by Sean Michael
He answered. “Hey.”
“Hey, Jeff. Martin. God, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“You guys need anything?”
A new house? Clothes? DVDs? Pots and pans? “Time. I’m going to need some time.” Which he knew was a damn near impossible request. Hell, he’d just taken a month off when he’d gotten the kids.
“Jeff… I can’t give you more than a day or two. You’ve got that nanny, though, right?”
“I do, yeah, but….”
“Man, I’ve been cool. I really have, but, look. There are a lot of guys looking to climb, and….”
He looked at his phone, then turned it off. Enough. He was done. He was going to get a plane ticket to Belize and stay there forever.
“Jeff, the insurance guy needs to talk to you.” Jilly waved him over.
“Okay.” He stood there, took a deep breath. “Okay.”
He could see Robin’s face, Kimberley’s adorable smile. He was never going to be able to desert them. Ever.
“It’s going to take a week to ten days for the insurance to come through, but I can give you a check for five thousand now to get a place to live in the meantime, buy new clothes and stuff.”
“Okay.” He nodded, sighed.
The agent handed over a check. “I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I’m going to stay on top of this one, make sure that final check comes through as quickly as possible.”
“Thank you.” He put the check in his back pocket, then headed away again.
Don caught up with him as he walked. “Where are we going?”
“I don’t know.” He grinned though his heart wasn’t in it.
“We should go have food, figure out what we’re going to tell Robin.”
His grin disappeared. “Yeah. I have one more day off before I don’t have a job anymore.”
DONNY WAITED until they had their lunch in front of them. “What do you mean one more day off before you don’t have a job anymore?”
“Martin says I’m back in tomorrow.”
“Then go back in. I can take care of the kids, Jeff—why would that change?”
Jeff gave him a long, blank look. “I guess it wouldn’t. I’ll take you to Mike and Samantha’s. You can stay there with the kids until I figure something out.”
“I can help you find a place for us to live until you can rebuild. Don’t shut me out, Jeff—we’re a team, right?”
Jeff looked at him, eyes furious. “How the fuck can you be so calm?”
“Because it’s not going to help anyone for me to lose my shit.”
Jeff didn’t answer that, just looked down at the table. Donny sighed. He was more upset about how this was affecting Jeff than the fire. Jeff was what mattered, not the house.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? The fire wasn’t your fault.” And he was tired of Jeff apologizing for something he hadn’t done, couldn’t control.
“I know, but I know you don’t think I’m dealing worth a shit.”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to.” Jeff met his eyes. “This is a big deal to me.”
“I know it is. And I know you’re upset. Of course you are. But if you dwell on the negative….”
“What is the positive? I have to go tell a little boy who lost his mom to a fire that his home is gone, again. Every single thing I owned—my first cookbook, the only pictures of my folks, the only pictures I had left of Beth, of Robin’s birth? My recipes. All those plans? They’re gone!”
“No, they aren’t!” He reached out and touched Jeff’s heart. “They’re all in here. Your parents, Beth, the kids. Your recipes and your plans. He can’t take those away from you.”
“I… I can’t. I can’t breathe.” Jeff pushed back from the table, gagging. “I can’t breathe.” He fell to his knees, grabbed the edge of the table.
“Jeff!” Donny jumped up. “Someone call 9-1-1!” Donny went to Jeff, crouched next to him. “Jeff? What is it?”
Jeff gasped for air, grabbed him, and then his eyes rolled back into his head. Oh God. Oh God.
Donny got Jeff down on his back and listened for a breath, for anything that said Jeff was still alive. Jeff’s heart was beating hard, steady. Strong.
“The ambulance is coming, sir.” The restaurant manager was right there, putting a folded-up emergency blanket under Jeff’s head.
“Thank you.” He kept his hand over Jeff’s heart, needing to feel that beating, to know Jeff was alive.
Jeff started moving, shifting underneath him, about the time the EMTs came and started talking, taking vitals, getting information. Donny found himself pushed aside as they worked on Jeff. He took one deep breath after another, telling himself over and over that Jeff was going to be okay.
He had to be. Donny needed him. Those kiddies needed him. They all did. In such a short time, Jeff had become the center of everything Donny loved.
A PANIC attack.
Jeff sat in the bed at the ER, waiting for his release papers, so embarrassed he could just die.
The doctor had been dear, explaining that panic attacks could be completely overwhelming, that there were drugs for the next few weeks. Maybe he should see a shrink.
A stupid fucking panic attack.
Jeff blinked at Don. “I’m sorry.”
“Shh.” Don hugged him hard. “Stop apologizing. I know how hard this is for you—it’s no surprise your body shorted out.”
He wasn’t sure what they had given him, but he could breathe, he could think. Sort of. “I need to talk to Mike and Samantha and see if you can stay there with the kids for a few days.”
“I’m betting I can, but we should go there together now so the kids can see you. Robin especially is going to need the physical you to understand that you aren’t leaving him too.”
“Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. I’m not sure what I’ll do. Just work the week out, then plan.”
“Sounds good. It should be easier after, with a little time to ease things.”
“Yeah.” Or more of these drugs. Whichever. Jeff found he really didn’t care.
