Check the Ingredients
When you are thinking about eating at a restaurant, I recommend Googling “[restaurant name] ingredients” first. Not many restaurants list their ingredients online, but some major chains do. If you don’t find exact ingredients, you might find some kind of commentary about them. If you find the ingredient list and don’t recognize an ingredient, it’s probably some chemically made preservative or flavor enhancer. If the ingredient list is extremely long, that’s also a warning sign.
Caring about your weight means caring about the ingredients in your food. It would be easier if good ingredients were standard, but they are more expensive, and consumers rarely ask about ingredients. As businesses, restaurants have a much greater incentive to use cheap ingredients that taste great.
Far more important than how often you eat out is:
Where you eat
What you order
In general, healthy meals are simple dishes of vegetables (and meat if you’re not vegetarian), and the worst dishes contain fried foods, oils, and sauces (sauces are the hidden weight gainer in many restaurants). Sauces and dressings taste great, but they almost always contain a massive amount of unhealthy fat (soybean oil), sugar, and chemical additives, and they’re not satiating.
The more aware you are about restaurant food, the better you’ll be able to manage your eating out frequency and choices. Do some research on your favorite restaurants to investigate their food quality. In addition to checking out the ingredients, you can usually find restaurant menus online to see if there are any healthy options that appeal to you.
Ask the Right Questions
If you’re considering a dish with meat or fish, ask how they cook it. Look to get it broiled, baked, or grilled. On several occasions, I’ve accidentally ordered fried food, because the menu didn’t specify the cooking method used and I didn’t ask. Now I ask if it doesn’t say.
Of course, none of these are rules—you can eat whatever you want. There’s a difference between knowing the right way and feeling pressured to live it perfectly. These details are important to be aware of because of how easy it is to mistake an unhealthy meal for a healthy one when eating out. The worst thing is thinking you’re eating healthy food when you’re not!
Mindset check: Eating high quality food isn’t “required suffering” or “punishment” for people who want to lose weight. What you just read is exactly how I approach restaurant eating and I’m not overweight—I just care about my health. I’ll eat at places without checking ingredients sometimes, but I know the ingredients of the restaurants I eat at regularly. It’s what you do most often that defines your long-term results.
Peer Pressure Strategy
The Unseen Power of a Hot Dog
When I was a kid, I ate by taste (remember, I ate chapstick because I liked the flavor). If I still operated by that program, I would love eating hot dogs. But when I look at a hot dog, I see that processed bun full of preservatives, and when I look at the hot dog meat, I think of the disgusting ingredients inside.
It’s not common to talk about food ingredients in many cultures. In the United States, some guy would say, “It’s just a hot dog, dude.” It’s unusual to not want to ingest a lab abomination that isn’t fit for human consumption. And why? Anecdotes abound, such as “My uncle ate a hot dog every day and he lived until he was 88,” which says much more about the uncle’s vitality than the hot dog’s suitability for consumption. Association is also at play, this time to our detriment. Many people have their fondest memories associated with the worst foods. Baseball games in America are associated with hot dogs. Movies at the theater are associated with bathtub-sized soft drinks and a bucket of salty butter sprinkled with a few pieces of popcorn. Memorable parties and holiday gatherings are almost explicitly comprised of unhealthy foods.
These associations have layers of influence on us—personal memories on top of societal pairings (hot dogs and baseball, cakes and birthdays, etc.), on top of current social norms (getting beers with the guys, eating pizza at college, etc.). These social forces are the most potent influencers in the world, and they’re making us fatter.
If I were to bring up the non-food-like qualities of a hot dog, I could potentially even offend someone. Maybe this someone grew up going to baseball games with his father, and always got a hot dog. The father’s since passed away, and now the hot dog is a part of his memory, so by telling him how terrible hot dogs are, he sees it as alleging that his dad was a bad father because he let his son eat hot dogs, or that I’m judging him because he eats hot dogs. That’s why food is not just a discussion about calories, nutrition, and food quality. It’s also culture, society, memories, emotions, habits, and experiences. The quality of food is the surface-level discussion that dominates weight loss books. But it’s all of that other stuff in our subconscious that has the greatest influence on what we eat.
Different Results Require Being Different
A 2016 study found that only 2.7% of Americans matched four healthy lifestyle characteristics (non-smoking, healthy body fat percentage, active lifestyle, and healthy diet). That should surprise no one. It’s weird not to drink socially when you go out, to suggest vegetables as a snack, or to order a big salad. That’s because sadly it isn’t normal to eat real food anymore.
