He smiled at me, reached over to his bag and pulled one out. “I was hoping.” He put it on and gently moved my legs further apart.
He kissed my lips a few times then parted them with his tongue before he searched for mine. I put my good arm around him and ran my fingers through his hair. Gradually, he shifted his body until his hips were between mine. Then just the head of his very, engorged cock slid into me.
I had to clutch his shoulder from the pain. I closed my eyes and tried to hide it.
“Baby, what’s hurting?”
I looked up at him. “My hip.”
“I’m sorry.” He closed his eyes. “We should stop. It’s too much for you.” He pulled out with a wince. “Maybe tomorrow at home.”
There was no way I could wait another day. “Come back here.” I gripped his hair in both hands as best I could. “Now. I need you now.”
He slowly lay down without his full weight on me. “I can’t do this to you. It’s not right.” His lips brushed over mine a few times. “We need to wait until you grieved a bit more.”
I stroked his hair. He put aside all his needs for mine that week. He had made the worst week of my life bearable and even partly enjoyable. I felt the shudder. His body obviously didn’t agree with his mind. I wished he would take me and help me forget why I was in that hospital bed. However, Chad knew what I needed even when I refused to see it. His hip started to hurt mine. I breathed deeply and tried to will away the pain.
“I’m hurting you again,” he said knowingly, and carefully got off the bed. Then he kissed my lips. He pulled the sheet over me and walked to the bathroom. Within minutes, he was back again. “I need to dress you before I lose it again.”
When we were both in pajamas, he gave me my last pill. After, he lay down and held me closer than he had all week. We didn’t say a word, just clung to each other.
Chad brushed the hair from my face a few minutes later. “I never thought my love for you could grow this much.”
“I love you too,” I whispered as sleep came over me. That pill always worked too quickly.
Chapter 21
When I woke up the next day, Chad worked on his computer. I must have slept later than usual. He looked up when I moved my arm. “G’ morning. How you feeling today?” He put down his laptop and kissed me on the lips.
I weakly replied, “Just tired.”
“I get to wash you in the bathtub today.” His voice was animated.
I nodded sleepily then closed my eyes again, since I was still out of it.
“Crystal, can you hear me?” Chad soon called to me from somewhere.
I nodded again, suddenly too tired to speak. My eyelids were too heavy to look at him. I heard him type a few words.
“They’re releasing Giovanni today,” Chad started. “Just thought you should know.” He paused for a minute. “The wake starts Sunday. His mom wanted you to be able to walk. She’s been calling my mom every day to check on you. She just can’t bring herself to come here. It’s not real for her yet. She hasn’t seen him.”
I sluggishly put out my hand to him. He clasped it in his. A tear fell from my eye. Giovanni was really gone forever. I wanted to tell Chad what I felt but I couldn’t talk. My chest ached with grief.
As if he read my mind, he hugged me. “I know.” He obviously understood. “I know you miss him. I miss him too. I know it hurts inside, like a hole in your heart.” Chad’s tears fell on my shoulder as he comforted me.
My tears fell faster as I lay there, motionless. I missed Giovanni more than I had since I found out he died. Can I have one more day with him? One final day of bliss and passion? Please? A chance to say goodbye? I gripped Chad’s shirt harder and sobbed until sleep came over me again.
* * *
I woke up on my left side. Chad held my hand as he faced me on the bed, asleep. I knew that the funeral home would come for Giovanni soon. I wanted to touch him before they did what always do to someone who dies. I couldn’t even think that word. It made me shiver.
I gently shook Chad. “Please wake up.”
His eyes fluttered open. He looked at me with bloodshot eyes and gently pulled me closer to him. “It’s OK, Crystal. Everything’s gonna be all right.”
I touched his shoulder. “Chad, I have to see him.”
He pulled away enough to meet my pleading gaze. “You don’t wanna see him like that. He’s not gonna look like you want him to.”
