Level Up

by Craig Anderson

  He pockets the coin and smirks, “I have a tip for you too. If you’d like to walk out of here alive I suggest ditching the shirt.”

  Oh right. I jog back out of the pub, right past an oblivious Jimmy. Sarah says, “satisfied?”

  “I believed you, I just wasn’t sure if the same rules would apply in the real world. We should still get out of here, I need new clothes and a top up on my health.”

  “To the drive thru!” says Carlos.

  LEVEL 10: WARS OF GEAR

  There is a rather large bag of cheeseburgers in front of me. I’m not even hungry, but I keep eating them until I am back at full health. In between mouthfuls I voice my frustrations. “I don’t get it. The only spell I have right now is the ability to pivot tables, which isn’t exactly earth shattering. I can’t wait to unlock animated slides and requirement writing. The end boss will be quaking in his boots when I shower him with magic powerpoint slides. How come I don’t get any cool magic?”

  Sarah thinks for a moment. “Usually magic spells are assigned to particular classes. Did you pick a class?”

  “No I don’t think so.” That’s when I remember the new menu on my work computer. “Wait! I think I selected Business Analyst.”

  “That explains it then. Business Analyst obviously isn’t a class in the game, but it looks like it has blended it with your real life job description.”

  “So you’re telling me I’m not going to be flinging out lightning bolts? Can I change my class?”

  “Only if you’re willing to die and start again.”

  “Perfect. Useless magic it is then.”

  Carlos laughs so hard he almost chokes on a burger. I say, “This isn’t funny! I’m supposed to be a badass warrior. I literally just died unlocking my magic ability and this is what I have to play with. How am I supposed to beat anyone with spinning tables? ”

  “Games give you what you need to succeed. We just don’t know why this will be useful yet. It’s probably for the best, if you were going around tossing out fireballs imagine the insurance premiums. You’d have firefighters following you everywhere.”

  I guess he has a point, that would be a bit of a liability.

  “So what am I supposed to do now? Every time I get into a fight there’s always a guy a several levels higher than me that takes off huge chunks of my health. It’s making group combat too big of a risk.”

  Sarah eyes up my clothes. “You’re still using low level gear. At the very least you need to boost your defence. That will give you more of a fighting chance against the bigger foes. It’s the quickest way to buff your stats.”

  “Ok, so how do I get better gear? Is there a shop that sells the good stuff?”

  “There is, but it’s not going to give you the kind of stat boost you’re looking for. You need gear that is purple and up. In the game you have to get them from a stronghold, and they are usually well guarded. We wanted players to have to work to access them.”

  Carlos scoffs, “Can’t we just pay money to unlock them? Time is of the essence here.”

  She glares at him. “Of course not, we’d never put something like that in our game, it would completely unbalance it. The only way to get them is through skill.”

  “That seems like a catch 22, to get the better gear so you can survive against tougher mobs, you have to fight your way through this mob…” I let out a sigh.

  “Actually, not all of the strongholds are combat oriented. Most of them are stealth missions.”

  I shudder. Stealth missions are the worst. “Is the stealth instant failure if you got caught?”

  “No, but every guard would immediately know where you are and attack all at once, so it rarely goes well if you’re spotted.”

  “Ok, that doesn’t sound like a viable option. Too risky.”

  Carlos scoffs. “I’m getting tired of saying this. You need to stop being you. This is a role playing game, you need to inhabit the role of a warrior hero. Someone that charges in to battle first and asks questions after the dust has settled.”

  “That didn’t exactly work out great in the pub did it?”

  “Oh my god, are you still going on about that?”

  “Which part, the bit where I died? Yeah, it’s going to take more than half an hour to get over that.”

  “Well if you don’t want to die you should do one of these missions. As you just learned, the biggest risk to you right now is getting jumped by an enemy that’s double your level. The only way to solve that is to upgrade your gear so they aren’t one-shotting you. The longer you wait, the higher the chances of you running into an unbeatable foe. You’re an analyst, tell me, does risk aversion and inaction help in a time sensitive situation or is it more of a liability?”

