by ANDREA SMITH
It seemed as if a painful eternity had passed before the nurse came in and checked me again. All the way to four centimeters - whoopee!
Tylar was on her phone now with my Aunt Becky to let her know that I was in labor; telling her my progress. She kept it short as I started in with my sobbing and cursing. Tylar tried coaching me but I was totally distraught with the pain and the fact that Tristan was not here with me. She convinced me to lay on my side, while she pressed hot towels against my lower back to help with my back labor. It offered a little relief.
Tylar was right when she had told me modesty went out the window during labor and birth. I didn’t give a shit who saw what at the moment. My hospital gown was open in the back; my underwear had been confiscated when I was given the gown to wear. Tylar was trying to put slight pressure with the hot towels but I was still restless.
“Gina,” Tylar said, pulling the warm towel away from my rump. “When did you have your tattoo redone?”
“What?”
“Your tattoo on your hip that used to spell ‘Ian’, you freaking had it re-done to spell ‘Tristan’?”
“Yeah - actually, Tristan paid for me to have it done. Isn’t it neat the way the tattoo artist made the ‘I’ in Ian into a fancy ‘T’ in Tristan?”
“Ingenious,” she said, chuckling.
Just then another wave of pain came crashing through me. I let out a string of cuss words and waved Tylar away when she persisted in trying to get me to do the ‘hee-hee-hee’ breathing exercises. It was starting to get on my nerves. I sent her out for more ice chips afraid I might start cussing her out. It wasn’t her fault.
I managed to get through the last contraction without splitting in half. My lips were dry; I tasted blood where I must have bit down on the bottom one.
Where in the hell was Tristan? He should be here suffering through this with me. Where the hell had Tylar gone off to?
She certainly was taking her good old fucking time getting those ice chips I thought after my most recent, mind-blowing contraction had ended. My doctor came into the room just then, pulling on his latex gloves. I wondered how many more fingers were going to be prying into my Who-Ha before this baby made his entrance.
Tylar returned with my ice chips just as the doctor informed me that I was at five centimeters. I ordered the nurse that was at his side to bring me my fucking epidural now. She scurried away to get it.
Once administered the effects were immediate. It was fantastic. I relaxed back against my pillows getting comfortable. I just wanted to take a short nap while I could. I closed my eyes drinking in the pain-free refuge I had found. It seemed only momentary before pain was back. It was different. It was higher up and it was agonizing. I felt like I was freezing cold; I was shaking. I saw the look of alarm on Tylar’s face; then she started screaming something. The doctor was back with several nurses beside him. Tylar was ordered to leave the room. I saw someone put a clear, plastic cone shaped apparatus up to my face. I was instructed to breathe in deeply. Then I fell into a blessed, pain-free sleep.
CHAPTER 19
I had been dozing so peacefully when somewhere I heard a baby crying. It was a newborn baby’s cry, I could tell. Was that my baby? I willed my eyes to open to see if I had delivered our baby boy yet.
The first thing I saw was Tristan’s face. He was sitting next to my bed. He was watching me.
“About damn time you got here, Tristan.”
He immediately leaned over and kissed me. I noticed he was holding a tiny, swaddled bundle in his arms.
“Is he okay?” I croaked, looking at Tristan’s face.
“He is perfect, Gina. He weighs six and a half pounds but he is a tough little guy.”
“I want to see him. I want to hold him.”
Tristan lowered the baby down into my waiting arms. The rails were up on both sides of my hospital bed. He tucked the baby against me, making sure he propped a pillow under my arm to continue supporting his head without having to keep my arm lifted.
I pulled the receiving blanket around him to keep him warm. He had a little blue knit cap on his head. I could see dark hair poking out around the edges. His eyes were wide and alert. They were a very deep blue for now. He had Tristan’s nose and chin; his tiny eyebrows were arched the same way as Tristan’s. There wasn’t anything about him that looked like Ian.
“Oh Tristan,” I breathed, “He’s yours.”