“I wanna say goodbye,” I whispered as tears fell again. To admit he was gone was difficult. “I don’t wanna do it at the funeral home after they…” I couldn’t say it. I still couldn’t think about what they would do to him. “Please, Chad. I need to touch him and see it’s real. It feels like a dream sometimes. I know he’s gone, but I still feel him in my heart. I need to be sure. Please, Chad.” I knew he understood why I had to do it. I needed to move on so Chad and I could be together.
He kissed my forehead. “I’ll see what I can do.” Then he carefully pulled away from me and got off the bed.
I closed my eyes and saw Giovanni as an angel. I believed his soul went to heaven after he died. Suddenly, I heard a soft calm voice, but I didn’t understand the words. Then someone fleetingly rubbed my back. I quickly opened my eyes. There was no one. I swore Giovanni was there. I’d know his touch anywhere.
Soon enough, Chad came back in the room with a wheelchair and a nurse. The nurse detached all the monitors then held the chair. Chad lifted me off the bed, slowly. I felt pain, but it was worth it. He gingerly put me down in the wheelchair. Then the three of us silently went to the basement.
When the medical examiner opened the door, we entered. Giovanni was on a table with a sheet over most of his body. Chad moved the wheelchair next to him. The love in my heart made me reach out to him. I hoped he would reach back. He didn’t move.
I lifted the sheet off his left leg and touched the tattoo with our names on it. His skin was so cold. His leg had cuts from the accident, but the tattoo looked pristine. I looked down at the identical one on my left leg.
I put my hand out to Chad, and he helped me up. He held me up enough that my cast did not touch the floor and helped me to the table. They had cleaned the blood from Giovanni’s hair and face. I put my hand through his hair. It was still the same. I fingered the cuts on his face from the glass then touched my own healing face. He looked so peaceful, like he was asleep. I kissed his cold lips.
When I started to pull the sheet down, Chad grabbed my hand. “No. You don’t wanna see what they did.”
My breath caught in my throat while tears flowed freely. I finally understood why they had kept him at the hospital so long. They had done an autopsy. I looked back at Chad. “Why’d they do that?”
“Does it matter?” he whispered and held me close. “Don’t think about it, baby. Just say goodbye.”
I turned back to Giovanni and caressed his cheek. “Bye, my love.” Then it all hit me at once. I broke down and threw myself over him. Then I sobbed as I ignored the pain all over.
Chad rubbed my lower back. “Crystal, we gotta go. It’s too much for you.”
“I don’t wanna leave him,” I cried out. “We were gonna get married. We were gonna have kids. Why did God take him from me? I love you Giovanni. Please come back.” Everyone in the room sniffled. I was afraid to let Giovanni go.
Chad pried my hands off his lifeless body and took me in his arms. “I’m so sorry,” he uttered through tears. “Crystal, I’m here. Take it out on me.”
I don’t know what came over me, but I hit Chad’s chest with the only hand I could make a fist with. “Why?” I yelled. “Why did I live and he died? How could God rip my heart out like this?” I hit him again. “This is so fucked up! He wasn’t supposed to die!” My next blow was soft. Then my body went slack, but Chad caught me. “Please bring him back.”
“I wish I could.” Chad held me while he cried with me.
Soon, I cried so hard, I shook. Chad picked me up. I cringed from the pain of his ha
nd on my still sore ribs. When it got worse, I cried out.
“Sorry.” He put me in the wheelchair, and we left Giovanni behind.
When we got back to my room, I was a wreck. Chad lifted me from the wheelchair then sat on the chair next to my bed. He held me as close as possible.
I leaned on his shoulder and clung to him with my good hand, hysterical. The pain overwhelmed me so much, I could barely breathe, never mind think.
“Crystal, I don’t know what to do.” He cried as well, while he rubbed my back. “How do I make it better?”
A familiar voice said, “Sing to her. It always works with my kids.”
“Um, I can’t.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
Quietly, Chad began to sing, “Why Can’t You Love Me?”
I was so surprised by how good it sounded, I calmed down. He could really sing. It was amazing. When I lifted my head, he stopped. “No. Keep going,” I encouraged him. “It’s beautiful. Please.”