  Damn it. I hate to admit it but he’s right. The longer I sit around not doing anything the more danger I am in.

  “Ok Sarah, where might we find one of these strongholds?”

  ***

  I lurk until the armoured car appears at the jewellers across the road. Two of the guards step into the store, leaving at least one more inside the van. I amble up to the back with my two trusty sticks in hand. It only takes a few seconds to open the door, much to the surprise of the guy sitting in the back reading the paper. I make short work of him and drag him over to the nearby alley that Carlos and Sarah are hiding in. They help me switch into his clothes. Nice, he has level 2 trousers.

  Sarah says, “Remember what we talked about. The guards won’t be able to see you if you’re in the shadows. If they hear anything suspicious they will come to investigate. If you’re spotted you have a few seconds to disable the guard before they raise the alarm and all hell will break loose.”

  “Ok got it, shadows good, alarm bad.”

  I amble back over and climb into the van, pulling my cap down over my face. The two guards return and a small hatch opens. A box of cash is slid into it and the guard bangs twice on the side of the van. I pull the case in and bang twice in response.

  I open the case and am disappointed to see it only contains thousands of real world pounds. That’s not much use. I was hoping for gold coins. I’m just going to have to hold out for the main prize.

  After a couple more stops a voice comes over the intercom and says, “Ok Frank, we are on our way back to the bank. Try not to fall asleep back there.”

  I push the intercom button and grumble an unintelligible response.

  We drive for several minutes before we stop again. There is a muffled rumbling that sounds like a garage door opening. Then the van tilts as we go down a ramp, before coming to a stop at the bottom. This is it. Time to get my stealth on. Be one with the shadows.

  The back doors open and the two guards stare at me. Their faces turn from friendly to angry as one of them shouts, “Hey! Where’s Frank?”

  So much for stealth. As the nearest one reaches for his walkie talkie I dive out of the van, knocking them both to the ground in the process. I quickly knock them both out and leave them tied up in the back of the van with gags stuffed in their mouths. Not exactly a great start.

  I use Frank’s security pass to buzz into the next room. There are inexplicable pillars of shadow dotted around the room, despite the fact it is the middle of the day and the room is otherwise well lit. There are several guards walking aimlessly in circles. I overhear one of them say, “are you sure this is what they want us to do? Just walk in circles like this?”

  The other guard says, “Yep, the HR lady was very specific. Just follow the path they showed you. Only deviate if someone calls an alarm. No breaks either, we have to work straight through. I hope you wore comfy shoes!”

  “This job makes no sense. The payroll alone must be astronomical. What are we even guarding?”

  “Don’t know, don’t care. As long as the cheques clear, I’m happy.”

  I try to run to the nearest shadow and my footsteps echo around the room. It sounds like I’m wearing tap dancing shoes. A couple of guards swivel their heads in my direction. Despite the f
act that there are half a dozen guys walking in here one of them says, “Thought I heard footsteps…”

  I spot a pile of cardboard boxes in the corner of the room. They would make the perfect disguise. I sneak over and pull one over myself in a crouch. I crawl out of the shadows, thinking I’m some kind of super genius, when a guard says, “What the heck is that?”

  Shit! I speed crawl back into the shadows and peer out of the tiny eye holes as he comes over to investigate. He’s so close I could reach out and punch him. I resist the temptation, there are four other guards in the room and I don’t yet trust my ability to take them all out before one of them manages to raise the alarm. Instead I hold my breath, but after a few seconds the guard shrugs and goes back to his previous patrol route as if nothing happened.

  I sit in my box for a couple more minutes until I am certain that everything is back to normal. The more I watch the guards, the more I see the pattern they are taking. If I time it right I should be able to get through without any of them seeing me. I hop from shadow to shadow, hiding behind pillars and waist high walls, being careful to move slowly, to avoid my clomping footsteps. This is too easy!

