“I tried to ask for more freedom,” Katie ventured. “But my mam still worries.”
“I’m so sorry,” Amos said, taking her hand while holding the horse’s reins with the other. His hand made Katie feel warm inside. How could a simple touch make her so happy? She almost felt normal, riding like this with him.
“Denki,” she said.
“For what?”
“Just for this,” Katie said.
Amos pulled the horses to the side of the road and lifting her chin, pressed a soft kiss to her mouth. After they had parted, the tingling warmth of his lips lingered.
“Denki too,” he said, smiling sweetly.
The next day, her dat, David Miller, called her into his carpentry shop. Here in Big Valley, he was able to afford a carpentry shop, due to the generosity mainly of Uncle Levi, a fact neither parent let Katie forget.
Her dat said, “Katie, girl, you have been stone-cold silent around your mam. I’ve noticed it, just as she has. What’s going on?”
He tried to speak to her kindly, but Katie knew he was angry. He hated being so far from his own brothers and sisters in Indiana. Being cast out of their community in Goshen meant that he could only communicate with them via letter and the very occasional phone call.
“Dat, I am trying to do better, but mam won’t allow me any chance to prove myself,” Katie said. “What do I have to do to be forgiven?”
“You know gut and well that we have forgiven you. But your actions are not something anyone can forget, with us living here in Pennsylvania and the rest of our family back in Indiana.” His voice had a roughness to it, and he didn’t quite meet her eyes.
Forgiven. Not exactly. But Katie didn’t dare call him out on his lie.
Her dat asked, “Now, why are you so quiet around your mam?”
Katie sighed. She had little hope she’d be able to budge him on her wish, but she tried anyway. “Dat, I just want to be able to go out and run errands for her or me by myself. I would go to wherever, take care of the errand and come straight home again. I wouldn’t begin any lies or rumors. No gossip. I promise!” Katie even held her right hand up in a salute, just like the English Boy Scouts did.
“Daughter, until we know for sure that you won’t do anything like that ever again, we have to keep you close at hand. It’s been less than two years since you started that lie about Mr. Hofstetter.” Her dad didn’t know what she’d said about Uncle Levi. Mam had sworn Katie to secrecy on the spot, and Katie was glad she had listened. Dat continued, “I hope you realize just how severely you damaged his gut reputation in Goshen.”
Katie felt a long-familiar sense of shame. Hunching her shoulders, she looked down and tried not to feel. The need to do something, anything, was making it hard for her to breathe. She pleaded, “Dat, I’ve learned my lesson! I won’t do anything like that again. I didn’t realize just how severe the consequences would be when I accused him. I was only sixteen then. Now, I understand he could have faced serious criminal consequences. Please?” Tears came to her eyes, and she didn’t bother to stop them from slipping down her cheeks.
“Nee, daughter. You have to understand right to the core of your being that what you tried to do was more than just hurtful. You’re staying restricted until we sense that you completely understand and will obey us.”
Katie had expected this. Letting out a long, sad sigh, she wiped the tears from her face. “Okay. But will you please talk to her about why she’s closed herself from me?”
“Katie, sit down.” The two were in David’s carpentry shop.
Katie plumped herself down onto the hard bench, next to her dat. “What?”
“Your mam is the mother of eight healthy kinder. She has spent a lot of time, hours and love on every one of you. She loves you, daughter. She just doesn’t know how to show that love. Besides...” David clamped his lips shut against the words he’d been about to speak.
“Besides...what?” Katie was truly puzzled.
“Never mind. She’s just tired, is all. Go back and help her with supper.”
Chapter 3
The rest of the day, Katie puzzled over what her dat had been about to say. In her room that night, her hands slowed down as she unpinned her apron and dress. “Besides...she just doesn’t love me?” Dropping the straight pins into the little box in her room, Katie wheeled around. Anger engulfed her. Fisting her hands, she slammed them down repeatedly into her mattress, muffling her grunts so her parents wouldn’t hear. She kept hitting the mattress until she felt physical exhaustion washing over her.