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. I couldn’t believe my ears. His voice was almost as good as Chris’ but deeper. It was incredibly soothing. I lay my head down again, and the sadness faded. His voice led me back to when things were simple. When I didn’t need to choose between him and Giovanni.
When he had finished the song, he kissed my cheek. “Better, right?”
“Yes. You never sang like that for me before.”
“Most songs don’t mean as much as that one does.”
“It was amazing.”
“You’re exaggerating.”
“I’m not, Chad. You have a great voice. I bet you could sing anything.”
“If you say so.” He sounded sad.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” He stroked my hair.
“For carrying on like that about Giovanni right in front of you.” A few tears fell down my cheeks. “But it hurts so bad. Last week we were talking about our wedding and now…” I sniffled and took in a sharp breath. “Now his funeral is…” I clutched Chad and closed my eyes. “Now we have to bury him.”
“Oh, baby.” He held me close while I cried harder.
* * *
After a long while, the tears stopped, but I shook and sniffled. I jumped when another hand touched my face.
“What happened, Chad?” my mom whispered.
“We went to see Giovanni.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “She’s been crying ever since.”
My mom sighed. “Have patience. She’ll get through it.”
“I know, but it’s killing me.”
By the time I was able to control my tears, my dad was in the room also. He and Chad got me back on the bed. I hadn’t even noticed the nurse didn’t hook me back up to the monitors until then.
Chad’s hurt expression made me force myself to calm down again. He stood next the bed and held my hand. He needed assurance, I was sure of it. I tugged at his arm.
“What it is?”
I lifted my broken arm, and he slowly fell into the embrace I offered. I hugged him with my good arm and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he softly replied. “I get it. Just because you miss him, doesn’t mean you love me any less. I shared you with him for so long, I’m used to it. It’s OK to love him, grieve for him and want him back.”
I knew he at least partly faked it, so I pulled him closer. “I love you so much, Chad.” I was beyond happy to be in his arms at that moment. He always knew what I needed him to say or do.
“I’ve always loved you.”
A door opened. “How are we doing today?” Dr. Leo walked in. I had seen him a few times previously. “I need to do a final examination.”
“We’ll be back in a few minutes,” my dad said as he picked up my mom’s hand. “Chad, come take a walk with us.”
Chad stood up, probably just to please my dad.
I panicked. “No. Don’t leave me, Chad!”
“Shh, it’s OK.” He held me again. “Pop, she’s still afraid of doctors.”
I closed my eyes and tried not to remember the gynecologic exam that spurned my fear of doctors. When the nurse left the room for less than a minute, the doctor pushed his uncovered finger into me. I was a virgin, which made it more frightening. When I cried out, the nurse screamed at him to stop.
“I forgot, honey. I’m sorry.” My dad looked from me to Chad. “Keep your eyes closed. Got it?”
Chad looked nervous. “Yes, Pop. I’ll just hold her hand.”
My mother kissed my forehead. “It’ll be OK.” She swiped at a tear and smiled. Chad had told her about the fan who attacked me. She understood why my fear of doctors was exacerbated.
The memory faded when our families had left. I squeezed Chad’s arm. “Don’t let me go.”
“I won’t.”
Dr. Leo knew about my fear. “We’ll start with your head. OK?”
I nodded but shut my eyes and clung to Chad. The doctor moved my hair and gently prodded the wound. I hoped that was it but knew it was wishful thinking.
“I need to check everything, Crystal.” The doctor spoke very softly. “So I need you undressed. If you had a gown on it would’ve been easier.”
“No. Don’t,” I pleaded as I looked at Chad.
He caressed my cheek. “Relax and close your eyes. You wanna go home, right?”
“Yes.”
“OK. Then lay back and stay still.” Chad waited until I did as I was told. Then he carefully took my pajamas off. “That’s good, baby.”
Hands touched my skin, but I didn’t want to know whose. Then a towel was placed over my breasts. Relief washed over me. The fear was not gone, but it lessened.