  I stroll through the exit patting myself on the back for cracking the stealth level. I’m expecting to find the advanced gear, but instead I am in another large room full of even more guards walking in circles. How many guards work here?

  I watch them all orbiting and can’t find a route through. I must be missing something. Perhaps I have to take a couple of them out to create some gaps? That’s when I notice the beam six feet up that cuts diagonally through the room. Sarah didn’t say anything about acrobatics. I take a moment to drop a few of my spare skill points into agility, just to be safe.

  I run up the nearest pillar and flip up onto the beam like a gymnast. I slip at the last minute and manage to grab on with one hand. Dropping now would land me in the middle of a group of guards. A prompt flashes up and I instinctively select it, and with no effort I pull myself up onto the beam. Yesterday I could hardly lift the TV remote without pulling a muscle, and here I am today doing one armed pull ups.

  The beam is not very thick, but I feel confident right up until a graded bar appears in the middle of my vision with an arrow bouncing from left to right. I don’t react quick enough and it dips into the red zone and I almost topple back onto the guards below, catching myself at the very last moment. I try again, this time keeping the arrow in the correct zone. Once I reach the other side I have to time it perfectly to slip between the guards and into the next room, where hopefully my prize awaits.

  Wishful thinking. This room is two stories, with guards, security cameras, three drones and a sweeping laser grid. This is getting ridiculous! I’m busy hiding in the shadows when a guard comes round the corner with a dog. It is sniffing the air and straining against its lead. I press myself into the darkness, but the dog keeps dragging its owner towards me. I realize too late that the rules have changed. The guard says, “Who’s there?” and pulls out a torch and a gun.

  Bugger.

  I launch myself out of the shadows and tackle the guard to the ground. I knock him out with one punch as the dog starts barking. Every guard in the room suddenly turns to see what all the noise is about. So much for stealth. There’s no way I can take them all on without taking some serious damage. I reluctantly pick up the gun and get a status update.

  New weapon acquired. Sleeping darts.

  Interesting. I cringe as I point it at the dog and pull the trigger. Thankfully the status update was right and a small dart knocks the dog out instantly. A quick check confirms I have nine darts left. It’s time to say goodnight to some guards.

  The first guy that comes to investigate sees the prone form of his comrade and rushes to help. He doesn’t get his walkie talkie out until he is right next to me. I shoot him with a dart from the shadows before he can raise the alarm. He falls on top of his friend, snoring loudly.

  One by one the rest of the guards come to investigate and they all go the same way, until there is a mound of unconscious bodies. Why does every stealth mission always end this way?

  The laser grid has a large red OFF button on the wall next to it, which is something of a design flaw from a security standpoint. I take out the drones with a couple of throwing knives. I think that’s everything. As I move towards the exit I hear a groan from the pile of guards and fire what is left of my sleep darts into the mound until the noise stops.

  I walk through the door, and there it is, in a glass case. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but a purple hoodie was not it. I’m sure if I look hard enough I’ll find a glass cutter or diamond tipped letter opener in the room, but instead I punch right through the case. The hoodie doesn’t look anything special, in fact it looks like it’s from a charity shop, but as soon as I put it on I get a message.

  Legendary Hoodie of Godiva. + 40 Defense

  Now we are talking. I am about to walk back the way I came when I notice an obnoxiously large air vent on the wall. You’ve got to be kidding me. I pull off the grate and clamber through it, popping out just above the garage that I started in. Rookie mistake, always look for the sneaky shortcut!

  I walk out of the garage and find myself several streets away from where I started. I’m about to call Sarah and Carlos when a scruffy man in a trench coat jumps out of the nearest alleyway. I’m about to ninja punch him into next week when he grabs his coat and flings it open. I can’t close my eyes fast enough and am expecting to see homeless dong, but instead the inside of his coat is full of items. He snarls, “Welcome! What are you buying stranger?”

  I glance at his stuff. There is a ridiculously large sword, a crossbow, several hand grenades, a garishly coloured mushroom, a whole roast chicken and several different coloured herbs. As I glance at each item the stats show up. That’s when I spot the solid red shoes. I glance at them.