Panting, she scrubbed tears of anger from her face. “She hates me,” Katie whispered the words to herself. “She wants me gone, but she doesn’t know how to say it.” She put her nightgown on, then untangled and braided her hair.
Well, I won’t give her the satisfaction.
The two English women drifted through her mind as she caught her breath. She hardly remembered what the encounter had been like initially. Now, their faces were twisted in anger as they glared at her. They hated her, just like her mam hated her.
It was just a small cut.
Katie thought carefully about how the rumor could begin and then escalate. Maybe it should just be general statements at first. Like, saying, “I heard that someone overheard an English man, woman or kid saying that they’re tired of our presence here. Eventually, maybe, I can start saying that they’re threatening us? Katie yawned and looked outside. Shocked, she realized how late it was. I’d better... Her head jerked angrily toward the door as someone knocked.
“Katie, blow your lantern out right now! It’s after eleven, and we have to be up before five!”
“Yes, Mam! I’m sorry. I was...Oh!” She blew her lantern out and clambered under her sheet. Slowly, her eyes shut as her mind continued developing possible rumor scenarios.
“MAM, ARE YOU OR DAT going to be going into town tomorrow? I need to deliver a quilt to my customer.” Katie was trying her best not to anger her mam, who seemed especially distant and touchy.
“Tomorrow, ja. To the market. Is that what you were muttering about in your room last night? You kept me up awfully late.” Mary turned around and poured another cup of coffee.
“Ja. I’m sorry. I was just trying to figure out how I could finish the quilt with everything else I’ve been working on. I want to get repeat work from her—she has promised to pay me extra if I can get it done a few days early.”
“Well, you should have decided to do your planning after breakfast. You need your sleep too, girl. We’re going to town tomorrow. Be ready to go by eight in the morning. Let your customer know.” Washing her cup, Mary turned to one of her many chores. “Start dinner. Use the chicken from last night and make a pot pie with mashed potatoes and the mixed vegetables.”
Katie waited for a few beats, hoping for a “please.” She knew better than to expect an ‘I love you.’ She got neither. Sighing, Katie nodded. “Yes, Mam. I just need to fold the quilt and put it into a storage bag.” After taking care of this, she washed her hands and made dinner.
That afternoon, she walked outside, taking advantage of a few precious minutes when she didn’t have something to do. On that break, she solidified her plans. I’ll start the rumor tomorrow. “Somebody told me.” But “somebody” won’t ever be identified. I’ll keep it at just vague statements, like “We want them to leave Big Valley and move somewhere else.”
“Katie! Come here!” Mary stood on the back porch, waving her hand at Katie.
“Coming!” Katie hurried back, not wanting to irritate her mam any more than she already was. “Ja? What is it?”
“Have you contacted your customer yet? What time does she want to meet you?”
Katie was ready for this. “Ja. She said about nine tomorrow morning.”
“Gut. We’ll leave at eight and stop at the lumber shop. Your dat needs lumber and more supplies. We’ll go in the wagon. Your dat wants to drop you at your customer’s office, and then you can walk to the grocery store.” M
ary grabbed Katie’s hand tightly, which was a rare moment of physical contact for her. “Now, your dat is making a leap of faith, letting you be on your own for this. He said that we need to let you be more independent as a quilter and businesswoman.” Mary shook Katie’s hand, hard, emphasizing her next words. “You had better be worthy of his trust. No rumors! You come straight to the store from her office, do you understand?”
Katie couldn’t believe it. Shutting her mouth, which had fallen open, she nodded. “Ja, I promise! I will! I’ll be ready after breakfast. I’d better go write up the care instructions, so everything’s ready for tomorrow.” Moving around her mam, she hurried into her quilting room, grabbing paper and pen. She jotted the care instructions out from memory, and then read carefully what she’d written. After pinning them to the edge of the quilt, she hurried into the pantry. “Mam, do you mind if I take a quick walk? Inside our fence line. I just need to organize my thoughts about the other orders I have to finish.”
Mary gave Katie an odd look. “Can’t you do that in your quilting room?”