“Of course he’s mine, Gina. You both are mine,” he said.
“Reese Patrick Sinclair,” I said, looking into his tiny, wide-eyed face. Your mommy and daddy adore you.”
He was squirming around, making cute little faces, sucking on his fingers. I suddenly knew what all the fuss was about. I knew what Tylar had felt after she had given birth to Preston. This was the ultimate love.
Tristan explained what had happened during labor. The placenta was separating, and there was a tear that started in my uterine wall. The doctor had performed an emergency C-Section; he had repaired the uterine tear as well. I would be in the hospital for a few days.
“Before I forget to bitch at you Tristan, do you mind telling me where the hell you were?”
“The extra hours I have been spending at the club, Gina, were not about working there. I’ve been actually making a wooden cradle for the baby in the basement there. I was trying like hell to get it finished up so that I could surprise you with it before he arrived. I think his early arrival will make it necessary for me to get it sanded and stained while you recuperate here.”
“Oh, Tristan,” I said, my eyes filling up with tears. “I take back all those cuss words I left on your voicemail.”
“Too late, babe; they already singed my hair when I listened to your messages.”
The nurse came in and out throughout the night to offer me pain meds and check on my vitals. She told me that I would have to take it easy once home because of the bikini cut incision I had. She had put antibiotic cream on it to help with the healing and minimize the scar.
The next day and a half Reese and I spent all of our time together getting to know one another. The nursing staff and lactation consultant helped me get him situated for feeding. Because I had undergone a C-Section, the signal for my milk to come in was going to be delayed a bit. I was glad that the hospital staff had more patience than I did. I was also thankful that Reese seemed to ‘go with the flow’, or in this case, without the flow. Tristan had been in and out to visit while working to finish the cradle before we got home the following day.
I hadn’t seen Tylar since the day that Reese had been born. I had asked Tristan about her when he had called me earlier in the day. He said that he would check with Trey to see when they were coming down to visit. I was anxious for my BFF and soon to be sister-in-law to see our beautiful son. Clive and Susan had left this morning for Atlanta. They were driving. Susan had packed their car full of baby items for the nursery. Tristan had already warned me.
I had just finished eating from my dinner tray when Tristan arrived. Reese was asleep in the bassinet that stayed in my hospital room. I could tell that something was wrong.
Oh God. Had something happened to my mother? She wasn’t due in until tomorrow when I was released. What if his parents had been in an accident?
“What is it, Tristan?”
He came over and sat on the edge of my bed. He took my hand into his and kissed it softly. He was really scaring the hell out of me.
“What?”
“Tylar lost the baby. She delivered a still-born baby girl this afternoon at St. Matthews. She doesn’t know yet.”
“What the hell? What do you mean she doesn’t know?”
“Keep calm, Gina. She is going to be fine. It’s just that she had a serious infection of some sort; there was hemorrhaging involved. The doctor couldn’t get any vitals on the baby so they induced labor and she delivered a stillborn baby. She had to be given a blood transfusion because of the amount of blood she lost.”
“Oh my God,” I breathed, una
ble to fathom what this was going to do to Tylar. “Oh Tristan, this is going to kill her. You just don’t know how much she wanted this baby.”
“Trey’s pretty torn up about it. He hasn’t left her side. She probably won’t get out of the hospital for a couple of days. He’s staying there with her. I let Mom and Dad know. They’re on the road and should be here later this evening.
“What about Judge Tylar?”
“Trey contacted him. He is flying up in the morning.”
“God Tristan. We were so happy to be having our babies born close together. I don’t know what I will even say to her. I mean, what if it is too painful for me to bring Reese around her?”
“Tylar is strong, Gina. She will get through this. They both will. The good news is that she survived this. It could be two burials Trey is arranging right now.”
I couldn’t even imagine life without my best friend. She had been so certain that she had been carrying a boy. It was another little girl; a baby girl probably as beautiful as Preston. Tears started running down my cheeks. I wanted to be there for Tylar. I just hoped that she would let me.