“Come on, then. We’ve got a plan. Go to Mike and Samantha’s. It’s a start.” Don held out his hand.
“As soon as the doctor signs the paper. You’ll have to drive.” He’d spend the night there, sleep, then drive back into town tomorrow.
“I can do that. This is going to work out in the end. We’ll make sure of that.”
He nodded. Whatever. He needed to find a condo or something; an apartment, maybe. He didn’t want to build another house.
“Don’t let Mitch steal your dreams, Jeff.”
“I want them to prove it was him.”
“Yeah. Let’s hope they can do that.” Don squeezed his hand. “We have to put him and this behind us.”
“How?” He didn’t want to snap, but he didn’t know how.
“By focusing on the good, by continuing to live your dream. There’s a saying—that living well is the best revenge.” Don was going to Pollyanna him to death.
The doctor came in with prescriptions and instructions not to drive or drink, plus a suggestion to see a shrink, and he signed and signed and nodded and paid. “Let’s go.”
Don grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together as they left. He handed Don the keys, keeping his head down and….
“Jeffy!” Jillian came running like an avenging angel. “What happened?”
Don answered for him. “He’s okay. It was a panic attack. It’s under control now, though.”
“A panic attack. Oh God. Are you okay? What do you need?”
Really, he just needed a little time alone. In quiet.
“We’re going to go hug the kids.” Don kept them moving toward the car.
“Okay. Do you want to stay with me?”
God no. “Yeah, I probably will, if that’s okay. During the work week.”
Don sighed. “We’ll get something figured out soon, though. So
the kids get to see you every day.”
“Soon.” He kissed Jillian. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You still have a key?”
“I….” It was in the house.
She winced. “I’ll drop it by the restaurant tomorrow.”
“Thanks.”
Don gave her a hug and then opened the passenger door for him. He dropped into the car and closed his eyes. He just needed to hold his shit together for a few hours, then he would go to work where things were normal. Right?
Don got them moving. “Are you ready to talk to the kids?”
“No.” But he would. He’d told Robin his mom had died, hadn’t he?
“You need to reassure him that you’re not going anywhere.”
“I will. I will do everything right. I will lie and tell that little boy that it’s going to be an adventure, that we’re going to find somewhere amazing.”
“That’s not a lie, Jeff.”
He reached over, not even able to really feel angry, and took Don’s hand. “I love you.” There. That was not a lie.
Don glanced over to give him a beam. “I love you too.”
“Okay.”
That was going to have to be enough for right now.
Chapter Eighteen
ROBIN HAD taken the news better than Donny had expected. He’d been more upset that Jeff wasn’t staying with them for the next week than he had been about losing the house. Donny figured that part wasn’t real yet for Robin. Without seeing the house, it was kind of abstract.
Once he’d been told that Jeff would call every day and that they’d all be together again on the weekend, Robin had calmed down.
Now, four days later, Donny and the kids had a routine going with Samantha and Mike. It was weird, having other grown-ups around in the afternoon and evening, but aside from missing Jeff a whole lot, Donny was adapting as quickly as the kids seemed to be.
This morning, he was introducing Kimberley to smashed sweet potatoes with hilarious results. More of the food was coming back out than going in, but Robin was nearly in tears he was laughing so hard, and Donny couldn’t argue with that.
“You want to give it a try?” He offered the spoon to Robin. Maybe she’d be happier with it coming from her brother. She definitely adored him.
“I try.” Robin fed her a bite, so careful, and Kimberley drooled, pushing the yams with her tongue.
“You’re a natural at this. Must be because you’re her big brother.” God, he loved these kids. Good thing he was sweet on their father too. A surge went through him; he could have lost them all in that fire. He reached over and hugged Robin tight, not caring that they were both covered in the mashed orange mess.
“Isn’t that a… messy scene?” Samantha came in, smiled at them all. “I’m going out to the garden to get it ready for Halloween. Does anyone want to come with?”
Robin squirmed out his arms. “Me! Me! Halloween is candy.”
Donny chuckled. “If you don’t need me, I’ll see if I can’t get a little more food into Kimmie and then get everything cleaned up first.”
Samantha and Mike had been so good to all of them.
“We’ll be fine. Have you heard from Jeff today? I told him you three are welcome to stay as long as you need, but…. Well, he needs to come visit.”
“He hasn’t called yet. He will when he wakes up, I’m sure.” He checked his watch. It was almost ten; he’d bet Jeff would call soon. He hoped so. He missed his lover a lot, and he knew Robin and Kimberley did too.
They needed to sort out what they were going to do so he and the kids could be with Jeff, even if it was just a temporary solution.
Jeff always sounded so flat, so quiet on the phone. Tired. Distant. Depressed. He needed his family with him. Donny knew it was hard to look at the positive under the circumstances, but focusing on the negative and being depressed was no way to live.
“Just yell when he does, Donny, and I’ll send my grandson in.”
“Will do.”
He waved at Robin as the boy went out with Samantha and turned his attention back to Kimmie and her orange mess. “Okay, little miss. Let’s see about this before I break out the applesauce.”
She laughed for him, hands banging on the high-chair tray.