“Ja, I can. But truthfully? The day is Wunderbar outside. It’s beautiful, and I want to rejoice in what Gott has given us.”
Mary sighed, feeling even more tired than she normally did. “Ja, but only for a few minutes. I need your help with supper, daughter. And it’s already after one. You don’t have much time to work on your other projects.”
“I know. I plan to keep my walk short.”
“Hurry, then.” Mary’s voice was short.
Katie went outside and began walking through the yard, thinking. This was a rare show of trust, and she didn’t want to risk her new freedom. At the same time, the itching under her skin, the need to do something, was overwhelming.
I just need to make sure that I have everything perfectly planned. I don’t want this rumor traced back to me. After going over her plan a few times, she was happy. It was ready. Looking around her a few times, she smiled, seeming to appreciate the late-spring beauty around her. Then, not wanting to irritate her mam, she rushed inside and began working on another quilting order that was close to being completed. As she was working on the smallest quilt, she heard her mam step into her doorway.
“And what is it you’re working on?”
“This order is due in two...no, maybe three...weeks.” Katie grabbed her calendar. “Three weeks. It’s a doll quilt, a quilt for a child, then a quilt for the mam and dat. All the quilts will match.”
“And, are you charging accordingly?”
“Ja, Mam. I am.” Stitching carefully, she hid her irritation.
“Gut. Because we need to make sure you start putting money away.”
“Ja, Mam. I am.” Katie put the scissors down and glanced at her clock. “I’ll be in the kitchen in maybe twenty minutes. I want to help with supper.”
“Gut.” Mary walked out, yawning.
She really can’t stand late nights. I’d better blow my lantern out early from now on. After reaching a stopping point, Katie hurried into the kitchen, washing her hands in the sink. “What’s for supper?”
“Fried chicken. Scalloped potatoes. Vegetables. Shoofly pie I made yesterday. I have no energy for anything else.”
A quick memory popped up in Katie’s mind. Her mam had been taking care of three kinder, sick with chicken pox. Then, as now, she had been more tired than usual. “Okay, I’ll work on the potatoes and take out the vegetables.”
“I snapped green beans. Use them.”
Working quickly, Katie prepared the vegetables and made the scalloped potatoes. Setting the dirty spoon into the dirty dishwater, she poured the potatoes into a waiting bowl.
“Gut. Dat will be in soon. Set the table, please.”
David walked in, yawning. “Oh, my! I had to stop several times so I wouldn’t chop my fingers off! Katie, daughter, please blow your lantern out earlier tonight!”
Katie nodded. “Ja, Dat, I will.”
“I’m going to wash my hands before supper. Smells gut.” He shuffled toward the stairs.
THE NEXT MORNING, KATIE carried her completed quilt and carefully set it into the wagon. On the way to her customer’s house, she verified with her parents that she knew the rules for today. “Ja, I’ll come straight to the store after delivering my quilt and taking payment.”
“Daughter, if you do well today, we’ll try other times to see if you can be trusted. I want to trust you. I’m just grateful that you don’t know too many of the people in our community.”
That stopped Katie cold. “What do you mean, Dat?”
“If you don’t know them, you can’t make up a rumor about them. I pray that we’re doing the right thing, trusting you. Meet us at the store. It shouldn’t take much time for you to get there from your customer’s office.”
Kate tried to estimate. Shrugging, she arrived on a number and added to that. “Ja, maybe...Oh, ten minutes? Maybe fifteen?”
David was silent. “Ja, maybe, since you’ll be walking.”
“Do not stop and talk to anyone. Straight to us!” Mary was more rested, but her emotional distance was the same as it had ever been.
Katie suppressed a sigh. “Ja, Mam, I will.” Soon, she was jumping off the wagon and accepting her quilt from her dat. “I’ll see you soon.”
Mary twisted on the seat, looking at Katie. Her eyebrows were raised in warning.
