“Me?” She turned, lifting an eyebrow.
He nodded. “I thought of your drive to create something, and to stick with it. There were plenty of fails when I was testing my formula.” He smiled wryly. “More than plenty, if I’m honest. But every time I considered giving up, I thought of you and your determination to see your company succeed. And I kept trying.”
Her face softened. “Really?”
He held her gaze. “Really.”
Their eyes locked in a magnetic moment before she blinked and looked away. “It’s nice to know that you thought of me from time to time.”
“Not just from time to time, Lil.” He shook his head. “I told you, I thought of you every day.”
“You thought of me every day for the last five years?” Her tone held a note challenge, disbelief written all over her face.
“Yes.”
A crease formed between her brows as she studied him. “I don’t know what game you’re playing here, Sawyer. If that were the case, then why did you break up with me in the first place? You knew how I felt. You knew exactly where I stood in our relationship and that I was in it for the long haul. You were the one to walk away. You were the one who wanted to explore other options. Not me.”
He winced. “I never said I wanted to explore other options. This was never about me finding someone else.”
“Then what was it about, Sawyer?” Her eyes snapped to his, flashing with emotion. “Please enlighten me because I still don’t understand.”
His pulse pounded. He knew that someday he would admit the truth to her. He’d imagined how the conversation would go, and what her reaction might be—but all of that imagining didn’t make him any less nervous. It was finally time.
He pulled in a deep breath. “I know it made you angry when I said this before, but it’s the truth. I did it for you, Lil.”
She stared at him, unblinking. “You’re going to have to do better than that, because you know I wasn’t the one who wanted to break up. How could it have been for me?”
He released the breath and ran his palms down his thighs, allowing the words he’d held back for so long to finally break free. “You had such big dreams,” he continued. “You should have seen the way your face lit up every time you talked about moving to New York and creating your own makeup line. You were so passionate about it.” He frowned and shook his head. “How could I hold you back from that dream?”
She looked at him, her mouth opening once and then closing again as her expression moved from shock to anger.
Sawyer’s heart thudded against his ribcage. He had no idea what reaction to expect from her, but judging by her glare, it wasn’t going to be a good one. He stayed silent, waiting for her to say something.
“Wow,” she said finally, her voice breaking. “You know, if that really is the reason—and I’m still not convinced it is—” she added, arching an eyebrow, “but if it is, and you’d been honest with me about why, you could have spared me of these years of heartache.”
He flinched, but she wasn’t finished. She leaned forward, resting both elbows on her knees. “What did my career goals have to do with our relationship?” she demanded. “It didn’t have to be one or the other, Sawyer. We could have built our dreams together. People do it all the time.” She shook her head, her face filled with hurt. “That excuse doesn’t make any sense.”
“I couldn’t hold you back,” he said, desperate for her to understand. “In our case, it did have to be one or the other.
“Why?” Her eyes pleaded to understand.
He squinted and ran a hand along the back of his neck. “Because I couldn’t go with you to New York. I couldn’t leave my mom behind. I’m all she’s got.” He glanced toward the house to make sure his mom wasn’t approaching before turning back to Lily. “I didn’t want to leave her like my dad did,” he said quietly.
Lily’s forehead wrinkled. “Oh, Sawyer … I never thought of it that way.” She was silent for several heartbeats as they stared at the fire, the air thick with unspoken words like a strangling smoke. “Still,” she continued, her voice softer this time, “if you’d told me all of this back then, I would have understood.” She met his eyes, fastening onto his gaze. “And I would have picked staying with you over chasing a dream in New York.”
The breath caught in his lungs. All of these years he’d been pining for Lily he could have had her by his side. But he’d known back then that she would make that choice, which was why he’d decided not to tell her. And it was the hardest thing he’d ever done.
“I know you would have,” he said softly.
Her eyes tightened with confusion and hurt. “What do you mean?”
He studied her for a long moment before answering, memorizing the face he knew and loved so well. “I mean that I knew that you would have chosen that, and it was what I wanted too—but I was scared to let you.”
“Scared of a future with me?”
He frowned and shook his head. “No … I was scared you would end up resenting me.” He looked away from her, not able to handle the emotions passing across her face. “My mom has never said it out loud, but I know deep down she wishes she’d had a different life than being a single mom tied down to her kid.”
“Sawyer,” Lily objected, touching his arm. “Your mom loves you. I’m sure that’s not how she feels.”
He looked at her and smiled sadly. “Maybe not anymore. I’ve done my best to give her everything she could want or need. But I know it’s how she used to feel. I stumbled across her journal once when I was in junior high. It was wrong of me to read it, but I was curious about my dad and hoped to find something about him.”
He paused, feeling the ache of what he’d discovered; the familiar heaviness in his chest. He straightened to brush the feelings aside. “I did read about him,” he continued. “I read about how fast she’d fallen in love with him, and how he’d left her, pregnant, heartbroken, and completely alone.” His jaw hardened. Any desire he’d had to meet his dad after that had evaporated. He was a jerk, plain and simple. He’d read how his mom had contacted him after finding out about the pregnancy, and how he hadn’t wanted anything to do with her or his child. Sawyer never told his mom he’d read her journal, and he never asked her about his dad again.