Reese and I were discharged from the hospital the following day. Tristan brought us back to the apartment where my mom and Susan were awaiting our arrival. Clive had stayed out at Trey’s to help Jean look after Preston. Tristan helped me into the bedroom. I was still sore from the stitches and would be for several more days.
The first thing I saw as I entered our bedroom was the beautiful cherry wood cradle that Tristan had made. It was exquisite with inlay carved scrollwork on each end of it. Susan had bought the layette for it. It was cream colored eyelet lace.
“Tristan - it is magnificent,” I said. “Thank you so very much for my son and the cradle.”
“They were both my pleasure,” he whispered, kissing my lips playfully. “Let’s get you into bed while the moms are competing for our son’s attention.”
Tristan helped me into a nightgown and fluffed my pillows for me as I climbed into our bed. He handed me the remote and told me that he would be back as soon as he could wrangle the baby from the grandmothers. I asked if he would give Trey a call to see how Tylar was doing. He said that he would.
This was supposed to be a happy time. I couldn’t imagine the pain and heartbreak that Tylar must be feeling if she had been given the news yet. It crushed me to think about my friend in such pain. It crushed me to think about both of them being in such pain.
CHAPTER 20
It had been four days since we had brought Reese home. I was getting around a little bit better. Tristan and I were getting dressed for the memorial service at the cemetery in DeKalb County. I had contacted a Catholic priest at St. Michael’s to bless the tiny grave and read from scripture.
We had visited Tylar yesterday afternoon as she convalesced at home. It had totally unnerved me. I had expected tears and anguish; I had not been prepared for Tylar’s impassive and stoic demeanor. I had cried and hugged her trying to offer my sympathy. She had ended up consoling me. I didn’t get it. I had said something to Tristan on our way home. He said that some people grieve differently than others. I did think Tylar was bothering to grieve at all.
We arrived at the cemetery for the family only memorial service. Trey had his arm around Tylar who still had the statuesque façade going. I was sure that was what it was. She was afraid to feel the pain. I had been that way for a while after my miscarriage. I had simply fled the scene and hooked up with Ian. He had been fun-loving, sexy and care-free. He had been my coping mechanism to forget the hell from which I had just escaped.
I did a double take and swore under my breath when I saw Amber pull up in her little BMW and get out. Tristan had heard me and gave me a gentle nudge. I looked up at him holding Reese close to his chest. He shook his head as if to say, ‘leave it alone, Gina.’ I certainly did not plan on making a scene, but what the fuck was she doing here? I finally saw some reaction out of Tylar. She whispered something to Trey; it was apparent she wasn’t happy about it, either.
Amber sauntered up to the gravesite and the priest began his readings. She was all decked out like she was going to some type of diplomatic soiree. I watched her from beneath my lashes as everyone bowed their heads to pray. She followed suit as if she really cared. This was just something for her to crash. She was all about getting the attention - especially Trey’s.
The service concluded in less than ten minutes. The priest went over and consoled both Trey and Tylar; others then followed suit going up to them as they stood before the tiny casket to give them a hug or a kiss, or take their hand and offer their sympathies. I watched as Amber went first to Trey. She didn’t linger there as she was looking for Tylar who had gone to look at some of the flower arrangements that had been sent to the gravesite.
I took Reese from Tristan so that he could go over and talk to Trey. I watched as Amber went over to Tylar and gave her a hug. She said something to her and then Tylar conversed back. There was something in Tylar’s expression that had changed once Amber walked away and headed toward her car. It was actually the first bit of emotion I had seen cross her features since the day she was with me at the hospital.
I walked over to where she was standing, watching Amber as she started her car and drove off.
“What did she say to you?” I asked.
“Nothing important. Let me see Reese, Gina.”