Katie nodded once, indicating her understanding of her mother’s warning. After delivering the quilt to her customer and accepting her payment, she smiled at the woman. “Denki! I enjoyed making it for you. Any time you want me to make any more for you, just give me a call. Here’s my contact information, just in case.” Aware of time passing, Katie hurried, hoping she’d see someone. Ah! There’s someone up ahead. Scurrying, she caught up with the girl. Pleased she’d encountered this one young woman, she smiled at her. “Becky, I’m glad I saw you! How are you?”
“Gut. I just delivered a cake to my customer. I have to meet my mam at the store.”
“Ja, same here.” As the two young women talked, Katie managed to slip in, almost casually, the news she had. “Nee. I haven’t had much time to spend out. I’ve been working on several orders. But I did get out last week. Someone was telling me they’d heard something kind of...surprising.”
“What is it? I hope it isn’t gossip. My dat will be mad at me.”
“Oh, nee, it isn’t!” Just a small cut. The anticipation made Katie’s skin tingle. “I can’t gossip, either. But I got told that one of the English people said they want us Amish out of here.”
Becky’s jaw dropped. “What! Are you...? Nee, Katie, you can’t be serious. Who?”
“Who told me? I don’t remember. I was so busy that I just about forgot about it. Until I saw my English customer. I hope it wasn’t her!”
“So you don’t remember who told you? Does that mean you don’t know who said that, either?”
“I wish I remembered. I want to ask them more now. But I can’t. I just have so much work I’m doing!”
“Katie, you’d better be careful. You take orders from the English all the time. I do, as well, for my baking.”
Katie nodded, aware of the passing of time. “Ja. Same with my quilts. Maybe it was just a visitor. At least, that’s what I pray! My customers are gut people. I’d better go. I promised Mam and Dat I’d meet them at the store.” Stopping, she turned. “Becky, please don’t say that I told you this if you tell anyone. I don’t want them to get scared.”
“But don’t people need to know that someone in the English community said something?” Becky was confused.
“Ja, but just...well, don’t say that I was the one who told you. If it gets back to that English person, I don’t want to be the target of their anger.”
“Oh! Ja, I see. Okay. I’ll be careful.” Becky waved as she walked.
Elation filled Katie as she walked towards the grocery store. She had done it. The vision of those two English women, their disdain masked as curiosity, their hatred, s
purred Katie on. It was like a huge weight had been taken from her shoulders. She felt lighter now that the story had bubbled out. It was a temporary release. The urge to lie again would be stronger now, but Katie ignored that fear. For now, she felt better. Almost normal. She picked up her pace to meet her parents on time.
Walking slowly up and down the aisles, Katie spotted her parents. “Gut! I found you!”
“Did you get paid?” Her mam asked.
“Ja,” Katie said, her face blossoming in a bright smile. “Ja. Everything went perfectly.”
Chapter 4
Katie explained with delight how the sale had gone. “She said she might have work for me in a couple months! Oh, Mam, I’m going to need to buy notions and more fabric.” She fished a shopping list out of her apron pocket and handed it over to her mam.
“Well, okay. Since you were back on time, get a cart and get what you need. We’ll be done here, so try to be quick. I want to get home, start dinner, then iron.”
“I will.” Hurrying off, Katie stifled the urge to tell someone else about the rumor she’d started. Filling her cart with fabric, rickrack, and spools of thread, she stood behind an English woman. Her parents were two rows away. Picking up the lengths of fabric she’d chosen, she listened to the English conversations around her.
“...Going to Chicago in about a month. We just booked our flight so we can go to my cousin’s wedding...”
“...looks so fresh and...unusual, don’t you think? I love their clothing! But they must get hot in the summer...”
“...ordered some fruit pies, cakes and that shoofly pie from one of the bakers here. Stella, they were so...mmm! The next time you need something, you need to order from one of the Amish bakers here!”
Katie pushed her cart to the conveyor belt, putting her items on it. She fished several dollars out of her small purse, ready to pay for her items. As she noticed some of the English looking at her, she gave them a shy smile. Then, she saw someone raising a smartphone toward her. Spinning, she put her hand at the side of her face, hearing the “click” of the phone’s camera as the person took her picture.
Amish Secrets and Lies Page 2