  Legendary Shoes of Cursus Velox. + 20 Speed. 30 Gold pieces.

  I only have 20 gold left from the fruit machine. I’m about to leave when the merchant says, “Anything to sell?”

  I check my inventory. I only have sticks and a couple of throwing knives. It’s not going to be enough. That’s when I remember the pile of unconscious guards. I say, “Give me a minute.”

  A few of them are starting to wake up, but it’s nothing a swift punch doesn’t solve. I rifle through all of their pockets. It feels a little sordid, but I really want those shoes. I have a lot of random items now, far more than my pockets should hold, but in they go without a problem until my inventory screen is full. As soon as that happens I can’t even pick up anything else, it’s like there is an invisible box around it. I head back outside and start to flog it all to the merchant, who offers me paltry sums for everything. When all is said and done I have 31 gold and I hand it over for the shoes. With a crooked grin he says, “Pleasure doing business with you.”

  As soon as I put the shoes on I feel different, like my feet are tingling with a mild electric current. I try to take a step forward and run full speed into the wall, taking a chunk off my health. I jump back to my feet and shake it off before trying again, a lot more slowly this time. Even moving slowly is a sprint. These may be more trouble than they are worth. I’m not going to be able to do any nuanced movement.

  I pull out my phone and call Carlos and Sarah. They are still several streets over. Carlos says, “Give us a minute and we will come pick you up.”

  “No need, I’ll be there in 2.”

  Moving slowly may be an issue in these things, but lets see how quick they can go. I point my feet in the general direction I’m heading and try to sprint. The world becomes a blur and in just a few seconds I see Carlos and Sarah appear on the horizon. I skid to a halt next to them and Sarah says, “Nice! Shoes of Cursus Velox? Have you figured out how to walk normally in them yet?”

  I shake my head, afraid to move anything else in case it results in me plowing into another wall. Sarah laughs and says, “Yeah we had problems in testing, the speed boos
t was dialled in too high and testers kept barfing. We had to add a toggle switch so players could turn them on or off.”

  I stare at my new shoes and a toggle appears. I flip it to off and suddenly I can move normally again. What a relief!

  Carlos pokes at my hoodie. “This thing doesn’t look worth much. Was that the best they had?”

  “Yeah, I’m afraid the selection was rather limited. I had to knock out twenty guards to get this.”

  He shrugs. “I guess every little helps.”

  That reminds me, I should have gotten some EXP for all those takedowns. I check my stats and sure enough I’m now a level 12. The best part is, that means more skill points! There are so many cool things I am going to spend it on, it’s going to be hard to choose. I hop into the menu and drool over my options, but then a quicktip catches my eye.

  Upgrade magic to unlock new spell.

  Finally! I’m going to get something less useless to spend my MP on. I have just enough skill points to get to the first spell unlock. I can’t see what the spell is, so I guess it is going to be a surprise. I spend my skill points and wait to see what epic new magic I just got.

  Pie Chart. Throws pies.

  You have got to be kidding! I spent my skill points on this? Is there a refund option?

  I select it and aim at the nearest wall. “This better be good!”

  I cast it and a cream pie flies out of my hand and splats against the wall. It slowly slides down the wall. Carlos ambles over and gets a finger full of cream. “Wow, that’s a delicious new spell you have there. Does it do any damage?”

  “I don’t know. Care to help me test it?”

  “No thanks! I’m still sore from the kung fu demo. I’m sure we’ll find some goons soon enough.”

  I’m still fuming when my phone rings. It’s work. I’m about to ignore it when Carlos takes it out of my hand and answers, “Marcus’ phone? Yeah, he can’t come to the phone right now, he’s busy saving the world. Can I take a message?” He nods his head. I am expecting to hear tinny screaming coming out of my phone, but instead there is quiet chirping. Carlos expression goes from jovial to concerned and he says, “Of course, I will let him know. Thank you.”