands. He paused. “Are you going to guard me from down here?”
She blushed. “No. Sorry.” Quickly she turned and scrambled up the bank, then took a seat in the exact spot where he’d sat. She could see both banks, but at the same time there was a fair amount of cover that she could use if the need arose. He’d probably picked this out as the best vantage point without even thinking about it, just automatically sifting through the choices and arriving at the correct one. He might be retired, but his training was ingrained.
A movement, a flash of bronze, detected out of the corner of her eye, told her that he was wading into the stream. She shifted her gaze a fraction so she wouldn’t be able to see him at all, but just the knowledge that he was as naked as she had been kept her heart pounding erratically. She swallowed, then licked her lips, forcing herself to concentrate on the surrounding jungle, but the compulsion to look at him continued.
She heard splashing and pictured him standing there like a savage, bare and completely at home.
She closed her eyes, but the image remained before her. Slowly, totally unable to control herself, she opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him. It was only a small movement, a fraction of an inch, until she was able to see him, but that wasn’t enough. Stolen glances weren’t enough. She wanted to study every inch of him, drink in the sight of his powerful body. Shifting around, she looked fully at him, and froze. He was beautiful, so beautiful that she forgot to breathe. Without being handsome, he had the raw power and grace of a predator, all the terrible beauty of a hunter. He was bronzed all over, his tan a deep, even brown. Unlike her, he didn’t keep his back turned in case she looked; he had a complete disregard for modesty. He was taking a bath; she could look or not look, as she wished.
His skin was sleek and shiny with water, and the droplets caught in the hair on his chest glittered like captured diamonds. His body hair was dark, despite the sun-streaked blondness of his head. It shadowed his chest, ran in a thin line down his flat, muscled stomach, and bloomed again at the juncture of his legs. His legs were as solid as tree trunks, long and roped with muscle; every movement he made set off ripples beneath his skin. It was like watching a painting by one of the old masters come to life.
He soaped himself all over, then squatted in the water to rinse in the same manner she had, cupping his palms to scoop up the water. When he was rinsed clean, he stood and looked up at her, probably to check on her, and met her gaze head-on. Jane couldn’t look away, couldn’t pretend that she hadn’t been staring at him with an almost painful appreciation. He stood very still in the stream, watching her as she watched him, letting her take in every detail of his body. Under her searching gaze,
his body began to stir, harden, growing to full, heavy arousal.
“Jane,” he said softly, but still she heard him. She was so attuned to him, so painfully sensitive to every move and sound he made, that she would have heard him if he’d whispered. “Do you want to come down here?”
Yes. Oh, God, yes, more than she’d ever wanted anything. But she was still a little afraid of her own feelings, so she held back. This was a part of herself that she didn’t know, wasn’t certain she could control.
“I can’t,” she replied, just as softly. “Not yet.”
“Then turn around, honey, while you still have a choice.”
She quivered, almost unable to make the required movement, but at last her muscles responded and she turned away from him, listening as he waded out of the water. In less than a minute he appeared noiselessly at her side and took the rifle from her hands. He had both packs with him. Typically, he made no further comment on what had just happened. “We’ll get away from the water and set up camp. It’ll be night pretty soon.”
Night. Long hours in the dark tent, lying next to him. Jane followed him, and when he stopped she helped him do the work they had done the night before, setting up the tent and hiding it. She didn’t protest at the cold field rations, but ate without really tasting anything. Soon she was crawling into the tent and taking off her boots, waiting for him to join her.
When he did, they lay quietly side by side, watching as the remaining light dimmed, then abruptly vanished.
Tension hummed through her, making her muscles tight. The darkness pressed in on her, an unseen monster that sucked her breath away. No list of compulsive questions leaped to her lips tonight; she felt oddly timid, and it had been years since she’d allowed herself to be timid about anything. She no longer knew herself.