To be at a healthy weight, you have to be different from the average person, because the average person in many countries today is overweight. Some people get this concept right, but with the wrong applications. They switch to diet foods and drinks, try to starve themselves, and do “cleanses.” It’s estimated that 45 million Americans diet every year, and very few succeed. You don’t just want different results from the overweight population; you also want different results from the dieting population. That means you have to approach this differently from almost everyone around you (the mini habits approach is different and it works).
Even with Better Information, Behavior Change Lags
Nutritional information has gotten better recently, and many people are trying to change. For example, soda consumption hit a 30-year low in 2015, with diet soda seeing the steepest decline (hooray!).170 That is to say that all hope is not lost, and some of us are waking up to the processed food experiment that’s gone horribly wrong.
Still, even as nutrition education increases and people know what they should do, lasting behavior change remains a rarity. It’s estimated that 25% of Americans eat fast food every day. In America, fast food revenue surpassed $200 billion in 2015. Worldwide, it was $570 billion. That’s billion with a “B.”
That’s why this book is a game changer. These strategies are so powerful that they can empower you to swim against this worldwide current of obesity.
Peer Pressure Strategy
Now that we’ve covered just how much pressure there is against healthy living (a lot), here’s what to do about it. First of all, if any of your friendships depend on you living an unhealthy lifestyle, then that’s an unhealthy friendship by definition! Real friends won’t judge you or try to make you feel bad for making good decisions. You should be able to remain friends with people as you gradually shift your behavior with mini habits, but be aware that any lifestyle change—even when done gradually—can alter the dynamic of your relationships.
For each food decision that is being influenced by your peers, ask yourself what’s more important to you at the moment—your health or conforming to your surroundings. I don’t mean that in a demeaning way, and I’m not implying that you “should always choose your health.” There are times when we would rather join the group than choose the healthier option, and there’s nothing wrong with it. The problem is when you have no control over that decision and peer pressure wins out every time. If you have a track record of caving to peer pressure, you need to practice being more independent with your choices. Your peers don’t have to live with your choices, only you do. Here are some ways to navigate the peer pressure minefield.
Speak from preference, not from oblig
ation. People almost always respect preference. If you don’t want something, people aren’t going to pressure you too much into eating it. But if you “can’t have it” because you’re “on a diet,” then they might see if they can coax you into indulging. One reason why people want you to join them in indulgence, by the way, is so they’ll feel better about their unhealthy lifestyle choices. If you order a salad and everyone else gets fried chicken and fries, your salad may make the others question their decision (or feel bad about it). It’s as if the lettuce in your bowl lectures them as they try to enjoy their fried food.
Let’s say that you’ve decided to choose the healthier option despite your friends indulging. Bravo! But one of your friends makes a comment or a question about your choice (expect this, because healthy eating is unusual). What do you say?
The worst thing you can do is act as if skipping the chocolate cake isn’t actually your choice. This is an appeal to authority in order to reduce your responsibility for the decision. It seems as if it gets you out of questioning because you’re “just following instructions,” but this often incites the wrong response from others. If I’m your friend and you tell me that you “can’t have it” because of some phantom authority you’ve made up, I might be motivated to set you free from that authority who isn’t allowing you to enjoy life. You’ve implied that you want the cake but have no freedom of choice. You might start thinking about fighting back against this phantom authority too. Nobody likes the fun police!
If you confidently say that you don’t want chocolate cake, then your friends have very little incentive to argue with you. Your personal preference is the ultimate authority when it comes to your food choices, and most people intuitively understand and respect that. If someone presses you on it, simply continue to state what you want (or don’t want). It’s that simple. You don’t need any “I’m on a diet” excuses to not eat dessert. There are plenty of other reasons to not eat dessert that can come from you.
Correct and strong responses
“I don’t want [unhealthy food].”
“I really want [healthy food].”
“I’d rather have [healthy food] than [unhealthy food].”
Weak responses
“I can’t eat [unhealthy food], I’m on a diet.”
“No thanks. I’m watching my weight.”
“I have to eat this [healthy food].”
Don’t impose your healthy choices on others, either. One of the best things you can do when eating healthy food is to make it clear that you’re not judging anyone else for their food choices (nor should you!). What people choose to eat is personal, amoral, and should concern nobody else. If someone remarks about how healthy my meal looks, it might be because they feel shameful about their meal choice, so I’ll often compliment their meal or mention that I also eat what they ordered sometimes. And it’s true. As I’ve said, I’ve eaten all of the worst foods, just as most people have. To judge someone on what they eat in a single meal is nonsensical and unproductive.