He laughed back and then tried tasting the sweet potatoes himself. “These aren’t bad. They could use a bit of spice, but still.” He took another little spoonful and slid it into her mouth.
She rolled those huge, pretty eyes and spit it right back out.
Picky.
Just like her father.
He should make Jeff do gourmet baby food for her. Maybe then she’d eat it. Chuckling at the thought, he grabbed the little jar of applesauce; he knew she liked that. She squealed happily, kicking for him.
Donny laughed again and started feeding her the applesauce. Jeff needed to be here—or rather, they needed to be with Jeff. There was no way the man could stay depressed with this little bundle of joy in his life.
He’d just finished with her when the phone rang. Jeff. Thank God.
“Hey, Jeff!” He smiled, wriggled his fingers at Kimmie.
Kimmie crowed happily, like she knew who it was.
“Hey, Don. How’s things going?”
“We’re missing you. How’re you?”
“Tired. Been working lots of hours.”
“Yeah? Have you found somewhere for us all to stay?” Jeff needed his family.
“Not yet. I don’t know.”
“I know you’re working hard—how can I help? I could find a place to rent.” He wasn’t going to leave Jeff to deal with this all by himself.
“I don’t know. I can’t…. I need to come out, see the kids, you.”
“We want to see you before Sunday. We could come to town for the morning tomorrow.”
“How, Don? I have the car. I’ll just… I’ll try to come out this week. I swear.”
“I can rent a car.” Jeff was not going to do this. He was not going to push them away in a funk. “We can be at Jillian’s by nine tomorrow morning. That’ll give us all some time together with the kids before you have to be at work.”
“And then what? That will upset Robin.”
“You think seeing you will upset him? He’s going to be thrilled. I think we should look at places to rent while you decide if you want to rebuild or buy. If he’s involved with that, it’s going to help him.”
“I… I don’t know. I’ll call you later, okay? I will. I just need to get in early.”
“No, you don’t need to call later. We’ll see you tomorrow morning.” He was not going to be fobbed off.
“I’ll call. I love you. I love all of you.” Jeff sounded so lost. So fucking confused.
It broke Donny’s heart when the line went dead. It made him more determined than ever that he’d take the kids to see Jeff tomorrow. Once Jeff saw how well the kids were doing, how well they could do without a house, that it was the people who counted, he might start coming around.
Mike walked by at that moment, and Donny called out to him. “Hey, Mike. I’m taking the kids to see Jeff tomorrow morning. You think you can get me to a car rental agency or something?”
Mike looked at him, smiled. “You can borrow the van, kid. I don’t mind.”
He smiled back. “Oh, that’d be awesome, thank you!”
“No problem. Can you bring Sam home some of that fancy chocolate shit she likes from the store on Vegas?”
“I’d love to. You need anything else while we’re in town?”
“I’ll get Sam to make a list.” Mike came over, kissed Kimmie’s head. “Hey, sweet baby.”
Kimmie giggled and grabbed Mike’s finger in her little fist.
“Cool. Thanks again for loaning me the van. Jeff needs to see his kids.”
“Yes. Yes, and his….” Mike cocked his head. “What would you like us to call you, Donny? His partner? Lover? Husband? Friend?”
“I like how partner sounds.” Mike and Samantha ha
d been so accepting of him. It made him happy, knowing these were the people his kids had inherited genes from.
“Good deal. Anyway, he needs his partner too. He’s got to be at loose ends.”
“I think he’s burying himself in his work—he needs us to remind him there’s more to life than that.”
“Yep.” Mike grinned at him. “I believe my wife wants my help in the garden.”
“Yeah, I imagine she does. And I have a mess to clean up before she comes back in.”
Mike chuckled, nodded. “Indeed.”
He watched Mike go out and turned his attention back to Kimmie. “You hear that, sweetie? We’re going to go see Daddy tomorrow.”
Kimberley squealed happily and banged her little fists on the tray, sweet potato spraying. Donny laughed and picked her up, swinging her into the air.
They were going to bring this joy to Jeff. Whether he wanted it or not.
Chapter Nineteen
“YOU HAVE got to stop this shit, man.”
Jeff blinked at his sister, trying to figure out what the fuck she was talking about. “Huh?”
“This whole depressed-avoidance-self-centered bullshit thing. It’s old. You lost the house. Tough. You’re getting shit at work because you’re fucking up. Big deal. You had the bad taste to date a psycho house-burning fucker. Cope.”
He looked at her. “You’re helping so much.”
Jillian plopped down on his lap. “Yep. I am. Mitch is an ass. He’s also disappeared, and the cops can only do so much. What do you want?” She poked him right in the nose. “And you can’t say ‘My house back’ because one, you can’t have it, and two, that’s a pussy answer.”
“I want you to leave me alone.”
She swacked him. “Try harder.”
“I want out.”
Her head tilted. “From your thing with Donny? From the responsibility of the kids? Because now’s the time to do that.”
“No.” No, on that he was sure. He didn’t want to fucking try to deal with Don and the house and all the plans, but that wasn’t Don. That was his shit.
“Then what? Focus, Jeff. What do you want out of?”