“The bruises are healing but pretty slow,” Dr. Leo said. “And I’d estimate you lost ten to fifteen pounds this week, Crystal. You can’t afford to lose any more. Chad, you need to make sure she eats, or she’ll be back here in days.”
“I will,” Chad replied.
My right leg and arm were moved next. I gripped Chad harder. When my panties were lowered on my right side, I whimpered.
“So far so good,” Dr. Leo commented.
Next, someone took the bandages off my forehead and shoulder.
Chad wrapped both of his hands around mine. “Don’t move. The stitches are gonna come out.”
I gripped Chad’s hand hard when I felt the pulling sensation.
“OK. Time for the ones on her back.”
I looked up at Chad.
“You’re doing good, just a few more minutes.”
I cringed when he and the nurse turned me to my side. Then I cried out when the first set was taken out. I pulled Chad down to me. “Tell him to stop. Please.”
“I can’t. They have to come out.”
“It’s a sensitive area,” Dr Leo explained. “How about you lie down and hold her?”
“Good idea, but don’t let her dad catch me. Please.” Chad knew my dad would flip. He moved me over a bit then got up on the bed. “Just pull me closer if it hurts.”
I buried my head in his chest and tried not to shake. “Ow.” I whimpered as Dr. Leo started again.
“It’s OK.” Chad cradled my head.
By the time it was over, I had relaxed. Chad dressed me slowly. He seemed to look at my wounds as he went along.
“Her ribs will take a few weeks to be back to normal,” Dr. Leo said with his back to me. “She should be checked to make sure everything is still healing. The number for Dr. Andrews will be in her discharge papers. He’ll tell you when he wants to see her. Call as soon as possible. OK?”
Chad looked up. “That’s the bone doctor?”
“Right. He wrote in her file that her casts could be on anywhere from six to ten weeks depending on how quickly her body heals.” He handed Chad a sling. “When she starts walking tomorrow she should wear this. The cast can get heavy.”
While Chad adjusted my bed so I could sit up, he uttered, “Oh right, I forgot. So, no weight on it until tomorrow?”
�
�Exactly. She has to move, or her knee will have issues also.” He moved to a table and started to write. “The more she moves, the faster the bruises will heal too. She also needs to see her primary physician to check the other wounds in I’d say a week. They can take the staples out. Also have him do a second pregnancy test, just in case.” He brought papers to me. “Sign where I marked it.”
I looked at the stapled pile. There were prescriptions for pain medication and anti-depressants, as well as anxiety, anti-inflammatory and sleeping pills. “Do I really need all of these?”
“You should take them so you can get better.” Dr. Leo looked me in the eyes. “If you’re in constant pain or tired, it’ll affect your healing. You don’t have to take the sleeping pills every night, but the others you need. Got it?”
“Fine.” I sighed, unhappy. I was proud of myself for getting off medication and dreaded weaning myself off again. “Will it be forever?”
Dr Leo hesitated. “You’ll be on them as long as you need them.”
“I’ll make sure she takes them,” Chad assured him. “No matter what.” He glared at me.
I knew that look. It was the one I got when I didn’t eat.
By the time the doctor was gone, my parents had come back. Chad’s mom was with them. My mom hugged me. “So, are you going home today?”
I smiled “Yeah. Got my discharge papers already.”
“Good, I’ll start packing your stuff.” My mom smiled and touched my face.
Chad’s mom kissed my forehead. “Me and Chad’ll get it done, Pam. Spend some time with your little girl.”
“Thanks.” She sat on my bed and held my hand. “Do you want me and Daddy to stay at Chad’s with you? We’ll be here for another week.”
I tried to think quickly. My dad couldn’t find out what changed between us. “Uh… Um… I think…”
Chad rescued me with, “I’m working from home, Ma. I’ll take care of everything.”
“How about we just stay tonight?” My mom tilted her head, which told me she needed to see I was well taken care of.
My dad put his hands on her shoulders. “Pam, I think she’s uncomfortable with me helping her. You stay. I’ll hang out with Luke. I’m gonna go call him. Be right back.” He took out his phone then left the room.
Dual Desires (Triple Threat Book 3) Page 18