If you want to encourage others to eat more healthily, piling on the guilt is not the way. Nobody enjoys the healthy food police. Even encouraging someone to eat healthier food with good intentions can imply there’s guilt involved. It’s a sensitive subject for many, so be careful out there! The best way to handle it is exactly the way you’ll be thinking about food with Mini Habits for Weight Loss—food choices aren’t ever bad, wrong, forbidden, or illegal.
Some food is terrible for our health and weight, but we have every right to choose to eat it. If that’s what you take away from this book and you decide that you just want to eat cake in bed all day and not feel bad about it, that’s your choice, and I don’t judge you for it. The path to lasting success is through freedom, choice, empowerment, and mindfulness, not guilt and shame.
In conclusion, the way to navigate peer pressure is through mutual respect. Demand respect for your food choices and desires, and give the same respect to others in return.
Parties and Holidays Strategy
The holidays are a big deal, not just in life, but for weight loss. A Texas Tech study found that Americans gain about 1.5 pounds over the six-week holiday season, which is about 75% of the entire year’s average weight gain.171 Two pounds a year sounds small, but over 20 years, that’s 40 extra pounds.
Thus, the seemingly small weight gain during the holidays is devastating to long-term weight loss plans. Your behavior at holiday (and other) parties is important, because these are the situations where you’re most likely to make poor decisions due to terrible food options, peer pressure, and the “special occasion” effect.
Party Snack Psychology
Imagine you're at a party with loads of snacks, some healthy and some unhealthy. (If you find any healthy snacks at a party, you’re probably the one who brought them.) When looking at the vegetables and cookies, don't think in all-or-nothing terms, which leads to rebellion. It’s not vegetables or cookies—think about how best to merge your sweet tooth with your healthy goals, and do your best to "lean healthy." The difference between a person who eats healthy and one who eats poorly is smaller than you think. One leans healthy and the other leans unhealthy. One gains a pound over the holidays and the other gains none or loses a little bit of weight each month, including during the holidays. Small choices accumulate into big changes over time.
Holidays are special occasions, not special food occasions. Food is not what makes the holidays special. Or, rather, it shouldn’t be. Otherwise, the holidays are no different from a trip to a nice buffet.
Do your best to dissociate holiday cheer with food and beer. This isn’t to say you mustn’t eat anything unhealthy; it’s to remind you not to give up responsibility for your food choices because “Oh, it’s the holidays, and therefore I can eat mindlessly!” If you really begin to change—and your daily mini habits will help you do that—your healthy lifestyle won’t last 46 weeks per year but all year. Therefore, the holidays are a good indicator of where you really stand. Dieters feel as if they’re being torn apart every holiday season because they know what they “should” do, but they don’t want to do it. People who change their subconscious preferences no longer desire these foods to the extent they once did.
It’s hard to try to convey the mindfulness and consistency needed for success without giving that “You can’t have fun anymore” vibe. I’m aware that dieting has made all of us prone to assume the “I can’t do XYZ because ____” mindset. That’s a failing plan. Real change means you don’t want to do XYZ.
Party Strategy
This is not a situation in which you “need to be careful” and “watch out.” That gives the wrong connotation, and you’ll be right back to your dieting ways of direct resistance. Be calmly strategic at parties. Negotiate with yourself and make deals. Be mindful. For example, maybe you negotiate to have some candy, but drink water, or you choose to drink booze, but snack on carrots and celery. It’s all delicious. You’re calm. You win.
As you think about these decisions on what foods to eat and how much, one of the best underlying and decision-driving mindsets is to simply care about your body and your health. That alone can make you genuinely not want some of the food that isn’t worth the cost. The reason I don’t eat much candy is because I know (and don’t like the thought of) the effect it has on my body. There may be some foods—triple fudge cake—that you think are worth the cost, and, in that case, maybe you take a slice and eat it slowly, mindfully, and without shame.
When eating a slice of triple fudge cake, there are a few ways to go about it.
Rushed, frantic, stressed, and triggered eating, in which you resist it until the last second, when you cave and shove it into your mouth. The relief you feel is as much about the resistance battle being over as it is the sugar and taste of the cake.
Eating it normally, but with crippling thoughts of shame and failure.
Not eating it and feeling completely deprived of all joy and life.
Eating a slice slow
ly, mindfully, and joyfully, enjoying every bite shamelessly, and being mindful of when you’re satisfied enough to stop eating it (even if you haven’t finished what’s on your plate).
Never forget that the enemy of weight loss is processed food, but the enemy of behavior change for weight loss (what counts the most) is some combination of mindless eating, shame, inconsistency, and giving up.
What Mindfulness Looks Like
When you don’t want to eat something unhealthy, you won’t.
Mini Habits for Weight Loss: Stop Dieting. Form New Habits. Change Your Lifestyle Without Suffering. Page 25