It had been more than a month since I had seen or talked to Tylar. I had called her house phone and her cell phone several times. Jean took my messages. I never got a call back. At first I understood; she was coming to terms with her loss. That took some time. Then I made excuses for her. I had figured it was difficult for her to see a newborn baby. That would take some time. It was nearly five weeks now. As far as I was concerned, there was no excuse for her continued avoidance of me.
I had grumbled about it to Tristan several times. He had told me to just keep trying; it was important to let her know that the lines of communication were open. Frankly, I was fucking sick to death of always having to be the one to initiate stuff with her.
I had been nursing Reese with just a little bit of difficulty. Tylar had made it look so freaking easy. My nipples had felt like they were on fire that first week after my milk had come in. I was moaning and bitching about it to Tristan. The next afternoon a freaking lactation consultant was at our door.
She had spent an hour and a half with us training me how to get the proper latch; the various holds, cradle, cross-cradle, football and the most important lesson of all: detachment.
(Oh, so you don’t just pull the baby away from the breast, still attached until the nipple finally snaps back against you? I get it!)
How had Tylar known all of that as a first-time mother? I don’t recall Trey having had to enlist the services of a lactation consultant for her! That was Tylar though; that is how she rolled.
I loved the bond and the connection that I got with nursing him, but I didn’t have any reservations whatsoever about pumping and letting Tristan handle it for an afternoon if I wanted to get my nails done or go shopping. I didn’t feel a damn bit guilty about it, either.
The only other downside was the mustard seed poop. I mean that part I knew about because of Preston, but damn, having to deal with three to four of those a day was a little taxing. Usually Tristan was good for one or two of them. It didn’t seem to bother him one bit.
I had just gotten Reese bathed and dressed when the doorman buzzed. He said that Tylar was in the lobby.
(Really?)
I told him to send her up. I was curious as to what would have brought Tylar clear into the city without even calling first. I didn’t mind. Maybe she had been downtown for some reason and decided to stop by. I knew that wasn’t the case when I opened the door for her.
(Christ, she looked like hell. Skinny and fragile.)
The first thing she did as to ask me if she could use my freaking phone. I started giving her some shit then it dawned on me that something was wron
g; she was freaked out. I told her to go ahead.
I was nursing Reese and hung around close enough so that I could eavesdrop on her conversation. She called her father. She was crying. She spilled her guts to him. Damn Trey! Damn that bitch Amber. What the hell was Trey thinking making out with the bitch like that? I knew Tristan would be mad as hell when he found out.
I could tell that Tylar was winding up her conversation with her dad. They were making arrangements. I went and put Reese in his cradle, kissing his soft cheek.
“Baby, please take a little nap for Mommy, okay? I really need to talk to my BFF.” He gurgled and smiled up at me, kicking his little legs. God he was so freaking cute.
When I went back into the living room I tried to calm Tylar down and get her to talk to me. She was tied up in knots. I apologized for not being there for her; she wouldn’t let me accept any blame. She simply stated that this was her problem and she would handle it. It was plain to see that she was still in denial over the loss of the baby and the need to deal with it. When I said as much, she got extremely agitated. I needed to let it go for now.
She had made plans to go to Baton Rouge and spend some time with her father. Frankly, I thought it was probably the best thing she could do for herself at the moment. She had to distance herself from the pain; right now that pain was Trey. I just hoped she didn’t stay away forever. Maybe a father was the best medicine for Tylar right now. She had been denied all of that growing up; she needed to know what it felt like to have a father’s love.
I gave her some wine to calm her down and forced her to eat something because she obviously needed to put some meat on her bones. I told her she was welcomed to stay here for the night. I got pillows and a blanket for her so that she could make a bed on the couch. She didn’t want to sleep in the spare bed in the nursery.
She passed out fairly early on the couch. She had to be exhausted. I stayed up to make Tristan a sandwich when he got home. I hurried over to the front door when I heard his key and motioned for him to be quiet until we got into the kitchen. I placed his sandwich on the table with a tall glass of iced tea.