“I’m so sorry,” Lily said squeezing his arm for support. “You told me the story when we were dating.” She paused, seeming to choose her words carefully. “But just because that happened to your mom it doesn’t mean she resented you or her life. She chose to keep you, and I know she loves you.”
He nodded. “I know it too.” He gave her a half smile and turned to the fire to avoid eye contact. He wouldn’t tell her about the rest of the entries he’d read—how she’d debated whether or not to keep him. How there was a lot of gossip and more than one cold shoulder in town after her pregnancy was discovered. How she kept her head held high and forgave any mistreatment. And how the hardest part of deciding to keep him was giving up her dream of going to college and becoming a nurse. “She had plans, Lil,” he said simply. “And I ruined them.” He swallowed once, keeping his gaze on the fire. “I wasn’t about to let that happen to you. I couldn’t stand in the way of your hopes and dreams.”
Lily sat silently beside him until he couldn’t take it anymore. He turned to see her expression, surprised at the sadness in her eyes.
“I just wish—” She shook her head and bit her lip before turning away.
“You wish what?” he urged.
“I wish you’d told me,” she said, facing him again. “I wish you would have confided in me about this back then and trusted me to make my own decisions about my life instead of trying to shield me from a future you didn’t think I wanted. I loved you, Sawyer.”
His gut twisted at her use of past tense. She’d loved him back then … not anymore. “I’m sorry, Lil,” he said, hesitating and careful to keep his feelings in past tense when he could easily make them present. “I loved you too and never meant to hurt you. I thought you would
call me out for the liar I was when I said I wanted space. But when you didn’t—I guess I wondered if maybe you were wanting your freedom.” He met her eyes, begging her to forgive him. “So I let you go.”
She looked down at her hands. “I guess we were both to blame then,” she said, rubbing hard at her nose and clearing her throat. “Not that it matters anymore. The past is in the past. We can’t do anything about it now.”
He paused. “Can’t we?” She looked up at him and he locked onto her gaze, letting the question linger as he reached for her, placing his hand on top of hers. “I know I botched things up pretty good back then,” he admitted, deciding to be bold. “But the moment I saw you today, I knew there was still something between us.”
Lily held perfectly still, and he turned to face her fully, his heart pumping so fast he was sure she could hear it over the lapping waves against the dock. It was unreal sitting here with her after all of these years. He’d imagined her here countless times, and now that she was, he couldn’t risk letting her go again—not without laying it all out on the line.
She still hadn’t said anything and seemed to be holding her breath as she waited for him to continue.
He stared into her eyes. “If you can forgive me for being an idiot and messing things up—” He paused, his heart climbing into his throat as he mustered every ounce of courage he had. “—how would you feel about giving us another try?”
7
Lily couldn’t breathe. Was Sawyer really asking what she thought he was asking? She was so overwhelmed by his earlier confession that she seemed to process his words in slow motion.
All of these years she’d thought he’d ended things because he wanted to create a life of his own. He’d crushed her, leaving her broken and alone and wondering what she could have done differently—and now he was telling her he’d done all of that for her sake? It was unforgivable.
And yet … it was forgivable at the same time. Lily knew from the look on his face that he was telling the truth: he’d broken up with her because he’d thought it was best for her. He’d done it out of love.
His brown eyes held hers and one corner of his mouth lifted self-consciously. “Penny for your thoughts, Lil.”
She looked at him, searching his face. Everything about this moment was surreal. “Just to make sure I understand—” She paused, choosing her words carefully. “You’re asking me if I’m willing to give us,” she pointed between them, “you and me … us … another chance?”
He nodded, his smile deepening enough to reveal his dimple. “That’s what I’m asking.”
Her heart stuttered as she blew out a breath and shook her head. “Sawyer, I don’t know what to say.”
He reached for her hand, sending a thousand tiny sparks through her as his strong hand gently squeezed hers.
“You don’t have to say anything right now,” he said. “I know this was a lot to throw at you, but I couldn’t let you leave tomorrow without telling you the truth. Now that you’ve found your path and are fulfilling your dreams, I felt like it was time to let you know why I did what I did.”
She stared back at the fire, her thoughts swirling faster than the flickering flames in front of her—too fast for her to sit still another moment. She let go of his hand, standing abruptly. “I need some time to process this,” she said.
Sawyer’s face registered surprise at the impulsive movement. He stood and slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I understand.” He looked out over the lake. “Gavin’s not back yet. Do you want me to give you a ride over to his place?”
She hesitated, cursing the fact that she didn’t have her own mode of transportation. She was sure Sadie had texted Gavin and told him to stall, just as she was sure that Sadie and Trisha were purposefully waiting before returning to the dock so that she and Sawyer would have time alone. She didn’t want to see Gavin or Sadie right now. She didn’t want to face their questions or explain why she wanted to go home. Everyone seemed to be meddling in her life and she just wanted time to sort through her thoughts.
“I’m sure that Sadie and Gavin will want to spend more time together tonight,” she said, looking up at him through her lashes. “Would you mind giving me a ride to my mom’s house?”
“Not at all.” He glanced back toward his house. “Did you want to let Sadie know you’re leaving?”
“I’ll just send her a text.” She pulled out her phone and typed a quick message.
I’m ready to go home and asked Sawyer to give me a ride.
Sadie’s reply came quickly. Is everything okay?
Yes, I’m just tired and figured you’d want more time with Gavin. I’ll chat with you tomorrow.
Lily pocketed her phone without waiting for the next response as she turned back to Sawyer. Her heart caught at how handsome he looked standing in the moonlight, watching her with an expression of something like longing before he masked it with a tentative smile.
“All good?” he asked.
She nodded. “I’m ready whenever you are.”
“Okay.” He gestured for her to go first and then fell into step beside her as they walked up the dock toward the side of his house. He must have guessed by her decision to text that she didn’t want to see Sadie at the moment, so he led her to the garage, using the flashlight on his phone to light their way as he entered a code at the back door and then held it open for her.
“Watch your step,” he said, flipping on the lights.
“Holy cow.” Lily did her best not to gawk at the size of the garage, but it took effort. It was massive. There was lawn equipment of all kinds in one section, well organized tools and an oversized tool bench in another, woodworking tools and half-built wood furniture in a third section, and finally a truck, car, and his Harley in another—with room to spare. She did a double take at the truck. “Is that the same truck you had in high school?” It looked like the same model of Ford, but if it was, he’d dome some serious restoration on it.
Sawyer smiled. “Yep, that’s the one. I rebuilt the transmission, updated the upholstery, and gave it a new paint job.”
“It looks amazing.” Lily walked closer to the truck, admiring Sawyer’s work. There had been a lot of memories made in that vehicle, including plenty of toe-curling kisses.
“Do you want to hop in?” he asked, moving to get the door for her.
She shook her head, stepping back. She wasn’t ready to reopen those memories yet—she was confused enough as it was. She glanced at the shiny blue sports car parked beside it, but that didn’t feel right either. Her eyes traveled to the Harley. “Could you take me home on that?” she asked.
One corner of his mouth lifted. “I would, but I don’t know that you’re dressed for it.” He gestured toward her cutoff shorts, tank top, and flip flops.
“Oh. Right.” She’d forgotten she was still dressed for boating.
He must have noticed the disappointment in her eyes, because he tipped his head to the side. “If you really want to go, we can make it work.”
“Really?”
He grinned at the hopefulness in her tone and folded his arms. “Still the adrenaline junkie, I see,” he teased.
“What can I say?” she said, batting her eyelashes. “I’m a New Yorker now. I like to live life in the fast lane.”
“Is that so?” He gave her an amused look before shrugging out of his leather jacket and handing it to her. “Here you go, Fast Lane.”
“Thanks.” She accepted the jacket, trying not to notice his toned biceps beneath the sleeves of his T-shirt or the way the scent of leather mixed with cologne made her stomach flutter as she slipped the jacket on.
Sawyer glanced at her legs. “You can wear my dirt bike boots. They’ll be huge on you, but they’ll cover your legs up to your knees which will offer more protection.”
“That’s fine. They’ll be better than flip flops.” She couldn’t explain why she wanted to ride the Harley so badly right then, but she appreciated that Sawyer was making it happen.<
br />
He’d always been like that; if there was ever anything she’d even hinted at wanting, he would see that she got it. She’d found she had to be careful about expressing her wishes, not wanting to take advantage of his generosity. Back then he’d made decent money with his lawn care business, but he’d given a portion of it to his mom to help with the mortgage and the grocery bills. The rest he’d saved for college, so she didn’t like him spending money on her and felt guilty when he bought her nice gifts.
The more she thought about it, the more it made sense that he’d ended the relationship for her sake. He knew how much she’d wanted to start a cosmetics line in New York, and he couldn’t bear the thought of her not getting something she wanted. It made so much sense.
“Try these on for size.” Sawyer handed her a pair of men’s socks before setting a pair of tall motorcycle boots next to her feet.
She giggled at the sight of the bulky boots. “Do you think you could maybe find me a bigger pair?” she teased.
He scratched his head, his lip twitching. “They may be a bit snug, but do your best, Cinderella.”
She laughed and pulled on the socks, which went halfway up her calf, before slipping her feet into the boots. They dwarfed her feet, but after Sawyer tightened up the straps, at least they wouldn’t fall off.
“How does that feel?” he asked, straightening.
“Like my feet are encased in cement,” she said dryly. “But they’ll work fine. Thanks.”
He took a step back and regarded her, fighting a smile. “You know, in that oversized jacket and boots, someone could almost mistake you for a minor. I hope I don’t get any weird looks.”
She laughed. “It’s your fault for having such broad shoulders and big feet.”
His smile turned cajoling and he raised both eyebrows. “You think my shoulders are broad?”
She blushed and rolled her eyes. “Well … broader than they were in high school. Don’t let it go to your head.”
“Too late.”
She snorted and reached her hand out. “I’m hoping you have an extra helmet I can borrow?”
The Billionaire's Second Chance: Billionaire Bachelor Mountain Cove Page 5